WWE
As the 3-hour Raw's and dire booking descisions claim more and more souls on WrassleGAF we are officially one week removed from the biggest wrestling event of the year, WrestleMania XXVIII-2 "Twice in a lifetime, OMG! Triple H? Thought he was dead. LOL" is just around the corner and will probably go down into history as the least interesting WrestleMania since, well, WrestleMania 27.
The announced card, with only one Raw to go:
Dwayne Johnson as "The Rock" (c) vs. John "I've won more titles at WM than anyone, yet I haven't won "the big one" Cena
WWE Championship Match
The "I had two surgeries and no time to prepare for this match" Undertaker vs. CM "I don't even care anymore, just end my misery" Punk
Undertaker's 20-0 Streak is on the line
Hunter Hearst "I came out of retirement just for this match" Helmsley-McMahon vs. Brock "BROCK SMASH" Lesnar w/ Paul "PLEASE DON'T HURT ME" Heyman
If Brock wins, Triple H retires... again... even though he wrestled two matches in 2012 total.
Alberto "I am an American Mexican American now" Del Rio (c) vs. Jack "I'm so happy this match was booked before I was booked with my DUI" Swagger
World Heavyweight Championship match
Randy Orton, Sheamus & Big Show as "Team Hoss" vs. The Shield: Dean "I fought a full year of dark matches to be here" Ambrose, Seth "I share a hairdresser with Kaitlyn" Rollins & Roman "Just point to where I'm supposed to spear tonight" Reigns.
Wade "I was big deal for one week in 2010" Barrett (c) vs. The Star of The Marine 3, Mike "I lost three US Title Matches to earn this title match" Mizanin
Intercontinental Title Match
Mark "THIS IS WHAT I DO!" Henry vs. Skip "Yeah, not even I'm expecting I won't botch the Shellshock in this match" Ryback.
Winner gets extra loud Goldberg chants on Raw the next day.
Team Hell "We should've broken up three months ago," No! (c) vs. Dolph "I'm never cashing in this WHC Contract, am I?" Ziggler and Big E "I hope none of the 80.000 people here notice how green I am" Langston w/ AJ "She's a slut! *snicker*snort*" Lee
Tag-Team Championship match
Chris "Wait, didn't I come back specifically to put over Dolph Ziggler, who is this guy?" Jericho vs. Johnny "Fan-dingo-was-his-name-O" Curtis
The Funkadactyls & Tons of Funk vs. Team Rhodes Scholars & The Bella Twins.
Yeah, I've got nothing, expect some dancing and one pair of women to never even be tagged into this match.
Meanwhile, over at TNA, they have finally abandonded the monstrosity that was the Impact Zone and taken the show on the road. This has already made a huge difference as far as the presentation of the show is concerned. And, on another note, they made the wise descision of taking the title of Jeff Hardy and putting it one of the best heels in the business, Bully Ray. They also have the best tag-team in the world, consisting of Bobby Roode and Austin Aries. Other then that, things are focussed on Hulk Hogan and family as well as Sting.
In other news, Aces and Eights are now full-on nWo, and taking over the company, with Bully Ray in the role of Hollywood Hogan, Devon Dudley in the role of Kevin Nash, Ken Anderson as Scott Hall, D-Lo Brown as Eric Bischoff and Garett Bischoff in the role of Horace Hogan. AJ Styles has gone full Crow Sting and Magnus has gracefully taken on the role of Goldberg. Officially recreating 1998 WCW in 2013, but less fun.
And, as for the indies, courtesy of Bootaaay:
Non-WWE spam;
Alternative WrassleMania Weekend Schedule;
- Thursday, April 4th:
- PWS Supercard: Night One
http://highspots.tv/ippv-pws-supercard-2013-night-1-04-04-2013/ - $9.99
- Friday, April 5th:
- EVOLVE 19 - 4PM EDT | 9PM BST
http://wwnlive.com/event-evolve-04-05-13.html - $9.99
- EVOLVE Title Tournament Final: ??? vs ???
- The Young Bucks vs The Super Smash Brothers
- Johnny Gargano & Brian Kendrick vs Orange Cassidy & Drew Gulak
- No DQ Match: Arik Cannon vs Scott Reed
- EVOLVE Title Tournament Bracket A Semi-Final: Chuck Taylor vs ???
- EVOLVE Title Tournament Bracket B Semi-Final: Ricochet vs ???
- EVOLVE Title Tournament First-Round Bracket A: Rich Swann vs Sami Callihan vs Jigsaw vs Samuray Del Sol
- EVOLVE Title Tournament First-Round Bracket B: AR Fox vs John Davis
- Ring of Honor - Supercard of Honor VII - 7:30PM EDT | 12:30AM BST
http://www.rohwrestling.com/live/events/2013/apr/5/supercard-honor-vii-4513-nyc - $14.95
- ROH World Championship Match: Kevin Steen (c) vs Jay Briscoe
- ROH World Tag Team Championship Match: reDRagon (Kyle O'Reilly & Bobby Fish) (c) vs The American Wolves (Davey Richards & Eddie Edwards)
- ROH TV Title 3-Way: Matt Taven (c) vs Adam Cole vs Matt Hardy
- #1 Contenders Match: Jay Lethal vs Michael Elgin
- Special Challenge Match: 'Machine Gun' Karl Anderson vs Roderick Strong
- Honor vs SCUM 10-Man War: TEAM ROH (BJ Whitmer, Makr Briscoe, Mike Mondo, Caprice Coleman & Cedric Alexander) vs TEAM S.C.U.M. (Jimmy Jacobs, Cliff Compton, Rhett Titus, Jimmy Rave & Rhino)
- Grudge Match: Charlie Haas vs Shelton Benjamin
- Tag Team Challenge: ACH & Tadarius Thomas vs QT Marshall & ???
- Combat Zone Wrestling - 8PM EDT | 1AM BST
http://www.rfvideonow.com/czw/ - $9.99
- CZW World Championship Match: ]MASADA (c) vs. the returning 'Crazy Monkey' Jun Kasai
- Sami Callihan vs Brian Kendrick
- CZW Tag-Team Championship: The CATALYST (Dustin Rayz & Eric Ryan) (c) vs. the temporarily re-instated BLK-OUT (Ruckus & Blk Jeez w/ Robbie Mireno)
- Greg Excellent vs Colt Cabana
- Aerial Assault: Shane Strickland vs. AR Fox vs. Rich Swann vs. Chiva Kid vs Shane Hollister vs. Lucky 13
- International Tag-Team Match: The Sumerian Death Squad (Tommy End & Michael Donte) vs. OI4K (Jake & Dave Crist)
- Eight Man Tag-Team Match: Drew Gulak's Campaign for a Better Combat Zone vs. Niles Sozio's The Front
- Matt Tremont vs Joe Gacy
- Drake Younger vs Danny Havoc
- PWS Supercard: Night Two
http://highspots.tv/ippv-pws-supercard-2013-night-2-04-05-2013/ - $9.99
- Kaiju Big Battel - 11:55PM EDT | 5:55AM BST
http://wwnlive.com/event-kaiju-04-05-13.html - $14.99
- Saturday, April 6th:
- SHIMMER Women Athletes - Volume #53 - 12PM EDT | 5PM BST
http://wwnlive.com/event-shimmer-04-06-13.html - $14.99
- SHIMMER World Title Cage Match: Saraya Knight (c) vs Cheerleader Melissa
- Ayako Hamada vs Athena
- Madison Eagles vs Jessie McKay
- Amazing Kong vs Mia Yim
- Ayumi Kurihara vs Mercedes Martinez
- Plus, The Canadian Ninjas, Serena Deeb, Kana, Christina Von Eerie, Evie, Made In Sin, Rhia O'Reilly
- Dragon Gate USA - Open The Ultimate Gate 2013 - 8PM EDT | 1AM BST
http://wwnlive.com/event-dgusa-04-06-13.html - $9.99
- Open the Freedom Gate Title Match: Johnny Gargano (c) vs Shingo
- Open the United Gate Tag Title Match: AR Fox & CIMA (c) vs The Young Bucks
- Grudge Match: Samuray Del Sol vs John Davis
- Akira Tozawa vs Ricochet
- Sami Callihan vs Uhaa Nation
- Brian Kendrick vs Rich Swann
- The Super Smash Brothers vs EITA & ???
- Chuck Taylor vs Arik Cannon vs Jigsaw vs Tony Nese vs Fire Ant vs Shane Strickland
- Sunday, April 7th:
- New Japan Pro-Wrestling - Invasion Attack - 4PM JST | 7AM BST | 2AM EDT
http://www.ustream.tv/njpw - $25
- IWGP Heavyweight Title Match: Hiroshi Tanahashi (c) vs Kazuchika Okada
- IWGP Intercontinental Title Match: Shinsuke Nakamura (c) vs Davey Boy Smith Jr.
- NWA Heavyweight Championship Match: Rob Conway (c) vs Satoshi Kojima
- Hirooki Goto & Yuji Nagata vs Laughter7 (Kazushi Sakuraba & Katsuyori Shibata)
- CHAOS vs Suzuki-gun: Toru Yano vs Minoru Suzuki
- Grudge Match: Togi Makabe & Tomoaki Honma vs Yujiro Takahashi & Masato Tanaka
- CMLL World Tag Team Championship Match: Tama Tonga & Terrible (c) Valiente & La Mascara
- Hiroyoshi Tenzan, Manabu Nakanishi, Super Strong Machine & Akebono vs Takashi Iizuka, Tomohiro Ishii, YOSHI-HASHI & Bob Sapp
- IWGP Jr. Heavyweight Tag Title Match: Time Splitters (Alex Shelley & KUSHIDA) (c) vs Apollo 55 (Prince Devitt & Ryusuke Taguchi)
- Dragon Gate USA - Mercury Rising 2013 - 1PM EDT | 6PM BST
http://wwnlive.com/event-dgusa-04-07-13.html - $9.99
- CIMA, EITA & ??? vs Johnny Gargano, Rich Swann & Ricochet
- Shingo vs Akira Tozawa
- Ladders are Legal Fray Match: AR Fox vs Matt Jackson vs Nick Jackson vs Uhaa Nation vs Samuray Del Sol vs Christina Von Eerie vs Facade
- Brian Kendrick vs Chuck Taylor
- The Super Smash Brothers vs Arik Cannon & Sami Callihan
- Tony Nese vs Soldier Ant
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Bleak times indeed. In one week however, WrestleMania will be over and all the part-timers will pack up their gear for another four months until SummerSlam comes around and we have three weeks of awesome young up-and-comers doing wrestling, so there's that.
Also, we'll have John Cena as our rightful WWE Champion, that guy is going places, we promise you that...
