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[Whitecrow]

Sorry for the venting, again, but I totally need it.
I'm afraid a telling this to my friends and even my family, because I know they wont understand and that will make me even more worried and angry.

So there's the thing.

I'm in a situation right now where I look at myself in the mirror, and even if my front view is not that bad, my sides are indeed horrible.
My nose looks like a piece separated from my face. It's incredibly big and looks really out of place.
And my chin is recessed af, with no jawline to be seen. Also, no cheekbones, and chronic and ugly eye-bags, which makes me always look sick.

I've been struggling with my self-image for a long time, avoiding photos as much as I could because, well, I hate how I look, and I dont wanna ruin photos for the others.

That's has been damaging hardly my self-steem for years now.
Just like being 30+ years old and still having the body of a teenager, but I take responsability for that (well, I let my skinny ADHD genetics take it).
And just like being friendzoned over and over and over and over and over. Because my body wouldnt go on sync with my age. But whatever.

The thing is, I always thought that that was just how my face was (because noone told me that anything was wrong) and had to deal with it. (spoiler: I still cant).
And I can tell you, you look at my face and you clearly sense I have a few health issues.
And that angers me a lot too, because I never do drugs and never get drunk.
And I've been controlling my caffeine and sugar intake for a long time now, and yet, I still look like I'm sick. That fkn sucks.

But recently I discovered that indeed, I have in fact a bone structure problem. Which apparently a lot of people have.
Which is basically a recessed jaw bone and teeth miss-alignments.

And I say this because I cant tell you how much I hate people telling you "you are fine" when ideed, you are not.
My family tells me I look handsome. A close friend of mine always tries to cheer me up telling me I'm handsome.
But I look at myself and see a lot of real issues. Which its possible causes and consequences do in fact exist in my life.

Yes, a spend a lot of time looking at myself in the mirror, everyday, and I go outside and I cant stop ruminating over my face looks.
I fall into the body dismorphic disorder criteria. But the thing is, I pretty sure my issues are real and not just a distorted perception.

So, if I ever want to solve this, I have to go through surgery. Fucking face surgery. And not even for functional reasons.
I can eat, bite, and breath normally. (I have some trouble speaking tho). I need to go for aestethic reasons. And that has me kinda shocked.
And the surgery is expeeeeeeeeeeensive.

So now I have to choose, having this disorder and leave out the possibility of a normal social life. Or get the surgery.

My life just doesnt give me a break. I think I should have went crazy by now.
I think I dont get enough credit for holding on with this body and mind of mine with no drinking or drugs.

 

[Spyxos]

Have you tried Mewing? But I would ask a doctor if you can do it. It can fuck up your teeth but it helped me a lot.

 

[Bitmap Frogs]

Hold on and don’t despair

 

[JimmyRustler]

Chewing gum helps with the jaw. But go in hard. Like 3-4 Hubba Bubba and chew until your mouth is tired.

 

[Papa_Wisdom]

Think you will find most people have hang ups on there appearance op.

Doesn’t help with the rise of social media with filters etc which can make people look completely different to how they actually look irl.

I can’t tell you what the best option for you might In relation to surgery etc but have you considered speaking to a professional about your issues.

No one is perfect and sometimes it’s better to embrace your imperfections rather than make yourself ill over them.

We’re all just universal conscious trapped in these meat sack bodies at the end of the day.

 

[Spyxos]

Chewing gum helps with the jaw. But go in hard. Like 3-4 Hubba Bubba and chew until your mouth is tired.

Or hard food like carrots.

 

[kanjobazooie]

I hate how I look, and I dont wanna ruin photos for the others.

Decent self-respecting people won't think less of you just because you don't have a jawline or whatever. And if someone did, then that person is nothing but a miserable narcissist who needs to work on their shitty personality.

 

[Dreamin]

Please do more drugs, sounds stressful son.

 

[Roxkis_ii]

Man, I wish I had some good advice or wisdom for you op to help you find a way to love yourself.

I read the opening post, and I wish I could give you a bro hug.

 

[Toots]

I hate how I look, and I dont wanna ruin photos for the others.

Everyone mostly look at themselves in pictures, so you won't ruin anything for anyone, plus you certainly are 100 times harder on yourself than everyone else is so do not worry about that

And I say this because I cant tell you how much I hate people telling you "you are fine" when ideed, you are not.
My family tells me I look handsome. A close friend of mine always tries to cheer me up telling me I'm handsome.
But I look at myself and see a lot of real issues.

When telling someone i find pretty, or well dressed, or anything like that and they are "you're just saying that..." etc.. i remind them that i might also just have bad taste. People might find you good looking because they have different tastes than you.

ANyway it's not about how people see you, it's about how you see yourself, your own self esteem. And the fact it seems in your mind having surgery would be some kind of failure, when it's more of a way to overcome an obstacle. If you have through your work saved enough money to do the procedure, it's more of a win than anything in my eyes. You worked to overcome a problem the only way you could.

 

[AlphaDump]

We all go through this in some capacity. Continue staying headstrong and remember that beauty and attraction are separate things. Drug and alcohol free is an attractive quality that compounds with others, and those elements will ultimately define you in an indirect way.

Also, we tend to hyper focus on small details that people generally don't see, or pay much attention to.

/edit - I didn't like the way I looked in photos a while back and realized I never actually "practiced". It won't ever be perfect but you can always learn and improve.

 

[DeceptiveAlarm]

Have you tried Mewing? But I would ask a doctor if you can do it. It helped me a lot.

For about a week my boys kept doing that all the time. I would look up from supper and see handsome squidward.

 

[Mistake]

Improving jawline can be done with hard foods, gum, or biting into a mouth guard. Just be sure to take care of your teeth. Unfortunately, you probably won't get as good results compared to when you were a teenager, but it's worth a shot. On a similar note, I used to have pretty bad tmj sometimes, until I started sleeping more on my other side. Now it's better.

For eye bags, do a sleep study and keep an eye on your diet. I had panda eyes for years until I took control over my own health. I still have them a bit, but not as bad. Each person has their ideal requirements for sleep, and you should see what yours are.

For being thin, I only managed to get better with this recently. Reason being is I don't get fat, and I'll lose weight staying home. Working out helps me maintain muscle mass. So what I decided last month was to take a new job that involves quite a bit of labor. I have to wake up early, and I'm tired as hell, but I've managed to gain 6 lbs.

I'd save surgery for last. The changes you make yourself are worth the most. If you're still unhappy by the end of it, seek a healthcare professional and talk to them.

 

[Whitecrow]

Have you tried Mewing? But I would ask a doctor if you can do it. It can fuck up your teeth but it helped me a lot.

Yep. Discovering mewing is what basically throw me into this rabbit hole. I'm doing it for a couple of months, but I think I just started to do it correctly.
But I dont hold too much hope, as it's said it only "works" until the age 25.

Chewing gum helps with the jaw. But go in hard. Like 3-4 Hubba Bubba and chew until your mouth is tired.

I do it ocasionally, but with the same hope as mewing. Definitely I should stick to it more.

Think you will find most people have hang ups on there appearance op.

Doesn’t help with the rise of social media with filters etc which can make people look completely different to how they actually look irl.

I can’t tell you what the best option for you might In relation to surgery etc but have you considered speaking to a professional about your issues.

No one is perfect and sometimes it’s better to embrace your imperfections rather than make yourself ill over them.

We’re all just universal conscious trapped in these meat sack bodies at the end of the day.

Yep, i'm seeing a psychologist, just one session talking about this tho. I'm on it : )
And embracing it is what I have been trying this whole time, but looks like I'm on my limit.
I think that thinking about the surgery kinda ruined it, because now I have a solution... that's mostly out of my possibilities.

Man, I wish I had some good advice or wisdom for you op to help you find a way to love yourself.

I read the opening post, and I wish I could give you a bro hug.

I felt the intention tho, so thank you < 33
I think I never needed one more than now : D

Everyone mostly look at themselves in pictures, so you won't ruin anything for anyone, plus you certainly are 100 times harder on yourself than everyone else is so do not worry about that

When telling someone i find pretty, or well dressed, or anything like that and they are "you're just saying that..." etc.. i remind them that i might also just have bad taste. People might find you good looking because they have different tastes than you.

ANyway it's not about how people see you, it's about how you see yourself, your own self esteem. And the fact it seems in your mind having surgery would be some kind of failure, when it's more of a way to overcome an obstacle. If you have through your work saved enough money to do the procedure, it's more of a win than anything in my eyes. You worked to overcome a problem the only way you could.

I'm really hard on myself, no doubt. But I think I cant be less hard. There are reasons for me to think that if I didnt have this problem with the jaw, my life would be incredibly different and better by now, so... going easy is kinda hard : D

We all go through this in some capacity. Continue staying headstrong and remember that beauty and attraction are separate things. Drug and alcohol free is an attractive quality that compounds with others, and those elements will ultimately define you in an indirect way.

Also, we tend to hyper focus on small details that people generally don't see, or pay much attention to.

/edit - I didn't like the way I looked in photos a while back and realized I never actually "practiced". It won't ever be perfect but you can always learn and improve.

Practicing is what the psychologist told me to do, kinda. Look at me for a few minutes in the mirror, but I struggle to make sense of that.
Getting used to it maybe? I dont think it works, if anything, this problem comes from observing and being aware (or hyper-aware, OCD aware) of my features, so Idk.

Improving jawline can be done with hard foods, gum, or biting into a mouth guard. Just be sure to take care of your teeth. Unfortunately, you probably won't get as good results compared to when you were a teenager, but it's worth a shot. On a similar note, I used to have pretty bad tmj sometimes, until I started sleeping more on my other side. Now it's better.

For eye bags, do a sleep study and keep an eye on your diet. I had panda eyes for years until I took control over my own health. I still have them a bit, but not as bad. Each person has their ideal requirements for sleep, and you should see what yours are.

For being thin, I only managed to get better with this recently. Reason being is I don't get fat, and I'll lose weight staying home. Working out helps me maintain muscle mass. So what I decided last month was to take a new job that involves quite a bit of labor. I have to wake up early, and I'm tired as hell, but I've managed to gain 6 lbs.

I'd save surgery for last. The changes you make yourself are worth the most. If you're still unhappy by the end of it, seek a healthcare professional and talk to them.

Congrats on your changes : )
I'm going to the gym too, for 3 weeks now, taking mass gainer. I think I already see a difference. But well, there's this one thing I cannot change : D
And yeah, it's been on my mind for a lot of time too, to go and see a digestive doctor, I've been suspecting some intoleracies or allergies, but I cant point them out. That will help too.

So yeah, thank you a lot for your understanding and advices, it's been great to read you all < 33

 

[nush]

And just like being friendzoned over and over and over and over and over. Because my body wouldnt go on sync with my age. But whatever.

Getting strong incel looksmaxxing vibes from all of this.

 

[EviLore]

Complete nonsense, all in your head. No one will be attracted to you as long as you hate yourself. As a guy it literally doesn't matter if you're ugly. Stop staring at the mirror, go learn skills and become good at something.

 

[Shodai]

My suggestions to come to grips with your disorder:

- Gym 3-4 times a week
- Delete social media
- Don't be terminally online
- No porn
- Find multiple hobbies
- Volunteer
- Reconsider career
- Get rid of garbage food/GMO and research healthy, mostly natural alternatives

You only live once. Try to take control of your emotions through personal health and lifestyle changes.

Edit: Also, play to completion Dark Souls Trilogy and Elden Ring. No going hollow.

 

[Spyxos]

Yep. Discovering mewing is what basically throw me into this rabbit hole. I'm doing it for a couple of months, but I think I just started to do it correctly.
But I dont hold too much hope, as it's said it only "works" until the age 25.

I am 38 now and i started it with 35-36 and it worken for me. I only noticed the first results after about 6 months.

 

[Majormaxxx]

I can coach you to get a better body/posture.

p.s. it is not how you look - it is what you do with your life, how you live it and what you do for your loved ones.

 

[DeafTourette]

You may want to get seen by a professional.

Body dysmorphia disorder affects even very attractive people, men and women.

It's taken me a long time to feel like I'm not ugly.

Have you tried weightlifting to pack on muscle? Take protein drinks to add on some weight?

But yes, see a professional if you believe it to be BDD... It would suck if no matter what surgery you have, you're never satisfied with the results... AND workout with weights to pack on some muscle/weight.

 

[Mistake]

Complete nonsense, all in your head. No one will be attracted to you as long as you hate yourself. As a guy it literally doesn't matter if you're ugly. Stop staring at the mirror, go learn skills and become good at something.

I knew a guy who was really nice, and passionate in whatever he did. I never considered his face to be good looking, but he scored a hot girl that he's now married to and has a kid with.

 

[Shodai]

I knew a guy who was really nice, and passionate in whatever he did. I never considered his face to be good looking, but he scored a hot girl that he's now married to and has a kid with.

Most chicks I know could care less about appearance.

And dear god, reconsider surgery or this mewing nonsense. JFC

 

[Whitecrow]

Getting strong incel looksmaxxing vibes from all of this.

Good to hear you stuck with the most important point : )

Complete nonsense, all in your head. No one will be attracted to you as long as you hate yourself. As a guy it literally doesn't matter if you're ugly. Stop staring at the mirror, go learn skills and become good at something.

It might be. It might not be. I understand where are you coming from and appreciate the bullshit-cutting attitude, sometimes it's needed, but with the due respect, I dont think you know me enough to just tell me "go and be good at something".
I already am, and the problem, if anything, is with my obsessive thoughts, which obviously I struggle to control.

My suggestions to come to grips with your disorder:

- Gym 3-4 times a week
- Delete social media
- Don't be terminally online
- No porn
- Find multiple hobbies
- Volunteer
- Reconsider career
- Get rid of garbage food/GMO and research healthy, mostly natural alternatives

You only live once. Try to take control of your emotions through personal health and lifestyle changes.

Those are all excelent tips. I apply some of them, but others are a real struggle.
-I'm already going to the gym and have plenty of hobbies thanks to my adhd. (The problem being, I cant be consistent in any of them)
-I already reconsidered carrer, and I would love to go back to study again, buuut, money.
-No porn: I'm trying and failing miserably. No excuses, but I'm on it.
-And I'll put more work on the healthy food, my efforts on that were never good enough.

I am 38 now and i started it with 35-36 and it worken for me. I only noticed the first results after about 6 months.

Well, that's good to hear! I will stick to it!

I can coach you to get a better body/posture.

I appreciate it, but I'm already paying a personal trainer. Thanks tho < 3

 

[Shodai]

Those are all excelent tips. I apply some of them, but others are a real struggle.
-I'm already going to the gym and have plenty of hobbies thanks to my adhd. (The problem being, I cant be consistent in any of them)
-I already reconsidered carrer, and I would love to go back to study again, buuut, money.
-No porn: I'm trying and failing miserably. No excuses, but I'm on it.
-And I'll put more work on the healthy food, my efforts on that were never good enough.

Well, that's good to hear! I will stick to it!

I appreciate it, but I'm already paying a personal trainer. Thanks tho < 3

It's good to hear you are trying. You are in control of everything you do, there is no invisible hand stopping you. Keep going until it's solved, don't go hollow.

 

[EviLore]

but with the due respect, I dont think you know me enough to just tell me "go and be good at something".

This same garbage comes up over and over again in the exact same paradigms endlessly, so yes, I already know enough about you. I also know that none of the useful, well-meaning advice people here are giving you will get through to you, so we're done here.