uncelestial
Member
http://www.avclub.com/features/hatesong/
HateSong is an A.V. Club feature where celebrities/entertainment industry peeps unleash their hate on a song that has always bugged them, in a long-form rant that goes deep on their issues with it. It's often absolutely hilarious (though one should prepare to have their feelings hurt a bit because someone probably hates that song you like).
Some faves:
- Screaming Females’ Marissa Paternoster on the precious blandness of “Ho Hey” (Lumineers)
- Mary Timony (Helium, Ex Hex) on why John Mayer’s “Your Body Is A Wonderland” creeps her out
- Comedian Joe Mande on why he hates Macklemore’s “Same Love”
- Parquet Courts’ Sean Yeaton hates Don McLean’s arrogant “American Pie”
You guys are all celebrities to me, so I want to read your HateSong articles. Obvs it doesn't have to be too long, but get it out. As a kickoff, I'll post mine, which is for:
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Metallica - Wherever I May Roam
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dHUHxTiPFUU
A Bob "Schlock" Rock-produced track about the rambling cowboy touring lifestyle from the black album. It opens with sub-Love-Guru "Indian music" which at that point was already the "turn on the smoke machine" of rock tropes. Such mysterious bohemians, we are dealing with. Then begins the suckage: The literal first beat that you learn if you start to take drum lessons, a weak-ass riff, and the lyrics, which vacillate between nonsense and arrogance:
For many the black album generally shows Metallica's shift from progressive/energetic thrash metal to abject stadium rock, the likes of which Wherever I May Roam essentially personifies. I mean, when you get down to it: How much daylight is there between this song and Bon Jovi's also produced-by-Bob-Rock, also-about-the-rambling-cowboy-touring-lifestyle "Wanted Dead or Alive?" Not much. The main difference is that Bon Jovi didn't make fun of poor people.
So what song do you hate, GAF?
HateSong is an A.V. Club feature where celebrities/entertainment industry peeps unleash their hate on a song that has always bugged them, in a long-form rant that goes deep on their issues with it. It's often absolutely hilarious (though one should prepare to have their feelings hurt a bit because someone probably hates that song you like).
Some faves:
- Screaming Females’ Marissa Paternoster on the precious blandness of “Ho Hey” (Lumineers)
- Mary Timony (Helium, Ex Hex) on why John Mayer’s “Your Body Is A Wonderland” creeps her out
- Comedian Joe Mande on why he hates Macklemore’s “Same Love”
- Parquet Courts’ Sean Yeaton hates Don McLean’s arrogant “American Pie”
You guys are all celebrities to me, so I want to read your HateSong articles. Obvs it doesn't have to be too long, but get it out. As a kickoff, I'll post mine, which is for:
-----------------------------------
Metallica - Wherever I May Roam
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dHUHxTiPFUU
A Bob "Schlock" Rock-produced track about the rambling cowboy touring lifestyle from the black album. It opens with sub-Love-Guru "Indian music" which at that point was already the "turn on the smoke machine" of rock tropes. Such mysterious bohemians, we are dealing with. Then begins the suckage: The literal first beat that you learn if you start to take drum lessons, a weak-ass riff, and the lyrics, which vacillate between nonsense and arrogance:
You can't confide to a road, dipshit; you have such an easy rhyme to fill in. TRY. What other rhymes did you try? "And I drove so much I died," "Larry King has never lied," "When I skinned my knee I cried," "Pork is best when it's deep fried" I am literally just typing without thinking right now. Do better.
Are you singing about being thirsty right now?? What happened to being "satisfied?" And oh, lookout for this rebel, not taking any souvenirs with him. I guess he got over that eventually?
You know what bro, I'm really happy for you that you get to live out your dreams and all, but fuck you. I have been laid off twice in my life and gone through foreclosure, poverty, and not knowing what I was going to eat next. Do you really think I want to hear a guy who writes shit like this tell me that I'm a "slave" and he's so free? That is the essential message of this song, isn't it?
Yes, we all call you those things, constantly. "James Hetfield: That... that vagabond!" We say, as we collapse onto our fainting couches, overpowered by the musk of your mullet and the audacity of your trucker moustache and your powerful message of not having a job and having a scratchy throat and not buying souvenirs while traveling.
Still waiting on this, as is the rest of the scientific community.
For many the black album generally shows Metallica's shift from progressive/energetic thrash metal to abject stadium rock, the likes of which Wherever I May Roam essentially personifies. I mean, when you get down to it: How much daylight is there between this song and Bon Jovi's also produced-by-Bob-Rock, also-about-the-rambling-cowboy-touring-lifestyle "Wanted Dead or Alive?" Not much. The main difference is that Bon Jovi didn't make fun of poor people.
So what song do you hate, GAF?