i find myself happy sometimes and then really depressed sometimes but i dont feel like i have any control over the swings and its hard to get out of the depression..i jsut let everything take over (like anger, etc.)...i mean its not like im physically disabled or something but i just feel horrible sometimes...i cannot stand times when things arent peaceful..i get furiously angry when theres too much noise or when people are running around doing things..i literally start cursing people in my mind lol..its almost like physical pain..
but if i find myself living a certain type of lifestyle..where im always relaxing and reading or doing artistic type things and doing what i like, i find myself happy for a significant ammount of time but then i use the computer too much for a few days and start going on chatrooms and i find myself getting more and more agitated..noticing noises and people stressing me out, etc. again....
when i was born i started crying a lot for some reason..like insanely crying and screaming n whatnot and i think i cracked then and this has been a continuous thing...i was violent, etc. no one ever understood it...i remember times when i was so furiously angry about nothing..i felt my mind crack then..like i wasnt even alive but i was screaming..this was like when i was 2-8 yrs old...i dont think my soul is at peace..maybe it doesnt want to be here...
but if i find myself living a certain type of lifestyle..where im always relaxing and reading or doing artistic type things and doing what i like, i find myself happy for a significant ammount of time but then i use the computer too much for a few days and start going on chatrooms and i find myself getting more and more agitated..noticing noises and people stressing me out, etc. again....
when i was born i started crying a lot for some reason..like insanely crying and screaming n whatnot and i think i cracked then and this has been a continuous thing...i was violent, etc. no one ever understood it...i remember times when i was so furiously angry about nothing..i felt my mind crack then..like i wasnt even alive but i was screaming..this was like when i was 2-8 yrs old...i dont think my soul is at peace..maybe it doesnt want to be here...