A little situation

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Shinobix

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I'm in the middle of a situation here. Three days ago something stopped working in our house and we didn't have water for a couple of days. That day my three roomates went out at night but I decided to stay home because I was tired, when suddenly the urge to take a dump appeared. I didn't know what to do since there was no water to flush the toilet or any other possible way to get rid of the feces but I couldn't hold it any longer. So I went to the bathroom and did my thing...but then I realised I couldn't just leave it floating there for DAYS. I tried filling the pump with drinking water so I could flush it but it was useless. So I did the unthinkable. I took a bag and grabbed the excrement in order to get rid of it, but once it was in my hand I couldn't think of anywhere to throw it away! I started to feel gross so I rushed outside and threw it to the other side of a big fence that separates our house with what I thought was a vacant lot (we recently moved here 1 month ago). To make things worse, the bag got stuck in some metal bars on top the fence..so I took a broom and pushed it to the other side. Victory. Or so I thought.

Yesterday someone rang the intercom outside and one of my roomates answered. He couldn't understand what the person on the other side was saying, something about brooms, so he hung up. I thought it was somone selling brooms or something of that matter, I never really associated it with my story. Today when I woke up another roomate told me the same person rang saying something about brooms, but since he couldn't understand what he was saying either he hung up too and went back to sleep. Now I have a very high suspicion that the man talking about brooms saw when I pushed the bag down and is trying to find out why the fuck is there a bag with feces in his property.

What can I do? It could be risky to pretend I know nothing about the incident because the house next to mine has three cameras and if the guy gets really pissed, knowing my roomates they would try to prove innocence by asking for the recordings to the neighbour. None of the cameras is pointing directly to our house so I'm not entirely sure if they even recorded when I was getting rid of the bag. Hell, I'm not even sure if the cameras are working.

Should I tell my roomates before this thing gets worse? We get along very well but I don't know what their reaction would be. Any advice?
 
I think your best bet is to just stay quiet about it for a bit and see if it blows over.

That said, wtf? Don't you have an outdoor trash can?
 
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Needless to say, this is a very embarrasing situation. After I did it I thought of a thousand ways to get rid of it without affecting anyone but it was late and I was tired.

If the guy rings again or manages to confront us I thought I could say that a very nasty smell was coming from the bag so I just pushed it, without taking any responsibility about the bag itself.
 
Does your neighbour have loafers?
If so you should have put it in a paper bag, and set it on fire on his doorstep, before ringing the doorbell and running away.
 
Shinobix said:
Needless to say, this is a very embarrasing situation. After I did it I thought of a thousand ways to get rid of it without affecting anyone but it was late and I was tired.

If the guy rings again or manages to confront us I thought I could say that a very nasty smell was coming from the bag so I just pushed it, without taking any responsibility about the bag itself.
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So we didn't help at all? Hmm.

Yeah, admit you didn't know people were next door. You'll clean it up...
 
Shinobix said:
Needless to say, this is a very embarrasing situation. After I did it I thought of a thousand ways to get rid of it without affecting anyone but it was late and I was tired.

If the guy rings again or manages to confront us I thought I could say that a very nasty smell was coming from the bag so I just pushed it, without taking any responsibility about the bag itself.
Click to expand...

Thats actually the best idea. You could take it to the next level and ring his doorbell and tell him not to throw shitbags over the fence.
 
Sorian said:
I don't understand why you don't have a dumpster or another type of outdoor trash.



Also this
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His house wasn't broken into.

Op says "SOMETHING BROKE" in the house. not "SOMEONE BROKE" into the house.

And also, for clarity sake.

OP shit in a toilet without water, then threw the collected feces into a bag, tried to throw the bag into another yard(didn't realize people lived next door), and got the bag of shit stuck on a fence.. then poked it over with a broom.
 
I never cease to be amazed at people's inability to properly think through their actions before doing them. It's not even like you were being rushed and didn't have time to think. You just decided to grab your shit and throw it into someones yard you THOUGHT was vacant. It's just astounding. As far as your dilema is concerned, if the cameras are across the street, it's very likely nothing identifying was able to be caught on film. It's not like they'll get a perfect portrait from that distance. Your best bet is to just play dumb and deny everything. Perhaps keep these clothes you were wearing during the act tucked away in your closet for a bit. Also, i suggest learning how toilets work, it's really rather simple. This all could of been avoided by simply dumping water into the bowl.
 
So the TL:DR is basically you shit in a bag because your plumbing was fucked then you threw the bag into your neighbours garden and now he's calling to have it removed? Seems reasonable
 
I know, I honestly regret what I did and I know the correct thing is to apologize.

You are right about me not thinking it through. I did try to fill the bowl but the water I had was not enough.
 
Shinobix said:
I know, I honestly regret what I did and I know the correct thing is to apologize.

You are right about me not thinking it through. I did try to fill the bowl but the water I had was not enough.
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Honesty is the best route at this point though I'm afraid.

Anything else, and the stress might just have you shitting yourself.
 
oxrock said:
I never cease to be amazed at people's inability to properly think through their actions before doing them. It's not even like you were being rushed and didn't have time to think. You just decided to grab your shit and throw it into someones yard you THOUGHT was vacant. It's just astounding. As far as your dilema is concerned, if the cameras are across the street, it's very likely nothing identifying was able to be caught on film. It's not like they'll get a perfect portrait from that distance. Your best bet is to just play dumb and deny everything. Perhaps keep these clothes you were wearing during the act tucked away in your closet for a bit. Also, i suggest learning how toilets work, it's really rather simple. This all could of been avoided by simply dumping water into the bowl.
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No kidding.

Kids these days...
 
Take another shit, and then throw it over the fence along with the broom. He'll think he just got wasted and did the shitting and brooming himself.
 
Tashbrooke said:
Poop on the neighbour, show dominance
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Also, I'm sorry about my inability to read. I could have sworn I read someone and not something but thanks for the OP edit.

You seem to realize you did something silly so the two roads (as always) are high and low. Be honest or go along with the plan you actually brought up and just feign ignorance at whatever the hell that was and you just knocked it off your fence.
 
As stupid of a story this is, I somehow can relate to you, OP. I don't even know why, I guess all kinds of "Well I might have better thought this through" incidents happened to me, too.

Also, first reply wins again.
 
Thanks for the replies. Hope this is one of those stories that in the future will make me laugh, but right now I do feel very guilty. I already knocked nextdoor to try to explain but there was no answer. Also, I paid close attention to my other neighbour's cameras and I think there is no way they recorded me because of their position and where they are pointing at.
 
Ok OP, this is what you do.

You pretend the same thing happened to you. If the neighbor asks, you tell them you found a bag of feces in your lawn too, you tell them you called the police and they said there wasn't anything they could do. Tell the neighbor you think it was someone walking their dog and the bags probably blow into your lawns. And then you never speak about this again.
 
weekend_warrior said:
Ok OP, this is what you do.

You pretend the same thing happened to you. If the neighbor asks, you tell them you found a bag of feces in your lawn too, you tell them you called the police and they said there wasn't anything they could do. Tell the neighbor you think it was someone walking their dog and the bags probably blow into your lawns. And then you never speak about this again.
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This. Good thinking!
 
Not to jump on the bandwagon or anything, but seriously OP? There were no public bathrooms within accessible distance to you? I myself would've gone with filling the bowl - not the pump, unless you're referring to the same thing. But aside from that, go to a gas station, go to a fast food joint, go on campus.. Don't shit where you sleep if you can't get rid of it.
 
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