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Ancient Britain

EviLore

Expansive Ellipses
Staff Member
With the recent news about Stonehenge, we should have a topic on the fascinating Ancient Britain.

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"
The inland portions of Britain are inhabited by those who themselves say that according to tradition they are natives of the soil; the coast regions are peopled by those who crossed from Belgium for the purpose of making war. Almost all of these are called by the names of those states from which they are descended and from which they came hither. After they had waged war they remained there and began to cultivate the soil. The island has a large population, with many buildings constructed after the fashion of the Gauls, and abounds in flocks. For money they use either gold coins or bars of iron of a certain weight. Tin is found in the inland regions, iron on the seacoast; but the latter is not plentiful. They use imported bronze. All kinds of wood are found here, as in Gaul, except the beech and fir trees. They consider it contrary to divine law to eat the hare, the chicken, or the goose. They raise these, however, for their own amusement and pleasure. The climate is more temperate than in Gaul, since there are fewer periods of cold. . . .

By far the most civilized are those who dwell in Kent. Their entire country borders on the sea, and they do not differ much from the Gauls in customs. Very many who dwell farther inland do not sow grain but live on milk and flesh, clothing themselves in skins. All the Britons paint themselves with woad, which produces a dark blue color; and for this reason they are much more frightful in appearance in battle. They permit their hair to grow long, shaving all parts of the body except the head and the upper lip. Ten and twelve have wives common among them, especially brothers with brothers and parents with children; if any children are born they are considered as belonging to those men to whom the maiden was first married. . . .

This is their manner of fighting from chariots. At first the charioteers ride in all directions, usually throwing the ranks into confusion by the very terror caused by the horses, as well as the noise of the wheels; then as soon as they have come between the squads of horsemen, they leap from the chariots and fight on foot. The drivers of the chariots then withdraw a little from the battle and place the chariots together, so that if the warriors are hard pressed by the number of the enemy, they have a safe retreat to their own. Their horsemen possess such activity and their foot soldiers such steadfastness in battle and they accomplish so much by daily training that on steep and even precipitous ground they are accustomed to check their excited horses, to control and turn them about quickly, to run out on the pole, to stand on the yoke, and then swiftly to return to the chariot.
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-Julius Caesar, De Bello Gallico


A brief history of Caesar's invasion of Britain:



 
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Whenever I go to Chester I always see dudes who dress up as Roman's who give out history lessons but it always has me fucking creasing thinking it's some Dark Souls LARPER. Maybe I should get my ass educated.
 

kruis

Exposing the sinister cartel of retailers who allow companies to pay for advertising space.
Wow, very cool. So recently, too.

The last ice age happened only yesterday in geological terms. There was so much frozen water at the poles (and on huge parts of Northern Europe/Asia/America) that the sea level was an astonishing 130 meters lower than it is today during the coldest period of the last ice age. You could walk from France to Ireland and the Black Sea was a huge inland lake.

We keep reading scare stories about a future climate apocalypse in the news, but the minor changes in temperature we're seeing now is absolutely nothing compared to what our ancestors were seeing 12000 years when the world started to heat up at the end of the last ice age. Those people saw entire eco systems wiped out when the waters kept rising at an astonishing rate.
 

Rentahamster

Rodent Whores
The last ice age happened only yesterday in geological terms. There was so much frozen water at the poles (and on huge parts of Northern Europe/Asia/America) that the sea level was an astonishing 130 meters lower than it is today during the coldest period of the last ice age. You could walk from France to Ireland and the Black Sea was a huge inland lake.

If we could only see what ancient civilizations thrived in the areas that are now all underwater, it would give us so much insight into history. Think of all the fossils too that are inaccessible. So much knowledge trapped away beneath the sea.

We keep reading scare stories about a future climate apocalypse in the news, but the minor changes in temperature we're seeing now is absolutely nothing compared to what our ancestors were seeing 12000 years when the world started to heat up at the end of the last ice age. Those people saw entire eco systems wiped out when the waters kept rising at an astonishing rate.

Yes, the overall magnitudes of the past dwarf what we see today, but I think the main issues are that those past changes occurred at a geological time scale, whereas the ones today are occurring at a much faster, non-geological rate. We've seen it happen in the past, and the devastation it wrought, and while we know the human race survived it, the future is still unwritten and I'd rather not we get tested again.
 

Dacvak

No one shall be brought before our LORD David Bowie without the true and secret knowledge of the Photoshop. For in that time, so shall He appear.
If only EviLore EviLore had taught my high school history classes, instead of the dipshit football coaches who were shoved into those courses since all sports coaches also “had to be teachers”.
 

Cyberpunkd

Member
I have to say from all the nations I done business with UK is my least favorite. Full of posh twats without the initiative and imagination of Americans, no wonder all the worthy ancestors GTFOd to the US.
 

EviLore

Expansive Ellipses
Staff Member
I have to say from all the nations I done business with UK is my least favorite. Full of posh twats without the initiative and imagination of Americans, no wonder all the worthy ancestors GTFOd to the US.
British people have to go off to some torturous boarding school for their entire youth, become fluent in Latin and Ancient Greek and publish a new translation of The Complete Works of Cicero at Oxbridge before getting a professional degree, all just to afford the rent in London as a middle class person. And everyone else will resent them for it.

Meanwhile in the US, we just pretend we’re all in the middle class!
 

FunkMiller

Member
British people have to go off to some torturous boarding school for their entire youth, become fluent in Latin and Ancient Greek and publish a new translation of The Complete Works of Cicero at Oxbridge before getting a professional degree, all just to afford the rent in London as a middle class person. And everyone else will resent them for it.

Don’t forget being force fed quail’s eggs from the age of two, having to wear tweed underpants 24 hours a day, take part in casual pig sodomy, and watch nothing but Antique’s Roadshow and the Queen’s funeral on a loop.
 
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jufonuk

not tag worthy
Mad to imagine there was a time when Kent was the best we had to offer.
Still is mate. Bluewater is better than lakeside. We just take the Greenwich Ikea now.,

There is a reason delving went to Kent. Not Southend on sea or bloody Brighton
Kent is so good that gillingham and Rochester had to make Medway happen just to stop Kent getting too good.
Prodigy came from Essex so Essex is great for that. Mostly just the prodigy.

Only Fools And Horses Fainting GIF by britbox
 
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Wildebeest

Member
To the Greeks, Britain was the Tin Isles, a place where they could source the tin required to make the Bronze Age a reality. To the Romans, it was a place where you could get oysters and slaves.

Celtic identity is a bit confusing and not one thing in the British Isles. The "Brythonic" languages of ancient Briton (which doesn't include Scotland or Ireland) had been pushed out to the western edges, Wales and Cornwall, and to north-west parts of France and Iberia, since the sea travel was often more accessible than land travel in the ancient world.

As for genetics, if you show a picture with a lot of Germanic looking English people with blonde hair, speaking a mostly Germanic language, you know they are not really what the Romans would have seen.
 

Cyberpunkd

Member
You’re French, aren’t you?
Naturalised. I like to think of it as my wildcard to talk shit to French people since they will just wave me off (kinda like people speaking fluent Japanese get much more slack in Japan).
Meanwhile in the US, we just pretend we’re all in the middle class!
Fake it till you make it.

Staring Star Wars GIF by Disney+


I really like Americans. I could never live in a 21st century dystopia that is the US, but Americans are awesome to hang out with.
 
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RJMacready73

Simps for Amouranth
Pfftt.... You think Stone Henge is old, it's merely a toddler to this thing built circa 3200BC 2hrs down the road from me


Absolutely nuts to think this thing was ancient before they built the pyramids, granted the ancient Egyptians really fucking 1 upped us
 

FunkMiller

Member
Pfftt.... You think Stone Henge is old, it's merely a toddler to this thing built circa 3200BC 2hrs down the road from me


Absolutely nuts to think this thing was ancient before they built the pyramids, granted the ancient Egyptians really fucking 1 upped us

not funny transformers GIF


Gobekli Tepe laughs at your feeble attempts at age.

https://whc.unesco.org/en/list/1572/

Located in the Germuş mountains of south-eastern Anatolia, this property presents monumental round-oval and rectangular megalithic structures erected by hunter-gatherers in the Pre-Pottery Neolithic age between 9,600 and 8,200 BCE.

...which makes it almost as old as Joe Biden.
 
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