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Bathing and Sleeping with your Son.
- Thread starter Bogeyker
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What is this thread? Two options: a cunning troll thread with just enough innuendo to set the forum buzzing OR a concerned dad who can't formulate his questions and explanations properly and just accidentally makes all this sound like a dodgy incest relationship.
Just to differ I'll go with the latter and start with a long intro of my position.
Being Finnish, I have always gone to the sauna with my family (parents, 2 big sisters) from baby to adult. You know saunas: the hot, dark rooms where you sit naked and throw water on the stove to make steam. Pretty much every family in Finland has their own sauna. And now I go to the sauna weekly with my GF at our own home/apartment.
Thus the Nordic countries and many European countries have a very different way of relating to nakedness. We see other family members naked all the time. And there is nothing sexual about being naked in the sauna in itself, although obviously going to the sauna alone with your partner sometimes makes things different.
For many exchange student at the university I went to, the whole sauna culture was a massive surprise. But one student party with a mixed sauna of 40 people can quickly change attitudes.
Anyway, from this viewpoint bathing with ones son when he's ten is not strange. But obviously at some point this stops - probably when the kid starts to be conscious about his own sexuality. And sleeping in the same bed with ones kids is not strange at all - again at some point its important for the kid to try and learn to sleep on his own, but for example my GF's little brother is 12 and still has a tendency to go and sleep in his parents' bed if he's anxious about something.
I think the best course of action would be to discuss these things with the kid and ask what he thinks about these things.
And about Michael Jackson - this thing is completely different. We are talking about the kids dad, ffs, not some pop star who has other peoples kids sleeping in his bed.
Just to differ I'll go with the latter and start with a long intro of my position.
Being Finnish, I have always gone to the sauna with my family (parents, 2 big sisters) from baby to adult. You know saunas: the hot, dark rooms where you sit naked and throw water on the stove to make steam. Pretty much every family in Finland has their own sauna. And now I go to the sauna weekly with my GF at our own home/apartment.
Thus the Nordic countries and many European countries have a very different way of relating to nakedness. We see other family members naked all the time. And there is nothing sexual about being naked in the sauna in itself, although obviously going to the sauna alone with your partner sometimes makes things different.
For many exchange student at the university I went to, the whole sauna culture was a massive surprise. But one student party with a mixed sauna of 40 people can quickly change attitudes.
Anyway, from this viewpoint bathing with ones son when he's ten is not strange. But obviously at some point this stops - probably when the kid starts to be conscious about his own sexuality. And sleeping in the same bed with ones kids is not strange at all - again at some point its important for the kid to try and learn to sleep on his own, but for example my GF's little brother is 12 and still has a tendency to go and sleep in his parents' bed if he's anxious about something.
I think the best course of action would be to discuss these things with the kid and ask what he thinks about these things.
And about Michael Jackson - this thing is completely different. We are talking about the kids dad, ffs, not some pop star who has other peoples kids sleeping in his bed.
Well, ok. Agreed. In the post-industrial society breastfeeding is usually stopped when the child is about a year old (is this correct?).
Why should the claim be tolerated? Welll, medically the teacher is nearly correct: Katherine Dettwyler, PhD suggests that the natural age of weaning for human babies is 2.5 to 7 years of age.
boredJonathan
Member
This thread just doesn't want to stop. Breast milk now?
Quick someone photoshop a 'Got Milk?' ad!
Breast milk is now a part of your balanced breakfast!
Quick someone photoshop a 'Got Milk?' ad!
Breast milk is now a part of your balanced breakfast!
Grizzlyjin
Supersonic, idiotic, disconnecting, not respecting, who would really ever wanna go and top that
Ecrofirt said:
Dude, I still drink breast milk. Doesn't have to be mother's...
Saint Cornelius
Banned
this thread has me laughing so hard I had to close my office door!
"massage oils" rofl rofl rofl
"massage oils" rofl rofl rofl
If nothign is "going on" i dont see how this could be harmfull in any way. Youre not gonna turn him gay or anything. If anything, itl just make him feel more comfortable about being naked around people.
edit: just read the massage oils thing.
That might be a little weird.
edit: just read the massage oils thing.
That might be a little weird.
But that's just it. Nothing is going on. People are hinting that I am having sex with my son but that is just insulting. The Nordic fellow that posted above can at least understand where I am coming from. I can be naked with my son even if he hits 20 years old and it still wouldn't be sexual at all. Same goes for the sleeping aspect of our relationship where cuddling is the only activity or a massage. The massage aspect has also been misinterpreted as well. Those are given to him only as a bonus if he has behaved well or done all of his chores. In essence the massages are motivation for my son to become a better overall person.
As stated earlier, my main concern is if I do decided to stop bathing or sleeping with him, that I at least do it in such a way that doesn't alienate him from me and put a strain on our relationship. I again thank those that took the time to provide me with serious answers.
As stated earlier, my main concern is if I do decided to stop bathing or sleeping with him, that I at least do it in such a way that doesn't alienate him from me and put a strain on our relationship. I again thank those that took the time to provide me with serious answers.
The Interrobanger
Member
For the love of God, please ban this pervert now.
It's so obvious that this is a joke thread, the fun has been had, just end it now please.
It's so obvious that this is a joke thread, the fun has been had, just end it now please.
Saint Cornelius
Banned
Bogeyker said:
That's awesome man! It's like I was telling my wife the other day: "the youth of America really could use a backrub".
Escape Goat
Member
I've got a sick feeling in my stomach.
On the chance that this isnt just a joke thread, I pray for your child's future.
On the chance that this isnt just a joke thread, I pray for your child's future.
Saint Cornelius
Banned
Ecrofirt said:
As I look at your avatar, I'm wondering if... nah.
Saint Cornelius
Banned
But what would you tell the FBI, though? "You can find the pervert right above my post! I'm the one with the prepubescient Olsen twin suggestively sucking a popscicle avatar"
SpoonyBard
Banned
I don't see what the big deal is... some of you obviosly have never seen naked people.
Matrix
LeBron loves his girlfriend. There is no other woman in the world hed rather have. The problem is, Dwyanes not a woman.
"Those are given to him only as a bonus if he has behaved well or done all of his chores. In essence the massages are motivation for my son to become a better overall person."
"Daddy I did my chores!!!! I'm a good boy..lets hit the bathroom."
"Ok son time to sit between my legs and rub a dub tub."
Really what..the...shit... :|
"Daddy I did my chores!!!! I'm a good boy..lets hit the bathroom."
"Ok son time to sit between my legs and rub a dub tub."
Really what..the...shit... :|
ConfusingJazz
Member
SpoonyBard said:
I think there is a slight difference between seeing somebody naked, and getting rubbed down by your father while sitting between his legs in the bathtub when the son is 10 for doing good deeds. Thats fucked up.
Seriously man, you don't need to bathe with your kid to have a good relationship.
If this is a joke character, this is one of the most subtly played ever. You play the line amazingly well... Which is why I must give you real advice. Just stop. Skip a bath, go to a ballgame or something. It's just not healthy when you get to 12, 13, 14. I mean, sure, kids are born without that being something akward. But some privacy needs to be had. You can shower your kid with love in a billion ways, just take the shower off the list (yep, pun intended, that's right....)
Lemurnator
Banned
And the Acadamy Award for Best Actor and Best Joke Character...
My brother suggested to me that the best route to take would be to call a family meeting of sorts with my son and wife included. He feels it's the best way to ensure that my son isn't hurt or left feeling neglected if we adopted the cold turkey approach. He also believes my son would be more honest with my wife being present as she would act like a buffer. This way my son could openly voice his views but my gut instinct tells me that he won't want to entirely cut out all bathing and sleeping arrangements via the cold turkey route. I'm confident that our bond is that strong but now is as good a time as any to bring this out in the open. I figure that tonight after dinner would be the best approach.
lol, now he's just trying to come up with things to say. This is GREAT! But yes, like I've told everyone first, if this guy's in all reality being serious, you gotta think about the kid's future. I mean, damn, I wouldn't mind going to a naked sauna in Finland with my family if there were other women my age there 
if I were single (obviously without trying too hard to be around my naked family, hehehe), but geez. Also, I thought only brothers together and sisters together bathed together until the age of 10.
This is one funny thread. Keep it open. It's separating the men from the...boys. :lol
if I were single (obviously without trying too hard to be around my naked family, hehehe), but geez. Also, I thought only brothers together and sisters together bathed together until the age of 10. This is one funny thread. Keep it open. It's separating the men from the...boys. :lol
LinesInTheSand
Banned
Bogey: You should probably ask this at a sicko pervert site like NAMBLA, I'm sure you'd get better answers there.
So if I'm to take you seriously, trying to see it from your sick-as-mother-fucking-fuck point of view...Just tell him it's time to become and man and show him how to shave (his face!). Tell him you can't bathe or sleep together, and it's just a step in life he must understand. Then go throw a football (fully clothed). Go hiking out in the woods (preferrably a bit cold, so you can stay clothed). Then, be seen in public together, without holding his hand, and play Nintendo at Gamestop or EBgames with him...fully clothed. Buy him Grand Theft Auto. Watch Fight Club. Read him Genesis.Bogeyker said:
You need to reverse this shit, dude. Seriously. Anything.
And...start doing things as a family.
:lol, meaning you'll do ANYTHING, even going to what's probably the best-source-of-gaming-info-on-the-planet-in-one-place website on the planet in the off-topic forum? Yet...and I'm only assuming...you haven't seen a psychologist yet?Bogeyker said:
How do you expect people to believe you? I certainly don't. I just like playing along because I just feel a need to talk shit
.Spiritreaver
Member
Being so abrupt about it, Catalyst, is going to cause more immediate harm than easing his son out beingaccustomed to it. I still don't get where you come up with such claims that this is indefinitely having a horrible effect on the kids psyche. When infact, we've had two people mention here about similar situations with things turning out fine. In fact, I can't even concieve how treating his child in such a manner is as "mother-fucking-sick" when he has stated, many times, that it's not in any manner that is sexual. Last I checked, sexual hehavior is required for the law to intervene, and of course motive must be of a concern.
Yes, I do find the massage oils and what not comments weird. Mainly because that's definitely not something I'd do with my child. Then again, I wouldn't bathe either. But nonetheless this practice isn't entirely unnatural outside of such mindset countries with implications not as severe as people point a finger about.
The main problem with this, seems to be how people have grown up. Since many have been taught and scolded, or mainly left it understood, it completely iimpossible to comprehend this in a manner that is not sexual or potentially harmful.
Anyways, Bogeyker. I'm glad you're seeking advice elsewhere as well, and I think much of the advice you've gotten here, about it being time to have your son get used to being on his own because of him coming to an age which he'll definitely be confused, and such actions would make it even more confusing. Nonetheless, go with your wife, talk to her about it. Take your son through it slowly. If at times you're every harsh about it, he's going to know and wonder about it, but not in the way that people would think, rather just that his dad is acting differently and THEN he'll be more inclined to think about it in a manner which shouldn't be thought, possibly anyways. (This is why I have a problem with some of the advice that's given. People claim that this is having such a harsh implication on the child, yet suggest he take action that would cause even more problems for the child).
Yes, I do find the massage oils and what not comments weird. Mainly because that's definitely not something I'd do with my child. Then again, I wouldn't bathe either. But nonetheless this practice isn't entirely unnatural outside of such mindset countries with implications not as severe as people point a finger about.
The main problem with this, seems to be how people have grown up. Since many have been taught and scolded, or mainly left it understood, it completely iimpossible to comprehend this in a manner that is not sexual or potentially harmful.
Anyways, Bogeyker. I'm glad you're seeking advice elsewhere as well, and I think much of the advice you've gotten here, about it being time to have your son get used to being on his own because of him coming to an age which he'll definitely be confused, and such actions would make it even more confusing. Nonetheless, go with your wife, talk to her about it. Take your son through it slowly. If at times you're every harsh about it, he's going to know and wonder about it, but not in the way that people would think, rather just that his dad is acting differently and THEN he'll be more inclined to think about it in a manner which shouldn't be thought, possibly anyways. (This is why I have a problem with some of the advice that's given. People claim that this is having such a harsh implication on the child, yet suggest he take action that would cause even more problems for the child).
boredJonathan
Member
Bogeyker said:
fixed
Well I'd be a bit more productive if he had any credibility. I wouldn't be so blunt and straightforward and rude. I'm keeping a bit of a comfort blanket over myself just in case he really is serious, or isn't serious. Trying to be a bit careful, so you know, that can explain why I'm being a halfdick. I think the point of the matter is...he's not really serious, and I think, if it could be helped, lol, we should stop responding.DarthWufei said:
I don't care how he's grown up...I don't believe he's mentioned he's from Europe or whatever, if he's mentioned any residency at all. The guy should heed everything we've said. I think we've given him enough information. I don't care how I've worded my crap, he needs to listen....he needs to listen to every single one of us and make a decision for himself. If he were intelligent, he'd wonder..."Why are these people being dicks to me? What am I doing that's so wrong?" And if he were analytical, and somewhat intellectual, he'd think out and draw the course of his son's life. It's not that hard. Either way, this is a pretty nasty situation, and he just needs to heed his wife's advice over anyone else's.
He also needs to keep a firm stance...
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