Dating-Age |OT5| Halp me pls. In the bathroom.

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Gotdatmoney said:
This happens. The thing to remember is that it's not a big deal. Being your first just means you now have a barometer for what terrible sex feels like :P

But actually, congrats on the sex, don't take it too seriously though, but maybe start looking at rings. . . just in case.
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I figured I probably would grow attached for that reason.

I'm meeting her again tomorrow night, although I doubt anything will happen since she can't stay out too late unfortunately. Should be fun though!

Also cheers! Although there's no chance I'll be looking at rings anytime soon. ;)
 
Hey Gaf, I usually don't post much but I kinda need help.

I'm taking out this girl to dinner (a ramen place) and a boardgame cafe. Problem is that I honestly don't know what board games to choose to make sure she has as much fun as I do.

I went out to the same place with my friends and had a good time with just scrabble and superfight. This time I'm not too sure what to do first.

Again, I maybe overthinking it but any suggestion or recommendation is greatly welcome.
 
Lone_Prodigy said:
Have you tried reconnecting? Part of being (and keeping) friends is forgiving each other. We were all young and stupid once.

What's the worst they can do? If they ignore you, it's status quo. If they go off on you for being a terrible person, they weren't really your friend anyway.
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No, I haven't tried reconnecting. Honestly, I wouldn't blame anyone for being spiteful or frustrated with the way that I've been treating some people. It's not right.

I've never been one to bother with reconnecting with others or even contacting people. The only time I usually find myself bothering is if they are someone I've known for a long time. I find that I'm the type of person that waits for someone to come to me, if it doesn't, I don't bother. That is the main problem with me; someone who says that they will fail at going out to a bar or lounge solo. My behavior has made maintaining relationships harder than it should be.

This is something that I've noticed, and I'm realizing that it has cost me so many relationships, and the majority, I wish I still had those people actively in my life.

I'm a very individualistic person, but don't let that term label me as an introvert. All of this is just stuff that I have to work on. I'm just going to start off with being a bit more assertive in relationships, with the people that I know, and with dating in general.
 
inked_illusion said:
Hey Gaf, I usually don't post much but I kinda need help.

I'm taking out this girl to dinner (a ramen place) and a boardgame cafe. Problem is that I honestly don't know what board games to choose to make sure she has as much fun as I do.

I went out to the same place with my friends and had a good time with just scrabble and superfight. This time I'm not too sure what to do first.

Again, I maybe overthinking it but any suggestion or recommendation is greatly welcome.
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Start light. Forbidden Island is good.
 
PaulloDEC said:
Could use some thoughts/advice.

There's this girl I've been seeing recently; we've been chatting online for like, nearly a month? And we've gone on around five dates over the past couple of weeks (dinner, movies, beach, the usual stuff).

I like her a lot and I'm attracted to her. We've hugged a few times, held hands a bit, made out a couple of times. Trouble is, I'm not sure how things go forward from here. I live with my parents and she lives with her sister, so me inviting her over to mine isn't happening, and the reverse hasn't happened yet either (possibly for the same reason as me, i.e. lack of privacy).

I feel like we're kinda stuck in the "first few dates" phase and I'm not really sure what the solution is (besides just staying the course and seeing where things go). Would be interested to hear any thoughts on how to approach things.
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Find a cool out of town event that requires an overnight stopover and ask if she wants to go with you. That way it's not a "Sex Date" but it can be if she wants it to be
 
Denzar said:
This introverted girl I've been dating, we've taken it a step further . Haven't had sex yet, but there has been some foreplay (something about her being off the pill). This is kind of embarrassing to admit but I can only come orally. Yeah. Now, she knows how to handle a rod, no doubt about it, but she doesn't want me to come in her mouth. I completely understand. She tugged away for quite some time yesterday, combining sucking and jerking off, but it just didn't work. This shit blows, man (pun intended). Don't really know what to do... I don't want to force her to keep sucking my schlong until I shoot my wad into her mouth... She can pull back her head the moment I start gushing, but that just isn't very satisfactory for me. I'm at a loss here.
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Wear a condom, find one that has a taste. It's the best of both worlds for you and her
 
Dylan Sexbang said:
She had asked me to go with her into Denver and go to a brewery would've been a good 5 hour day alone, but our schedules didn't line up cause she's been working 7 days a week. But I'll ask her Saturday. ain't got nothing to lose and only to gain. And yes, make sure to use the word "date".

Edit: Considering I actually am really into this girl vs the people I've met on tinder. Should I wait til I see her again, or shoot her a text with something along the lines of, "We should get sushi, make it a lunch date. Down?"
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I lurk in here tons, but good luck dude! It sounds like she's really into you.
 
Cross-posting from the online thread to see if anyone can help me figure this out.

JDHarbs said:
Okay so I thought date number 3 was going really well. We ate dinner and both started opening up a bit to each other during our conversation. Past relationships, family histories, etc. I thought that was a good sign. Then we went back to the car and I asked her how she was feeling about this since she would be leaving town soon and we needed to make a decision about pursuing this. She said she was feeling really good about it. I told her I was too, and shared my few concerns. It was a little awkward, but she seemed okay with it. I felt good after getting that off of my chest.

After that, we watched the sunset while listening to music. She has a fantastic voice. I don't think I've ever felt better than I was in that moment just sitting there listening to her sing thinking that she was into me. We drove to the park after that to see the stars. She was sending some clear signals for me to kiss her. I was nervous at first, but eventually we did. We made out for awhile. Then went to the car and made out some more. She seemed to really like it. Then I took her home, and made a comment about how long of a wait it was going to be after see leaves for school. She didn't talk the entire trip home after that. Very unlike her, she's usually pretty chatty and energetic.

It's been a few days now since I've heard from her. I even sent her a text and no response. I guess I'm just trying to figure out what went wrong. She's forgotten to text me before, but that was back when she was out of town and super busy. I'm wondering if I should send another text tomorrow.
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Salamando said:
Are you able to get yourself off when masturbating in private? It could be the case that you're "conditioned" to your touch, which means you should masturbate less or using alternate means (fleshlight, etc).

Flavored condoms might be worth looking into too.
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Yeah, but I don't masturbate a lot actually. It had been a week when we last erm... did things.

jdstorm said:
Wear a condom, find one that has a taste. It's the best of both worlds for you and her
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Yeah, tried it... Nothing.
 
JDHarbs said:
Cross-posting from the online thread to see if anyone can help me figure this out.
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Sounds like she is trying to cut ties with you because she is leaving. It's a shame dude but it happens.

People can do that. I've done it in the past where I've liked someone but the circumstances were just too hard to maintain a relationship. Long distance is a huge killer, and it looks like she might not be prepared for that.
 
Denzar said:
Yeah, but I don't masturbate a lot actually. It had been a week when we last erm... did things.

Yeah, tried it... Nothing.
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The next time you finish yourself off, pay attention to how/where you stimulate yourself, so that you can tell the girl. You also might try masturbating without porn, as in using your imagination.

I've heard a few drops of water-based lube inside a condom can heighten sensations and make it easier to finish.
 
Eh, at least for me, I'd rather not get a BJ than one with a condom on. It doesn't feel good at all to me and I don't think it can taste all that good to the person giving it either.

I do echo what you say about giving the woman specific instructions for the HJ aspect, most are pretty awful at that, at least compared to our own hands. Also maybe you could try having her finish you off on her T or A (sorry, I'm at work and don't want to trigger stuff on our keylogger) or have her talk dirty etc. Basically to me at this point, it sounds like it more like work for her and you and you have to make it more dirty/fun.
 
BJs with condoms are an abomination
If you can't finish "normally" then try different positions or I don't know, it can take some time
Maybe find something stimulating to do at the same time
 
Denzar said:
Yeah, tried it... Nothing.
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reading your last reply it's clearly just a mental thing. You are probably just tense and nervous so just try and relax. Get creative and play around, work with her to see what really turns the both of you on. Communicate heaps and you will work it out.

If everything else fails
have her hold your member, then gently place your hand over the top of hers and rub one out
 
Salamando said:
The next time you finish yourself off, pay attention to how/where you stimulate yourself, so that you can tell the girl. You also might try masturbating without porn, as in using your imagination.

I've heard a few drops of water-based lube inside a condom can heighten sensations and make it easier to finish.
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I whack off without porn. It takes longer but it works.

I'll check out what I do. Might help, thanks!

jdstorm said:
reading your last reply it's clearly just a mental thing. You are probably just tense and nervous so just try and relax. Get creative and play around, work with her to see what really turns the both of you on. Communicate heaps and you will work it out.

If everything else fails
have her hold your member, then gently place your hand over the top of hers and rub one out
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I've had this since I started having sex. I'm as comfortable as can be and still nothing. It's not like I never came during sex, but it rarely happens. It just takes loads of time. By the time I nearly get there, either me or the girl are exhausted/sore. Even worse though, some girls just shut down because they think they are "not good enough".


I'll talk to me therapist about this. Man, that's going to be awkward...

FrenchPineapple said:
BJs with condoms are an abomination
If you can't finish "normally" then try different positions or I don't know, it can take some time
Maybe find something stimulating to do at the same time
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I could watch some Making a Murderer while getting laid.

I'm not ramming a finger/her finger up my bunghole to force a prostate ejaculation
 
I'll talk to me therapist about this. Man, that's going to be awkward...
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Why? That's part of what you're paying them for. If you're uncomfortable talking with a therapist about that, then to be blunt you obviously have a lot of hangups about sex and whatever advice you get here isn't gonna really help you bust a nut.
 
gwailo said:
Why? That's part of what you're paying them for. If you're uncomfortable talking with a therapist about that, then to be blunt you obviously have a lot of hangups about sex and whatever advice you get here isn't gonna really help you bust a nut.
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Erm, dude. Those things are never easy to talk about. She is an almost complete stranger. I've talked about plenty of sexual stuff with her before, and it has been uncomfortable. That fades though, and that is bound to happen again here.

I have no qualms talking about those things with people I know.
 
Denzar said:
I've had this since I started having sex. I'm as comfortable as can be and still nothing. It's not like I never came during sex, but it rarely happens. It just takes loads of time. By the time I nearly get there, either me or the girl are exhausted/sore. Even worse though, some girls just shut down because they think they are "not good enough".
]
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Remember that foreplay is important. If it takes you 10 minutes before you are ready to go, take that time and do other things. Kiss, talk dirty, play with her body one part at a time. Run your hands all the way from the top of her head to the sole of her feet. Take whatever time you need to get yourself warmed up.

Women typically take longer then guys to get warmed up and they will appreciate the extra time if you take it slow.
 
jdstorm said:
Remember that foreplay is important. If it takes you 10 minutes before you are ready to go, take that time and do other things. Kiss, talk dirty, play with her body one part at a time. Run your hands all the way from the top of her head to the sole of her feet. Take whatever time you need to get yourself warmed up.

Women typically take longer then guys to get warmed up and they will appreciate the extra time if you take it slow.
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I appreciate the tips, but man, way ahead of you.
 
Lunch went well. We had a long talk about everything and we decided it would be best if we were friends. There were a few issues that I don't want to go into, but she said she's happy she met me and doesn't want to lose me from her life (this is her being polite possibly? I don't know), that while we connect on some levels, we don't connect on a level that's really important to her.

I thought I'd feel more upset about it, maybe it still hasn't sunk in yet? I am glad things ended well and we're going to try and be friends. I do still have feelings for her and she said the same so we both decided that some apart would be best moving forward.

I enjoyed my time with her, she showed me that I could be loved and did have something to offer people, I'll always be thankful to her for that. She also helped me to confront my body image issues but some issues still need work. I know they do and I'm going to work hard on getting past them.

Maybe it's too early but I logged into okcupid on the way home and sent out a few replies to messages I'd received. Some were from last month so I doubt I'll get a reply, but it was a nice boost to log in and see some likes and messages waiting for me.
 
jdstorm said:
Find a cool out of town event that requires an overnight stopover and ask if she wants to go with you. That way it's not a "Sex Date" but it can be if she wants it to be
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This is a great idea. Makes me wish I didn't live in such a culturally dead region.

Flux said:
Just with the hotel idea, make sure she clearly knows what's up and your not just going to lunch or something. Or you know, the implication.
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Yup, if I go this route I'll make sure there's no ambiguity in what I'm saying.

At this stage I don't even know what she wants, to be honest. She's been very accepting of stuff, but so far I've been the initiator in almost everything (most of the dates, all of the physical stuff). I don't really know what that implies about her feelings for me, if anything.

Jokab said:
You can do better in framing it. More like "hey we should watch this oldish movie/see this show/cook together/other activity that must obviously be done at home. I'd rather not be at my place though since I live with my parents (insert reasons why that is inconvenient if you feel the need to), maybe we can do it at yours?" Then she can just decide if she wants to do it that way. Suggesting to do something at home on the sixth date is far from pushy.
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I think I'll give this a shot for next weekend. We touched briefly on the "privacy at home" stuff the other day and she mentioned that she does have some on weekends, so I might pitch it early in the week and see what she thinks. Plenty of time for her to think it over if she needs to, and some leeway for making sure her sister isn't around if necessary.
 
PaulloDEC said:
This is a great idea. Makes me wish I didn't live in such a culturally dead region.
.
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Caloundra music festival is on the October long weekend. Take a day trip to Byron Bay. Assuming you live in the southeast there is lots to do.

http://www.queensland.com/en-AU/Eve...DE46HA6eo_6VdREUmyUGBw2zWIM3XWdovERoCvkPw_wcB

Edit. Noosa Jazz festival starts on the 26th it's perfect if you are in Brisbane it's a 2 hour drive. So it's close ish but with an 11 o'clock finish that's late enough that you will want to overnight

http://www.queensland.com/en-AU/event/noosa-jazz-party
 
jdstorm said:
Caloundra music festival is on the October long weekend. Take a day trip to Byron Bay. Assuming you live in the southeast there is lots to do.

http://www.queensland.com/en-AU/Eve...DE46HA6eo_6VdREUmyUGBw2zWIM3XWdovERoCvkPw_wcB

Edit. Noosa Jazz festival starts on the 26th it's perfect if you are in Brisbane it's a 2 hour drive. So it's close ish but with an 11 o'clock finish that's late enough that you will want to overnight

http://www.queensland.com/en-AU/event/noosa-jazz-party
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Central Queensland unfortunately, so most worthwhile stuff is likely to be more like a 7 hour drive. I think it'd have to be a very alluring event to justify a drive that long so early in the 'relationship'.

This is all good food for thought though, so thanks for the ideas!
 
jdstorm said:
When you talked about her leaving for school she realised that it was over and now she's ghosting you.
If she replies great. But don't expect anything
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Booser said:
Sounds like she is trying to cut ties with you because she is leaving. It's a shame dude but it happens.

People can do that. I've done it in the past where I've liked someone but the circumstances were just too hard to maintain a relationship. Long distance is a huge killer, and it looks like she might not be prepared for that.
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hydrophilic attack said:
She probably realizes that a long-term relationship won't work. Also, she likely wanted you to make a move to have sex with her that night. Did you?
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She texted me today. She says she was just busy which is probably true considering her situation, but I wonder if she just needed some time to think about things after how I ended the last date. Also, I've been hesitant about pursuing this myself which led me to hold back a lot so this could also be her way of sending me a message that I need to make up my mind and make a move very soon.

No way to know for sure, but we're going out again tomorrow. It might be the last one before she leaves so I feel like I don't have a choice now. I've gotta be direct and make a move or risk losing her. Nervous as hell right now.
 
I received a reply to one of the messages I replied to yesterday and she asked why I didn't say sorry for not replying sooner. I haven't replied and she's since visited my page twice. I'm considering blocking her because that's not really an acceptable reply, but what does everyone else think?

It's not fair to have an expectation of an apology because I didn't reply in the time frame she considers acceptable. She also has a really long list of wants/do not wants in her profile which are putting me off too. She's really pretty and while some of her profile is laced with sarcasm and some jokes that appeal to my sense of humour, she appears to have very high expectations that I doubt I'll ever be able to reach.

I don't know if I want to jump into something so stressful and demanding so soon.
 
Clay Davis said:
I received a reply to one of the messages I replied to yesterday and she asked why I didn't say sorry for not replying sooner. I haven't replied and she's since visited my page twice. I'm considering blocking her because that's not really an acceptable reply, but what does everyone else think?

It's not fair to have an expectation of an apology because I didn't reply in the time frame she considers acceptable. She also has a really long list of wants/do not wants in her profile which are putting me off too. She's really pretty and while some of her profile is laced with sarcasm and some jokes that appeal to my sense of humour, she appears to have very high expectations that I doubt I'll ever be able to reach.

I don't know if I want to jump into something so stressful and demanding so soon.
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Unless she's joking (which doesn't seem clear that she is), it's a very needy reply. Would not even attempt.
 
Jokab said:
Unless she's joking (which doesn't seem clear that she is), it's a very needy reply. Would not even attempt.
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There was no haha or lol at the end. I think she's serious and if she isn't, she's already made me less interested in replying. Maybe I'm being too serious about it and should play along to see what happens next?

The laundry list of wants/do no wants is really off putting. She doesn't think having coffee is a good first date, she wants to be wowed.
 
Llyranor said:
Yeah,it's perfectly reasonable to bail after such a response.
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That's what I think I'll do. She's older than me, which isn't a problem with some of my social circle being older than I am, but it feels as though she's reached a point where her expectations might not be achievable or wholly realistic?

That feels very judgemental of me of to say, but that's how her profile and her reply is coming across to me.

Thank you again, dating gaf.
 
I didn't reply but she sent me one more message saying I was being rude by ignoring her?

This is so weird to me, I don't know if she's messing around or what's going on because by her pictures she must be getting a lot of attention and messages.

If she's messing with me, why would she?
 
Lakitu said:
I'm going on a first time date with a vegan. I'm not sure how to take it, it's alright if I eat meat in front of her right?
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Depends on the vegan. Most I've dated were okay with it.

I say eat meat. If it causes real problems, then the relationship wouldn't work out anyway, unless you became vegan. And you won't become vegan...meat is too delicious.
 
Zaraki_Kenpachi said:
Bleh, why are museums so expensive? Such a good date place but not when it's $25 per person.
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I always get flabbergasted that museums cost *anything* then I remember that I grew up in DC and the free museums there aren't the norm :< They really should be though D:< (I can understand why they're not, need money to keep operating etc)

Lakitu said:
I'm going on a first time date with a vegan. I'm not sure how to take it, it's alright if I eat meat in front of her right?
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Ask her. If not, it wouldn't work out anyway. I think most vegans are okay with others eating meat though.
 
Lakitu said:
I'm going on a first time date with a vegan. I'm not sure how to take it, it's alright if I eat meat in front of her right?
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Be upfront and ask if it's okay. Even if she's cool with it, I'd still go easy and get like a chicken caesar salad or something without too much meat in it.
 
Clay Davis said:
I didn't reply but she sent me one more message saying I was being rude by ignoring her?

This is so weird to me, I don't know if she's messing around or what's going on because by her pictures she must be getting a lot of attention and messages.

If she's messing with me, why would she?
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Just stop replying to her. People who demand to be "wowed" by an online date are just fishing for attention and self-worth. Stop talking to her and find someone with a more wholesome mentality.
 
I really, really don't get Online Dating, GAF.

I mean I probably shouldn't be doing it anyways (I just finished HS and I'm starting Uni), but I had to delete my profile after not even a month because most of the dudes I was meeting on there were creeping me out. Either they'd be a little too enthused by me being a woman who was into Nerdy stuff ( Those goshdarned "I'VE NEVER MET A GIRL WHO DID X" messages annoyed me), or they tried to go waay too fast (This one guy actually told me that I was the reason why he was alive after like, three days. This other guy told me that he loved me in a serious manner just because I played the same video game as him?), to trying to pressure me into losing my virginity, to being FAR too old for me (If you're 24 why the heck are you trying to get with an 18 year old) or being FAR too pushy. I've never dated in person before either (I've just been busy and not- attracted to any of the guys I know/knew), so I'm asking here because I"m not sure if all of this creepiness is normal. Either way I'm thinking of just staying offline until I get to University.
 
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