Alright guys. So here is the whole story as best I remember. I rose out to Sebastopol with my dude. I hadn't eaten anything but some coffee and sparkling water. I drink a death and taxes, and eat a giant burger and garlic fries. I wash all that down with a pilsner. We take off and head to the toad in the hole for their special keg tapping of Lagunitas Waldo special. I have four 8oz mason jars of them. At this point my buddy has to go take care of his family. So I cruise out solo.
This is where suit gets whack. I go to this bar named the sweet spot alone. I get a Waldo's special there but it's a 16ozer. This beer is 9.2% so I get wasted. My bank record says I took 40 bucks out of an ATM as well. So I buddy up with some guys. Everything is going well, they're ever so slightly younger but nice dudes. So I buy them some beers. I black out at this point. I think what happened though is I was being too flirty with the waitress.. The waitress who happened to be dating one of the guys in my new found group.
So snap to me outside with three guys up in my face telling me I need to leave. They're threatening violence. So I take their advice and take off... But I eat fucking shit on my bike right in front of Russian river brewing with like 50 people watching. So I ride to city hall and chill out in the parking lot, I call the lady for help and try to collect myself.
BUT then some OTHER guys try to steal my bike!!! He even got on it and tried to ride it, but the fucking idiot didnt know how to ride fixed so he laid it down in the sidewalk about 20 feet away. So I start yelling and they push me down and I start saying I'm gonna call the cops and they take off.
Ok, so I then ride to the local high school to meet my acorn. It's dark now so I just lay out in the field waiting for her to escort me home to bed. But some teenagers start standing over me and asking me all these questions. At this point I'm super incoherent and I guess they called the cops! So acorn gets there like 40 seconds before the cops roll up. Which was fucking lucky because she did all the talking. The cops check me out and make sure I'm not about to die and I can hear them kinda laughing at me. I guess she was making jokes about my condition as well. So good handling all around. Well, the cops say they can't just leave me so she has to call my dad to pick me up. So he comes and thinks its kinda funny. He gave me some good advice but was very understanding and easy going.
Then I wake up this morning with blood all over my sheets and cakes in my beard.
So I shaved:
Then went and got stitches:
And now I'm chillin in the coldest fashion.
Dudes, I got drunk last night.