drunk thread: anonymous alcoholics

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I keep telling my gf that my farts smell like those ultra cheap potato chips from the early 90's that came in cardboard boxes with a plastic lining (like cereal). She doesn't know what I"m talking about, so then I have to compare it to if Ruffles made a Beef Au Jus flavor. She wanted to cuddle but I just wanted to listen to Chalmers Johnson audiotapes and smell my farts (which started making me hungry). I ate a bunch of leftover ham so at first they smelled like that. Then the smell moved to more of a philly cheesesteak with mushrooms type smell, then it started floating towards a French Dip kind of aroma. I think the farts knocked her unconscious cause i can't seem to wake her up now.
 
Timedog said:
I keep telling my gf that my farts smell like those ultra cheap potato chips from the early 90's that came in cardboard boxes with a plastic lining (like cereal). She doesn't know what I"m talking about, so then I have to compare it to if Ruffles made a Beef Au Jus flavor. She wanted to cuddle but I just wanted to listen to Chalmers Johnson audiotapes and smell my farts (which started making me hungry). I ate a bunch of leftover ham so at first they smelled like that. Then the smell moved to more of a philly cheesesteak with mushrooms type smell, then it started floating towards a French Dip kind of aroma. I think the farts knocked her unconscious cause i can't seem to wake her up now.
Click to expand...

I'm gonna frame this post and keep it on my bedroom wall, so I can see it whenever I wake up.
 
You know when you've been farting and you go wipe your ass, not cause you felt anything come out, but because the farts just smell way too bad to not be sharts? I have fucking excellent sphincter control though, I've never actually sharted before, although I've double checked many times. I just have a very intuitive sense about how bodies and assholes function and react.
 
There have been instances where my cheeks are so soft when I walk that I had to check to make sure, as well.

Felt like there was some residual substance from a mis-fire, but alas, it was only my soft, clean skin.
 
What do you do if you shart in public? Like run to a bathroom and throw your undies away? I'm really worried about this since almost all of my friends have claimed that they have accidentally sharted before. The stress from thinking about it makes my life a living hell.
 
i've never sharted. the girl im seeing is genuinely offended by the smell of my farts though. she's always like oh my GOD. it smells like you SHIT YOUR PANTS. etc and i'm like no HONEY its just a fart calm down.
 
How long have you guys been going out?

I'm a little timid to rip one in front of anyone I haven't dated for more than a few years.

I also imagine they never poop. Once they use my bathroom, all bets are off and I let 'em fly.
 
DangerStepp said:
How long have you guys been going out?

I'm a little timid to rip one in front of anyone I haven't dated for more than a few years.

I also imagine they never poop. Once they use my bathroom, all bets are off and I let 'em fly.
Click to expand...

we hooked up for the first time probably like... eight months ago? i don't know how long we've been officially "dating" though.
 
Man, that shit sucks. Girls at least get to say it's a queef.
 
Oh I see. The great thing about having AIDs is that you no longer have to worry about gettings AIDs when you already have it. I have nothing to fear now, it's like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
 
Have you guys ever been in bed with a girl and moved your bare butt onto her leg and fart rippled her thigh skin?
 
GUYS, who wants to Skype me, because im totally up for it
or tiny pic... but i dont know what that is exactly...it could be amazing
 
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