teezzy
Banned
This winter, I will be 30 years old. Not until early Februrary, but my 30's are only a few months around the corner either way. A friend recently told me, "Y'know [TeezzyD], you hate everything about yourself that makes you unique." At first, I was taken aback by this. While not entirely true, there was enough truth to his statement that I still remember him saying that over a month or so later, and it makes me wonder. I've even run his assessment by a few others, and they agreed with what he had said.
This week, I've been fixing up my front room: finishing painting, peeling off wallpaper, the whole nine yards. This is also the room where I currently keep my CRT televisions (yes, plural) and my older consoles I never shut up about (PS2, Xbox, Xbox 360). In this room, I also had a couple storage bins full of DVDs I like to watch on my old TVs for old-times sake and decided to buy a proper shelf to store them on instead. I'm trying to make the house looks like a human being lives here, and not y'know... me. Appearance is important. Anywho, I set up the shelf last night and began to add my DVDs to it, and I soon realized that a lot of these movies aren't necessarily something I want on display. Obscure horror titles, borderline pornographic 'art films', etc. There's some good more mainstream fare there also, the Terminators, Aliens, Ben Stiller comedies, Goodfellas, etc; and that tends to be what I watch more anyhow, and I think I might ultimately use this shelf just to put my video games on, and move all this garbage into a spare bedroom. Why on Earth would I want the front room of my house to be some weirdo pervert nest of some dude who clearly never learned to let go of the 2000's? I have a den with a couch and a 46" 1080p screen hooked up to a 5.1 surround systeam and an Xbox One S for more 'normal viewing' anyhow.
This also coincides with a lot of personal changes I've made in my life recently: tossing out a reasonable amount of my clothing, no longer feeling comfortable in my formerly beloved death metal band tees and patched up denim jacket, etc; my desires to pay more attention to sports than I had prior, my newfound sobriety, my constant attention to diet and exercise, voting Republican for the first time ever, even my taste in women has evolved from alt-girls with fresh pedicures to Sunday morning church girls with fresh pedicures. As someone who so heavily grew up on a steady diet of counter-culture, it's weird to see just how much I sorta detest a lot of that stuff now. I can't tell if I want to 'fit in' more, or if I've run out of things to rebel against.
My current friend group are a bunch of pot head nerds. They're the guys who adopted me after I had to leave my much more hard partying 'punk' friends behind once they started really going down a path I couldn't abide by. That was one party in an abandoned Detroit warehouse too many for my tastes. For better or worse, these guys are what I have. They're not the type to sit around watching hockey or football with me, so 'hanging out' with them just seems odd. I feel like I need to look for another clique entirely. Either way, one of them was the dude who told me I hate everything about myself that makes me unique. He's also the guy who is always hammering down how there's no 'normal' for me to be aspiring to. He also has giant shelves of Gundam figurines in his apartment, and ewww. I don't think I'm actively 'aspiring to be normal', but it's feeling pretty natural. I want to change. I'm getting older. It's 2020 and I just bought a giant DVD shelf.
I'm kinda rambling now. I hope I've made some sense here. I need to go buy some yogurt and chicken breast. Ultimately, I'd love to be a family man one day. Wife and two kids and me living in this house. I feel like I'm too stupid to obtain that.
This week, I've been fixing up my front room: finishing painting, peeling off wallpaper, the whole nine yards. This is also the room where I currently keep my CRT televisions (yes, plural) and my older consoles I never shut up about (PS2, Xbox, Xbox 360). In this room, I also had a couple storage bins full of DVDs I like to watch on my old TVs for old-times sake and decided to buy a proper shelf to store them on instead. I'm trying to make the house looks like a human being lives here, and not y'know... me. Appearance is important. Anywho, I set up the shelf last night and began to add my DVDs to it, and I soon realized that a lot of these movies aren't necessarily something I want on display. Obscure horror titles, borderline pornographic 'art films', etc. There's some good more mainstream fare there also, the Terminators, Aliens, Ben Stiller comedies, Goodfellas, etc; and that tends to be what I watch more anyhow, and I think I might ultimately use this shelf just to put my video games on, and move all this garbage into a spare bedroom. Why on Earth would I want the front room of my house to be some weirdo pervert nest of some dude who clearly never learned to let go of the 2000's? I have a den with a couch and a 46" 1080p screen hooked up to a 5.1 surround systeam and an Xbox One S for more 'normal viewing' anyhow.
This also coincides with a lot of personal changes I've made in my life recently: tossing out a reasonable amount of my clothing, no longer feeling comfortable in my formerly beloved death metal band tees and patched up denim jacket, etc; my desires to pay more attention to sports than I had prior, my newfound sobriety, my constant attention to diet and exercise, voting Republican for the first time ever, even my taste in women has evolved from alt-girls with fresh pedicures to Sunday morning church girls with fresh pedicures. As someone who so heavily grew up on a steady diet of counter-culture, it's weird to see just how much I sorta detest a lot of that stuff now. I can't tell if I want to 'fit in' more, or if I've run out of things to rebel against.
My current friend group are a bunch of pot head nerds. They're the guys who adopted me after I had to leave my much more hard partying 'punk' friends behind once they started really going down a path I couldn't abide by. That was one party in an abandoned Detroit warehouse too many for my tastes. For better or worse, these guys are what I have. They're not the type to sit around watching hockey or football with me, so 'hanging out' with them just seems odd. I feel like I need to look for another clique entirely. Either way, one of them was the dude who told me I hate everything about myself that makes me unique. He's also the guy who is always hammering down how there's no 'normal' for me to be aspiring to. He also has giant shelves of Gundam figurines in his apartment, and ewww. I don't think I'm actively 'aspiring to be normal', but it's feeling pretty natural. I want to change. I'm getting older. It's 2020 and I just bought a giant DVD shelf.
I'm kinda rambling now. I hope I've made some sense here. I need to go buy some yogurt and chicken breast. Ultimately, I'd love to be a family man one day. Wife and two kids and me living in this house. I feel like I'm too stupid to obtain that.
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