God help me, I'm watching the worst indy deathmatch sleaze I've ever seen. High Impact Wrestling's 'Art of the Deathmatch', seriously the fucking worst. Here's a few highlights so far;
Fat dude gets darts thrown into him;
http://i.minus.com/iCIpnLKHU8MZ8.gif
Skinny dude gets suplexed on a running weed whacker;
http://i.minus.com/icl71huKQ3bwJ.gif
Portly Mexican dude 'hits' the WORST Canadian Destroyer you will ever fucking see;
http://i.minus.com/iQMtYnboDId5n.gif
The first match is Cris Anarchy vs Chaos vs Outrage vs VK Grimes in a 'Double Hell No-Rope Barbedwire & Weed Wacker Deathmatch', AKA a Juggalo vs Portly Mexican vs Skinny White Dude #1 vs Skinny White Dude #2. All these guys are worthless and the match is clearly over gimmicked. A minute in one of these dudes (whichever one is the portly Mexican) grabs a light-tube and gets the crowd clapping for him, only to stumble backwards and fall ass-backwards out of the ring, getting his leg caught up in the barbedwire in the process, lol. Oh shit, here come the weed whackers. Skinny White Dude puts another Skinny White Dude in the corner, places light-tubes against his face and then smashes them with the running weed whacker blade. Sounds better than it looked. Skinny White Dude then actually hits a wrestling move! Sit-down scoop slam on the jugallo, but he doesn't go for the cover, opting to instead carve his back up with some broken light-tube pieces. Skinny White Dude then goes for a springboard elbow drop off the barbedwire ropes and SOMEHOW DOESN'T DIE! That was half impressive. The Skinny White Dudes are now teaming up and hit the Portly Mexican with a double team suplex into yet more light-tubes. But the Skinny White Dude alliance doesn't last long, as SWD #1 clocks SWD #2 before suplexing him on a running weed whacker! The 50 or so people in the crowd are going mildly impressed! Portly Mexican interrupts the pin and then hits THE FUCKING WORST Canadian Destroyer you or I will ever see. It's so bad, the ref seems stunned and refuses to count the pin, lol. Skinny White Dudes are teaming again and produce wire cutters, cutting up the barbedwire to wrap around Juggalo and Portly Mexican, but again SWD #1 turns on SWD #2. Portly Mexican & Juggalo break free and Juggalo scores with...something off the apron on SWD #1, while Portly Mexican tries to hit his finisher on SWD #2. However, some security dude rushes the ring and does some awful-ass chokeslam/push on Portly Mexican, who goes crashing to the outside through some contraption of light-tubes and chairs. SWD #2 makes the count and this shit-fest is over. Fuck, that was so bad.
1 match in, I think I've had enough.