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[LegendOfKage]

I used to hang out in IRC for years. Had a few channel meetups, and yeah, I enjoyed talking to a couple of the other regulars in person, and 1-2 friendships developed for some time, but in the end it always felt awkward to make the transition from online to real life. After growing out of IRC, I've never had an online only friend. I'm not trying to talk anyone out of having online-only friends, it's just something I don't fell is missing in my life, and I'd never actively seek it out.

I wouldn't think it's missing from your life either. You're married. That can be enough for many people, but if you also have a real life friend or two on top of that, there's really no need for online friends on top of that. But if all you have experienced when it comes to meeting people online are forums and IRC, trust me when I say that being able to talk to people and hear their voice has opened up a completely different world in the past decade or so when it comes to getting to know people online.

 

[BlackTron]

Girls ignored you in their prime and now that they are all beat up and have 2 kids from different parents they want to be with you and you are pondering if you should give them a chance? Have some self respect bro.

I appreciate the third party viewpoints (why else share, I am checking myself after all) but it's not that simple and I wouldn't say ignored. The girl I am really pondering about didn't ignore me back then, I actually scored with her, but she was too fucking crazy, pissed me off, and I chased her out of my life.

There is another girl from that very same time I also scored with but turns out I was just a rebound. So when she hits me up now 15 yrs later after a breakup and kid in tow I'm like...MEH. You could say she ignored me after getting laid, but there's only one girl in the handful here it didn't get physical with at least once which isn't exactly "ignored you in their prime". I guess I was just really good at having my fun without getting billed with the child support, I used my brain and dick equally. And now that they've gotten all that out of their system, I don't feel as apprehensive about the whole thing being a giant game to take advantage of me. At the same time I would never let my guard down completely either lol.

 

[MGHA]

Enjoy being a step dad.

 

[NinjaBoiX]

What's a "carer"?

When you live at home with your parents to look after them when they’re too old or ill to take care of themselves.

 

[Fenix34]

Go in Ukraine.If you want something new.

 

[Slicker than your average]

Bro go Thailand . The girls are hot and looking for love. Avoid the ones selling tricks.

 

[NinjaBoiX]

Enjoy being a step dad.

This is one of my main hurdles with online dating, the kids factor.

I don’t want my own kids, I certainly don’t want to be looking after someone else’s offspring!

They need to be able to make their own sandwich at the very least…

 

[Peggies]

Go in Ukraine.If you want something new.

Bro go Thailand . The girls are hot and looking for love. Avoid the ones selling tricks.

 

[Raonak]

Humans have a distinct need to desire what they don't have. It's part of our greed.

When you were in a stable relationship you wanted to be free, and when you are free, you wanted a relationship.

Don't obsess over what you don't have, learn to be content because you know full well your life is actually pretty good.
It's not perfect but literally nothing is.
Take a step back and look at the bigger picture. Would you actually be more happy if you did have a relationship?
There are people out there with a good relationship that's poisoned by their inability to succeed in other parts of their life.


Channel that feeling of melancholy, learn to be happy with it and use as fuel for further growth.


Most of all, don't turn into an incel loser and blame all your problems on women. Realise that having a girl isn't something you're entitled to.

 

[Games of Today]

"I don't really see any possibility of making a girlfriend again".

Dude what is this from I need to watch!

 

[Patrick S.]

Dude what is this from I need to watch!

Weird Science. Cool 80's movie with Bill Paxton and the ULTRA hot Kelly Le Brock.

 

[Games of Today]

Weird Science. Cool 80's movie with Bill Paxton and the ULTRA hot Kelly Le Brock.

Ok yea I gotta watch. Seems like it's in the same vain as the film "My Science Project".

 

[Putonahappyface]

Ok yea I gotta watch. Seems like it's in the same vain as the film "My Science Project".

 

[Putonahappyface]

Go in Ukraine.If you want something new.

 

[SF Kosmo]

I think it's like anything, experience helps. You get better at dating the more you do it. Not every girl has to become your wife. Get on some apps, go on some dates, learn to enjoy the process of dating, of meeting new people, going out, having experiences. The rest will come in time.

I realize that working the apps takes some skill. But you don't have to be good looking, you just have to stand out with some good conversation. It's a learned skill.

 

[Beastclaw Raider]

She is 30 years old, but she can't live a good life like when she were able to walk. Sometimes I thought about being in a relationship with her, but she is so depressive and problematic.

She might be depressive and problematic because she feels lonely too, and cant see herself meeting someone, just like you're thinking right now. Why not go spend a few days with her since you're lonely? Go visit her a few times, spend some time, see where it goes. Both of you could benefit from this, as friends and maybe something else, who knows.

 

[Tams]

This thread gave me cancer.

 

[ZakSS]

I understand you. It's hard to be alone. But if you do, I advise you to focus on your life. Go in for sports, study, work, develop. And in time, you will find your soul mate. In any case, you can always find someone to talk to on a dating site like Tinder or The Lucky Date. We all want to meet new people sometimes, even if it doesn't promise anything serious.

 

[Cyberpunkd]

Sometimes I thought about being in a relationship with her, but she is so depressive and problematic.

Sorry to bust your self-pity bubble, but what you wrote doesn’t make you a great bf material either, so maybe step back and stop judging people.
You want to change it - you will. Or it’s not a priority. That’s fine, millions of people lie to themselves every day.

As to how to change - your post is full of lack of confidence and self pity, so start there. Hit the gym, pick up any sport, it’s good for you.

As for not being handsome - I’m sure if you changed q haircut and ditched some of your teenager clothes more women would take interest in you.

Also move out, your parents didn’t sign up to have a man child at home. They raised you, job is done.

 

[Dice]

Everyone in some ways is getting what they want.
Everyone in some ways is not getting what they want.
Because we can dream.

Look at everything that has made you feel happy and fulfilled. Every life has some things like that. Now ask yourself which of it was something you dreamed and made happen and which of it was a surprise? I bet a lot of it was surprise and especially any of it involving people. Yet here you are, talking like this, so it apparently wasn't enough, yeah? Is it because you dreamed up more for those things than they had to give? What does this tell you about the usefulness of dreaming? I bet many of those good things also ended up facing difficulty as they touched the rest of your life. Such is the nature of anything, there are blessings and burdens in all things.

You can't be looking at what is past as something lost. Everything has its and context and then it is done. Even if you find the love of your life and get married, the nature of that commitment is going to turn into 50 different things over the course of your life. So getting attached to one idea of something that will be "what you need" is a folly. You will need many different things throughout your life and they will come in many different forms from many sources, many of which you have no way of predicting.

As for "missed" things, when something that was there isn't there anymore, either by leaving or by changing, look to how you were before you found that thing. You'll see yourself fresher, optimistic, explorative, inquisitive, experimental, active. Those are the things that found you something good that you cherished. If you aren't needed by anyone or anything in particular, that means you are free to return to that mode which discovers what gifts life has waiting. But they are out there waiting; you have to go involve yourself in the world to encounter them.

Take a step back and look at this world of 8 billion people. They are all just trying to survive, trying to connect, trying to find some enjoyment, trying to make a good offering. The spectrum of ability is very wide. What makes you better or worse than than any of them? We are all simple creatures that come and go and are eventually forgotten and even in great simplicity a life lived with attention is something made beautiful by the one subjectively receiving it. Getting caught up in dreams of what "could" or "ought" to be is a distraction from engaging and delighting in what is available to you.

So here is my main advice, which comes from much experience and education in psychology and neuroscience: You can't just think your way out of a mental problem. If the mind is the thing hurt/sick/weak then your mind is the thing that needs to rest and it is probably the way it is because it is overworked due to a lack of action in living. If life is fine but you are taking it as a problem to solve it's because you are not embracing how fine it is by living it. You can't direct a car that isn't rolling.

 

[L*][*N*K]

I am 37 and after my last disaster of a relationship I gave up on the concept all together, I get laid a lot without much of an effort (thanks to the internet), and they feel like nothing by the way which gets me to believe that I will soon quit this as well, So yeah 2023 is pretty depressing if you want a relationship.

 

[Kenpachii]

Met a girl this year, bit of a hermit but absolute lovely personerality, also doesn't sit on social media and dating is something she never really wanted to do. It's that a friend of mine knew her or else she would have gone under the radar for forever. Met up and everything works great.

 

[Cyberpunkd]

also doesn't sit on social media

 

[AJUMP23]

Met a girl this year, bit of a hermit but absolute lovely personerality, also doesn't sit on social media and dating is something she never really wanted to do. It's that a friend of mine knew her or else she would have gone under the radar for forever. Met up and everything works great.

Post her picture.

 

[Kenpachii]

Post her picture.

Our first date

 

[AJUMP23]

Put a ring on it.

 

[Kenpachii]

Put a ring on it.

Not going to lie, probably will happen somewhere next year.

 

[.hacked]

Going through a divorce myself right now. Went to therapy, started working out again and lost 70lbs so far. Already had one date with a nice woman 15 years younger than me. Shit gets better, but only when you put the effort in to make it better.

 

[JimmyRustler]

Met a girl this year, bit of a hermit but absolute lovely personerality, also doesn't sit on social media and dating is something she never really wanted to do. It's that a friend of mine knew her or else she would have gone under the radar for forever. Met up and everything works great.

Sheit man, seems like you won the lottery. Grats.

 

[MikeM]

Everyone in some ways is getting what they want.
Everyone in some ways is not getting what they want.
Because we can dream.

Look at everything that has made you feel happy and fulfilled. Every life has some things like that. Now ask yourself which of it was something you dreamed and made happen and which of it was a surprise? I bet a lot of it was surprise and especially any of it involving people. Yet here you are, talking like this, so it apparently wasn't enough, yeah? Is it because you dreamed up more for those things than they had to give? What does this tell you about the usefulness of dreaming? I bet many of those good things also ended up facing difficulty as they touched the rest of your life. Such is the nature of anything, there are blessings and burdens in all things.

You can't be looking at what is past as something lost. Everything has its and context and then it is done. Even if you find the love of your life and get married, the nature of that commitment is going to turn into 50 different things over the course of your life. So getting attached to one idea of something that will be "what you need" is a folly. You will need many different things throughout your life and they will come in many different forms from many sources, many of which you have no way of predicting.

As for "missed" things, when something that was there isn't there anymore, either by leaving or by changing, look to how you were before you found that thing. You'll see yourself fresher, optimistic, explorative, inquisitive, experimental, active. Those are the things that found you something good that you cherished. If you aren't needed by anyone or anything in particular, that means you are free to return to that mode which discovers what gifts life has waiting. But they are out there waiting; you have to go involve yourself in the world to encounter them.

Take a step back and look at this world of 8 billion people. They are all just trying to survive, trying to connect, trying to find some enjoyment, trying to make a good offering. The spectrum of ability is very wide. What makes you better or worse than than any of them? We are all simple creatures that come and go and are eventually forgotten and even in great simplicity a life lived with attention is something made beautiful by the one subjectively receiving it. Getting caught up in dreams of what "could" or "ought" to be is a distraction from engaging and delighting in what is available to you.

So here is my main advice, which comes from much experience and education in psychology and neuroscience: You can't just think your way out of a mental problem. If the mind is the thing hurt/sick/weak then your mind is the thing that needs to rest and it is probably the way it is because it is overworked due to a lack of action in living. If life is fine but you are taking it as a problem to solve it's because you are not embracing how fine it is by living it. You can't direct a car that isn't rolling.

Your first paragraph i can relate to as someone in a 16 year relationship and two young kids.

 

[Northeastmonk]

Find a fun girl. Have fun while you’re still able to.