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Japan GAF |OT| I'm not planning a trip; I live here!

Z

ZeroD

Member
So uh, I don’t know if this is the place to do it but I can’t make threads and I do live here in Japan so...

Found out last night my wife’s been talking to other men. We are talking Japan Cupid here with full on plans to meet and do the deed. I only found out because I reached for her phone for her and saw an email of some dude saying thanks to agreeing to meet up. She was talking to around ten guys. She straight up lies when I asked what it was about until I pushed for answers.

I honestly have no idea what to feel right now nor what to do. I would have never have expected this is my wildest dreams. She said she has yet to meet anyone, she’s super sorry etc. But I’ve been having signs of an std too which means she might have already done the dirty.

Sorry if this isn’t the place for this, but I literally have no one else to talk to right now and considering today’s a public holiday it’s just a day full of being able to think too much.
 
U

urfe

Member
ZeroD said:
So uh, I don’t know if this is the place to do it but I can’t make threads and I do live here in Japan so...

Found out last night my wife’s been talking to other men. We are talking Japan Cupid here with full on plans to meet and do the deed. I only found out because I reached for her phone for her and saw an email of some dude saying thanks to agreeing to meet up. She was talking to around ten guys. She straight up lies when I asked what it was about until I pushed for answers.

I honestly have no idea what to feel right now nor what to do. I would have never have expected this is my wildest dreams. She said she has yet to meet anyone, she’s super sorry etc. But I’ve been having signs of an std too which means she might have already done the dirty.

Sorry if this isn’t the place for this, but I literally have no one else to talk to right now and considering today’s a public holiday it’s just a day full of being able to think too much.
Click to expand...

Sorry to hear that. I hope that you are able to get some space and sort through how you’re feeling/how you want to proceed. I’m working today, but DM if you want.
 
I

Izuna

Banned
ZeroD said:
So uh, I don't know if this is the place to do it but I can't make threads and I do live here in Japan so...

Found out last night my wife's been talking to other men. We are talking Japan Cupid here with full on plans to meet and do the deed. I only found out because I reached for her phone for her and saw an email of some dude saying thanks to agreeing to meet up. She was talking to around ten guys. She straight up lies when I asked what it was about until I pushed for answers.

I honestly have no idea what to feel right now nor what to do. I would have never have expected this is my wildest dreams. She said she has yet to meet anyone, she's super sorry etc. But I've been having signs of an std too which means she might have already done the dirty.

Sorry if this isn't the place for this, but I literally have no one else to talk to right now and considering today's a public holiday it's just a day full of being able to think too much.
Click to expand...

I'm sad to say I've kinda been there. Send a PM if you want to talk.

This may sound like terrible advice but the last thing you should do is invent excuses for her. You are hurt by this and the consequences fall onto your feelings.

I think the typical advice would be to talk and communicate and see where you fall but I'm going to assume that's not all that possible if she isn't one to express her feelings. It's also possible that this is the main reason why you didn't see it coming.

With all the millions of things that this means, if there is reconciliation, it can't come 100% from you... even if you know how important that marriage is.
 
S

Sammy Samusu

Member
ZeroD said:
So uh, I don’t know if this is the place to do it but I can’t make threads and I do live here in Japan so...

Found out last night my wife’s been talking to other men. We are talking Japan Cupid here with full on plans to meet and do the deed. I only found out because I reached for her phone for her and saw an email of some dude saying thanks to agreeing to meet up. She was talking to around ten guys. She straight up lies when I asked what it was about until I pushed for answers.

I honestly have no idea what to feel right now nor what to do. I would have never have expected this is my wildest dreams. She said she has yet to meet anyone, she’s super sorry etc. But I’ve been having signs of an std too which means she might have already done the dirty.

Sorry if this isn’t the place for this, but I literally have no one else to talk to right now and considering today’s a public holiday it’s just a day full of being able to think too much.
Click to expand...
Sorry that I can't help you, but KNOW that things will get better. Shit like this happens all the time sadly, you are not alone and you will get through this. :)
 
Aizo

Aizo

Banned
ZeroD said:
So uh, I don’t know if this is the place to do it but I can’t make threads and I do live here in Japan so...
Click to expand...
Sometimes members make threads for Juniors who can’t. Do you want someone to make a thread for you?

That is seriously fucked up. Is your wife Japanese? Do you two typically 100% understand one another’s feelings?
Do you have a kid?
 
D

dani_dc

Member
ZeroD said:
So uh, I don't know if this is the place to do it but I can't make threads and I do live here in Japan so...

Found out last night my wife's been talking to other men. We are talking Japan Cupid here with full on plans to meet and do the deed. I only found out because I reached for her phone for her and saw an email of some dude saying thanks to agreeing to meet up. She was talking to around ten guys. She straight up lies when I asked what it was about until I pushed for answers.

I honestly have no idea what to feel right now nor what to do. I would have never have expected this is my wildest dreams. She said she has yet to meet anyone, she's super sorry etc. But I've been having signs of an std too which means she might have already done the dirty.

Sorry if this isn't the place for this, but I literally have no one else to talk to right now and considering today's a public holiday it's just a day full of being able to think too much.
Click to expand...

I'm very sorry to hear this.
Get yourself tested for STD and, unless you have kids, I would advise to plan your way out of the relationship.

Considering not only that she did it, but that she also lied to your face, I would say there's no true way to recover fully recover trust from this kind of situation, even if there was I don't think it's worth to put your future in risk for someone that would do this to you.
 
Z

ZeroD

Member
Thanks everyone. I wouldn’t mind a thread being made but at the same time I don’t want to be all woe is me about this. I just feel incredibly alone at the moment. A lot of my life is with her now. She’s Japanese and I thought we were incredibly open with each other.

No kids, were planning to have some. It just came out of the blue. She’s told me she’s sorry and she doesn’t know why she did it. She doesn’t want to split apparently.

I still can’t believe how I found out, by literally picking up her phone and passing it to her. She must not have planned it very well.
 
I

Izuna

Banned
I have to say this, if there are no children you have the luxury of deciding what you want to do.

You're never going to get to the bottom of why she did it. It isn't the right question to ask, it's "how did it make you feel?"

I wish you all the best.

Please remember to never make excuses for her.
 
L

LonelyGreyWolf

Banned
???

This is a no brainer. No way you can stay together. You can try separating for a month or so and see if she begs for you to take her back. Let her prove herself. If you don't separate, there's no way you can build trust, no way you can build a solid relationship, no way you can be sure it won't happen again.
 
I

Izuna

Banned
LonelyGreyWolf said:
???

This is a no brainer. No way you can stay together. You can try separating for a month or so and see if she begs for you to take her back. Let her prove herself. If you don't separate, there's no way you can build trust, no way you can build a solid relationship, no way you can be sure it won't happen again.
Click to expand...

Slightly bad advice. Don't separate with the intention of changing her mind. The only one you can control is yourself.
 
L

LonelyGreyWolf

Banned
Izuna said:
Slightly bad advice. Don't separate with the intention of changing her mind. The only one you can control is yourself.
Click to expand...

True, what I moreso meant to say was that while you should see the separation as permanent, there is a slight chance that you could come back together; I don't think you must shut her out completely just yet. Couples try separating, sometimes they come back, sometimes they don't.
 
I

Izuna

Banned
So to change the subject slightly, how many are good for the Izakaya (and maybe late night Karaoke) meetup on the Thursday 2nd November?

Depending on the number of people etc. Bae can invite some of her friends if we're going there to drink.
 
Z

ZeroD

Member
Yea sorry to hijack the thread there everyone. Thanks for all the advice. I’m just gonna have to take sometime and see what’s going to happen and what choices to make. I love this country a lot, otherwise I wouldn’t live here. Just that i found that I didn’t have anyone to really turn to when this happened. Perhaps I need to take a closer look at myself too.

Thanks again all hopefully next time I post here it will be on a much more happy topic!
 
U

UristMcDwarf

Member
ZeroD said:
Yea sorry to hijack the thread there everyone. Thanks for all the advice. I’m just gonna have to take sometime and see what’s going to happen and what choices to make. I love this country a lot, otherwise I wouldn’t live here. Just that i found that I didn’t have anyone to really turn to when this happened. Perhaps I need to take a closer look at myself too.

Thanks again all hopefully next time I post here it will be on a much more happy topic!
Click to expand...

I wish you the best of luck, if you ever need someone to chat with just shoot me a pm!

Izuna said:
So to change the subject slightly, how many are good for the Izakaya (and maybe late night Karaoke) meetup on the Thursday 2nd November?

Depending on the number of people etc. Bae can invite some of her friends if we're going there to drink.
Click to expand...

I am good to go, my wife would like to come if that is ok with everyone?

On another note, I was out getting a bite to eat and some drinks a couple nights ago and the master of the place offered me a job. It is just a part time helper, washing dishes and cleaning. He wants me to try taking orders and serving customers but I am worried my Japanese isn't at that level. The practice/interview is tomorrow at 3 pm, do you think I am in over my head?
 
Porcile

Porcile

Member
UristMcDwarf said:
On another note, I was out getting a bite to eat and some drinks a couple nights ago and the master of the place offered me a job. It is just a part time helper, washing dishes and cleaning. He wants me to try taking orders and serving customers but I am worried my Japanese isn't at that level. The practice/interview is tomorrow at 3 pm, do you think I am in over my head?
Click to expand...

Lol you'll be fine.
 
V

Valkerionseven

Member
UristMcDwarf said:
On another note, I was out getting a bite to eat and some drinks a couple nights ago and the master of the place offered me a job. It is just a part time helper, washing dishes and cleaning. He wants me to try taking orders and serving customers but I am worried my Japanese isn't at that level. The practice/interview is tomorrow at 3 pm, do you think I am in over my head?
Click to expand...

If he offered its probably ok and hes willing to train/show you the ropes.
 
D

dofry

That's "Dr." dofry to you.
UristMcDwarf said:
I wish you the best of luck, if you ever need someone to chat with just shoot me a pm!



I am good to go, my wife would like to come if that is ok with everyone?

On another note, I was out getting a bite to eat and some drinks a couple nights ago and the master of the place offered me a job. It is just a part time helper, washing dishes and cleaning. He wants me to try taking orders and serving customers but I am worried my Japanese isn't at that level. The practice/interview is tomorrow at 3 pm, do you think I am in over my head?
Click to expand...

You’ll definitely be fine. Simple job and the orders are easy to learn. I used to do it for a couple of months at my friends restaurant part-time when I was out of work and money. Was nice and the customers are super friendly towards foreigners behind the counter.

I can join too for Nov. 2nd. Let me put it in my calendar.
 
S

Sammy Samusu

Member
Cultural question time:

Is it ok to go to casual restaurants in tank top? Because I did that and people were looking at me all the time. And no I don't look gross.

It was really hot today, but I didn't see anybody wearing a tank top at the restaurant. I felt like I was naked, for real.

I'm not criticizing, just trying to understand if I was being offensive, that way I won't do it again.
 
V

Valkerionseven

Member
Sammy Samusu said:
Cultural question time:

Is it ok to go to casual restaurants in tank top? Because I did that and people were looking at me all the time. And no I don't look gross.

It was really hot today, but I didn't see anybody wearing a tank top at the restaurant. I felt like I was naked, for real.

I'm not criticizing, just trying to understand if I was being offensive, that way I won't do it again.
Click to expand...

its fine.

maybe you were just lookin that good
 
F

Fisico

Member
Went to a Coco Ichibanya for the first time, I wanted to for months but somehow didn't do it until now.
Took the Manzai seafood curry, it was really one or two steps ahead of Go go curry quality wise, slightly more expensive but completely worth it.

Sammy Samusu said:
It was really hot today, but I didn't see anybody wearing a tank top at the restaurant. I felt like I was naked, for real.
Click to expand...

Lol, wait for next summer and see what it really means when it's REALLY hot here.
 
DCharlie

DCharlie

And even i am moderately surprised
If I remember correctly there's a decent bakery at Yotsuya Station? Called Paul's or something?
Click to expand...

yup - come out of the JR Station - turn left towards shinjuku and there is a Paul's in the Atre :D

my company just moved from Yotsuya (which i really -really- liked as a place to work) to Akasaka Mitsuke which is -very- nice one side and super seedy the other.

All irrelevant as i have resigned lol - and that has nothing to do with bakery shit.
 
U

UristMcDwarf

Member
Thanks for the support folks :)
I feel a lot more comfortable about it now, orders can't be that hard haha

Just finished my interview with the ALT company, now I have to get changed and get my resumé together for the izakaya interview :O
 
D

dofry

That's "Dr." dofry to you.
Izuna said:
Sweet!

Just clarifying that it will be in Ikebukoro.
Click to expand...

Never been to ikebukuro so it’s still a nice experience. Might need to stay in a capsulehotel or something, or leave earlier. Yokohama is too far.

On a sidenote, gave a lecture for new students as the lab prof is on a business trip. It was surprisingly nice. Maybe I should apply for a permanent position in some university.
 
I

Izuna

Banned
Ikebukoro is dope. Because I can walk there :D

It's also cool to see West Gate Park.

Please invite others.

Thread in OT will go up after Sunday
 
F

Fisico

Member
Ikebukuro is pretty close for me, if my recovery is good enough I should be able to walk once again decently so I'll show up :p
 
L

LonelyGreyWolf

Banned
Haven't been in the Ikebukero area since last year when I went to Sunshine City. Definitely going back there soon, also to check out that supposed female manga road.
 
D

dofry

That's "Dr." dofry to you.
Also, I recommend a trimmer as you can use that to keep it short for a loooong time. But, QB House is good for starters.
 
U

UristMcDwarf

Member
First day on the job was tough but the staff was nice. All the customers were from the local medical university so they wanted to practice their english with me.
I also got a job offer for next year from the ALT company. Things are starting to fall in place for me :) for now it's drinks and karaoke with my father-in-law!

On another note, anyone listen to Kami-sama, I have noticed? I recently heard them and thinking of going to one of their lives and wanted someone's opinion if it's worth going.
 
D

Darksol

Member
1. Signed up for gym membership
2. Asked if I have tattoos - I say yes
3. Signed a new form saying I’m not in the Yakuza and that I’ll never show my tattoos while on the premises
4. Wear long-sleeve shirt during workouts to cover my multiple arm tattoos (the placement of my tattoos makes it difficult to cover with simple wrist/shoulder/forearm covers, etc.)
5. Told today that I need to wear gym wear and my long sleeve shirt isn’t acceptable

Classic Japan
 
I

Izuna

Banned
Sorry the thread isn't up yet for the Ikebukuro meeting. Bae is moving so we haven't been able to confirm the venue, but it is definitely happening. Probably will be up tomorrow.
 
U

UristMcDwarf

Member
Has anyone had experience with Heart Corp as an ALT? From what I read experience varies based on location. I figured it would be a good first step and I could review after my first contract is completed but I wanted some others' opinions.
 
B

bluethree

Member
UristMcDwarf said:
Has anyone had experience with Heart Corp as an ALT? From what I read experience varies based on location. I figured it would be a good first step and I could review after my first contract is completed but I wanted some others' opinions.
Click to expand...

Nothin' but horror stories, including asking teachers to work on tourist visas. Avoid.
 
matt360

matt360

Member
Darksol said:
1. Signed up for gym membership
2. Asked if I have tattoos - I say yes
3. Signed a new form saying I’m not in the Yakuza and that I’ll never show my tattoos while on the premises
4. Wear long-sleeve shirt during workouts to cover my multiple arm tattoos (the placement of my tattoos makes it difficult to cover with simple wrist/shoulder/forearm covers, etc.)
5. Told today that I need to wear gym wear and my long sleeve shirt isn’t acceptable

Classic Japan
Click to expand...

How'd you respond? What was the outcome?

Still, your situation sounds better than mine. I spent like an hour filling out the membership application and taking a tour, and then just before getting my card they asked if I had any tattoos. Big fucking waste of time, and they made no exceptions, even when I said it was on my shoulder and I could just keep a shirt on.
 
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