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[Arsic]

To be fair, 8% is a pretty big drop in the bucket.

Sure. Then apparently married a guy worth even more millions in the bank and some high paying job. Now with combined assets? Shouldn’t be an issue.

My wife and I were reluctant to take this deal when she first offered it. “We can’t afford to live in this neighborhood.” She asked us what we could afford for a mortgage and then said she would put down however much money is needed to make the mortgage that much. “We would never be able to pay you back…” Then she said ok how about if you don’t move you don’t have to pay me back but if you do then you do have to pay it back.

We slept on it and then agreed to that.

 

[bender]

Sure. Then apparently married a guy worth even more millions in the bank and some high paying job. Now with combined assets? Shouldn’t be an issue.

My wife and I were reluctant to take this deal when she first offered it. “We can’t afford to live in this neighborhood.” She asked us what we could afford for a mortgage and then said she would put down however much money is needed to make the mortgage that much. “We would never be able to pay you back…” Then she said ok how about if you don’t move you don’t have to pay me back but if you do then you do have to pay it back.

We slept on it and then agreed to that.

I'm not trying to judge you or your sister. I'd be grateful of the windfall you received and annoyed by the change of heart/change of terms. But I wouldn't be so quick to forget the initial gesture nor would I count her money. She made decisions just like you made decisions and the decisions you made, she could be critical of with the framing that you basically turned a reasonable mortgage via her gift into a mortgage that you said you couldn't afford in the first place. Shit happens.

 

[Arsic]

I'm not trying to judge you or your sister. I'd be grateful of the windfall you received and annoyed by the change or hearts/change of terms. But I wouldn't be so quick to forget the initial gesture nor would I count her money. She made decisions just like you made decisions and the decisions you made, she could be critical of with the framing that you basically turned a reasonable mortgage via her gift into a mortgage that you said you couldn't afford in the first place. Shit happens.

Fully agree, and why I’m not burning a bridge now.

I’ll be smart with what I do here until 2028, and when the time comes maybe come to a good solution for both parties.

As mentioned in prior posts she’s had my back, and hopefully in 4 years I can have hers.

I’ll introduce the idea then of if she has the remaining mortgage funds to pay it off fully, then we can sell the house for it’s worth then. Allow us to keep whatever it sells for minus what she paid total. So if there’s an extra $100K above what she paid, I keep that to go start on a new house elsewhere.

Seems like a fair way to get her all her money back and not set me up for ruin at the same time.

 

[cormack12]

Sounds to me you owe her nothing.

Also she may say you verbally agreed to repay 200k but there were no term lengths set, no minimum payments set etc.

People spring shit like that on you then they get what they deserve.

 

[SpiceRacz]

I’m not qualified to give you advice on your debt. What I will say though, regarding your sister’s down payment, you can’t put a condition on a gift. Especially if it’s from family.

Also, consider getting a home warranty. Your furnace would have been covered.

 

[Biff]

4 years is a lot of time bruh. Based on the calculations in this thread, it looks like you are essentially break-even today if you were forced to sell the house and pay everyone back accordingly.

You now have 4 years to grow yours and your wife's income. Your annual mortgage payments are fixed rates, right? So that amount shouldn't change. Your HELOC and the $100k re-financing though... Just make sure those are fixed rate as well. Because interest rates are up a good amount from 6yrs ago, so just make sure there isn't a nasty surprise waiting for you.

But as long as all your interest rates are fixed not variable, it sounds to me you are sitting pretty and have ample time to improve your situation if you decide to pay her back in 2028.

 

[Vyse]

I had a weird situation when I first got married. Mrs and I were early in our careers and didn’t have any money. Worked really hard to just pay for our wedding. Her Grandparents offered to help us with a down payment for our first home. We made payments to them every month. Her grandparents passed away and my wife’s parents said forget about it. Few years later we sold our house and they asked for the money back. We paid them. A bunch of years later we sold our house again and they asked for the money again. My wife insisted we pay again. Seriously fucked up.

 

[Yoda]

(didn't read the prior replies, apologies if this was already discussed) View replaying your sister as a charity/nice to have. If it's not written into a contract and was a weak verbal agreement, than short of her having an amazing lawyer it isn't enforceable. If that's off the table, it sounds like you'll still be in the green after selling the house?

 

[Brigandier]

I'd unalive myself not suggesting you do that but that's what I'd do.

You are an idiot.

 

[Brigandier]

I feel basically royally fucked as of today.

Quick info on me. I’m 36. Married. Two kids. Living in Colorado.

The house I live in is way beyond my financial capability but a set of unfortunate circumstances got me here. My sister lost her husband and in a lawsuit won a large sum of $. Being a good sister she surprised me to pay off my student loan debt over 6 years ago and put down a hefty down payment on a house down the street from here so we could live close to each other. She put down $200K on a $470K house. It’s no worth $630K.

Colorado as a state has become massively unaffordable and in those 6 years we had to refinance one for $100K to work off other debts I had, and being in a very low paying job during Covid. I worked 3 jobs at this time to make ends meet. Today luckily I have a great job and my wife too. We can both work remotely so moving anywhere is possible. I also had to do a heloc recently to afford paying off credit card debt I had to finally be debt free and consolidate debt. Got hit with a garage door totally broken, a roof having to be fully done new, and my furnace breaking. Still working to pay off $6000 some on a furnace. The other two done…

We’ve been throwing the idea out on a move to a more affordable state for a while. We didn’t want to uplift the kids and screw up their lives but we figured we would at lest look into it.

Now at the time of my sister giving me this $200K she said as long as we never move I don’t owe her the money back but if we move I do. Decent deal at the time when we had a baby on the way.

Fast forward to today and I told her about our plans and she hit me with,”actually I’ve been meaning to tell you for a while but by 2028 I want that $200K back.” Her and her new husband (supposedly also well off), are wanting it once my nieces are out of school so they can use it for their investments to have more income monthly. When my sister married him he was supposedly far more financially well off than her. Neither actually work now as far as I know. They just live off residual income from properties. And yes I did have it in my mind that when they got married sooner or later they may come trying to saying “we want that money.”

So essentially if the house sold today for say $650K, I owe her $200K. $100K for refinancing. $50K for the heloc I did. Put it in closing costs, repairs asked, the realtor, etc and I’d be negative or at 0?

I’m unsure where to begin to climb this mountain. My sister said I can just ask to refinance the house again when interest rates are better before 2028 for another $200K. Which is absurd because then I’d be $200K more in debt and the house is no longer an investment it’s a death warrant/money sink/tombstone.

I have all of a few hundred dollars in savings, so I wouldn’t have money currently to even make a down payment of a new home anywhere or afford to move.

Idk what advice to even ask for. Just file bankruptcy and call it GG?

I know it maybe hard for you to do but you need to tell your sister to take a hike putting it very politely.

You can't just back out of an agreement like that and unless she has it in your writing and signature that you'd reimburse if you move there is absolutely fuck all she can do.

I know you probably don't want to fall out with your sister as she's family but nah bro stand up for yourself and tell her no.

Don't listen to the top tier wank stain who said to end it you have children they're reason enough not to do that

 

[Lord Panda]

If it's was a gift and you have a witness then honestly you owe your sister fuck-all. You seem like a decent guy and want to do the right thing by everyone, but then again you've done nothing wrong and you should think about your own family first.

Your sister seems like she has more than enough to get on with her life. If she truly cared about you, then she wouldn't be forcing you to 'repay' this gift.

If you haven't already done so, seek legal advice.

 

[Toots]

Sounds like your sisters agreement holds no legal weight so I wouldn't even worry about repaying her the 200k. I probably would have laughed when she said she wanted it back. It was nice what she did but you had an agreement and her just saying "lol nvm" doesn't cut it. So unless you have something in writing, you're not obligated to pay her back a red cent.

Everything you said except laughing at her when she asks for the money back, why be a cunt about it ? She still helped him tremendously when she could.

 

[Little Mac]

If I've learned anything growing up, you take her to People's Court.

 

[Mr Reasonable]

Absolutely no need for me to say what's already been said but it's completely irrelevant if your sister views the $200k as being owed to her. It's a gift. I would question the legality of her being able to gift with conditions like insisting you have to return the money if you were to move.

I'm surprised that she felt comfortable asking for it back, presumably having some insight into your personal circumstances over the last few years. From this point on I think you need to change the language away from anything like "repayment" - you don't owe anything.

I think you probably need to explain that you would love to be in a position to gift her $200k, as she was able to do at one time. That you were and are grateful to have received the gift, it was very generous of her and changed your life. But unfortunately, you're not currently able to give a gift like that to her, and indeed may never be in that position. Your life has been built on the gift that she gave you and attempting to create the circumstance where you can gift her $200k might do irreparable damage to you and your family's future.

This may sound harsh but if you fear negative fallout from not being able to gift her $200k, then you should consider what her thoughts were when she asked you for a sum of money that she would know puts you in a very difficult position and would surely expect bad feeling to come from it.

Being charitable, she may have guessed that you were more able to gift her $200k than you are, so no need to get angry. But if you explain the situation in clear and hopefully friendly terms then you can weigh up how much she values your relationship and make a decision if it's worth upending your life based on that.

Sorry for the situation you find yourself in, but I think there's little reason to feel pressured to do something that nobody would reasonably expect you to do.

 

[UnravelKatharsis]

Everything you said except laughing at her when she asks for the money back, why be a cunt about it ? She still helped him tremendously when she could.

At the absurdity of asking for something back that was a gift, wasn't asked for and was never intended or expected to be paid back. Also I'm a cunt.

 

[Toots]

At the absurdity of asking for something back that was a gift, wasn't asked for and was never intended or expected to be paid back. Also I'm a cunt.

Fair enough

 

[Trunx81]

How is a gift of 200k taxed in the US? Is it tax-free? Or did you pay anything?

 

[StreetsofBeige]

Technically it's a gift, so you dont have to return it. But it is family. People should always weight the pros and cons when it comes to family.

Explain to her the money is tied up and cant be given back. But what I'd do is in the future when you got some money freed up, you talk to her and agree to pay her back some amount. At least that shows as a fam member you arent purely a taker. But you need time.

20+ years ago my bank account was down to $1500 and I was living pay cheque to pay cheque for probably around 2-3 years until I got a higher paying job. I asked my bro if I could borrow $1000 and he gave it to me. I needed it because I thought I might started trending to the negative and didn't want to go into credit card debt or anything like that. Lucky me I was fine and I paid him back $1,100 a year later. I added on $100 as a thank you. He laughed and didn't expect me to pay him back as he thought of it more like a gift helping little brother out. He didnt even want it back but I forced it on him and he cashed it. I treated it as a loan and I always pay people back.

Dont worry about my example which is a fraction of the money. What I'm getting at is I think given your situation, if you can explain to her your situation and down the line pay her back something that might be good enough.

 

[GeekyDad]

You came to NeoGAF with something so sensitive and personal, and well, got answers to be expected.

 

[Winter John]

Not for nothing Rapunzel but if any of my sisters offered to buy me a house I'd figure they'd gone completely batshit and have em locked up

 

[TheGreatMusashi]

I’d tell your sister to fuck off and move to another state.

Don’t move to Texas though, no PornHub now.

 

[AJUMP23]

I think if you have debt you need to cut off all extra spending. No eating out for a while. Build a budget and your wife needs to be on the same page.

find your smallest debt and pay it off first. while making the minimum on the other debts.

You and your sister need to sit down and she needs to understand what you can afford and how you understood the deal and if she really needs the money. You probably need to sign some paper with her to make it all clear.

you then need to look at ways to decrease debt. Sell off things to help pay down debt.

work to save 1000 dollars.

make a plan and stick with it.

you can handle it. Life is not without hope or a future.