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[MrMephistoX]

Am I the asshole here? My wife was out of town, my daughter got her first period and rather than fumble around like a sitcom dad I immediately ordered some pads, gave her a brief description based on a YouTube video on how to use it and went about my day. Wife got home I brought it up and she was pissed I didn’t recall her from her girls trip. I told my mom and she was hurt that I didn’t call for advice and so was my sister in law. Am I the asshole for being utilitarian about this and robbing the women in my life of this precious moment?

Edit: TLDR I did tell my wife just after handling it instead of interrupting her trip.

 

[Dacvak]

I’m not a parent but I’ll never pass up a chance to call someone an asshole.

Honestly, you probably should have at least called your wife.

 

[MrMephistoX]

I’m not a parent but I’ll never pass up a chance to call someone an asshole.

Honestly, you probably should have at least called your wife.

I called just after the fact not like she could have done anything about it since she was out of town with her girlfriends.

 

[Kilau]

You’re not an asshole, just a man doing man stuff. They shouldn’t be mad at you but considering the hormonal nature of things

 

[Billbofet]

I don't think you did anything wrong. If it was me, I would have called my wife ahead or had my daughter call her.
You did what you could.

 

[Dacvak]

I called just after the fact not like she could have done anything about it since she was out of town with her girlfriends.

Yeah, I don’t think you did anything wrong, but I can imagine that she would have wanted to at least know beforehand. I’m not a woman, let alone a mother, but I’d assume that’s a pretty significant moment that she would have expected to have been a part of.

I think you handled things fine in terms of practical execution, but you probably should have called her beforehand, or had your daughter call her.

 

[The Stig]

I commend you on trying, but I think you should take the L here despite your good intentions.

Apologize and explain you thought you were right (you seem sincere).

edit - I'm not a parent though, btw. So, grain of salt. However I did raise an abandoned 2 day old kitten. bottle feeding it every 2 hours for i cant remember how many weeks. It was just like having a new born baby, just a shorter timeframe

 

[Dr. Claus]

You did nothing wrong. You are as much the parent as the wife and you gave the proper advice. Anyone who claims that you are in the wrong is in the wrong themselves.

 

[poppabk]

Yeah, I don’t think you did anything wrong, but I can imagine that she would have wanted to at least know beforehand. I’m not a woman, let alone a mother, but I’d assume that’s a pretty significant moment that she would have expected to have been a part of.

I think you handled things fine in terms of practical execution, but you probably should have called her beforehand, or had your daughter call her.

I am extremely confused about how people think he could have let his wife know beforehand.

 

[Dacvak]

I am extremely confused about how people think he could have let his wife know beforehand.

It’s not like his daughter was dying. After she told him, he could have been like “okay, head to the bathroom for a minute” and then called his wife. It’s not like it was the elevator scene from The Shining.

 

[MrMephistoX]

I am extremely confused about how people think he could have let his wife know beforehand.

Right like am I supposed to freak out in the middle of the pharmacy throwing up my hands in an “Ah Hell No!” Kevin Hart esque manner while my kid sits in her bloody underwear? It was a problem I fixed it: if my wife had been there I definitely would have deferred.

 

[Toons]

NTA. Tons of red flags here. Divorce her.

Wait.... im on the wrong website

 

[Dr. Claus]

It’s not like his daughter was dying. After she told him, he could have been like “okay, head to the bathroom for a minute” and then called his wife. It’s not like it was the elevator scene from The Shining

Why can't the father act like a father then? There is zero reason this has to be discussed with the wife.

 

[EviLore]

You approached it pragmatically, but it's a special milestone for women and girls that your wife wanted to be a more proactive part of, which is understandable. You should've called her.

 

[MrMephistoX]

You approached it pragmatically, but it's a special milestone for women and girls that your wife wanted to be a more proactive part of, which is understandable. You should've called her.

I get it but calling and waiting for instructions and making a huge deal of it while she’s out with friends and letting my kid suffer with soiled drawers seemed like a worse option at the time. I did call just after it happened and then when she got home that’s when the freak out occurred.

 

[EviLore]

I get it but calling and waiting for instructions and making a huge deal of it while she’s out with friends and letting my kid suffer with soiled drawers seemed like a worse option at the time. I did call just after it happened and then when she got home that’s when the freak out occurred.

That's reasonable on your part then yeah. You're probably still on the hook for an apology though!

 

[Spukc]

Should have told her she gave birth to satan’s offspring. Watch rosemaries baby together.

Tell her she will give birth to the new diablo

Introduce kid to diablo
????
Profit

 

[MrMephistoX]

Should have told her she gave birth to satan’s offspring. Watch rosemaries baby together.

Tell her she will give birth to the new diablo

Introduce kid to diablo
????
Profit

My daughter did describe it to me as looking like “a murder scene in my pants..”

 

[DeafTourette]

What Evilore said... It's not that you should have called and waited for instructions but I'm positive your wife wanted to be the one to talk to your daughter about her first period. It's a rite of passage and a bonding moment between mother and daughter. You robbed her of that, in her mind, and that's why she's pissed.

If you were a single father, then that's fine how you handled it but this was a moment neither will get back. It's akin to the mom being there for your son when he goes through a big life change without telling you and giving YOU that bonding moment most men have with their sons.

You get what I'm saying?

 

[ClanOfNone]

lol, the school handled my daughter’s, I wasn’t even aware until I picked her up. She ran up to me and said, “Daddy, today I became a woman!”
Her mom was never around, but my mom had coached her on what to expect and when it happened at school she just asked to see the nurse and they had stuff in the office to handle it. I was impressed at how her and the school managed it, especially since she was in 5th grade!

 

[nush]

I immediately ordered some pads, gave her a brief description based on a YouTube video

You handled it like a man. You should have called your mom.

 

[poppabk]

It’s not like his daughter was dying. After she told him, he could have been like “okay, head to the bathroom for a minute” and then called his wife. It’s not like it was the elevator scene from The Shining.

I'm mainly focusing on the 'beforehand' part. Like he has a spider sense for menstruation.

 

[digital_ghost]

You should have called one of the super heroes from the movie Mystery Men op.

 

[jason10mm]

Just tell them you didn't need any "womansplaining" about how to handle it.

And your daughter is 12...13(?) and didn't call her mom or other female relatives...that's on her.

 

[InterMusketeer]

How does your daughter feel about this? Apparently all the women in your life want to be a part of, and celebrate this milestone, but I wonder how girls even feel about this. Isn't it awkward for them? I can only imagine, but I think I'd prefer this pragmatic approach.

Anyway, if they're all angry with you, there's nothing for it but to apologize.

 

[*Nightwing]

No the women are all being the assholes here. And they are gaslighting you to make you feel guilty for handling the situation quickly and effectively rather than dramatically emotionally charged as they would have.

You robbed them of the chance to make this an emotionally scarred event in you daughters life as thier mothers did to them and then relished comforting them afterwards.

 

[nush]

Apparently all the women in your life want to be a part of, and celebrate this milestone,

I think it's bullshit.

"Dad, I woke up this morning and my underwear is all sticky".

"Son, you've just become a man, now go to the fridge and get us a couple of cold ones"

 

[Revolutionary]

You didn't do anything wrong, but you should apologize anyway just to bury the hatchet.

 

[Dacvak]

I'm mainly focusing on the 'beforehand' part. Like he has a spider sense for menstruation.

 

[Trunx81]

Oh boy this is something that’s on my table as well in a few years. Thanks for the heads up, OP. I would have done the same as you did, but I can also understand your wife’s POV. It’s like watching your kid take its first step. Or when it starts to speak. She just wanted to be a part of it. It’s something that will never ever happen again. And she is probably also blaming herself for “taking that stupid trip”.

Tell her you understand her and that you didn’t want to be disrespectful to her motherly instincts. Men are just like that. We see a picture to hang, we grab a hammer. No fuzzing around. Women tend to talk to the picture first.

 

[ThatStupidLion]

empathetically, probably should have called/texted your wife as soon as it happened. Not saying there was time for it of course. If anything just to include her in this coming of age moment, or let her give advice (needed or not..) i could understand as a mom waiting for that day and having thought about it for my adulthood on how im going to address it and do it differently or same etc…so if i’ve built something up in my head for so long i’d be a bit pissed and hurt that i missed it. - that said, have you guys ever discussed it as a couple how you would tackle it when it arose? Seems like there could have been a little more communication leading up to it all?

Sister in law can piss off - i dunno how close you guys are, but she prob wanted to be notified because she doubts you, coming from a place of help/protection for her niece.

your mom is prob hurt because see shes you as her baby (always will) and just wants to help you.

My dude pov, youre an adult and its YOUR daughter. I believe in your capability. You dont need to run to anyone asking for help if you are Comfortable and think you did a fine job.

Im not a woman obvs, but I think its just a very special rite of passage for girls. women grow up reflecting on their own (and others) experience/traumas/embarrassments/etc and want to usher in and protect the next generation from such an impactful moment in a females life. Overall They just want to help and make it simple, straightforward and not awkward etc. for the concerned and confused girl im sure.

Everyone will get over it though once their periods end

Id love to see more womens responses on this, but alas this…is….neogaf

 

[tkscz]

You're not an asshole you're a good dad. Your wife wanted this"moment" with y'all's daughter but this wasn't a time for moments, it was a time to act. You're wife, Mom and sister in law are mad you didn't let her have the moment, not that you did the parenting thing and took care of your daughter.

 

[Dirk Benedict]

You took charge and instead of running from the situation, you did what any man worth his flesh would do, you handled it and got the job done. While that make people's emotions shit the ceiling, it's not like you can stop time and wait for your significant other to come home and handle it.

You deserve the title of Excellent Father, in my own opinion.

 

[Cyberpunkd]

Am I the asshole here? My wife was out of town, my daughter got her first period and rather than fumble around like a sitcom dad I immediately ordered some pads, gave her a brief description based on a YouTube video on how to use it and went about my day. Wife got home I brought it up and she was pissed I didn’t recall her from her girls trip. I told my mom and she was hurt that I didn’t call for advice and so was my sister in law. Am I the asshole for being utilitarian about this and robbing the women in my life of this precious moment?

Edit: TLDR I did tell my wife just after handling it instead of interrupting her trip.

You are a hero and your daughter thinks her dad is fucking awesome. Have some wild sex with your wife, that will calm her down. Or just buy her stuff, works even better.

 

[Scotty W]

Your daughter could have called her mother.

 

[LegendOfKage]

I get it but calling and waiting for instructions and making a huge deal of it while she’s out with friends and letting my kid suffer with soiled drawers seemed like a worse option at the time. I did call just after it happened and then when she got home that’s when the freak out occurred.

If you called right after taking care of the situation, and let your wife know what happened long before she got home, I think the real issue is something else. I would NOT say this to your wife, but I'm betting she just feels guilty for not being there for that sort of milestone.

My approach would be, rather than argue as though you were in the right, sound supportive but confused, and ask what you should have done differently. Defend your actions from a "this was my thought process" perspective, but calmly, and with all anger and confrontation removed from your voice. Might be too late for all that, through.

 

[Soodanim]

We are from Mars discussing Venus culture here, but you dealt with it like a good dad. Far from wrong, I imagine your daughter appreciates that.

Yes, you could have called, but if there was no "special moment" conversation with your wife then it's not like you disobeyed an order. Men being in trouble for not being mind readers is a stereotype, but for good reason. I agree that she may be upset with herself deep down.

As always, communication is the key to sorting this one out so when she's ready you can hopefully let her see your side of it. Maybe after she has talked to your daughter she will even gain some appreciation for your handling of the situation.

Going forward the wife might learn to tell you she wants to be involved in certain things.

 

[Valedix]

I think your wife and mum both sound jealous you handled it for the first time rather than they did. You sound like a great father.

 

[CSJ]

I think your wife and mum both sound jealous you handled it for the first time rather than they did. You sound like a great father.

Yeah, there are hints of the "old way" of thinking going on in some posts here.
Thinking that a man cannot handle or should not be the one to deal with it if he's the only one present, in fact because he was told "Should have called any women in the family first" means they absolutely have no regard for the man in this relationship and treat him like a bumbling idiot who could not possibly help in this situation.

But the only mistake was not calling the wife after it was dealt with, waiting for her to get home and then tell her uhm ahh yeah.
"Hey honey, thought you should know x had her first period, it's all dealt with so don't come home it's not an emergency".

Nothing was stolen from her there, not an experience or a bonding moment, she was not present to do that, the father was!
I am a bit biased her as when my parents divorced my dad raised me and my brother, so have equal respect for the mother and fathers out there, especially single ones.

 

[Cyberpunkd]

I would NOT say this to your wife, but I'm betting she just feels guilty for not being there for that sort of milestone.

How is this a milestone? Blood, potentially excruciating pain once a month and having to watch her every step now when interacting with men?

Context: I’m a father of two girls.

 

[phaedrus]

OP needs a diversionary tactic:
tell your wife to just be thankful your daughter wasn't in gym class when it happened.
Then proceed to show her the YT clip of that shower scene in Carrie (the OG 1976 one not the shitty remakes).

You're welcome.

 

[Chuck Berry]

They should be thanking you for handling it as best you could. You could’ve totally pulled a “Wait til your mother’s home.”

Women can really be such unnecessary cunts sometimes.

 

[jufonuk]

That's reasonable on your part then yeah. You're probably still on the hook for an apology though!

 

[Deleted member 1159]

Spoiler

You tried to do the right thing and your wife should get over it even if you didn’t do it exactly right

 

[UnravelKatharsis]

I commend you on trying, but I think you should take the L here despite your good intentions.

Apologize and explain you thought you were right (you seem sincere).

edit - I'm not a parent though, btw. So, grain of salt. However I did raise an abandoned 2 day old kitten. bottle feeding it every 2 hours for i cant remember how many weeks. It was just like having a new born baby, just a shorter timeframe

How did you handle the kittens first period?

 

[NeoIkaruGAF]

Dude, you absolutely acted like a responsible adult.
BUT! How did you get to the point you have a menstruating daughter without learning the basics of female psychology?

1) Women’s stuff is women’s stuff. Even if you know better than them in the situation, they won’t concede that.
2) Always tell women there’s a women problem going on, because they think they know better than you in any case. Even if you’re already working to solve the problem effectively, fucking tell them first and let them try to sort it out the women’s way. Then choose the perfect moment to step into the mess and shout “Ta-dah! Problem solved!” Don’t expect gratitude then and there though, that’s naive. They’ll eventually bring it up again, out of the blue, a decade or two down the line, and acknowledge you did the right thing.

I understand. I’d be insanely proud if I had a wife who found a “man” problem in the house and solved it by herself before I come home, instead of calling me and waiting for my intervention. But that’s not how they think. Your daughter has a woman’s issue, you tell the other women in the family and act like it’s the steepest mountain you’ve ever faced before you dare propose, or enact, a solution.

 

[Rentahamster]

Logically, you were perfectly fine. Emotionally, you should have known how important of a milestone it is for a lot of women. As a parent, you're not completely to blame since your wife should have also known that you don't really know that, and she should have discussed with you proper protocol in this situation since your kid is at that age now.

 

[The Stig]

How did you handle the kittens first period?

i dont think i had to lol. as soon as it started acting as if it was in heat we had her fixed, I think. (im not 100% on timeline but I think thats roughly how it went)

 

[JCK75]

Haven't you been married long enough to know they don't want you to solve a problem. They just want you to listen to them bitch about it forever.?

 

[Pidull]

Per my wife: "Fuck no."

You're not the asshole, so long as you filled her in right away.