M1chl
Currently Gif and Meme Champion
Prequel:
So.... I've been planning to write this in here for some time, but let's say it's not that easy to talk about that. I've been preparing this in my head, how to write something for this wonderfull community, which imrpoved my mental state a lot.
I was abstinent, till my 22 years old. I lost friends which I had high school/University, because I did not want to go to the pubs and stuff. I hate driunk people how they behave and shit. Well, so it's pretty big irony where I ended up.
In 2011 on some LAN party I was drinking (by that time) popular Radler, basically very light beer with some juice into it. 2% alcohol. Since I did not drive car that often, I drink it as some people drink soda. Not a big deal and it does not really do anything for me. I could drank 10 0.5l cans per day and nothing. Or so I thought. This happened like for a year.
After some time my mental state got way worse and I met my biggest enemy - Anxiety. More precisely GAD (Generalised Anxiety Disorder), which come with Agoraphobia, which basically does not even allow me to go outside. I was scared and sometimes even scream in terror, which I experienced. I contemplated suicide, since basically....why live if you cannot do anything and suffer like hell.
So I went to doctor, psychiatrist. I got prescribed Xanax and I went to pharmacy, took one. And my life changed, forever. That fucking substance is so fucking powerful that withing 5 minutes, all of my issue were gone. Well, since tolerance for this substance rises, you need more and more and more. Well doctor obviously did not want to prescibe me more, so basically I was on my own and experienced something which I would not wish to my worst enemy. Benzo withdrawal. I cannot even express with words, how much hell it was. There is a one substance, which can alleviate the symptoms of withdrawal. And that it's Alcohol, but basically 2mg of Xanax for gaba receptors, is about 1l of 40% alcohol. At least, that's how it worked on me. I remember drinking like 5L of alcohol and basically was not drunk and somewhat was barely able to do study, job, etc. I felt almost normal.
Well than I went to doktoronline.cz where I found people selling Benzos and all kinds of stuff which I needed. Lyrica was my first illegal purchase, which helped a lot I did not need to drink and felt that nice buzz, when I take more pills at once. Which lasted whole day, seemed like a good redeeming drug. Well until my source dries. That was caused thanks to idiots, which targeted Pfizer, that they did not include information that it's not only a drug againts pain, but also to cure all kinds of mental problems. Psychiatrist prescribe this medicine off-label for GAD and other anxiety-related problems. This class-action lawsuit cost Pfizer 2.3billion dollars. Which subsequently lead to restriction who can prescribe it and for what reason. At that time, Pfizer still have rights to be exlusive manufactuer of Pregabalin, so there was not any generics.
So what did I do. Went back to Xanax, then my sources dries, because my country decide to drop a hammer on those illegal sellers. I was even photoed with one of the people who went to jail, delivering me medicine outside some restaurant in Prague. So after that I went back to cycle of w/d and heavy drinking. After some time I decided that since Alcohol is legal, is everywhere in here and price is not that high, well why not keep drinking right?
I can fucking on it just fine, I never had and hangover, so over 4 years, I have been drinking cca 1.5L of 40% alcohol. I pour it to different bottle, so I can drink everywhere and everything was fine. It was for me like a holy water.
Well.
Actual story:
On the 5th of April 2019 I was at the party, where I drink heavily...like always. Went home, felt kind of shitty, like never before and decided that I am going to stop drinking for a while. On the next day I was terribly tired, so I slept 2 days. My eyes turned yellow. Jaundice. My mind was really slow, I cannot eat anything and basically was at that point dead man walking. Next day I was completely yellow, which is a sign of liver failure. So I went to hospital, they told me, that with this damage I am not going to make it if I did not get a liver transplant, that my liver is completely fucked, like they never seen before. So they sent me to IKEM, Prague, which is pretty well-know facility for transplantation, which even foreigners uses, but it's pretty fucking expensive, if you are foreigner.
So I went there and basically first interaction with doctor, who was like a my age told me, that they will take care of me, but I should not have expect miracles. Luckily besides my drinking problem, I also have papers with all of the shit I was dealing with, like Psoriasis (which can also lead to cirrhosis), my mind problems. Etc. I've been put on dialysis and I improved a lot. And doctors and nurses (All of them was really hot, since IKEM is the place where you go first, because average paynment for nurse is 40 000CZK and for doctor 80 000CZK, average payment in Czech Republic is 25 000CZK per month, which is like 1000 USD. So yeah, they choose. I am sure that appearance is factor also, especially with nurses). So we kept talking and basically something changed, they told me that I don't seems to be regular drunk looser. Maybe because I have a GF, house, job and shitton of records that something is wrong with me, that I have legitimate issues and if I promise that stop drinking they give me a chance in form of Liver transplant. On the 3rd day in here, they decided that they bump me to the first place with Level 3 type transplant, which means I get the best matching organ, so I can live normally and I am not going to require re-transplation in few years.
It was only a week till, out of nowhere they told me. You are going to the room where you undergo a surgery. GF was there for a visit and I remember to fill out some papers, about legal stuff and last field was "How many times, if needed, you want to be resuscitated, before we give up". My GF give me dring from a bottle with bendable straw, which had shape as "7", so I wrote 7 times. This saved my life, because surgery was super hard and they have to resuscitate me 5 times. If I wrote basic 3 and enough, I would be gone.
Surgery took 18 hours and they I have 3 revision due to heavy bleeding, so basically 31 hours on the table. Normally it takes 4 hours without any sort of revisions.
I was in artificial sleep and I was scheduled to be woken up on 22th of April...and well nothing I was unresponsive. I don't want this to sounds like a cheap romantic shit, but on next day GF was allowed to visit me, she took my hand and said....this is going to be cliché and cheesy, but maybe I live because of it. She said "I love you"....for surprise to everyone I pressed her hand so hard she could not took her hand out of my grip. And I opened my eyes and saw here. But I was so weka, that I opened them just a little bit. It was weird I was on Fentanyl and basically I saw her and everything else was just totally different. Like I am not even in hospital, but somewhere in big church and shit. Weird ass stuff. But since I was so weak, that I cannot move, why that grip. Nobody ever answer me, how it was possible, because thanks to missing functional liver, my body consumed a lot of my muscles and I basically cannot even move. I was learning again how to walk, how to move.
I was one months in hospital and body learning how to live with foreign object which keeping me alive was 4 months of hell. But after that, I lost every single one of the mental problems, feeling better than ever before and well living. Thanks to covid, it's more limited, but still I am happy.
From now on my birthday is 23th of April, not 9th of March. I am not 31 years old, but 1 year old. Obviously inside my head, because it changes completely me as a person and I don't feel any connection to my past self. I also lost shitton of weight and now I am 82Kg and was 136kgs while being 191cm tall, so you can get the picture.
Conclusion:
Fuck the alcohol, it's horrible drug, because it's the solution and source of every problem you might have. In my opinion lot of different drugs should be legal, but alcohol should be very strictly limited. Because it's everywhere, it's effective and it can ruin live very easily.
Stay save my bros and sis!
Lot of tears were involved writing this as much as I don't want to admit
Some minor proof from hospital:
It's cheapp to tag people, but hey it's not like I care now:
I want to thank
EviLore
to keep the site running after that exodus of lot of retards. Obviously a lot of other people who make this new NeoGAF.
I want to thank
Mista
MiyazakiHatesKojima
GHG
Spukc
JareBear: Remastered
Elektro Demon
brap
-Arcadia-
Cunth
Tesseract
and many others who kept me company, reacted and quoted my dumb posts and make me feel like I belong somewhere. Even though I have GF, I always struggled to belong somewhere, as much as I have been here for just a few months, it feels like internet home for me.
I hate that I went here late, because on REEE as much as they try to pretend to care about everyone, almost no one cared, when I needed the most.
Thank you alds and gals. And please, don't do what I did. Life is worth living.
So.... I've been planning to write this in here for some time, but let's say it's not that easy to talk about that. I've been preparing this in my head, how to write something for this wonderfull community, which imrpoved my mental state a lot.
I was abstinent, till my 22 years old. I lost friends which I had high school/University, because I did not want to go to the pubs and stuff. I hate driunk people how they behave and shit. Well, so it's pretty big irony where I ended up.
In 2011 on some LAN party I was drinking (by that time) popular Radler, basically very light beer with some juice into it. 2% alcohol. Since I did not drive car that often, I drink it as some people drink soda. Not a big deal and it does not really do anything for me. I could drank 10 0.5l cans per day and nothing. Or so I thought. This happened like for a year.
After some time my mental state got way worse and I met my biggest enemy - Anxiety. More precisely GAD (Generalised Anxiety Disorder), which come with Agoraphobia, which basically does not even allow me to go outside. I was scared and sometimes even scream in terror, which I experienced. I contemplated suicide, since basically....why live if you cannot do anything and suffer like hell.
So I went to doctor, psychiatrist. I got prescribed Xanax and I went to pharmacy, took one. And my life changed, forever. That fucking substance is so fucking powerful that withing 5 minutes, all of my issue were gone. Well, since tolerance for this substance rises, you need more and more and more. Well doctor obviously did not want to prescibe me more, so basically I was on my own and experienced something which I would not wish to my worst enemy. Benzo withdrawal. I cannot even express with words, how much hell it was. There is a one substance, which can alleviate the symptoms of withdrawal. And that it's Alcohol, but basically 2mg of Xanax for gaba receptors, is about 1l of 40% alcohol. At least, that's how it worked on me. I remember drinking like 5L of alcohol and basically was not drunk and somewhat was barely able to do study, job, etc. I felt almost normal.
Well than I went to doktoronline.cz where I found people selling Benzos and all kinds of stuff which I needed. Lyrica was my first illegal purchase, which helped a lot I did not need to drink and felt that nice buzz, when I take more pills at once. Which lasted whole day, seemed like a good redeeming drug. Well until my source dries. That was caused thanks to idiots, which targeted Pfizer, that they did not include information that it's not only a drug againts pain, but also to cure all kinds of mental problems. Psychiatrist prescribe this medicine off-label for GAD and other anxiety-related problems. This class-action lawsuit cost Pfizer 2.3billion dollars. Which subsequently lead to restriction who can prescribe it and for what reason. At that time, Pfizer still have rights to be exlusive manufactuer of Pregabalin, so there was not any generics.
So what did I do. Went back to Xanax, then my sources dries, because my country decide to drop a hammer on those illegal sellers. I was even photoed with one of the people who went to jail, delivering me medicine outside some restaurant in Prague. So after that I went back to cycle of w/d and heavy drinking. After some time I decided that since Alcohol is legal, is everywhere in here and price is not that high, well why not keep drinking right?
I can fucking on it just fine, I never had and hangover, so over 4 years, I have been drinking cca 1.5L of 40% alcohol. I pour it to different bottle, so I can drink everywhere and everything was fine. It was for me like a holy water.
Well.
Actual story:
On the 5th of April 2019 I was at the party, where I drink heavily...like always. Went home, felt kind of shitty, like never before and decided that I am going to stop drinking for a while. On the next day I was terribly tired, so I slept 2 days. My eyes turned yellow. Jaundice. My mind was really slow, I cannot eat anything and basically was at that point dead man walking. Next day I was completely yellow, which is a sign of liver failure. So I went to hospital, they told me, that with this damage I am not going to make it if I did not get a liver transplant, that my liver is completely fucked, like they never seen before. So they sent me to IKEM, Prague, which is pretty well-know facility for transplantation, which even foreigners uses, but it's pretty fucking expensive, if you are foreigner.
So I went there and basically first interaction with doctor, who was like a my age told me, that they will take care of me, but I should not have expect miracles. Luckily besides my drinking problem, I also have papers with all of the shit I was dealing with, like Psoriasis (which can also lead to cirrhosis), my mind problems. Etc. I've been put on dialysis and I improved a lot. And doctors and nurses (All of them was really hot, since IKEM is the place where you go first, because average paynment for nurse is 40 000CZK and for doctor 80 000CZK, average payment in Czech Republic is 25 000CZK per month, which is like 1000 USD. So yeah, they choose. I am sure that appearance is factor also, especially with nurses). So we kept talking and basically something changed, they told me that I don't seems to be regular drunk looser. Maybe because I have a GF, house, job and shitton of records that something is wrong with me, that I have legitimate issues and if I promise that stop drinking they give me a chance in form of Liver transplant. On the 3rd day in here, they decided that they bump me to the first place with Level 3 type transplant, which means I get the best matching organ, so I can live normally and I am not going to require re-transplation in few years.
It was only a week till, out of nowhere they told me. You are going to the room where you undergo a surgery. GF was there for a visit and I remember to fill out some papers, about legal stuff and last field was "How many times, if needed, you want to be resuscitated, before we give up". My GF give me dring from a bottle with bendable straw, which had shape as "7", so I wrote 7 times. This saved my life, because surgery was super hard and they have to resuscitate me 5 times. If I wrote basic 3 and enough, I would be gone.
Surgery took 18 hours and they I have 3 revision due to heavy bleeding, so basically 31 hours on the table. Normally it takes 4 hours without any sort of revisions.
I was in artificial sleep and I was scheduled to be woken up on 22th of April...and well nothing I was unresponsive. I don't want this to sounds like a cheap romantic shit, but on next day GF was allowed to visit me, she took my hand and said....this is going to be cliché and cheesy, but maybe I live because of it. She said "I love you"....for surprise to everyone I pressed her hand so hard she could not took her hand out of my grip. And I opened my eyes and saw here. But I was so weka, that I opened them just a little bit. It was weird I was on Fentanyl and basically I saw her and everything else was just totally different. Like I am not even in hospital, but somewhere in big church and shit. Weird ass stuff. But since I was so weak, that I cannot move, why that grip. Nobody ever answer me, how it was possible, because thanks to missing functional liver, my body consumed a lot of my muscles and I basically cannot even move. I was learning again how to walk, how to move.
I was one months in hospital and body learning how to live with foreign object which keeping me alive was 4 months of hell. But after that, I lost every single one of the mental problems, feeling better than ever before and well living. Thanks to covid, it's more limited, but still I am happy.
From now on my birthday is 23th of April, not 9th of March. I am not 31 years old, but 1 year old. Obviously inside my head, because it changes completely me as a person and I don't feel any connection to my past self. I also lost shitton of weight and now I am 82Kg and was 136kgs while being 191cm tall, so you can get the picture.
Conclusion:
Fuck the alcohol, it's horrible drug, because it's the solution and source of every problem you might have. In my opinion lot of different drugs should be legal, but alcohol should be very strictly limited. Because it's everywhere, it's effective and it can ruin live very easily.
Stay save my bros and sis!
Lot of tears were involved writing this as much as I don't want to admit
Some minor proof from hospital:
It's cheapp to tag people, but hey it's not like I care now:
I want to thank
EviLore
to keep the site running after that exodus of lot of retards. Obviously a lot of other people who make this new NeoGAF.I want to thank
Mista
MiyazakiHatesKojima
GHG
Spukc
JareBear: Remastered
Elektro Demon
brap
-Arcadia-
Cunth
Tesseract
and many others who kept me company, reacted and quoted my dumb posts and make me feel like I belong somewhere. Even though I have GF, I always struggled to belong somewhere, as much as I have been here for just a few months, it feels like internet home for me.I hate that I went here late, because on REEE as much as they try to pretend to care about everyone, almost no one cared, when I needed the most.
Thank you alds and gals. And please, don't do what I did. Life is worth living.
Last edited:
Sincerely hope you are able to make the most of this second chance. I was fortunate to learn fairly early in my drinking life that I had the gene. I could drink more, and drink longer than everyone else. Weed is so much more positive, less destructive for me. Good luck op 