Sandy Hook – So depressed

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Hobbun

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Columbine, Virginia Tech, Aurora, CO (as well as many others). They all have been horrible tragedies. And yes, I was sad when they happened, but I moved on, sometimes keeping track of a new leads or information.

But this…this has hit me extremely hard. I don’t know anyone who was affected, or even anyone in Newtown at all. But my gut feels like I got a hole punched through it and every time I see those children, I want to cry (and have done so more than once).

I’m at work, and can’t get my mind off it. It just stays with me. Follows me home and the hole just keeps getting bigger. It’s obviously partly because of those who were involved, innocent children, but I also think I’ve become more sensitive in my older age.

That said, what I am feeling of course doesn’t compare to the families of the victims, or even just the residents of Newtown, Danbury and other surrounding communities. And thinking how they were affected, how this will change their lives forever, just makes it worse.

I don’t have a right to feel this bad, to complain about it, but I just had to get this off my chest. It is just gnawing at me.

I have some vacation coming up between Christmas and New Years. I’ve even debated on visiting the town. Visitng the shrines set up, maybe even attend one or more of the funeral (if I am allowed). I know, sounds crazy. But there is just a part of me that wants to do something.

Sorry for splaying my feelings out to all to read, I just had to get this off my chest. It has helped a little just writing it out.

:(
 
You should probably avoid any news on the TV and online and talk to someone in person. I'm sorry you're going through a difficult time. =(
 
Tragedies like this are often left with an empty feeling. I think its great you want to there and help out, because, as bad as this sounds, in two months everyone will forget about it, and the media will move on to something else.

Do what you gotta do, but if the feeling continues, I would advise going and talking to someone.
 
Maybe try going on media blackout. Tensions run high this time of year, and I could see how non stop coverage of a massacre could add to that.
 
You and me both. As soon as I saw the breaking news alert on Twitter that there had been a shooting at an elementary school, I immediately feared that a child had been injured. I was horrified to find out the truth. I immediately called my wife and she was crying. I told her I loved her. The sheer atrociousness of the rampage, I feel, is equal to the September 11th attacks in terms of its outrageousness and the sorrow felt around the world.

You're not alone.
 
Hobbun said:
I have some vacation coming up between Christmas and New Years. I’ve even debated on visiting the town. Visitng the shrines set up, maybe even attend one or more of the funeral (if I am allowed). I know, sounds crazy. But there is just a part of me that wants to do something.
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I'm sure they really don't want you coming there man. Enjoy your holidays. Do something positive like some charity work. Remember the world isn't all shit.
 
Rockandrollclown said:
Maybe try going on media blackout. Tensions run high this time of year, and I could see how non stop coverage of a massacre could add to that.
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This. I don't at all want to diminish the severity of the tragedy of Sandy Hook, but do remember that a lot of news outlets are consciously tugging at heart strings for the sake of ratings.

At any rate, there's not much else to know anyway about the tragedy at this point.
 
EatinOlives said:
This. I don't at all want to diminish the severity of the tragedy of Sandy Hook, but do remember that a lot of news outlets are consciously tugging at heart strings for the sake of ratings.

At any rate, there's not much else to know anyway about the tragedy at this point.
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I kind of rage whenever I see a picture of that kid...what a skinny little twerp.
 
I've been thinking about it too. Maybe not as much as you but like whenever I see a kid outside or even a pic of a kid on the Internet I'll think about. I don't think it's automatically a sign that you're in some deep depression because of one reason: this was truly an extraordinary event. This was probably the worst thing I've ever heard of happening while I've been alive. Yes, something like the Holocaust was of course worse but we weren't around then so it doesn't have the same impact. Sandy Hook was just an unbelievable incident that might not ever be topped in terms of pure horror in our lifetimes.
 
Heavy said:
I've been thinking about it too. Maybe not as much as you but like whenever I see a kid outside or even a pic of a kid on the Internet I'll think about. I don't think it's automatically a sign that you're in some deep depression because of one reason: this was truly an extraordinary event. This was probably the worst thing I've ever heard of happening while I've been alive. Yes, something like the Holocaust was of course worse but we weren't around then so it doesn't have the same impact. Sandy Hook was just an unbelievable incident that might not ever be topped in terms of pure horror in our lifetimes.
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It also means you've been overexposed to all of the coverage. Sensory overload if you will.
 
Hobbun said:
Columbine, Virginia Tech, Aurora, CO (as well as many others). They all have been horrible tragedies. And yes, I was sad when they happened, but I moved on, sometimes keeping track of a new leads or information.

But this…this has hit me extremely hard. I don’t know anyone who was affected, or even anyone in Newtown at all. But my gut feels like I got a hole punched through it and every time I see those children, I want to cry (and have done so more than once).

I’m at work, and can’t get my mind off it. It just stays with me. Follows me home and the hole just keeps getting bigger. It’s obviously partly because of those who were involved, innocent children, but I also think I’ve become more sensitive in my older age.

That said, what I am feeling of course doesn’t compare to the families of the victims, or even just the residents of Newtown, Danbury and other surrounding communities. And thinking how they were affected, how this will change their lives forever, just makes it worse.

I don’t have a right to feel this bad, to complain about it, but I just had to get this off my chest. It is just gnawing at me.

I have some vacation coming up between Christmas and New Years. I’ve even debated on visiting the town. Visitng the shrines set up, maybe even attend one or more of the funeral (if I am allowed). I know, sounds crazy. But there is just a part of me that wants to do something.

Sorry for splaying my feelings out to all to read, I just had to get this off my chest. It has helped a little just writing it out.

:(
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Yeah you do. It was unprecedented; never has someone ever massacred little kids in such a manner (here in the U.S.). I was on my way to work (a school) and I just randomly started thinking about it and almost started crying.

I felt the same way after 9/11. I started giving blood, I was donating, etc. I wanted to go to NYC just to pay my respects.

You just have to remember that life goes on and to make the most of your own (and to not take your friends and family for granted).
 
CrankyJay said:
It also means you've been overexposed to all of the coverage. Sensory overload if you will.
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You're probably right.... sensory overload. Seeing photos of the kids really haunted me. I read the news online a lot... like current events from several sources (Yahoo, Drudge, Daily Mail) multiple times a day and many of the headline stories had the kids' faces plastered on them which was just brutal.
 
Question for OP.


Are you a parent? Because I respect you a lot for your current emotions. To be able to feel someone else misery is sign of great level of spirituality.

I hope you can take this experience and become more active so this type of things can be avoided.
 
I guess what I would wanna say…is to…look on the bright side. First of all, nobody outside of the school was killed (besides the mother). And that…I mean, an incident like this in a populated urban center? That right there, that’s gotta be some minor miracle. So…plus, the school wasn't full! It was, what? Maybe two-thirds full, I believe? Right, yes? Or maybe even three-quarters full? At any rate, what you’re left with, casualty wise, it’s just the 30th worst rampage killing in history. There are, in truth, 29 shootings throughout history that are just as bad or worse. Bath School? Has anybody heard of Bath School? No? In 1927, school board treasurer Andrew Kehoe bombed Bath School, killing 45 people and injuring 58. But do any of you even remember at all? Any of you? I doubt it. You know why? It’s because people move on. They just move on. And we will too, we will move on and we will get past this, because that is what human beings do. We survive. We survive and we overcome.
 
as I was getting off the train today there was a class on a field trip. the kids looked to be no older than the ones that were killed. I stared at them and thought how the bullets ripped into those kids and killed them... no chance.....I had to turn away because that's all I saw.
 
You are not emotionally numb, you are not a cold calculating cynical bastard. You are one of the brave souls left in this world who is not afraid to feel things deeply. I am with you.
 
What i find depressing is knowing this is going to happen again and the same arguments, blame etc will occur and then go silent until it happens again then the same arguments, blame will occur , then go silent until it happens again....

Funnily enough I was banned from gaf from posting a "something something US gun laws" post in a US shooting thread just days prior to Sandy. Gun laws and gun culture are the elephant in the room and to be banned for mentioning them is completely facist imo.
 
Enron said:
This....is not normal. You should probably seek some help.
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therapy's never a bad idea, but we're all affected in different ways by different things. the shooting wasn't even a week ago. if this is still affecting the OP in a couple weeks and leaning onf riends and famiyl for support isn't helping then maybe it's time to get some professional help... but it's not necessarily abnormal to be strongly affected by a tragedy like this for a week or so after it's happened...
 
I felt the same way last summer when Breivik committed his crimes. Got physically ill the days surrounding those events, of course it wasn't made easier by the fact that it all happened 4 or so hours way from where I live. Though I'll echo what has been said, solve this on your own way, donate or do local charity work, going there won't benefit anyone other than potentially make you feel even worse.
 
Join us on the jaded, desensitized side :/

Although even for me, this has been an event that cannot help but made you think.....
 
evil solrac v3.0 said:
as I was getting off the train today there was a class on a field trip. the kids looked to be no older than the ones that were killed. I stared at them and thought how the bullets ripped into those kids and killed them... no chance.....I had to turn away because that's all I saw.
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Oh, fuck. :(

It keeps hitting me hard every couple of days, too. Stuff just like that. The fact that I have a son now (and a daughter on the way) is definitely part of it.

Ugh.
 
You know what I do when this shit really gets me down? Go outside, socialize, realize that there is a whole world out there for you to explore beyond the boundaries of your house and being inundated with depressing shit.
 
I dunno, I'm really desensitized to it for some reason. Like when I heard about it I was all "oh shit" and felt terrible... but I got over it in a couple minutes. Though some of that was by design: I decided I didn't want to follow it at all.

Some stuff you just.. don't need to think about. For self preservation.
 
There's kids starving to death, being sold as sex slaves, getting murdered by wars, etc. . . at this very second. I know this tragedy hits closer to home, but it's not anymore signifigant than the plethera of other deaths happening.
 
I hear you, OP. I'm sinking into I don't even know what. It's not even just the Sandy Hook tragedy. I just feel that everywhere I look there's no good in the world. Every other day it feels like someone I respected is actually molesting children, someone is hurting or killing someone else for no goddamn sensible reason, someone is being just a complete shit for their own benefit. It could be someone as simple as someone pushing to get ahead of one other person in line for the train. It could be something as horrific as Sandy Hook. Either way I don't feel like there's any good in the human race and any good that there is is just going to die and rot in the ground with the monsters anyway.

This morning's Twitter update:

"Doing my best to keep on keeping on in a world full of pedophiles, murderers, liars, scumbags and total fucking idiots. Merry fucking Xmas."

I didn't get any RT's.

Yeah, I'm quite aware this isn't normal. All signs point to depression but I'm not really sure why that would be. I have a nice home, wife and kids I love, decent enough job etc and I'm generally good humoured with no desire to hurt myself or anything like that. I've just lost it with humanity, it turns my stomach.
 
Devolution said:
You know what I do when this shit really gets me down? Go outside, socialize, realize that there is a whole world out there for you to explore beyond the boundaries of your house and being inundated with depressing shit.
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This. It seems cold, but you just need to get this out of your mind for now. Be thankful that no one you know was hurt in this tragedy, and go be with people. Don't shut yourself inside watching the shit 24/7 news coverage that's just designed to keep people glued to their TVs for ratings.

Go sign up and volunteer at a children's hospital. The kids need it a lot this time of year and you'll feel great about helping.
 
Although we all agree that what happened was mindnumbingly shocking, i do think you're experiencing some overreaction that might be caused by something else than just empathy. Something in the way you describe this makes me think you allready know this yourself. Ofcourse we all react differently and one person is more emotional than the other, but something feels off. I hope you're not offended by what i say, but it's just a gut feeling..
 
It's totally normal to be affected strongly by something this tragic. I think everyone has been mourning with the families of the people that have passed away. I was handling it alright until Obama's speech when he started naming off the victims. That really hit home regarding what had taken place. I've refrained from watching any media about it and I've started to feel back to normal again. I don't think you need to "seek help" like some of these people are recommending. I know many people who were dramatically affected by this occurring and not knowing any of the victims.
 
I think you have a right to be angry and upset. I cried when I heard the news, and I just teared up reading that a 6 year old girl had to pretend to be dead amongst 15 of her dead classmates. I'm sad for syria, and all other types of shit that really bother me. I just feel a loss for humanity, and it does hurt. Its a shame that things are bad, and there is nothing that can be done. But there is no shame in feeling that loss.

Just try to be good to the people you have a direct effect on, its all we can do. Its what I say to myself to not get overwhelmed. I think some people are just in tune to that side of themselves that feels for the larger life in the world.

cat-250.gif
 
OpinionatedCyborg said:
I guess what I would wanna say…is to…look on the bright side. First of all, nobody outside of the school was killed (besides the mother). And that…I mean, an incident like this in a populated urban center? That right there, that’s gotta be some minor miracle. So…plus, the school wasn't full! It was, what? Maybe two-thirds full, I believe? Right, yes? Or maybe even three-quarters full? At any rate, what you’re left with, casualty wise, it’s just the 30th worst rampage killing in history. There are, in truth, 29 shootings throughout history that are just as bad or worse. Bath School? Has anybody heard of Bath School? No? In 1927, school board treasurer Andrew Kehoe bombed Bath School, killing 45 people and injuring 58. But do any of you even remember at all? Any of you? I doubt it. You know why? It’s because people move on. They just move on. And we will too, we will move on and we will get past this, because that is what human beings do. We survive. We survive and we overcome.
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not sure if i should clap or cry
 
stuminus3 said:
I hear you, OP. I'm sinking into I don't even know what. It's not even just the Sandy Hook tragedy. I just feel that everywhere I look there's no good in the world. Every other day it feels like someone I respected is actually molesting children, someone is hurting or killing someone else for no goddamn sensible reason, someone is being just a complete shit for their own benefit. It could be someone as simple as someone pushing to get ahead of one other person in line for the train. It could be something as horrific as Sandy Hook. Either way I don't feel like there's any good in the human race and any good that there is is just going to die and rot in the ground with the monsters anyway.

This morning's Twitter update:

"Doing my best to keep on keeping on in a world full of pedophiles, murderers, liars, scumbags and total fucking idiots. Merry fucking Xmas."

I didn't get any RT's.


Yeah, I'm quite aware this isn't normal. All signs point to depression but I'm not really sure why that would be. I have a nice home, wife and kids I love, decent enough job etc and I'm generally good humoured with no desire to hurt myself or anything like that. I've just lost it with humanity, it turns my stomach.
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As mentioned already, this is news overload. People have done horrible things to other people throughout the entirety of human history--but we are living in an unprecedented age of minute-to-minute updates. We have never been more privy to what is happening everywhere all the time. It can drive you crazy if you internalize all of it--but we're actually living in a safer, better world than ever. Violent crime is down across the board over the last two decades. Crime in general is down over the same period. The spectre of the Cold War and massive thermonuclear war has disappeared.

That's not to say there aren't things to be anxious about, or that everything is peachy keen. But the primary source of your anxiety is your absorbing too much.
 
DR2K said:
There's kids starving to death, being sold as sex slaves, getting murdered by wars, etc. . . at this very second. I know this tragedy hits closer to home, but it's not anymore signifigant than the plethera of other deaths happening.
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It's not, but the bolded part is what makes it feel worse for certain people. It's sad but true, some kid dying in your neighborhood won't feel the same as compared to a kid on the other side of the planet. That's just how it is.
 
Corky said:
It's not, but the bolded part is what makes it feel worse for certain people. It's sad but true, some kid dying in your neighborhood won't feel the same as compared to a kid on the other side of the planet. That's just how it is.
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Exactly. And most of us just aren't wired to feel equal empathy for all things, so don't feel guilty about it. It's human nature.
 
Thanks to all for your replies.

A couple of things.

Where I am feeling really down right now, I am not thinking about anything radically (like something dangerous). Well, wasn't thinking of anything radically with the exception of going out there. But the more I thought about it on the way home to work, the more I could only shake my head at my silliness. As someone said, they are not going to want me out there.

I know I will move on, so I don't feel I need any kind of professional help. Now, like some of you said, if I am feeling this down in a few weeks still, I may do so.

I agree with a lot of you I am following the media too much. A lot of the things that have really upset me was info given through the news stories. Not that I still wouldn't have been horrified from seeing the original story, it's new things that have been added that have made it worse.

So I'm going to take your advice and just do a media blackout and try to enjoy my vacation.

beast786 said:
Question for OP.


Are you a parent? Because I respect you a lot for your current emotions. To be able to feel someone else misery is sign of great level of spirituality.

I hope you can take this experience and become more active so this type of things can be avoided.
Click to expand...

No, I'm not a parent. But as I said in my OP, I do think I've become more sensitive in my older age (40 now). I have noticed things in general affect me a little more, or a lot, for something big like this. Thank you for your kind words.
 
I can't deny it, I'm there too.
I'm considering leaving my country, a country I have loved with all my heart, a country whose ideals, even if not always its actions, have made me proud to call myself a patriot, for the first time in my life.
 
I was saying this in the other thread but after I heard about I was a little sad and shocked. Felt bad for everyone involved. Then I just went about my business. It sucks but what can you do? Idk, I am a parent so I thought I would be a little more shook up than I am. Something's wrong with me I think...
 
Here is what you do OP (and everyone else) who feels down, I highly recommend watching this segment from SNL:

http://www.nbc.com/saturday-night-live/video/holiday-pageant/1427025/

Watch the whole thing from beginning - all the way to the end, (choir and all). Trust me, it cheered me up a ton. It was a touching tribute and this segment in particular put me in a good mood.

You need some comedy medicine my friend, turn off the news coverage and turn on the comedy. Call up some friends and family - hang out with them. It also sounds like you'd make a great volunteer to help kids in need, or even include yourself in a Big Brother/Big Sister organization.

You're human, you have every right to feel the way you're feeling. At least you are feeling something, everyone has cried, including the journalists covering the event, and people watching the events from afar. I would NOT recommend visiting Sandy Hook, it may make you feel even worse.

You'll be fine, you'll get through this along with everyone else.
 
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