I'm not sure if you realize this, but most major outlets get shit on if they are releasing reviews for games "late". So, at that point, you really have one option: If we want to review X game, we need to get that game from the publisher/developer before release. If you don't, it's kind of impossible to have a review done in time for the game's launch.
On a personal level, I have—depending on the game—asked for a retail copy of game that I reviewed if I liked it. I typically ask for this after my review is done, and in the case that the copy I was given to do my review wasn't a retail copy (which happens when publishers get their retail copies early enough to be usable for a review). If anybody wants to look down on me for doing that, that's fine.
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Media outlets and freelancers will often ask for debug versions of consoles—because otherwise, you're never going to be able to play pre-release games for preview/review purposes. At that point, you might have a few consoles for office needs, but typically people aren't just getting free debug consoles for their personal home use. (Freelancers with enough clout are the exception.)
I personally have never known anybody who has gotten a retail system from a company simply by being media, with the exception of that one E3 where Microsoft gave everybody at the press conference an Xbox 360 Slim when they were new.
The one retail console I've received for free due to being media was a DSi. We got an office one when I was working for Play, and given I was the person to do a majority of the DS reviews, I just kind of ended up with it after we'd talked about its new features.
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Every year of Xbox Live that I've had I've paid for myself. I did get a free year of PS+ from this year's E3, as everybody at the press conference received that. I do believe some in the media do end up with free Xbox Live subscriptions, but you also have to understand that that can help in the process of doing reviews.
Parties are going to exist no matter if you're giving somebody coverage or not. If you get invited to one or not depends on how big of an outlet you are. I have never been in any situation where game coverage in print/online/whatever was exchanged for any sort of party invite.
I've been to a number of events that were held for showing off games. Given the fact that media groups may not have the budget to fly people out to every event that's going on, there are absolutely times when it could be a "we need airfare/hotel paid for or we can't cover the event" type of situation. That's less some sort of behind-closed-doors trade, and more a simple fact of budget.
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People really, really over-estimate the amount to which swag is a part of this business. Do we get stuff sometimes as promotional items? Sure—but most of the time it's some interesting marketing item we get, and in no way something we'd to any degree based our coverage around the reception of (unless, of course, the coverage we're talking about is directly tied to that swag, as we can't cover what we don't have).
Personally, just like retail games, I have at times specifically asked for something that was swag. At E3, I asked Atlus for one of the Persona 4 t-shirts that they were giving out. My actually asking for a particular piece of swag isn't a common occurrence, and if I don't get it, I'm usually not heartbroken.
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Yes, because when you're going to an event because it's your job, it can be annoying when people are there just for fun and they get in the way of doing your job. Sorry if that makes me sound like an elitist.