Don't do that, go smash some hookers instead pls.
Hookers are illegal and very dangerous to go to, especially for vulnerable types like me, and I know I would immediately be spotted as a mark for shakedowns or worse.
Please don’t kill yourself. Have you sought any professional help? I have a touch of the ‘tism and it sure had made social situations harder to navigate, especially when it comes to romance. There’s behavioral counseling for adults with autism though it’s not always easy to access, but that might help you understand some social things that don’t come naturally. Even something like a dating coach could be beneficial to understand specifically what you could do to have more success.
I have been in the position of not succeeding in romance, having the virgin stink on me, and it gets so built up it’s almost impossible to succeed under that pressure. Honestly I just was very lucky to find someone who understands me and is neurodivergent themself. Have you chatted up any ‘quirky’ ladies? (AKA autistic women) Have you considered laying a fat chick to relieve that pressure?
I bet you have some great things to bring to the table, having successful relationships is hard work, maybe there’s some work you can do on your social skills to improve your prospects. You deserve to succeed, don’t give up and become weird and bitter.
I'm happy for you, believe me I really am. It's not quite all luck, you simply managed it better. Be proud of that, it is your success.
Me, I'm just too late. There is no escape anymore. I've been seeing shrinks for literally decades. Even with that help I can barely keep myself working and successful at my job without breaking into pieces.
I was more or less holding on when I was still young, but now the horror of knowing my youth has vanished into nothingness is starting to really set in. I'm nothing.
Some people are blaming women or pop-culture or their genes or god knows who or what for their loneliness and failures. I'm not like that.
I know the truth and I'm not afraid to recognize it: I'm the only one responsible for my isolation.
My total absence of personality, my complete lack of social awareness, my inability to trust the fact that anybody might actually like me and not have some nefarious humiliation in store. Can't look people in the eyes, can't react to cues, can't react pretty much at all. I easily get "paralyzed" and completely shut down mentally when emotions are too overwhelming to handle.
None of this shit is the fault of society or "high standard" or stuff like that. I still have massive respect for normal people and I adore women. I've met some smart, pretty, lovable girls and I sincerely hope they lead the happiest lives they can.
I'm just too useless at existing or even at pretending to not be completely overwhelmed and utterly panicked by even the simplest social interaction.
The fact is, I've gotten worse. As an awkward teenager I've messed up the few chances I was given. But at least I could still hope that maybe next time will go differently, maybe I'd finally get it right. But that was just naive of me.
Now, decades of isolation later, I can't even remotely connect with other adults. My life is so far removed from theirs I might just come from a different planet..never been on a date in my life, dont know how to talk at all let alone get to the point of asking someone out.
It is a slow death and decay from within. I don't wish my life on anybody.
Edit: fuuck I just realized I wrote a massive wall of text here. Sorry about that.