"What are you, a thrift store professional now?"
"It's like Willy Wonka​ but with poo in the water instead of chocolate."
"I don't even use condoms. I was kicked a lot in the balls as a child. If you must know."
"My favorite band? Pubic Enemy!"
"You kick him in the balls, I'll stab him with the syringe."
"STDs run in my family and I just wanted a condom big enough to cover my dick and my balls!"
"You're not Leonardo. Don't compliment yourself so much."
"A lot of people say I look like Matt Damon....'s ugly younger brother. Phillip."
"Speaking of garages, did you know that the word actually comes from the Latin meaning 'go rage'?" "I didn't know that." "That's because it doesn't."
"I'm bombing this Jonah Hill!"
"I did not think I would die the same way as Jimi Hendrix!"