Support NeoGAF

[Maiden Voyage]

A man in China who apparently tried to kill himself said he was ashamed that his son was still single at 29

The extreme case sparked a social-media conversation about the pressures for young people in China to get married early — ideally before they turn 30.

www.yahoo.com

• A man who collapsed at a Chinese train station reportedly expressed shame his son was single.
• He survived what is thought to be a suicide attempt and is said to be receiving hospital treatment.
• The case sparked a social-media debate about the pressures for young people in China to get married.

A father in China who seemed to survive a suicide attempt is said to have expressed shame that his son was not yet married at 29.

According to the local video news outlet KNews, the unnamed 55-year-old handed a note to guards at Shanghai Railway Station on January 22 and said he had just overdosed on medication. He then fainted on the spot, one of the guards interviewed by KNews said.

In the note, addressed to his son, the man wrote that he "lived a life of shame" because his son had yet to start a family, per the report.

"People of my age in the village all have children and grandchildren already," he reportedly wrote, adding: "But you are 29 and have achieved nothing."

While the man has survived the incident and is said to be receiving hospital treatment, the case has sparked a social-media conversation about the pressures for young Chinese to settle down early.

On China's Twitter-like platform Weibo, one user commented that as a father, he could relate.

"The father's responsibility is to raise his son well and give him a good education, but also see him married and start a business. Only then can he complete his mission," he wrote.

Others commented that it would be even harder for this man's son to tie the knot now because the pressure from the in-laws was too great.

In China, there is an expectation for people to get married before they turn 30, and it is not uncommon for parents to push their children in that direction, even setting up blind dates for them.

If young women are not married after 27, they are referred to as sheng nu, or leftover women. This comes even with close to half of China's urban young women in a survey last year saying they didn't plan to get hitched.

As for young men, they are pushed to settle down as soon as possible because they are "expected to carry on the family lineage," Mu Zheng, a sociology expert at the National University of Singapore, told Insider.

"Marriage has also been an important marker of social maturation and personal success," she said.

"Given China's high housing prices and the expectations for men to assume the majority of costs in a household, transitioning to marriage indicates that the man is socially and financially ready."

 

[nush]

The issues with leftover women in China is that they give up at 30 and don't put themselves out there. Just traveling from the office to the apartment and hide away that's it. The other dynamic in play is that younger women will throw themselves at older men if they have any level of success. So, you know who the men are going to choose.

 

[Porcile]

What's worse though, not living because of suicide or not living because you're married to an Asian tiger wife?

 

[The Cockatrice]

Me single at 33

Ive always given advices to friends and stuff regarding women but I am simply too much of an idiot to follow my own advices tho the bigger issue is gaming and most women in my country, at this age are only looking to get married and have children which I dont and will refuse. A child like me can;t raise another child. I've seen too many bad parents all over and I am too self-aware to not make dumb mistakes. If I ever want a woman/kid I need to know they'll be set for life financially, which is an issue now. Luckily my parents dont care even tho they do want grandkids but my mom is very very picky about the women. Once she had a meltdown cuz I dated some blonde that was obviously not too bright and was from a zone my mom hates. So yeah parents can be ridiculous as well.

 

[T.v]

I need to call my dad.

 

[isual]

that's rough. living in the west especially in my 30s, i don't really see myself having kids. i just like to make money, play video games, eat good food, sexy time, travel.

i do think it is a blessing to have children, and not everyone should have kids.

 

[Stop Motion Pornography]

The issues with leftover women in China is that they give up at 30 and don't put themselves out there. Just traveling from the office to the apartment and hide away that's it.

TIL that I'm a 30 year old Chinese woman.

 

[AJUMP23]

When I was 25 my dad tried to set me up with a Ukrainian mail order bride type of service. They called me and wanted me to meet “beautiful Ukrainian women” but I said no thanks. I didn’t know he had done it either so it just was out of the blue.

 

[nush]

my dad tried to set me up with a Ukrainian mail order bride type of service.

Of all time.

 

[Punished Miku]

 

[Deleted member 1159]

I dunno man, after some rough nights with the kids and having little ones during a global pandemic, being single and childfree sounds pretty fuckin great sometimes…!

Spoiler

I wouldn’t trade them for the woooooooorld! Probably.

 

[Fbh]

Wait...my dad is single at 60 (well, divorced).
Do I have to kill myself now?

 

[Sakura]

Don't Chinese still have arranged marriages? A Chinese guy at work who is 30 said when he goes back to China, his parents will arrange a marriage for him.

 

[RoyalLaFlame]

Chinese have a really “how does it make me look” culture. It’s really a shame lots of the things i see here. If a woman is not married and with a kid by 27 she’s failure. Same goes for men, but they are expected to have a house and a car by the time they marry. It’s a really toxic culture (but it’s slowly changing).

But it is their culture, just gotta respect it.

 

[CGiRanger]

Man, this seems almost as hardcore as Japan's shame culture. I guess all East Asians have similar things in a way.

 

[Airbus Jr]

No wonder they have 1.4 billion population

 

[Artoris]

When I was 25 my dad tried to set me up with a Ukrainian mail order bride type of service. They called me and wanted me to meet “beautiful Ukrainian women” but I said no thanks. I didn’t know he had done it either so it just was out of the blue.

 

[StreetsofBeige]

Son is lucky.

If this was a hardcore family in an Indian village, pissed off parents would had hacked him to death with a machete.

 

[Alter_Fridge]

When I was 25 my dad tried to set me up with a Ukrainian mail order bride type of service. They called me and wanted me to meet “beautiful Ukrainian women” but I said no thanks. I didn’t know he had done it either so it just was out of the blue.

I could go me a super hot Ukranian right now

 

[VN1X]

I mean I'd stay single too if the entirety of the Asian dating game is like this:

 

[K' Dash]

I got married at 36, had a baby girl at 37, got snipped two months after she was born. The only thing I haven't done from my bucket list is visit japan.

There will be time for that.

I'm glad people don't seem to be in a rush to marry or have a family, do everything you want to do first.

 

[chromhound]

He just need some punnany. He'll be alright

 

[StreetsofBeige]

Chinese have a really “how does it make me look” culture. It’s really a shame lots of the things i see here. If a woman is not married and with a kid by 27 she’s failure. Same goes for men, but they are expected to have a house and a car by the time they marry. It’s a really toxic culture (but it’s slowly changing).

But it is their culture, just gotta respect it.

Thats Asian culture in general.

White and Black people who want to show off are more of the "check out my house and BMW" kind of braggers. Asian culture showboating is more of the "my kids are better than your kids, which means I'm a better parent" kind of boaster.

 

[ManaByte]

Did his son just sell a forum for $4.5M?

 

[RoyalLaFlame]

Thats Asian culture in general.

White and Black people who want to show off are more of the "check out my house and BMW" kind of braggers. Asian culture showboating is more of the "my kids are better than your kids, which means I'm a better parent" kind of boaster.

Basically. The way they put their kids through all kinds of forced education (english f.e.), it’s not actually for their kids, its more for themselves.

Not all of them are like that, of course.

 

[Lanrutcon]

I'm pretty glad I had kids.

If it wasn't for that nosey neighbor and that community search effort I would have kept them too. *grumble*

 

[mitch1971]

When I was 25 my dad tried to set me up with a Ukrainian mail order bride type of service. They called me and wanted me to meet “beautiful Ukrainian women” but I said no thanks. I didn’t know he had done it either so it just was out of the blue.

Is your mother Ukrainian, by any chance?

 

[StreetsofBeige]

When I was 25 my dad tried to set me up with a Ukrainian mail order bride type of service. They called me and wanted me to meet “beautiful Ukrainian women” but I said no thanks. I didn’t know he had done it either so it just was out of the blue.

If they can guarantee any hot pics are legit, do it!

 

[BigBooper]

So did the cry for attention work? Did the son marry someone? You don't go to a train station and hand a note to a cop if you're really trying to kill yourself.

Guilt trip city.
(the son)

 

[Taxexemption]

If they can guarantee any hot pics are legit, do it!

A Ukranian women who would do this will be wearing the pants in the family for as long as she stays around, which will not be forever. You can't buy love, at best you can rent companionship.

 

[Swauny Jones]

it's also hard for some guys to get girlfriends let alone a wife in China if they aren't successful due to the guy to girl ratios over there (9 girls for every 1 guy). As a guy you'd think your odds are good. But women there are smart and don't bat a lash at men out there whom don't fit their ideals of what they look for in a guy and can provide for them as well as be approved by the rest of the family as well.

 

[Nester99]

Must suck having that shitty of a father

 

[Mistake]

it's also hard for some guys to get girlfriends let alone a wife in China if they aren't successful due to the guy to girl ratios over there (9 girls for every 1 guy). As a guy you'd think your odds are good. But women there are smart and don't bat a lash at men out there whom don't fit their ideals of what they look for in a guy and can provide for them as well as be approved by the rest of the family as well.

I think your ratio is off. China is known for aborting girls, as boys were made head of the house. Usually the first born son. There’s even documentaries about village people abducting girls from cities because of it.

This type of pressure is why the country has so many people. But marrying too soon has a lot of drawbacks. Cheating or divorce is quite common over there, especially after having one kid. People are left with the “well what now?” feeling.

 

[Putonahappyface]

Wait...my dad is single at 60 (well, divorced).
Do I have to kill myself now?

No but you should give your grandad the heads up.

 

[AJUMP23]

Is your mother Ukrainian, by any chance?

No, she was raised in Ohio.

 

[MrMephistoX]

The issues with leftover women in China is that they give up at 30 and don't put themselves out there. Just traveling from the office to the apartment and hide away that's it. The other dynamic in play is that younger women will throw themselves at older men if they have any level of success. So, you know who the men are going to choose.

This literally happened to my sister in law. She had a steady boyfriend but the parents on both sides didn’t get along so they forced the kids to break up. Then 2 years later my in laws started panicking and started going to meet ups on her behalf, she herself is pretty but as soon as a dude asked her age and heard 27 or 28 they lost interest. Finally we ended up introducing her to a friend of a friend who owned his own business and then my in laws practically forced her through guilt trips and nagging to marry the guy. His parents were the same way because he was also like 28-29 at the time.

 

[Swauny Jones]

I think your ratio is off. China is known for aborting girls, as boys were made head of the house. Usually the first born son. There’s even documentaries about village people abducting girls from cities because of it.

This type of pressure is why the country has so many people. But marrying too soon has a lot of drawbacks. Cheating or divorce is quite common over there, especially after having one kid. People are left with the “well what now?” feeling.

You'd think that but I came across this stat a few years ago in a doc explaining the insecurities of men finding suitors and how they don't approach women in certain regions because they felt they would never measure up to the girls family standards and resorted to bringing trafficked women from Vietnam and other regions to wed and appease their parents. I'll find the vid and post it here. It's pretty sad to see tbh and really sheds light on the culture there when it comes to guys trying to find their match and eventually form a partnership to appease their families

 

[nush]

This literally happened to my sister in law. She had a steady boyfriend but the parents on both sides didn’t get along so they forced the kids to break up. Then 2 years later my in laws started panicking and started going to meet ups on her behalf, she herself is pretty but as soon as a dude asked her age and heard 27 or 28 they lost interest. Finally we ended up introducing her to a friend of a friend who owned his own business and then my in laws practically forced her through guilt trips and nagging to marry the guy. His parents were the same way because he was also like 28-29 at the time.

A friend of mine got jilted at the alter, the parents said she could not marry him even though the families had met and his family had paid a large dowry months in advance. What I assume happened is that they wanted to cash in and thought if the daughter could get a guy at my friends level, then she must be able to "Do better". They were from some backwards village and thought there somewhat average daughter could land a rich city type.

Anyway I told my friend he was better off without her becuse that would have been his life, constantly needing to send money to her parents and that she would never stand by her husband and would have done anything the parents said. Massive bullet dodged at the last minute.

Anyway then my friends mum went crazy for months trying to find a replacement wife for him. He was complaining to me about his mum putting all this pressure on him and then forcing introductions to terrible women. So I did him a solid and introduced him to some quality ladies so at least his mum would see him dating and lay off forcing dodgy women on him.

He found a woman much better than his ex on his own steam in the end. They got married and had a kid.

 

[nush]

You'd think that but I came across this stat a few years ago

I think that stat only applies to tier one cities, people migrate there for work and that's where the money is. As a man if your just a lowly cubicle farm worker you wont get a look in.

 

[StreetsofBeige]

it's also hard for some guys to get girlfriends let alone a wife in China if they aren't successful due to the guy to girl ratios over there (9 girls for every 1 guy). As a guy you'd think your odds are good. But women there are smart and don't bat a lash at men out there whom don't fit their ideals of what they look for in a guy and can provide for them as well as be approved by the rest of the family as well.

Not sure what you mean by 9 girls for every one guy.

 

[nush]

Not sure what you mean by 9 girls for every one guy.

Really? If there's such a shortage of men then women theoretically shouldn't be picky.

That stat is wrong anyway.

 

[MrMephistoX]

A friend of mine got jilted at the alter, the parents said she could not marry him even though the families had met and his family had paid a large dowry months in advance. What I assume happened is that they wanted to cash in and thought if the daughter could get a guy at my friends level, then she must be able to "Do better". They were from some backwards village and thought there somewhat average daughter could land a rich city type.

Anyway I told my friend he was better off without her becuse that would have been his life, constantly needing to send money to her parents and that she would never stand by her husband and would have done anything the parents said. Massive bullet dodged at the last minute.

Anyway then my friends mum went crazy for months trying to find a replacement wife for him. He was complaining to me about his mum putting all this pressure on him and then forcing introductions to terrible women. So I did him a solid and introduced him to some quality ladies so at least his mum would see him dating and lay off forcing dodgy women on him.

He found a woman much better than his ex on his own steam in the end. They got married and had a kid.

Crazy story it’s really hard for westerners to comprehend. It’s done out of love but the lengths Chinese parents go to manage their Childrens lives is remarkable. I always think it’s funny it cuts across generations my father in law acts like an obedient 10 year old every time he’s at my wife’s grandparents house but he’s like a completely different person in his own home or with friends.

 

[ipukespiders]

And here I am telling my boys to never get married.

 

[TheInfamousKira]

Must suck having that shitty of a father

Nester99 just shot himself in the foot. I don't know how much you know about Chinese culture (I'm an expert) but honor and shame are huge parts of it. Not only did this man fail his son, be he failed himself, and now is mandated by whatever elder gods he worships to commit double hari-kari.

 

[nush]

It’s done out of love but the lengths Chinese parents go to manage their Childrens lives is remarkable.

I think it's because the children are the retirement plan.

 

[teezzy]

Sorry dad

 

[Maiden Voyage]

Sorry dad

I forgive you

 

[Darkmakaimura]

Good thing I'm not Chinese because Chinese dad would be very disappoint with me.

 

[Nobody_Important]

My parents don't even need to be Chinese to be disappointed in me. Take that China!


Wait.....

 

[Pegasus Actual]

Nester99 just shot himself in the foot. I don't know how much you know about Chinese culture (I'm an expert) but honor and shame are huge parts of it. Not only did this man fail his son, be he failed himself, and now is mandated by whatever elder gods he worships to commit double hari-kari.

TheInfamousKira just shot himself in the foot. I don't know how much the rest of you know about "shot yourself in the foot" culture (I'm an expert), but honor and shame are huge parts of it. It's not like a normal meme where you can become successful by simply using the first part. If you fail to use the whole meme, you bring shame to yourself, and the only way to get rid of that shame is repentance.

What this means is the memelords, after hearing about this, are not going to want to read posts by TheInfamousKira, they may even block him. This is HUGE. You can laugh all you want, but TheInfamousKira has alienated an entire message board with this move. TheInfamousKira, publicly apologize and delete your post or you can kiss your reactions goodbye.