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Dating Age |OT$6| Just ask her out already
- Thread starter gaiages
- Start date
- Status
The thing is I was going to make things official when she returned, I just never saw it as wise just yet.
Megalosaro
Banned
I forgot. When does she come back? Also, how far is she from you?
Mid August.
She's currently in NYC on an art course.
I guess the Paris trip is making me a bit apprehensive about doing it.
It'll also be better to suss out in person if we still click together (as AcridMeat said).
Pattycakes
Banned
This. It's often tempting to think your exclusive without saying it, but you're not until you both say it.
LordKasual
Banned
look at me, fuck on me, look at me, fuck on me, look at me, fuck on me, look at me, YAH
so why the fuck are waitresses so evil???????
Out with friends? Eating lunch? Chilling with the friends? Rarely
any play man.
On a date? better damn near lay over the table to get your order, oh lol i couldn't hear you let me put my cheek uncomfortably close to your mouth, sexual innuendo jokes are DEFINITELY not inappropriate given the context nope not at all, oh you're definitely here to talk to me so after i take your order let me talk exclusively to you, haha enjoy!
they try to sabotage you
so why the fuck are waitresses so evil???????
Out with friends? Eating lunch? Chilling with the friends? Rarely
never
On a date? better damn near lay over the table to get your order, oh lol i couldn't hear you let me put my cheek uncomfortably close to your mouth, sexual innuendo jokes are DEFINITELY not inappropriate given the context nope not at all, oh you're definitely here to talk to me so after i take your order let me talk exclusively to you, haha enjoy!
they try to sabotage you
Attack You
Member
Stop taking your dates to Hooters, man.
Edit: I do theorize, however, that some women use other women to vet a man's eligibility. Like, how a taken man is more attractive because he's already been groomed.
Edit: I do theorize, however, that some women use other women to vet a man's eligibility. Like, how a taken man is more attractive because he's already been groomed.
LookAtMeGo
Member
Better than Red Robin.. although I did give her some of my bottomless fries.
dreamcastmaster
Banned
It's a work guy, they know A) You're not likely to hit on them B) You're more likely to tip better in front of your date to look generous.
Y U even mad bro?
JadedWriter
Member
I'm on OKC while listening to SMT IV boss music...seems appropriate.
Gotdatmoney
Member
You'd likely be wrong
You are
Getting in shape and losing weight is literally never "for mothing".
Find a cute girl and just message spam a bunch of SMT spells. You'll find a weakness eventually.
JadedWriter
Member
I'd need to find a goth chick weak to Hamaon spells.
JadedWriter
Member
I'd have to ask them what they thought about the Chimera Ant Arc. If they didn't like it then no deal.
I'm breaking up with my girlfriend. It took a lot of energy to commit to her. And that commitment still is taking way too much energy. I'm so drained.
I really tried and I'm glad I did. But it's time for us both to be free. She should be with someone who really wants to be with her. I thought that was me. But it's not. And it's a relief to admit that. I gave myself a solid month and a half to really settle into this commitment. And it never felt right.
I'm out.
I really tried and I'm glad I did. But it's time for us both to be free. She should be with someone who really wants to be with her. I thought that was me. But it's not. And it's a relief to admit that. I gave myself a solid month and a half to really settle into this commitment. And it never felt right.
I'm out.
Advocatus Diaboli
Member
I mean, you do you. But every relationship takes energy. There's no such thing as a relationship that requires no expenditure of effort: that's why they call it commitment.
I wonder how much of this is mental exhaustion and how much of it is the fact that it's summer and my eyes wander and think about all the possibilities out there. Then again, I'm in a Xun-like not-actually-a-relationship relationship at the moment.
What, specifically, happened? Because I feel like these issues might crop up later on, so they're worth exploring now.
PancakeBurglar
Member
Had a good first date, went hiking around some falls here in Minneapolis. Conversation flowed well and set up a second date for Saturday grabbing lunch and going to the Science Museum. Gave her a kiss at the end and she seemed really excited and cheery.
I don't think anything really happened. If you recall, I was dreading committing to her for a while before I actually did it. Then when I did, that feeling never fully went away... and it's now worse than before.
You can say "hey this is just going to happen again" but I genuinely don't think so and need to trust my gut on this. I've never been afraid of commitment with anyone else I've dated. With her, however, I sort of feel like I'm settling if I'm being completely honest.
It's time to let her go.
dreamcastmaster
Banned
Wait! What? You committed to your girlfriend but gave up after 45 days? There's something wrong with your understanding of what commitment means. How long have you been with her before you committed? For the sake of all ladies out there please don't get married.
Advocatus Diaboli
Member
This isn't fair.
No, I actually get what you mean. I was perfect on paper with someone from last fall (and earlier this year, for version 2.0) and despite things being 98% there... I don't know, have you ever seen Sliders? It was exactly like that. (Not entirely important, though.) But I always felt like something was missing, like something was off, and while others identified it as a small piece, it started to feel more and more outsized as time progressed. I could see things progressing along a certain glide path, and I knew I'd be unhappy at the end.
I think we both went through the same thing. I tried, but things didn't ever perfectly click.
I also felt like I would've settled.
So, if we're in the wrong here, we're on the same team.
The weird thing is, with my current almost-girl, I know she's not perfect and I do have doubts, but I'm absolutely willing to press on; I'm legitimately excited to know her further, and I have no problem introducing her to friends or making medium-term plans with her. If you put a gun to my head and asked me if I thought it'd work out, I'd give you a solid 50/50, but I'm... excited to try.
dreamcastmaster
Banned
Sorry, I guess my definition of commitment is different to you. To me it means working through the problems communicating, understanding and compromise. If I say I'm committed to a girlfriend I would not just drop her after 45 days saying it's too hard. Am I missing something or does that poster just looking for group hug?
ZackieChan
Member
Is your argument that he should stay with someone he doesn't want to be with, hoping that things get better, just because he made some "commitment" that means nothing?
What a terrible way to live.
dreamcastmaster
Banned
No, no, no.. you misunderstand! I think it's clearly, give up too soon.
...why? He describes the relationship as draining and outright says he doesn't "really want to be with her". 45 days gave the commitment a fair shake, he decided this girl wasn't for him. He doesn't owe her more time than what he cares to spend.
Gotdatmoney
Member
If you are only 45 days into an official relationship and you are drained then you didn't give up fast enough frankly.
As far as Peltz is concerned I just think letting the whole thing drag out for 5 months before being official was a mistake. Girl put up with more shit than I would ever tolerate. In the future maybe don't do that.
But being committed is useless if you're not happy. Giving your all to try and make something work and accepting you just cant is mature.
He isn't dropping her because it's hard. He's dropping her because he just flatout didn't want to be with her.
As far as Peltz is concerned I just think letting the whole thing drag out for 5 months before being official was a mistake. Girl put up with more shit than I would ever tolerate. In the future maybe don't do that.
But being committed is useless if you're not happy. Giving your all to try and make something work and accepting you just cant is mature.
He isn't dropping her because it's hard. He's dropping her because he just flatout didn't want to be with her.
Subpar Scrub
Banned
If the end result of working through those issues and compromising is that you're still not happy in the relationship, what's the point of continuing a commitment?
I learned a lot from this process including this. It wasn't all bad though. I also have a much better idea of what I want out of a partner after this.
And I learned how to open up and truly be vulnerable with someone which is something I've never done this well before. I am a much better person from the experience. Now it's all about ending it as respectfully as possible.
By the way, to the person who says I didn't truly commit because it's only been 45 days or whatever: I'd be not honoring my commitment if I continued to stay with her. A very big of that commitment entails being truly honest with her and sharing my deepest thoughts. I'm breaking up with her, but not breaking that aspect of what I commited to. So I'd be hurting her more by staying with her at this point and not actually honoring the spirit of that commitment.
Can somebody explain to me fully what the purpose of Tinder is? I don't think I want anything serious especially since it seems like all the women that I'm attracted to personally or want to date live way too far away from me.
Is it like a hook-up service or an actual dating service? I don't want anything too serious and don't want to dive head first into another relationship. Should I download Tinder?
Is it like a hook-up service or an actual dating service? I don't want anything too serious and don't want to dive head first into another relationship. Should I download Tinder?
LookAtMeGo
Member
It can be both IMO. If all you want is hanky panky then just put a bunch of half naked pics and have your bio say you're lookin to smash. Only those lookin to smash will be interested in your profile. If you want to date then make your profile accordingly. I see profiles with ass shots with the bio like "looking for a dick to suck" and profiles that are all "not into hookups. Looking for my prince charming".
Its what you make it IMO.
artsi
Member
You meet women or men that you are attracted to and are interested in pursuing further relations with.
It's both, depends on what the other person is looking for.
Yes.
Mr Solo Dolo
Member
I always find its the girls that let's just say are on the bigger side and not the most attractive that put stuff like that in their bio.
But yeah Tinder can be used for both. I've used it for hook ups and dating.
In my experience girls looking to hook up will be forward with it. I've matched with girls and within a few messages I've been invited over to 'chill'. Other girls we've talked for a bit and nothings happened unless I've asked if they want to go for a drink or something.
Mm, I got a little situation. I'm already talking about it too much with people I know so I figure I'll throw something out to the crowd.
Basically I've got a 4ish year relationship that is coming to an end - she's kind of over me now, and really we were never right for each other, but I don't deal with break ups well so I'm pretty upset about it. Goes up and down, I hope it'll be the best thing for us both in the end, but in the short term, it's hard.
Anyway I know I need to start detaching and thinking ahead to the future and taking an interest in other women. The thing is I dunno how exactly I'll meet people. I'm 28, which isn't old I know but I have a very limited social life and right now I'm out of work. I'm going into a coding course soon, so I'm moving on with my life, but as far as socialising and relationships I feel really out of the swing of things.
So I know the kinds of things people normally suggest are online dating and going to 'events' (i'm kind of in the dark about what these 'events' actually are). What are other people's experiences with getting out into dating once you are out of college/uni and kind of trying to find a career for yourself? I met a woman through work once, we hit it off and had a little thing, but it didn't work out. I know that's an option, a frowned upon one, but it happens.
I don't drink (alcoholic, which is another bit of an issue, but more of a 'once you've found someone' problem, and maybe not even a problem, just a conversation), so going to bars and stuff is tricky because I'd be totally sober and it's not really the kind of place I should hang out.
So in terms of events, what does that mean? I've gone on a couple of online dates years ago, honestly they weren't very good experiences, but they did help me move on from a previous relationship. The main thing was I was in university and there were single women of a like mind all around me so it was so easy just to slip back into meeting people. Now I feel a bit lost with it all.
Me and my soon to be ex are still hanging out for a few more weeks until she leaves the country, but I'm already thinking about this. I know I'll need to wait until my feelings about her subside before I'm ready for a proper relationship but getting out and reminding myself I can still do this will undoubtedly help, because it did before.
Any tips?
Basically I've got a 4ish year relationship that is coming to an end - she's kind of over me now, and really we were never right for each other, but I don't deal with break ups well so I'm pretty upset about it. Goes up and down, I hope it'll be the best thing for us both in the end, but in the short term, it's hard.
Anyway I know I need to start detaching and thinking ahead to the future and taking an interest in other women. The thing is I dunno how exactly I'll meet people. I'm 28, which isn't old I know but I have a very limited social life and right now I'm out of work. I'm going into a coding course soon, so I'm moving on with my life, but as far as socialising and relationships I feel really out of the swing of things.
So I know the kinds of things people normally suggest are online dating and going to 'events' (i'm kind of in the dark about what these 'events' actually are). What are other people's experiences with getting out into dating once you are out of college/uni and kind of trying to find a career for yourself? I met a woman through work once, we hit it off and had a little thing, but it didn't work out. I know that's an option, a frowned upon one, but it happens.
I don't drink (alcoholic, which is another bit of an issue, but more of a 'once you've found someone' problem, and maybe not even a problem, just a conversation), so going to bars and stuff is tricky because I'd be totally sober and it's not really the kind of place I should hang out.
So in terms of events, what does that mean? I've gone on a couple of online dates years ago, honestly they weren't very good experiences, but they did help me move on from a previous relationship. The main thing was I was in university and there were single women of a like mind all around me so it was so easy just to slip back into meeting people. Now I feel a bit lost with it all.
Me and my soon to be ex are still hanging out for a few more weeks until she leaves the country, but I'm already thinking about this. I know I'll need to wait until my feelings about her subside before I'm ready for a proper relationship but getting out and reminding myself I can still do this will undoubtedly help, because it did before.
Any tips?
TBH you're supposed to do those things for you, not for other people
I mean I do it to look better naked but not for my SO, but so I can check myself out in a mirror all narcissistic like and go "yeah I'm hot".Physical looks aren't the only things that matter in dating. If your personality has no substance, you won't get much of anywhere in getting them to talk to you.
Are you drunk?
That poster has quite a few posts from 45 days ago that you're missing, yes.
Congrats on you doing something different. People are different.
TBH you're supposed to do those things for you, not for other people
But seriously yeah do stuff for yourself. It's so much better than making it about other people, because people change or are just saying shit.
Pattycakes
Banned
But seriously yeah do stuff for yourself. It's so much better than making it about other people, because people change or are just saying shit.
something something I'd screw myself
aka
selfcrest
Gotdatmoney
Member
TBH you're supposed to do those things for you, not for other people
But seriously yeah do stuff for yourself. It's so much better than making it about other people, because people change or are just saying shit.
We had this convo before in dating age and a good chunk of people (including regulars) said they only work out for others. Where the fuck were yall when I needed people in my corner?
😡😡😡
Seriously though, I hit my goal of 2 plates on bench last week and I still get awkward when other people are trying to compliment on my body. It will never not be weird. Them gains are self driven.
Slightly off topic/slightly dating gaf related
Has anyone else read/heard about the recent story of a guy who was suspended from his school for grading and posting a letter from his ex on twitter?
It made think of Dating Age when I saw that the whole thing started when he blocked her number and deleted her on social media. I could definitely see a thread spanning months here about someone who had gotten in trouble over posting a letter on twitter.
Haha, its generally for the best to completely ignore people climbing back into your life if you ever had to block them on social media and delete their number.
Has anyone else read/heard about the recent story of a guy who was suspended from his school for grading and posting a letter from his ex on twitter?
It made think of Dating Age when I saw that the whole thing started when he blocked her number and deleted her on social media. I could definitely see a thread spanning months here about someone who had gotten in trouble over posting a letter on twitter.
Haha, its generally for the best to completely ignore people climbing back into your life if you ever had to block them on social media and delete their number.
Prime crotch
Banned
slightly offtopic
I'm getting way too exhausted of hearing relationship talk and debating with some of my friends. They're willing to consider the cheating issue in monogamous relationships insofar as it is comfortable to them. Meaning, it doesn't bother them to cheat, but would rather not know and are kinda passive agressive with the idea of their companions doing the same.
Trying to make them realize how cognitive dissonant that is has been really tiring.
I think I'll just mute chat chat groups and nod along.
I'm getting way too exhausted of hearing relationship talk and debating with some of my friends. They're willing to consider the cheating issue in monogamous relationships insofar as it is comfortable to them. Meaning, it doesn't bother them to cheat, but would rather not know and are kinda passive agressive with the idea of their companions doing the same.
Trying to make them realize how cognitive dissonant that is has been really tiring.
I think I'll just mute chat chat groups and nod along.
Cut off all contact with her. Don't think about dating. Please follow those two steps.
Just focus on your course, workout, look for social clubs in your community to join, and be happy. Many cities and/or towns have sport leagues, gym classes, hiking clubs, board game meetups, etc. You just have to research something you enjoy.
Right now, your goal should be self improvement and investing in your own success. Learning to be happy with your career progress and social life without being in a relationship will put you in a far better position in the long run to find someone who aligns with your values and is a fitting match for you.
Relationships (romantic or otherwise) are not supposed to be the source of your happiness. The source has to come from within by having good values and making good life choices. Only when you've spent some time focusing on you - putting energy into class, exercising, attempting to socialize (even if it leads nowhere), etc - then will you be in a good position for considering a romantic interest. If you're "not good" with breakups and are already trying to fill that hole in your life, then you're not ready.
Just give it time, keep your head involved in productive activities and be happy. And, believe it or not, happiness is really a conscious choice. You can sulk about your breakup, or you can be happy you invested all you had into someone even though it didn't work out. Be happy that you tried. The outcome isn't really as important as the effort you put in. Happiness comes from our own decisions and our own actions, and not from any external outcome or success from those actions. But trying to replace one girl with the next girl probably isn't a good strategy.
Gotdatmoney
Member
Sleep with their girlfriends. That's the only solution here.
Ristifer
Member
Indeed. See how they react after that bombshell.
Gotdatmoney
Member
They said they would be cool as long as they didn't know. He needs to be as sneaky as possible about this, not forthcoming.
Brotha man, show their girls the thread then propose that you wanna prove a point. (A point they of course will never know but yolo) I believe in you. Good luck.
________
As a side note I'm reading that ghosting thread. Jesus fucking christ. What the fuck is wrong with some people?
Prime crotch
Banned
I'll just never touch the subject again and remind them to never speak to me about it again. Since what they're looking is validation not discussion. Like, I'm not blameless and have conflicting views about the matter, but come on, at the very least don't go into a higher than thou attitude because you want to fuck around and not feel bad about it.
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