Ex Girlfriend Situation

NoviDon

NoviDon

Member
I would never fully put my guard down and trust a woman that has been hot and cold with me and wasn't sure where she stood with me, especially early on in the relationship. It's fine for fun and to keep loneliness and boredom at bay, but I would not have any expectiation, especially not in a risky situation like marriage. Either a woman desires you and wants to be with you, or they don't.

This wishy washy shit means your not close to her type, she likes you and what you provide her. But she isn't fully fulfilled. In her mind she is "settling" and is keeping her options open for the guy that really makes her feel the electricity down under (she is older and with a kid, that guy is never coming). I mean, you will know when they are in to you, they won't want to leave and will steadily try to interject themselves into your world, and want to constantly up the seriousness of the relationship, trying to force you to commit and lock you down because they are scared another woman will steal you away. That did not happen in this encounter. Your in love and she is invested in the convenience, for now.

If I was 40 plus I would not be playing those games, time is of the essence. But do you playa.
 
R

Revoh

Member
NoviDon said:
I would never fully put my guard down and trust a woman that has been hot and cold with me and wasn't sure where she stood with me, especially early on in the relationship. It's fine for fun and to keep loneliness and boredom at bay, but I would not have any expectiation, especially not in a risky situation like marriage. Either a woman desires you and wants to be with you, or they don't.

This wishy washy shit means your not close to her type, she likes you and what you provide her. But she isn't fully fulfilled. In her mind she is "settling" and is keeping her options open for the guy that really makes her feel the electricity down under (she is older and with a kid, that guy is never coming). I mean, you will know when they are in to you, they won't want to leave and will steadily try to interject themselves into your world, and want to constantly up the seriousness of the relationship, trying to force you to commit and lock you down because they are scared another woman will steal you away. That did not happen in this encounter. Your in love and she is invested in the convenience, for now.

If I was 40 plus I would not be playing those games, time is of the essence. But do you playa.
Click to expand...
Wisdom right there
 
Catphish

Catphish

Member
Pete the Ferret said:
Soooo, I'll try to keep it brief but it'll probably turn out long AF 😂

I help run a FB Singles group which encompasses 4 counties (UK). During lockdowns I used to run a regular Friday Night Zoom party for members. In January this Polish girl joined the group, started joining the Zooms and every week (normally because she'd had some wine) she couldn't figure out how to join, so she she'd message me.

From there we started talking more and more, until it became private WhatsApp video calls, messages daily etc.

Eventually we arranged to meet up for real (we live 54 miles apart and she doesn't drive). She invited me to hers for Easter Sunday champagne breakfast. As soon as she opened the front door I thought "wow!" We hit it off immediately, it was just like a continuation of the Zooms, messages etc.

From there we started seeing each other every couple of weeks, then every weekend once she felt comfortable to introduce me to her 5 Yr old son.

In June, we decide to do the FB official thing. We have a fair few mutual friends (from the FB group) and they all say we match perfectly. We get on like a house on fire, i really fall in love with her, she the same with me, I get on great with her son (who tells me he loves me too)...all going amazing, planned futures together, moving in, having a baby...you get the idea.

Fast forward to the Bank Holiday Monday at the end of August...she texts me out the blue saying can we just be friends!

Naturally I'm devastated, she doesn't want to talk, just says she's realised she is not in the right place to be in a relationship etc...all through texts...i ask for my belongings back that are at hers, each time I ask she makes an excuse why she can't give them to a mutual friend or whatever... whole week goes by and its her Sons 6th birthday.

She thanks me for his gift I sent, her texts completely change and for a whole week it's darling this, darling that, i need to sort my head out, I miss you etc.

Another week passes...suddenly the texts are cold, one line, no kisses... Eventually I tell her (rather than ask as before) that I'm collecting my belongings, I drive over that evening and collect from her next door Neighbour and our mutual friend.

Go forward another week and it's my birthday, i receive a card from her, a pop up card with photos on it she took and exploding confetti. I also get a text from her at 1am on my birthday saying she wanted to be the first to give birthday wishes.

Go forward now to last weekend...

Friday evening I go to her town to meet some friends (that she knows) for a drink at the pub. One of them posts a photo of us all on FB...she sees it, posts a photo of her around her neighbour (our mutual friend) with a sarky comment...i end up storming round and saying that we need that face to face talk.

We go back to her house, talk until 4am...she tells me a number of times that she's in love with me but still doesn't want a relationship.

All that while we are getting off with each other, then sleep together and I eventually leave at 11am the next day. Mindfuck!!

I should point out that she is mid 30s, I'm mid 40s so we're not exactly teenagers but I really don't know what to make of it all. Known each other for 10 months, dated since April...lets just hope that last weekend doesn't end up in her becoming pregnant as that'll be the real twist 😂

Thoughts wise people of NeoGaf???

I know some will say forget about her etc...easier said than done as I do still really love her
Click to expand...
I mean, from my experience with shit like this, she's a mess. As difficult as it may be, I'd cut it off. You're asking for a steady stream of pain and drama if you stay with this one.

If she's got you meeting her kid, the kid's saying he loves you, and then she starts pulling all this shit? Brother, listen to me. I've been in a very similar situation, that ended very badly.

G. T. F. O.
 
Pete the Ferret

Pete the Ferret

Member
Pete the Ferret

Pete the Ferret

Member
Well, needless to say the relationship has ended again!

After upending my life, moving to hers, going through many ups and downs (I did find a really good job thats local and walkable so there is that), enduring lots of biting remarks over the last few months...I'm moving out.

Still feeling emotional but maybe not in the same way as before, it's sad when something you've put so much in to falls apart. Hey ho!
 
AJUMP23

AJUMP23

Parody of actual AJUMP23
Pete the Ferret said:
Well, needless to say the relationship has ended again!

After upending my life, moving to hers, going through many ups and downs (I did find a really good job thats local and walkable so there is that), enduring lots of biting remarks over the last few months...I'm moving out.

Still feeling emotional but maybe not in the same way as before, it's sad when something you've put so much in to falls apart. Hey ho!
Click to expand...
Sorry to hear about the relationship. Glad you found a great job and hope you will not be discouraged to find another good relationship.
 
Trunx81

Trunx81

Member
Pete the Ferret said:
Well, needless to say the relationship has ended again!

After upending my life, moving to hers, going through many ups and downs (I did find a really good job thats local and walkable so there is that), enduring lots of biting remarks over the last few months...I'm moving out.

Still feeling emotional but maybe not in the same way as before, it's sad when something you've put so much in to falls apart. Hey ho!
Click to expand...
How does the kid take it?
 
Pete the Ferret

Pete the Ferret

Member
Trunx81 said:
How does the kid take it?
Click to expand...
Like before, not well. Since 2022, I've helped her through a family court case to get her kid back from the father who took him full time. Not without reason, she has some long time demons with alcohol. She has been sober for a couple of months (complete cold turkey) and has started attending church every week and praying daily (she's Catholic and used to go to Church at Christmas and Easter only). Since quitting alcohol she's basically turned into the devil though, probably through withdrawal but also because she ALSO stopped her antidepressants (against the doctors advice).

I was obviously very happy (and proud) when she quit the booze...she's been diagnosed with liver damage and I've been taking her to various hospitals for different scans since January (she doesn't drive).

So yeah, kid is 10 this year and is seeing me going again! I even agreed to work from home last Friday to look after him as he was ill and she had to go to work, I'm still waiting on a simple thank you for that or any of the personal taxi services to hospital 😅

Oh I must not forget, we also suffered a 9 week miscarriage in the summer of 2022.


It's been a crazy and stressful few years
 
demigod

demigod

Member
Pete the Ferret said:
Well, needless to say the relationship has ended again!

After upending my life, moving to hers, going through many ups and downs (I did find a really good job thats local and walkable so there is that), enduring lots of biting remarks over the last few months...I'm moving out.

Still feeling emotional but maybe not in the same way as before, it's sad when something you've put so much in to falls apart. Hey ho!
Click to expand...
How was the sex?
 
Heimdall_Xtreme

Heimdall_Xtreme

Hermen Hulst Fanclub's #1 Member
Pete the Ferret said:
Soooo, I'll try to keep it brief but it'll probably turn out long AF 😂

I help run a FB Singles group which encompasses 4 counties (UK). During lockdowns I used to run a regular Friday Night Zoom party for members. In January this Polish girl joined the group, started joining the Zooms and every week (normally because she'd had some wine) she couldn't figure out how to join, so she she'd message me.

From there we started talking more and more, until it became private WhatsApp video calls, messages daily etc.

Eventually we arranged to meet up for real (we live 54 miles apart and she doesn't drive). She invited me to hers for Easter Sunday champagne breakfast. As soon as she opened the front door I thought "wow!" We hit it off immediately, it was just like a continuation of the Zooms, messages etc.

From there we started seeing each other every couple of weeks, then every weekend once she felt comfortable to introduce me to her 5 Yr old son.

In June, we decide to do the FB official thing. We have a fair few mutual friends (from the FB group) and they all say we match perfectly. We get on like a house on fire, i really fall in love with her, she the same with me, I get on great with her son (who tells me he loves me too)...all going amazing, planned futures together, moving in, having a baby...you get the idea.

Fast forward to the Bank Holiday Monday at the end of August...she texts me out the blue saying can we just be friends!

Naturally I'm devastated, she doesn't want to talk, just says she's realised she is not in the right place to be in a relationship etc...all through texts...i ask for my belongings back that are at hers, each time I ask she makes an excuse why she can't give them to a mutual friend or whatever... whole week goes by and its her Sons 6th birthday.

She thanks me for his gift I sent, her texts completely change and for a whole week it's darling this, darling that, i need to sort my head out, I miss you etc.

Another week passes...suddenly the texts are cold, one line, no kisses... Eventually I tell her (rather than ask as before) that I'm collecting my belongings, I drive over that evening and collect from her next door Neighbour and our mutual friend.

Go forward another week and it's my birthday, i receive a card from her, a pop up card with photos on it she took and exploding confetti. I also get a text from her at 1am on my birthday saying she wanted to be the first to give birthday wishes.

Go forward now to last weekend...

Friday evening I go to her town to meet some friends (that she knows) for a drink at the pub. One of them posts a photo of us all on FB...she sees it, posts a photo of her around her neighbour (our mutual friend) with a sarky comment...i end up storming round and saying that we need that face to face talk.

We go back to her house, talk until 4am...she tells me a number of times that she's in love with me but still doesn't want a relationship.

All that while we are getting off with each other, then sleep together and I eventually leave at 11am the next day. Mindfuck!!

I should point out that she is mid 30s, I'm mid 40s so we're not exactly teenagers but I really don't know what to make of it all. Known each other for 10 months, dated since April...lets just hope that last weekend doesn't end up in her becoming pregnant as that'll be the real twist 😂

Thoughts wise people of NeoGaf???

I know some will say forget about her etc...easier said than done as I do still really love her
Click to expand...
I think you're safe... A relationship with single mothers, especially those with children... It's the worst.
 
lifa-cobex

lifa-cobex

Member
Heimdall_Xtreme said:
I think you're safe... A relationship with single mothers, especially those with children... It's the worst.
Click to expand...
Oh god yea.
Single mothers is one thing.
But when they have kids, then it's mental.................:messenger_beaming:


OP.
I followed your story from way back.
Rough ride mate.
I hope you're not hoping to re light the candle in the future.
It's sad but she just sounds (for lack of a better word) broken. I don't think your going to fix it.
Some people are just like that around our age. They can only help themselves and anybody else would just get in the way or distract.
Hopfully she gets back on the meds and finds some structure in religion.
It sounds like a good thing that the dad has custody. I'm sure she hates it but you can't take a kid through that.
Plus it gives her a goal to get healthy.
 
Heimdall_Xtreme

Heimdall_Xtreme

Hermen Hulst Fanclub's #1 Member
Cyberpunkd said:
That’s not the issue. It looks like she was bi-polar and ex-alcoholic. OP mentioned she stopped taking her meds, that NEVER ends well. Shame there is a kid involved, that will fuck him up.
Click to expand...
Even if she's has those psychiatric conditions (depend) , she might be able to tolerate them, but they have red flags or danger points.

-Single mother.

-Women 30 years or older.

-Have children.
-Like parties or alcohol.

For me, if they have those, they're not worth it...
 
Last edited:
Pete the Ferret

Pete the Ferret

Member
lifa-cobex said:
Oh god yea.
Single mothers is one thing.
But when they have kids, then it's mental.................:messenger_beaming:


OP.
I followed your story from way back.
Rough ride mate.
I hope you're not hoping to re light the candle in the future.
It's sad but she just sounds (for lack of a better word) broken. I don't think your going to fix it.
Some people are just like that around our age. They can only help themselves and anybody else would just get in the way or distract.
Hopfully she gets back on the meds and finds some structure in religion.
It sounds like a good thing that the dad has custody. I'm sure she hates it but you can't take a kid through that.
Plus it gives her a goal to get healthy.
Click to expand...
Hey thank you so much for this. Broken is a great way of summing her up.

She has £10k in credit card debt (mostly amassed over the last couple years with her drinking and paying for various bits around the court case), she has to pay £340 a month on that....then she has her phone contract of £65, she recently got her son an iPhone (refurb) and that's £35 a month . Then she has broadband and all usual other house hold bills (rent, council tax, utilities). And NOW only this week she's just ordered a new double bed and mattress for the sons room (£1100) and a 55" TV (I took mine). Both of those are on finance too.


Now, she only works part time (16 hrs a week) on national wage £12ish per hour), so I do wonder what she is going to do for money each month after all that. She gets some benefits but she was used to me being there, I'd usually give her £800 a month, I think she's gonna miss that soon enough!


Broken indeed
 
Tams

Tams

Member
Pete the Ferret said:
Hey thank you so much for this. Broken is a great way of summing her up.

She has £10k in credit card debt (mostly amassed over the last couple years with her drinking and paying for various bits around the court case), she has to pay £340 a month on that....then she has her phone contract of £65, she recently got her son an iPhone (refurb) and that's £35 a month . Then she has broadband and all usual other house hold bills (rent, council tax, utilities). And NOW only this week she's just ordered a new double bed and mattress for the sons room (£1100) and a 55" TV (I took mine). Both of those are on finance too.


Now, she only works part time (16 hrs a week) on national wage £12ish per hour), so I do wonder what she is going to do for money each month after all that. She gets some benefits but she was used to me being there, I'd usually give her £800 a month, I think she's gonna miss that soon enough!


Broken indeed
Click to expand...

So you'll be back.
 
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