They need to just go all out and let you throw whip cream pies at your squad.
I asked OpenAI about it. It sounds… exactly like something this depraved fanbase would go crazy for:
As soon as the idea was suggested, the Fire Emblem development team knew they had a hit on their hands. The minigame, dubbed "Cream Pie Chaos," would allow players to throw cream pies in the faces of their party members in order to build affinity.
At first, the team was skeptical. Throwing pies in someone's face seemed like a bit of a stretch, even for a fantasy RPG. But as they played around with the idea, they realized that it was actually a lot of fun.
The minigame was simple: players would select a party member, and then aim and throw a cream pie at their face. Each successful hit would earn points, and the more points a player earned, the more affinity their party member would have for them.
But the team didn't stop there. They added in various power-ups and special moves, such as the "Double Cream" which allowed players to throw two pies at once, and the "Gooey Glop" which made it harder for party members to dodge the pies.
As the development of the minigame progressed, the team couldn't help but get a little carried away. They added in all sorts of silly features, like the ability to dress up your party members in ridiculous costumes, and the option to use different flavors of cream pie.
When "Cream Pie Chaos" was finally released, it quickly became a fan favorite. Players loved the silly, light-hearted nature of the minigame, and it became a staple of the Fire Emblem series.
And as for the development team? They couldn't be happier with the outcome. They had taken a risky idea and turned it into something truly memorable, and they knew that "Cream Pie Chaos" would be a game that fans would love for years to come.