A ripped body. A winning smile. A passionate demeanor. Close personal monster friends. Being labeled as evil by an evil and very rude doctor who did evil and very rude experiments on human subjects with the help of his evil and very rude colleagues. (What a great endorsement!) These are just some of the countless reasons to place your unqualified trust in Theo.
Theo would never lie, unless he had to for the furtherance of his noble pursuit of power. Theo would never hurt anybody, unless they were obstacles to his Napoleonic rise to just and deserved supremacy over this earthly sphere. Theo would never try to seduce a were-coyote by stripping off his shirt and flexing his powerful torso and arm muscles in a ravishing display of masculine virility, unless that were-coyote was Malia, whose immunity to flawless hunks is a subject of endless consternation in the medical community. Theo is pretty great.
How about this tight pan up this flaming hot hunk's nearly naked body? I'm into it. Now, I am no director, but if I were a director, this is how I would open each and every one of my shows. It would be one of my many hunk-oriented signatures that would distinguish me from the lesser auteurs of my generation.
I am not entirely comfortable with the idea of Gerard being the keeper of a potent weapon that happens to be shaped like a cane. With this, osteoporosis is the only constraint on his power. Who know how far his reign of terror could go if he turns that thing into a bayonet for his Rascal scooter?
What in the what? The evil doctor lives!? And Scott and Liam brought him to a vet's office? Millenials are weird. Hey wait a second, isn't that the exact same jerk who said all those rude things to Theo? Now I understand. The karmic burden of his vile words is so great that fate itself suspended his passing until he gives Theo an apology.
In most situations it is not a good idea to smooch on hunks with grievous injuries, but Tracy is not most people, and Theo is not most hunks. I don't mean to be a hater, alright? In all honesty, who among us has not been a monster teen who got all up on a wounded hunk's business while both of you were holed up in a grungy basement? I am told it's a practically a tradition in rich bastions of American culture such as Miami and Detroit. My parents tell me that I myself might be a basement baby. That, or a McDonald's utility closet baby. Either way, I'm proud of my heritage. Tracy and Theo have nothing to be ashamed of.
Dying to empower Theo is probably the nicest thing that Tracy's done for anybody.
For the second time in this episode, we have a tight pan up the back of an almost naked hunk's body, and to be completely honest with you I am tired of it already. After all, there's more to men than than brawny thighs, firm butts, and broad backs. There are also cut abs, packed pecs, shredded biceps, and meaty bulges.
It's a shame Malia didn't silence her SAMSUNG brand smartphone before navigating its sleek and efficient interface to call Stiles. Keen viewers will note that Malia chose to power off her SAMSUNG brand smartphone not because she experienced poor service indoors—an unimaginable event with AT&T WIRELESS's exceptional coverage—but that her own inept handling of SAMSUNG's miracle of modern engineering alerted her to the fact that this sublime marriage of art and technology is rather too elegant for the unrefined consumer's coarse lifestyle.
The whole Dread Doctors arc, culminating in this dramatic unmasking of the main Dread Doctor, was a pretty roundabout way to teach us what we already know: exfoliation is a must.
Oh hi again nearly naked Parrish. I strongly approve of the way you're making up for all those wasted hours in your deputy uniform.
Dammit Hayden's sister, I hold you responsible for anything that happens to Lydia or Stiles' dad!
As you're all aware, I am the first person to let my favorite hunks know when they are being jerks. While I would not go so far as to call Theo a jerk, I would gently remind him that breaking your friends' bones and forcing them to drop other people down deep holes will probably make them grumpy.
Personally I think it was very generous of that CG Beast not to murder Theo for penetrating him.
Damn, Deucalion is one calculating guy! Cool eye trick. I really love this character. Now, in my opinion, it was sort of rude for him to snap Theo's neck like that, but on the other hand, Theo could probably use a good long time-out underground to plan his next marvelous shirtless scene, perhaps on a show with fewer ungrateful monster jerks who barely even notice his abs when he's trying to kill their friends or whatever.
Oh wait, he's alive? OK, I'll take it. He might have a hard time being helpful to everyone he meets for a while, seeing as how he's completely paralyzed by a severe spinal cord injury, but I know I speak for all viewers when I say he's done more than enough already. Thanks Theo! Rest now bb, here in the grime and mold of this tunnel.
Gerard really has a way with people.
I just noticed that The Desert Wolf's approach to parenting is somewhat different than most of the other parents on this show. Like for instance, the other parents generally don't shoot bullets at their kids. I am not here to criticize anybody though. We are all unique.
LOL, there's Corey, creepin' on the pack again! Of
course he's here. Stalking is his superpower.
Huh, I guess Theo's going to spend some time underground after all. But with his creepy ghost sister? Maybe I am just antisocial, but personally I would have a hard time being productive with my creepy ghost sister constantly distracting me with ghost sister stuff. Sit still for a second, these carbs won't count themselves!
I admit it: I got pulled in by this episode and forgot to write down most of my wise and witty observations. I'm really glad none of the original pack died. The CG beast ended up being a pretty cool villain after all, the way he phased back and forth between his two forms, until he got hugged to death by a flaming hot nearly nude hunk, and Mason was reunited with his precious gay chimera bf. That Allison callback was a really nice bookend for 5A + 5B. Sure, this episode also had the lowest point in the season, where Theo had his neck snapped, but he got better! And then he pulled a Palpatine and blasted some jerks with lighting, stunning them not so much with the power of his attack as the youthful allure of his angelic face. And now he's getting super buff lifting rocks underground while Samara cheers him on. Enjoy your vacation, buddy!
I love a finale where all of the right people win, or survive, or at least have the option to return because they're gorgeous. It was great to see the gang back together at school. Thank goodness they didn't kill Lydia or Stiles. I was seriously worried.
Final observation: Deucalion has limitless swag. It was so awesome to see him working with Scott, I don't care what anyone says. I love how this show doesn't even need a reason to bring back awesome characters. (Jackson next, please!)
Overall, a great close to a fun season. Many arcs got their proper resolution, a lot of characters grew in important ways (go Lydia, Malia, and Kira!), and one hunk in particular got shirtless and grimy a whole bunch. I'm satisfied.
Same, so glad that plot armor bitch ass is gone tbh
also I really liked Deucalion working together with Scott, that shit was so good to watch honestly. It's nice seeing Scott's kindness pay off.
edit: so
Hopes for the 5B finale:
-Theo dies (yass)
-Corey lives (yass)
-Mason returns (yass)
-The bad french accent dude is killed so we don't have to hear that shit accent (yass)
-Parrish does something intereting (...there was no point in parrish, at ALL. useless character honestly)
-Kira kills the beast (okay she didn't kill the beast but she sent theo to hell which is better)
-Hopes for Lydia have been crushed since she's going to be holed up in a hospital again (so glad i was wrong, the queen saved mason yasss)
-Resolution for that weird ass Desert Wolf sub-plot (thank fuck it's over with for now. "I want my family back" yaaass malia let ha ass know)
-We find out what the writers are going to do with the fact that the supernatural is no longer a secret (they're literally never going to address this lmao)
-Theo dies (yaaaaaassss)
I hate to drop a turd in your pudding, but when have you known Teen Wolf to permanently kill an antagonist without a totally explicit on-screen death? Did you learn nothing from the time Theo's neck got snapped by Deucalion and he was good as new five minutes later? Theo is definitely chilling in hunk purgatory, lifting rocks until the show has need of a trustworthy stud once again. Sorry about it!
