Heimdall_Xtreme
Hermen Hulst Fanclub's #1 Member
I admit that, I need to improve more. Social skills.
-
Hey, guest user. Hope you're enjoying NeoGAF! Have you considered registering for an account? Come join us and add your take to the daily discourse.
The decline of women
- Thread starter Heimdall_Xtreme
- Start date
Grildon Tundy
Member
OP, it's sad to see that's your perspective because you otherwise come across as a thoughtful kind person from the times I've crossed paths with you. Maybe it's harder today than before to find a good woman. Or maybe not. Who knows? How could you even determine that? But good ones are out there. Not all women suck.
West Texas CEO
GAF's Nicest Lunch Thief and Nosiest Dildo Archeologist
Heimdall_Xtreme
Hermen Hulst Fanclub's #1 Member
Ok I admit it, but I'm just commenting on it with you...
digital_ghost
Member
Your welcome. You know I support you. And would never make fun of you or put you down in a thread.
Heimdall_Xtreme
Hermen Hulst Fanclub's #1 Member
I have had love deceptions due to life situations, which have made it difficult for me to get ahead... But I have still managed it, there were girls who were with me but I did not achieve my goals so I took breaks... And due to external reasons they prevented me smile, some things in life... But now that I'm in a good position, I already want to see a girl. Is there still time to be with someone or does age matter a lot?
jshackles
Gentlemen, we can rebuild it. We have the capability to make the world's first enhanced store. Steam will be that store. Better than it was before.
If you have a high income and two jobs that require you to work 7 days a week, how do you expect to have time to date and be in a relationship? Dating itself takes time, but you would also naturally eventually enter the phase where you've got to meet her parents / go to social functions together / etc. Do you want a girlfriend that you never see? One who just waits for you to get home every day after a long day at work (and an hour at the gym, apparently) who you get to visit with for 10-15 minutes before bed?
You're lamenting the fact that you can only attract gold digging baby mommas, but your work-life balance screams "I just want a sugar baby to have sex with sometimes" - and that's exactly what you're going to find.
Your priorities on this seem all wrong, at least from my outside perspective. As others have said: get some new group hobbies, go to church, get yourself out there more. I know you think you might not have time for that, which is why you should seriously think about ditching the second job if you want to focus on improving this side of your life.
Heimdall_Xtreme
Hermen Hulst Fanclub's #1 Member
Thank you little brother, I know you don't.... And you also have my support.
Since you’re seeking honest feedback, here is some.
This kind of thinking:
…is a root problem. You have an adversarial approach to women. This kind of contempt will bleed into how you interact with women in subtle ways that you might not even be aware of, from body language to word choice in text messages.
Bridges
Member
Some of your statements don't come across great, but actually I sympathize with the root of what you are getting at. Dating nowadays is really hard, in fact it's absolutely brutal.
I spent a bit of time on dating apps (not sure if that's your go-to or not but where I live it's unfortunately one of the main ways to go about this) and it can definitely warp your thinking about gender dynamics in a bad way. It is pretty clear that the majority of women have more opportunities than the majority of men, partner-wise, and that affords you a lot less grace. You say something stupid or have a quality that isn't perfect, they can easily move on to the next guy. And so you also end up in a place where the "less picky" girls tend to have their own issues or are dating for the wrong reasons. I can see where the spiral happens that leads you to your way of thinking.
But you have to keep your chin up. As depressing as it all is, there are many many MANY good women out there. I am happy to say that I am getting married soon to a wonderful woman. There is hope for us all. If things aren't working now, be introspective. There has to be something about yourself that could use improvement. I saw in some previous posts you admitted to needing to work on your social skills. That is a HUGE part of this. You could have all the money and credentials in the world but if you can't make a woman smile and laugh and have her comfortable around you it's never going to work.
It's great that you have an awesome career, but as others have said don't let that be a substitute for a personality. Get a social hobby (NOT videogames, if you haven't noticed there aren't many girls here). Go to your local recreation center and start playing a sport. I have no idea about your country but in the United States right now you could go play pickleball or basketball or tennis, and other people there will naturally want to play with you. Practice your social interaction there. Even if you meet a woman and it's not for a romantic connection, the practice of just talking to a woman and holding a conversation in that setting is invaluable.
Things will get better man, just don't fall into a rut. There's a kernel of truth in what your feeling but nothing productive will come from that mindset. Stay optimistic and be a better you. The rest will come naturally.
I spent a bit of time on dating apps (not sure if that's your go-to or not but where I live it's unfortunately one of the main ways to go about this) and it can definitely warp your thinking about gender dynamics in a bad way. It is pretty clear that the majority of women have more opportunities than the majority of men, partner-wise, and that affords you a lot less grace. You say something stupid or have a quality that isn't perfect, they can easily move on to the next guy. And so you also end up in a place where the "less picky" girls tend to have their own issues or are dating for the wrong reasons. I can see where the spiral happens that leads you to your way of thinking.
But you have to keep your chin up. As depressing as it all is, there are many many MANY good women out there. I am happy to say that I am getting married soon to a wonderful woman. There is hope for us all. If things aren't working now, be introspective. There has to be something about yourself that could use improvement. I saw in some previous posts you admitted to needing to work on your social skills. That is a HUGE part of this. You could have all the money and credentials in the world but if you can't make a woman smile and laugh and have her comfortable around you it's never going to work.
It's great that you have an awesome career, but as others have said don't let that be a substitute for a personality. Get a social hobby (NOT videogames, if you haven't noticed there aren't many girls here). Go to your local recreation center and start playing a sport. I have no idea about your country but in the United States right now you could go play pickleball or basketball or tennis, and other people there will naturally want to play with you. Practice your social interaction there. Even if you meet a woman and it's not for a romantic connection, the practice of just talking to a woman and holding a conversation in that setting is invaluable.
Things will get better man, just don't fall into a rut. There's a kernel of truth in what your feeling but nothing productive will come from that mindset. Stay optimistic and be a better you. The rest will come naturally.
DeafTourette
Perpetually Offended
Ok... Well don't talk about being a covid hero. That will turn some women (people in general) off.
Ask her questions about herself. Let her ask you things about your life. Listen to what she says and keep it for later. Why? Maybe y'all go on a second date and something she said on the first one or in a phone call sticks with you that you'd want to do for her on the next date or a date down the line.
See what kinda of things make her laugh. Indulge in them with her. Keep an open mind about things, even if they don't initially intrigue you. Give NEW things a chance.
Like brother
12Goblins
said, make more time for hobbies AND dating. Nothing turns off a woman more than you not making time for her ... Even if you're just dating and it's not serious yet. That shows your interest and that you're not selfish with your time. And that you have other things going on than just work and working out (hobbies). An example of good hobbies are biking, hiking, drawing, sculpting, writing (anything, but poetry is almost always a winner). Basically you want to show her you're a well rounded individual and not JUST a gamer. If SHE'S a gamer, then PLUS PLUS! If she's not, no biggie. Most women have multiple hobbies. And be willing to learn to do HER hobbies as well.
And please don't say anything about what you said in the OP. That comes off VERY incel-ish.
Rran
Member
If you're feeling discouraged about the types of women you're around, you need to look somewhere else. Are you religious? You're far more likely to find women who hold certain values dear (such as family) at a church. Or you could join some clubs for your favorite hobbies and have a jumping-off point for girls there. But while I sympathize with being frustrated, you can't let yourself get bitter about women in general, or else it'll be a self-fulfilling prophecy and people aren't going to want to date you. I also believe there's someone for everyone, and there are many great women out there (I was lucky enough to marry one myself).
Tams
Member
I can't help you, but your attitude is very unhealthy even though there are a lot of people out there who are arseholes.
I just enjoy life. I haven't met anyone, but as I mostly just do what I like, it doesn't bother me. If I do run into someone to share my life with, cool. If not, cool. Perhaps that's an attitude you could adopt too?
I just enjoy life. I haven't met anyone, but as I mostly just do what I like, it doesn't bother me. If I do run into someone to share my life with, cool. If not, cool. Perhaps that's an attitude you could adopt too?
Heimdall_Xtreme
Hermen Hulst Fanclub's #1 Member
That answer is very true friend. Thanks and I must find another hobby for this situation.
Darkmakaimura
Can You Imagine What SureAI Is Going To Do With Garfield?
Yeah, I've just given up. I know I'm not desirable to women and I'm just getting too old so I decided it's best for me to completely not care. I don't want to date. I don't want a relationship. I don't want a girlfriend.
March Climber
Member
OP what approach are you using when dating? And do you mix up your approach when the current approach you're using isn't working?
Darkmakaimura
Can You Imagine What SureAI Is Going To Do With Garfield?
By the way, nothing against the OP but it would be pretty funny if they received "Covid Hero" as a tag.
NotMyProblemAnymoreCunt
Biggest Trails Stan
I'm very introverted in general in RL
Was never interested in getting a girlfriend or getting married
I just do the occasional hook up and that's been working for me for the past 10 to 15 years
So for me it doesn't bother me that I'm single. I tend to just focus on myself
Last edited:
Darkmakaimura
Can You Imagine What SureAI Is Going To Do With Garfield?
It could be worse. You could be an ugly bag of mostly water.
bonus to anyone who gets that reference
Darkmakaimura
Can You Imagine What SureAI Is Going To Do With Garfield?
Same here. I'm extremely introverted and I have severe general and social anxiety. I'm just happy hanging out with one friend at a bar or something. I'm just no longer interested in any kind of relationship even just dating.
Another thing is men need to learn some self respect and how to walk away if they are not being treated right. A lot of men will stick around and let a woman mistreat them over and over again and they keep coming back for more. Finally they get out but then they want to punish women in general for her actions and some innocent woman who did nothing wrong has to pay the price. Many women do the same with men as well. My wife flat out told a now ex friend that men are not trash but her taste in men is.
When I saw that my ex fiance was showing signs that marriage to her would be a nightmare I walked away. I was ready even if she didn't give back the ring because the cost of it would be cheaper than a marriage and most likely divorce from her would cost me financially and emotionally. She the ring back at me in anger and I sold it but I was prepared either way. Set high standards and don't put up wit crap.
All this being said that experience does not prevent me from giving my all to my wife who has proven herself and then some.
When I saw that my ex fiance was showing signs that marriage to her would be a nightmare I walked away. I was ready even if she didn't give back the ring because the cost of it would be cheaper than a marriage and most likely divorce from her would cost me financially and emotionally. She the ring back at me in anger and I sold it but I was prepared either way. Set high standards and don't put up wit crap.
All this being said that experience does not prevent me from giving my all to my wife who has proven herself and then some.
DeafTourette
Perpetually Offended
Heimdall_Xtreme
Hermen Hulst Fanclub's #1 Member
On dates I let the girl talk about herself, I continue with conversations like movies or life situations, I don't talk about what I do, much less my achievements, as I mentioned before... I don't like to brag.
Little by little I open up and I can say my qualities, I think the problem is that they see me serious and it is difficult for me to smile... Issues from the past that I am overcoming. But I am humble and I look for girls with good values.
March Climber
Member
I was wondering if you could expand on this. You can make up a theoretical scenario, I just want to see what your own dialogue is like.
Would a more fun date help ease this seriousness?
I was wondering if you could narrow down your good values for me. Some men find businesswomen attractive, some men want housewives, some men want religious women, some men want the DJ girl with tattoos, etc. I'm trying to see where you lie on preference.
gothmog
Gold Member
To keep it brief, start with being actually humble. Realize that you're just as messed up as everyone else and then use that to find common ground. It's also important to find a way to let your frustrations go.
Heimdall_Xtreme
Hermen Hulst Fanclub's #1 Member
Theoretically I talk about how good life is and more about the situation of experiences or successes that exist, if possible about politics that I also know about the subject or issues of philosophy or movies, trips that I have been on.
I can do it, I have had the deaths of 3 family members, a delicate health situation for a family member, I witnessed many horrible situations and I had to endure people from the university who, instead of supporting you, told me that I would never be someone in life... and look.... I managed to shut their mouths.
Sometimes those thoughts come to me and doing fun things is satisfying if I am accompanied
The ideal woman is someone who loves me, who supports me at least at home or if that is not possible, who has values, she can be religious, not extremist.
And I had the loss of not only my best girl friend, but a great lover, but she was lost due to envy from friends, teachers and because she misunderstood what I was doing even though I explained it in detail.
And it is strong, because I feel that it is a part of my soul.
Heimdall_Xtreme
Hermen Hulst Fanclub's #1 Member
What is incel friend?Didn't take you for an incel, dude.
March Climber
Member
How long do you let one topic go on for? Do you let conversations flow naturally (sometimes only breaching maybe a few topics)? Or are you going point for point like a checklist? My one suggestion would be to avoid politics as most women generally don't like discussing them on dates unless they are already politically charged people (or activists) to begin with.
I think going out on a fun date will not only filter out the ones who don't like having fun, but will also help ease the pain you carry with you because it's something to help take your mind off of the stresses in life and simply have a good time with another person.
So essentially a housewife right? What values do you mean? That's fine I don't really judge who wants what, as there's millions of dating choices out there. Just make sure that you're not chasing a different category of woman wanting them to give up their entire lifestyle for your benefit. It rarely, if ever, works out that way. Those women usually choose that lifestyle because they are just as ambitious as you are.
A disconnect tends to happen for men where we tend to look at women with problem solving strategies in mind, instead of simply recognizing the fact that they are just humans with their own problems, history, wants, addictions, habits, needs, and emotions, same as us, just different. Most women are never going to think like men do. Again, most women are never going to think like men do. However, that doesn't mean men should 'otherize' them like a lot of male-only online spaces tend to do. They aren't alien beings, they eat, sleep, and shit the same way we do. We tend to just overthink everything about them when we shouldn't.
Does she still linger on your mind? If so, does this lingering thought have an effect on your current dating situation?
The Pleasure
Member
Is your pickup line how many lunches you stole from your co workers?
The Pleasure
Member
Is this double dragon gaiden or streets of rage?
nush
Member
Dynamite Dux.
Toons
Member
I have realized that currently women have little value in relationships, especially with the bad influences of social networks.
Before they were the girls who were understanding, affectionate and who helped in a way.
Now there are women who lack values, single mothers who are the worst thing in society, but above all the promiscuity and deception that exists.
Currently, as incredible as it may seem, women proclaim themselves to be intelligent, but they always go in search of the worst in society, the typical batterers or the irresponsible.
Types of style as current.
But the blame lies with the men themselves for overvaluing them.
Then they have children with different men and want the current partner to help them financially.
It is very illogical, that before in a relationship there was force, and now these times the romance or affection of women has been lost or that they are too rare.
This...
Yikes.
This ain't a good look my guy.
Dirk Benedict
Gold Member
Ugh... the fucking "cap, no cap" bullshit. That shit is so far devoid of any semblance of English, it would have to be complete bastardization of the language.
That hairstyle looks like an erect mushroom head. Mario, even sending hate mail to this fucker.
Toons
Member
This is the best advice I this thread i think.
So many people are not cognizant of how what they say and do comes across to other people.
You never want to be too self conscious, but there are telltale signs and you have to have the humility and perspective to accept correction and admit to beign wrong.
Last edited:
Guilty_AI
Member
fr fr
Heimdall_Xtreme
Hermen Hulst Fanclub's #1 Member
I let him talk everything and then I intervene, it may be about movies, but if you are right... There may be conflicts in politics...
Regarding the previous question, if I still think about it and I miss her, because at the beginning she saw me as a champion and we supported each other, we helped each other and she was my first girlfriend, but for reasons of envy, university... That we had to be in different states and a situation that happened due to stress, everything broke... And he overcame himself in his school environment. I felt terrible and later I overcame myself and got a very decent job. Time passed and I contacted her again, but it was not like before... And it hurts me because she was the one who accompanied me to the places, I went to every place. concert, event or place I go alone and the mistakes or situations that I could change are always in my mind... All this was because of envy and also the work environment.
Heimdall_Xtreme
Hermen Hulst Fanclub's #1 Member
Ok, I'm open... Maybe I'm not aware but where I was wrong... To know.
JimmyRustler
Member
Oh, the first posts claim OP to be an incel. What a surprise.
I think this attitude among guys stems from a basic misunderstanding. And that is that a lot of dudes jump at EVERY SINGLE pussy that is offered to them and cannot fathom there are guys out there who don’t but actually are looking for a women worth there time.
Like, a buddy of mine just tried to hook me with a work colleague of his. Said that me and here would be perfect for each other. I was like, sure I’ll go for a coffee with her. Next thing I know I’m being told she’s going camping for a few days at a lake and I should go there to meet her. Erm… how about no? I’m not gonna drive an hour to some place to meet a girl I don’t even know. I was met with a complete lack of understanding.
I think this attitude among guys stems from a basic misunderstanding. And that is that a lot of dudes jump at EVERY SINGLE pussy that is offered to them and cannot fathom there are guys out there who don’t but actually are looking for a women worth there time.
Like, a buddy of mine just tried to hook me with a work colleague of his. Said that me and here would be perfect for each other. I was like, sure I’ll go for a coffee with her. Next thing I know I’m being told she’s going camping for a few days at a lake and I should go there to meet her. Erm… how about no? I’m not gonna drive an hour to some place to meet a girl I don’t even know. I was met with a complete lack of understanding.
nush
Member
Was she hot?
Dr. Claus
Banned
I have realized that currently women have little value in relationships, especially with the bad influences of social networks.
Before they were the girls who were understanding, affectionate and who helped in a way.
Now there are women who lack values, single mothers who are the worst thing in society, but above all the promiscuity and deception that exists.
Currently, as incredible as it may seem, women proclaim themselves to be intelligent, but they always go in search of the worst in society, the typical batterers or the irresponsible.
Types of style as current.
But the blame lies with the men themselves for overvaluing them.
Then they have children with different men and want the current partner to help them financially.
It is very illogical, that before in a relationship there was force, and now these times the romance or affection of women has been lost or that they are too rare.
Not going to lie, mate. This really reads as a "Why are the women choosing them instead of me?" incel rhetoric.
Heimdall_Xtreme
Hermen Hulst Fanclub's #1 Member
Well I guess we have to change.
If they close the issue, it will be fine.
If they close the issue, it will be fine.
Power Pro
Gold Member
Yeah, I feel like the OP is getting jumped because they're not being understood. While it's true not ALL women are like that, it's getting very hard to find the ones that aren't. It was hard enough before the internet, but now women are told they deserve the best, which means a 6 man can not get a 6 woman.
OverHeat
« generous god »
Sick burn!!!