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[Advocatus Diaboli]

Weird time for me. I wanted to meet up with Club Girl this weekend, but she had a baby shower and bachelorette party, and it just didn't work out; the distance -- 45 mins by train, so 2 hours door to door -- is slightly prohibitive. Legitimately miss her though.

I felt slightly bad that I didn't respond to her text when I was on another date tonight.

The lawyer I went out with tonight was fun, hot, and sharp; I'm sincerely hopeful that I'll see her again. We made out for about 30 minutes, and I'm sure she'll want to go out again, but I'm feeling the slight apprehension of maybe kinda caring/being quasi-hopeful.

My friend's friend visiting from California's also down: we went out for brunch today. I could tell. My friend told her she could crash with me next weekend, so I guess that's happening. Except I'm not really into hookups, and I really want to play Fire Emblem on 3DS.

The other girl I'm dating, we had no concrete plans for the long weekend, though we're texting pretty regularly. It's on me to nail down a time and place, but things have been so hectic.

So, legit question, inspired by Leeness: when did y'all make the transition from serially dating to settling down?

 

[artsi]

I want to thank everyone for the advice here, kind of just telling me what I already know but didn't want to admit. Quick update on this:

She was texting me last night, told me that I was being jealous and crazy when I asked her to explain the picture. She then told me that she was falling in love with me lol. Finally she told me that she will get a train to work today if it makes me feel better and we can talk tomorrow.

On top of this, this guy has now blocked me on Facebook and instagram.

You've been in contact only with her about this and he blocked you? Oh boy.

I'm sorry dude, talk with her but I would be very skeptical of whatever she says.

 

[Advocatus Diaboli]

I want to thank everyone for the advice here, kind of just telling me what I already know but didn't want to admit. Quick update on this:

She was texting me last night, told me that I was being jealous and crazy when I asked her to explain the picture. She then told me that she was falling in love with me lol. Finally she told me that she will get a train to work today if it makes me feel better and we can talk tomorrow.

On top of this, this guy has now blocked me on Facebook and instagram.

Someone you're with -- and, by the way, you're not with someone after a few weeks -- shouldn't make it this hard for you.

Someone whose conduct objectively causes concerns should not call you "crazy" after pointing out that she's got more red flags than China.

She's gaslighting you.

Even assuming none of that's true, someone who's "falling in love with you" after barely a month of knowing you has issues.

Frankly, you also have issues taking someone you barely know to fucking Paris.

You're probably both overly dramatic and, on some levels, right for each other, but I can't see this ending positively.

 

[demonkaze]

Yeah, I realise I've been a total fool in all of this and made huge mistakes. I was caught hook line and sinker I guess. I'm not the kinda guy with loads of women, usually I put up a barrier around myself to protect myself from exactly this kind of thing, this time I dropped it for the first time in a long time.

I will learn my lesson for next time.

 

[Attack You]

On top of this, this guy has now blocked me on Facebook and instagram.

Hmm. It's almost as if he is, or they are, trying to hide something from you.

 

[Advocatus Diaboli]

Yeah, I realise I've been a total fool in all of this and made huge mistakes. I was caught hook line and sinker I guess. I'm not the kinda guy with loads of women, usually I put up a barrier around myself to protect myself from exactly this kind of thing, this time I dropped it for the first time in a long time.

I will learn my lesson for next time.

Let's be clear.

The lesson isn't to put up a barrier and not let people in. It's that you don't date shitty people.

 

[jimmypython]

Yeah I'm sorry but sounds like the girl is a player....you can keep entertaining yourself with her if you like but I would start looking for an exit plan.

I'm starting to feel really sick from my own experiences and some stories posted in this thread: as much as we gotta learn and protect ourselves, there are so many shitty people out there.

I hope good things keep happening to my fellow posters here who are doing well and please share your positive stories

And of course, good luck to everyone (me included) who is still looking!

 

[Miles Quaritch]

Someone you're with -- and, by the way, you're not with someone after a few weeks -- shouldn't make it this hard for you.

Someone whose conduct objectively causes concerns should not call you "crazy" after pointing out that she's got more red flags than China.

She's gaslighting you.

Even assuming none of that's true, someone who's "falling in love with you" after barely a month of knowing you has issues.

Frankly, you also have issues taking someone you barely know to fucking Paris.

You're probably both overly dramatic and, on some levels, right for each other, but I can't see this ending positively.

He said they work together, so I assume that means there's a prior relationship which might explain why they became so close so quickly.

Normally I'd say someone saying they have 'really strong feelings' after seven weeks is a red flag, but it might be explained if they knew each other before dating. It's all vague. The picture with the heart and she said yes, maybe the dude proposed to his girlfriend?

I'm trying not to be too cynical here...

 

[Megalosaro]

You just can't catch a break lol

I actually popped a v thinking something was gonna happen.

The good news was that I had a dumb strong boner. We're talking some super saiyan 3 level shit.


It was pretty legit. Shame it was wasted.

 

[Advocatus Diaboli]

He said they work together, so I assume that means there's a prior relationship which might explain why they became so close so quickly.

Normally I'd say someone saying they have 'really strong feelings' after seven weeks is a red flag, but it might be explained if they knew each other before dating. It's all vague. The picture with the heart and she said yes, maybe the dude proposed to his girlfriend?

I'm trying not to be too cynical here...

Totally understand that, and I agree 100%. But you shouldn't have to give someone the benefit of the doubt in a new relationship.

That's basically it. If things are simmering and growing, it's incumbent upon each person to comport themselves in way that's blameless. This girl simply doesn't care about appearances and papers it over with emojis.

I actually popped a v thinking something was gonna happen.

The good news was that I had a dumb strong boner. We're talking some super saiyan 3 level shit.


It was pretty legit. Shame it was wasted.

D'aw.

We still praying for your penis.

 

[Lulubop]

I actually popped a v thinking something was gonna happen.

The good news was that I had a dumb strong boner. We're talking some super saiyan 3 level shit.


It was pretty legit. Shame it was wasted.

😮

 

[Messofanego]

I actually popped a v thinking something was gonna happen.

The good news was that I had a dumb strong boner. We're talking some super saiyan 3 level shit.


It was pretty legit. Shame it was wasted.

You know what else you can stick your dick into so it's never wasted?

 

[ZackieChan]

dat Yaddle milk

 

[Megalosaro]

There is hope. She just invited me to spend the week at her place. Her mom is going out of town

 

[always crazy bacon]

I want to thank everyone for the advice here, kind of just telling me what I already know but didn't want to admit. Quick update on this:

She was texting me last night, told me that I was being jealous and crazy when I asked her to explain the picture. She then told me that she was falling in love with me lol. Finally she told me that she will get a train to work today if it makes me feel better and we can talk tomorrow.

On top of this, this guy has now blocked me on Facebook and instagram.

That just condenses my summary about her in one paragraph.

Blames the victim by calling him crazy/jealous
Gaslights him with sweet words
Covers tracks by not getting a lift into work off her sugar daddy and gets sugar daddy to hide his social media

Make sure you dump her ass, don't fall for any tears or sweet words, be prepared for her to get mad at you when it does not work.

 

[always crazy bacon]

Yeah, I realise I've been a total fool in all of this and made huge mistakes. I was caught hook line and sinker I guess. I'm not the kinda guy with loads of women, usually I put up a barrier around myself to protect myself from exactly this kind of thing, this time I dropped it for the first time in a long time.

I will learn my lesson for next time.

Wrong lesson, you need to date more not less so that you can see the warning signs early on. Retreating back into your shell will just make this happen again and is probably the reason you went all in with romantic holidays to Paris with a girl you've only been seeing a month.

Date more casually don't get over invested too quickly and take your time, not every relationship needs to be the one no matter how much you want it.

 

[War Peaceman]

There is hope. She just invited me to spend the week at her place. Her mom is going out of town

Can she not come to your place? Aren't you 30? Why does she still live with her mum?

 

[artsi]

Can she not come to your place? Aren't you 30? Why does she still live with her mum?

Because he lives with his crazy roommate and his crazy roommate's mum.

 

[Prime crotch]

I think I'm getting involved with a wildfire of problems and anxieties with this one girl, she says she wants to keep it casual but I don't believe her; the sex is pretty good. I shouldn't pursue it buuuuut..

Can she not come to your place? Aren't you 30? Why does she still live with her mum?

Rent is too high.

 

[Xun]

A couple of my friends are trying to make me feel guilty for going to Paris with the Kiwi considering I like where things are going with the Romanian girl (who is away until mid-August).

They've somehow managed to equate it to cheating...

Am I in the wrong? Bear in mind the Kiwi is gone for good at the end of August.

It's not like we're having some kind of romantic holiday whatsoever, I just simply needed another excuse to go abroad for a bit (and to Disney).

 

[always crazy bacon]

A couple of my friends are trying to make me feel guilty for going to Paris with the Kiwi considering I like where things are going with the Romanian girl (who is away until mid-August).

They've somehow managed to equate it to cheating...

Am I in the wrong? Bear in mind the Kiwi is gone for good at the end of August.

It's not like we're having some kind of romantic holiday whatsoever, I just simply needed another excuse to go abroad for a bit (and to Disney).

I'd say it was your friends projecting and being judgemental. Your logic is sound and if Kiwi is unhappy then, so what? She's gone in August. I'd take it as a sign not to share some parts of your personal life with these friends in the future.

 

[Spaced Harrier]

Fair I'm the opposite.

In any case, no first dates here and won't be!

Had a nice time tho

Hah fair enough! Maybe we should take a leaf from each others book (I'm debating some solo travel in my head at the mo)

You're very cute btw, so if the occasion, or indeed want arises, you should be fine.

BC, Canada. Place called Buntzen Lake.

All hikes are solo, like everything else I do lol.

Is that over near Vancouver?
I've been up to joffery lake near Whistler, fucking amazing place, stunning infact.

Working on oneself and dating are not mutually exclusive.

Hah, no, just gentle nudges from me, in a certain direction.

 

[Salamando]

A couple of my friends are trying to make me feel guilty for going to Paris with the Kiwi considering I like where things are going with the Romanian girl (who is away until mid-August).

They've somehow managed to equate it to cheating...

Am I in the wrong? Bear in mind the Kiwi is gone for good at the end of August.

It's not like we're having some kind of romantic holiday whatsoever, I just simply needed another excuse to go abroad for a bit (and to Disney).

You NEVER need an excuse to go Disney.

Did you and the Romanian ever define the relationship? Are you exclusive? Would she be pissed if she found out about this trip?

Hah fair enough! Maybe we should take a leaf from each others book (I'm debating some solo travel in my head at the mo)

Solo travel is awesome. You can do whatever you want and can hit on whomever you want. Or just meet dozens of interesting people from all around the world (which can be a negative, if you find someone you really click with).

 

[True Savior]

So kissing on first dates, even if its a short hour long date do you guys still go for it?

There is no science behind any of that. Don't correlate time and kissing. Just go with the flow and be natural, even if there's some awkwardness to it. Some awkwardness is perfectly natural. In less than 60 minutes you can have a handshake or a rimjob.

 

[Prime crotch]

You NEVER need an excuse to go Disney.

Did you and the Romanian ever define the relationship? Are you exclusive? Would she be pissed if she found out about this trip?


Solo travel is awesome. You can do whatever you want and can hit on whomever you want. Or just meet dozens of interesting people from all around the world (which can be a negative, if you find someone you really click with).

It's so easy to click with someone when you're travelling alone on vacation. It's almost a cheat.

 

[Xun]

I'd say it was your friends projecting and being judgemental. Your logic is sound and if Kiwi is unhappy then, so what? She's gone in August. I'd take it as a sign not to share some parts of your personal life with these friends in the future.

You NEVER need an excuse to go Disney.

Did you and the Romanian ever define the relationship? Are you exclusive? Would she be pissed if she found out about this trip?

We never truly defined the relationship, even though we said we like where things are going.

With the latter question I think that's where my friends were coming from. That said she knows I'm going to Paris, just not who with.

Paris was booked when I had only seen the Romanian girl a couple of times.

 

[Peltz]

I think I'm getting involved with a wildfire of problems and anxieties with this one girl, she says she wants to keep it casual but I don't believe her; the sex is pretty good. I shouldn't pursue it buuuuut..

Listen to her.

 

[demonkaze]

An update on my situation, she didn't turn up for work today. Told me she wanted to look for a new one. Found out from a lot of people that apparently she is engaged with this guy, getting married next year lol!

She txt me saying she really really likes me too and that we should talk to sort this out. I told her to not bother and to forget it, that I'm done. Can't be bothered with any of this shit.

Thanks again to the kind posters here, really appreciate it.

 

[notaskwid]

Lol the nerve of some people.
Good job Demonkaze, ignore her from now on.

 

[Llyranor]

What I'm wondering is whether the fiancé knows she has a side toy, or whether she went into his instagram to block OP without his knowledge.

 

[Scotch]

I actually popped a v thinking something was gonna happen.

The good news was that I had a dumb strong boner. We're talking some super saiyan 3 level shit.

It was pretty legit. Shame it was wasted.

Didn't you pay $200 for three pills? So you wasted 66 bucks?

An update on my situation, she didn't turn up for work today. Told me she wanted to look for a new one. Found out from a lot of people that apparently she is engaged with this guy, getting married next year lol!

She txt me saying she really really likes me too and that we should talk to sort this out. I told her to not bother and to forget it, that I'm done. Can't be bothered with any of this shit.

Thanks again to the kind posters here, really appreciate it.

Man, that is... something. When you look back on it, were there any signs she was in a relationship, in retrospect?

Like others said above, the lesson here is NOT to crawl back into your shell, but to date more. With more experience you might have spotted the signs that she's crazy a lot earlier.

 

[AllGamer]

Didn't you pay $200 for three pills? So you wasted 66 bucks?

He bought a pill splitter to cut them in half. So that's only 33 bucks down the drain.

 

[Messofanego]

An update on my situation, she didn't turn up for work today. Told me she wanted to look for a new one. Found out from a lot of people that apparently she is engaged with this guy, getting married next year lol!

She txt me saying she really really likes me too and that we should talk to sort this out. I told her to not bother and to forget it, that I'm done. Can't be bothered with any of this shit.

Thanks again to the kind posters here, really appreciate it.

Hallelujah! Good on you, brother. Keep on dating.

 

[always crazy bacon]

An update on my situation, she didn't turn up for work today. Told me she wanted to look for a new one. Found out from a lot of people that apparently she is engaged with this guy, getting married next year lol!

Fucking LOL! You were the side piece, amazing. OK, good you're out of it and she's running away with her tail between her legs. Hopefully the message gets back to the fiancé so he does not get stuck with her. Move on, stay positive it's nothing you did wrong, you didn't make a bad choice, you don't have bad luck. Get out there and find someone worthy of a romantic trip to Paris.

 

[Prime crotch]

Listen to her.

She also said differently before. It doesnt' sound so much like a either, or option and more of a if I can't get a) I'll get b) and hopefully a).

 

[SoldierOfLight]

Alright dating GAF, i turn to you again. I don't know what to make of this.

So this past week a lot happened between gf and i. Her ex (her babys daddy) found out about me through her daughter. They've been separate since December of last year so about 6 months now. She didn't want any conflict with her ex knowing about me due to their having shared custody of the kids. Well now that her ex learned about me he really let her have it and they got in a big fight which made him leave her the car that her dad had helped them get for the sake of the kids before their separation.
On top of that, her ex calls her dad to tell him why he is giving up the car along with the payments because my gf has a bf (me) so that makes her dad pissed at her.
So here she is crying and telling me she is overwhelmed with it all and that I'm pretty much her only comfort.

Here is the weird turn. As of Friday the texts started becoming waaay less. Then she tells me on Saturday that her ex called to apologize and said he wants to meet me in the near future if she plans to see me when she has her kids around.
Then she goes out Saturday night with her roommate to drink and calls me when she gets home and that's that.
She used to text me constantly when she would go on lunch, be off work, get home and what not. That all stopped since Friday. So yesterday i was near her area and text her saying i can see her. She never acknowledged the text but she did text me something an hour later.
Then i call her to tell her I'm outside her place. No answer. Her car is there, lights are on. 2 more calls and nothing. I wanted to knock but her kids were sleeping and i didn't want to disturb that. So that's where i am now. A girl who was into me and saying what a great person i am to suddenly being ghosted. Even her texts which contained the usual 'babe' talk has stopped since Friday. She did say her ex talked to her about other things which she didn't disclose to me.

At this point i don't know what to do. Hate the feeling being treated that way suddenly. On one hand i want to Usher it and let it burn. On the other, do i just go see her in person the next chance i get while not texting her?
If she's over me, there really isn't any reason to try to fight for anything imo

 

[AcridMeat]

An update on my situation, she didn't turn up for work today. Told me she wanted to look for a new one. Found out from a lot of people that apparently she is engaged with this guy, getting married next year lol!

She txt me saying she really really likes me too and that we should talk to sort this out. I told her to not bother and to forget it, that I'm done. Can't be bothered with any of this shit.

Thanks again to the kind posters here, really appreciate it.

Good on you!

 

[demonkaze]

It's all well and good to say get on dating again but I've always found it pretty hard for some reason. I'm not really the clubby kinda guy anymore and much better with girls when I can talk to them one to one so I don't have many opportunities to meet. I'm apparently pretty good looking according to most of my friends lol so maybe it's just a problem with me.

On the situation with the now ex, she text me about half an hour ago saying "and you are my baby". Of course I've completely ignored it.

 

[timetokill]

I figured demonkaze would at least play along and get a good hate fuck out of it or something

Probably healthier to just ditch that noise though

 

[Leeness]

So, legit question, inspired by Leeness: when did y'all make the transition from serially dating to settling down?

SMH.

Hah fair enough! Maybe we should take a leaf from each others book (I'm debating some solo travel in my head at the mo)

You're very cute btw, so if the occasion, or indeed want arises, you should be fine.

Is that over near Vancouver?
I've been up to joffery lake near Whistler, fucking amazing place, stunning infact.

Solo travel is the best, do it! I didn't have to talk to ANYone for two weeks, it was awesome.

No, I'm not, and no, I wouldn't, but no occasion or want will arise, so I'm good.

Yes, it's near Vancouver. If you look closely in the second picture I posted, you can see downtown I haven't been up near Whistler but I should someday. Everyone is always raving about it. So expensive though.

 

[always crazy bacon]

It's all well and good to say get on dating again but I've always found it pretty hard for some reason. I'm not really the clubby kinda guy anymore and much better with girls when I can talk to them one to one so I don't have many opportunities to meet. I'm apparently pretty good looking according to most of my friends lol so maybe it's just a problem with me.

On the situation with the now ex, she text me about half an hour ago saying "and you are my baby". Of course I've completely ignored it.

Dating apps, your half way there if people tell you you're good looking. You don't need to be bar and club crawling these days to meet someone. There are many girls that hate that scene more than you for better reasons. Dont be afraid just becuse it's online, it's normal now.

 

[always crazy bacon]

Alright dating GAF, i turn to you again. I don't know what to make of this.

So this past week a lot happened between gf and i. Her ex (her babys daddy) found out about me through her daughter. They've been separate since December of last year so about 6 months now. She didn't want any conflict with her ex knowing about me due to their having shared custody of the kids. Well now that her ex learned about me he really let her have it and they got in a big fight which made him leave her the car that her dad had helped them get for the sake of the kids before their separation.
On top of that, her ex calls her dad to tell him why he is giving up the car along with the payments because my gf has a bf (me) so that makes her dad pissed at her.
So here she is crying and telling me she is overwhelmed with it all and that I'm pretty much her only comfort.

Here is the weird turn. As of Friday the texts started becoming waaay less. Then she tells me on Saturday that her ex called to apologize and said he wants to meet me in the near future if she plans to see me when she has her kids around.
Then she goes out Saturday night with her roommate to drink and calls me when she gets home and that's that.
She used to text me constantly when she would go on lunch, be off work, get home and what not. That all stopped since Friday. So yesterday i was near her area and text her saying i can see her. She never acknowledged the text but she did text me something an hour later.
Then i call her to tell her I'm outside her place. No answer. Her car is there, lights are on. 2 more calls and nothing. I wanted to knock but her kids were sleeping and i didn't want to disturb that. So that's where i am now. A girl who was into me and saying what a great person i am to suddenly being ghosted. Even her texts which contained the usual 'babe' talk has stopped since Friday. She did say her ex talked to her about other things which she didn't disclose to me.

At this point i don't know what to do. Hate the feeling being treated that way suddenly. On one hand i want to Usher it and let it burn. On the other, do i just go see her in person the next chance i get while not texting her?
If she's over me, there really isn't any reason to try to fight for anything imo

This is the woman with 2 kids and 2 baby daddies right? It's just not worth the predictable drama.

Baby Daddy comes round, sweet talks her, they have a connection because of the kid and you are out of the picture right up until it predictably does not work out for them again and she runs to you as a comfort blanket until the cycle starts again.

Get out. Stay out.

 

[SoldierOfLight]

This is the woman with 2 kids and 2 baby daddies right? It's just not worth the predictable drama.

Baby Daddy comes round, sweet talks her, they have a connection because of the kid and you are out of the picture right up until it predictably does not work out for them again and she runs to you as a comfort blanket until the cycle starts again.

Get out. Stay out.

Totally on your level. I got sucked into it quick. Her looks and being who she is got me hooked. I should do the right thing and bail out. Thanks for the response.

 

[Llyranor]

On the situation with the now ex, she text me about half an hour ago saying "and you are my baby". Of course I've completely ignored it.

You can have some fun and ask her to change your diaper.

This is the woman with 2 kids and 2 baby daddies right? It's just not worth the predictable drama.

SoldierOfLight, please do not let yout ex be known as the woman with 3 kids and 3 baby daddies. Please.

 

[Attack You]

I think the more Leeness denies her cuteness, the cuter she becomes.

On the situation with the now ex, she text me about half an hour ago saying "and you are my baby". Of course I've completely ignored it.

Keep your guard up for a bit. This doesn't sound like a clean break from her end.

 

[Kyne]

I think the more Leeness denies her cuteness, the cuter she becomes.

My NeoGaffer Can't Be This Cute.™

 

[always crazy bacon]

Keep your guard up for a bit. This doesn't sound like a clean break from her end.

It's just more emotional manipulation from her. Stone fucking cold. She wants to see if she can keep stringing him along or convince him she's innocent. She does not miss him, just misses what she could get from him. Also she's engaged to another guy that works for the same company.

 

[demonkaze]

I think you're right there. In the last half an hour I've had 3 texts all saying "you are my baby", "my baby" and also you are my baby again lol.

 

[Attack You]

My NeoGaffer Can't Be This Cute.™

Whoever does the next OT should have a banner with chibi Leeness as our mascot.

It's just more emotional manipulation from her. Stone fucking cold. She wants to see if she can keep stringing him along or convince him she's innocent. She does not miss him, just misses what she could get from him. Also she's engaged to another guy that works for the same company.

Agreed, but I know junkie behavior when I see it, and they can get sketchy when you cut off their supply. I'm not saying demonkaze was handing over blank checks, but still...

 

[Advocatus Diaboli]

I think you're right there. In the last half an hour I've had 3 texts all saying "you are my baby", "my baby" and also you are my baby again lol.

Tell her to run back to daddy.

Then block her number.

Also, consider documenting things for the inevitable HR cluster because, as these are both coworkers, shit's got the possibility to get ugly. This bitch cray.