Dead Parent(s) Society |OT|
- Thread starter Raven117
- Start date
Trunx81
Member
Next year marks the 40th anniversary of my mother's death. I was just a small kid back then, so there are only a few memories of her which I can value. I'm still thinking often about what a person I would have been if she would have stayed around.
Worst trigger for me was that Buffy episode "The body", when Buffy finds her mother lying dead on the couch .. that was me, nearly 40 years ago.
But I know she's watching me from above, guiding me and giving me hope. And like someone said before: I will see her again. Take care, folks!
Worst trigger for me was that Buffy episode "The body", when Buffy finds her mother lying dead on the couch .. that was me, nearly 40 years ago.
But I know she's watching me from above, guiding me and giving me hope. And like someone said before: I will see her again. Take care, folks!
Raven117
Member
I wasn't as young as you, but I have this same thought often.
Raven117
Member
These are the strangest dreams. You wake up with such a weird feeling of having seen your mother, but the bitter taste of reality crashing down.
Goodness. You aren't alone. You may feel that way, but you arent.
I'm sorry to hear this. At least you got an opportunity to tell him that you loved him. For both of you. Im sure things are very surreal right now. Probably numb. There is some comfort in being a part of the funeral service. Family and friends. Having some responsibilities o take care of with that. Might as well take advantage of the distraction. That said, in a few weeks, when every one leaves and you are back home. Quiet. Things may get tough as you start to sort through the emotions. Come on back here if you need to write something down.
At least you get to see him again. Sounds like there is some complications there, but that makes it all the more complicated to work through.
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Puscifer
Member
In less than a year I've been left parentless
I've moved across the country coast to coast for work several times, visited parts of the world by myself, taken job opportunities that were a gamble and many other things and yet somehow I've never felt so lonely and lost than I do now
I've moved across the country coast to coast for work several times, visited parts of the world by myself, taken job opportunities that were a gamble and many other things and yet somehow I've never felt so lonely and lost than I do now
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OmegaSupreme
advanced basic bitch
I always hate to see this thread bumped. It's been almost seven years since my father passed and it's still hard to believe. It's hard to accept still. I'm going to see my mother this summer. She's 72 and has survived two bouts of cancer. She's across the country so I haven't seen her nearly as much as I'd like but I'm saving up this year and will spend a week with her in July.
Trilobit
Absolutely Cozy
My dad died a little over a week ago. I rarely react strongly to things right when they happen, but rather a few months later when I've digested it. The realization that I won't be able to call him and joke around comes every now and then, but otherwise I think I'm still somewhat in shock. I've never really had anyone I was close to who's died so I'll take my time processing things.
He still got well over 70 years old and also had some illnesses so it wasn't as shocking as having a parent die in their 50s or 60s. But dead is dead no matter how it happened. I had very kind police officers who came over to deliver the news in person and they even offered to stay as long as I wanted them to, so that's a nice gesture "society" provides. Two of the tree were women and I could see that one of them had real trouble looking at me as she seemed saddened over having to be the bearer of bad news, that must be a really rough part of their job.
Anyhow, I've been avoiding to think too much about it since I already suffer from depression so I don't want to spiral even further into sadness right now, I'll mourn properly when I feel ready over a longer time.
My heart goes out, in a non-hand-gesture-way, to all the rest of you.
He still got well over 70 years old and also had some illnesses so it wasn't as shocking as having a parent die in their 50s or 60s. But dead is dead no matter how it happened. I had very kind police officers who came over to deliver the news in person and they even offered to stay as long as I wanted them to, so that's a nice gesture "society" provides. Two of the tree were women and I could see that one of them had real trouble looking at me as she seemed saddened over having to be the bearer of bad news, that must be a really rough part of their job.
Anyhow, I've been avoiding to think too much about it since I already suffer from depression so I don't want to spiral even further into sadness right now, I'll mourn properly when I feel ready over a longer time.
My heart goes out, in a non-hand-gesture-way, to all the rest of you.
Liopleurodon
Member
My father died yesterday.
I miss him.
Please, always cherish those who are important to you.
I miss him.
Please, always cherish those who are important to you.
Miyazaki’s Slave
Gold Member
What an awesome thread...not from a content perspective I mean (shits sad)...the fact it exists is awesome.
I have more bitterness than sadness to be honest. My dad died a few years ago and I didn't feel a thing. I am the youngest by a decade (of 3) and we never got along. My parents were married for 48 years and for 15 of those my life was pretty rough. I wish I would have had a stronger relationship with him but that is a double edged sword: He would have had to be the dad I needed him to be or I would have had to be the son he wanted me to be.
I can def say the experience I had growing up pushed me away from strong relationships (emotionally) and most certainly contributed to the me never having kids.
I have more bitterness than sadness to be honest. My dad died a few years ago and I didn't feel a thing. I am the youngest by a decade (of 3) and we never got along. My parents were married for 48 years and for 15 of those my life was pretty rough. I wish I would have had a stronger relationship with him but that is a double edged sword: He would have had to be the dad I needed him to be or I would have had to be the son he wanted me to be.
I can def say the experience I had growing up pushed me away from strong relationships (emotionally) and most certainly contributed to the me never having kids.
LordOfChaos
Member
Lost my mom to glioblastoma, one of the most aggressive brain cancers last year. She was only 60 when diagnosed, otherwise she was still too young and healthy, really sucked. Median prognosis is 18 months but she lasted 4 years. The last year was really brutal, there's so much people don't talk about when it's something with the brain, especially impacting her memory the most and eventually motor functions and leaving her in bed. So even if you tried to make some happy memories in the last 12-6 months she might forget within minutes.
I'm glad she's past the suffering now. I don't know what to believe anymore after being an annoying teenage atheist, it's hard when you lose someone, but I hope the next party is better than this one.
I'm glad she's past the suffering now. I don't know what to believe anymore after being an annoying teenage atheist, it's hard when you lose someone, but I hope the next party is better than this one.
Nocty
Gold Member
My dad passed a few months back. I had not seen him for 14 years. I don't really even remember what he looked like. My mother has since remarried, she moved on really fast. I never quite understood that, maybe her way of dealing with the grief I guess.
She never talks about him ever, which I find odd. I didn't have much of a relationship with him since I was a teenager sadly. After the divorce he pretty much became a reclusive drunk and got into some bad heatlh issues before moving away to another city. He never made any attempt to contact me or my sister, so we only found out much after his passing.
She never talks about him ever, which I find odd. I didn't have much of a relationship with him since I was a teenager sadly. After the divorce he pretty much became a reclusive drunk and got into some bad heatlh issues before moving away to another city. He never made any attempt to contact me or my sister, so we only found out much after his passing.
Peggies
Gold Member
My dad has lung cancer.
I don't know how to deal with that. Right now I'm repressing the thought of him actually dying. He's started chemo therapy last week and it's devastating to see him like that. He's always been a hero to me and to see him hurting and actually scared the first time in my life is heart breaking.
I don't know how to deal with that. Right now I'm repressing the thought of him actually dying. He's started chemo therapy last week and it's devastating to see him like that. He's always been a hero to me and to see him hurting and actually scared the first time in my life is heart breaking.
Catphish
Member
Coming up on the 10th anniversary of my mom's passing. She died on Mother's Day 2015 from brain & lung cancer. I lost my stepdad about 4 years later. He just fell to pieces after she died.
I still struggle with it, far more than I thought I would. Things are easing up because Spring is here, it's warming up, and the days are getting longer, but man, in the winter? It's fucking rough. Every damn year. I can't even tell you how many days I cried thinking about them this past winter. And it's especially bad around the holidays. I try to keep it light for the sake of my daughter but, the truth is, I'm fucking broken inside. Christmas without them isn't just incomplete, it's fucking foreign. Like I'm in some other part of the world where I don't know anybody. I don't know if I'm making any sense, but it really does a number on me.
All I know is I've come to accept that I'll never "get over it". This is my life now. The grief is equal to the love, and I loved them very, very much.
I still struggle with it, far more than I thought I would. Things are easing up because Spring is here, it's warming up, and the days are getting longer, but man, in the winter? It's fucking rough. Every damn year. I can't even tell you how many days I cried thinking about them this past winter. And it's especially bad around the holidays. I try to keep it light for the sake of my daughter but, the truth is, I'm fucking broken inside. Christmas without them isn't just incomplete, it's fucking foreign. Like I'm in some other part of the world where I don't know anybody. I don't know if I'm making any sense, but it really does a number on me.
All I know is I've come to accept that I'll never "get over it". This is my life now. The grief is equal to the love, and I loved them very, very much.
Catphish
Member
I've been there. It's fucking brutal, and there's no way around it.
My advice: Spend as much time as you can with him, express your love for him, and make sure you say all the things you need to say.
That's the only good thing abut losing someone to cancer; you see the end coming, and you have time to do what you have to. Don't waste it.
You can't defeat cancer with love, but you can sure lighten the burden.
Power Pro
Member
I wasn't sure if I was gonna post in this thread or not, but I just felt like I needed an outlet tonight.
My Dad passed a little over a month ago, on March 7th. I have mentioned in other threads before, but for the past couple years, my mom and I were both taking care of him the best we could because he had vascular dementia. Before that, he was already really bad at remembering things or standing up on his own, but it got bad the last couple years where we had to do almost everything for him. It got a point where we had to admit him into a memory care facility. We felt terrible about it, because we know he hated not being home...but he just wasn't rational sometimes. We would tell him not to try to get up on his own, but he still would, and would fall out of bed and scream for help. Constantly made a mess on himself that we had to clean....
I was feeling kinda angry because I was the only one out of my brothers who helped look after him with my mom, but I feel bad for feeling that way towards them. I just think I was angry at the situation. Hated being the one having to see my dad deteriorate like that more than anyone.
You would think after all that, we were prepared for him passing away, but I still wasn't. I tried to go visit at the memory care as often I was able, and before he died, I had put it off for a while because of work, but now I wish I had a gone more. I keep thinking how 2 days before he passed, he was not waking up, but he had his hand up in the air...I grabbed it and he grabbed it back and held it for a while. I wish I had stayed there all day.
When he was healthy, our relationship was rocky at time. I was holding resentment for him not being there much when I was a kid, and when he got sick, I was resentful that I had to take care of him...but even after over a month of his passing, I'm still missing him like crazy. A part of my brain keeps thinking I'm gonna see him later, and we'll be able to talk about movies again, or something, but then I remember I'm not going to and I start crying.
I have very few people in my life, and he was one of the few. I've had relatives pass away before, but no one I was ever close with, and I'm still not sure if I'm handling it well or not. Wish I had helped him with his train layout when he asked me.
Anyone who smokes, stop that shit now, because they say all the smoking he did probably caused his condition. I never have, and never will, but I could never get him to quit.
My Dad passed a little over a month ago, on March 7th. I have mentioned in other threads before, but for the past couple years, my mom and I were both taking care of him the best we could because he had vascular dementia. Before that, he was already really bad at remembering things or standing up on his own, but it got bad the last couple years where we had to do almost everything for him. It got a point where we had to admit him into a memory care facility. We felt terrible about it, because we know he hated not being home...but he just wasn't rational sometimes. We would tell him not to try to get up on his own, but he still would, and would fall out of bed and scream for help. Constantly made a mess on himself that we had to clean....
I was feeling kinda angry because I was the only one out of my brothers who helped look after him with my mom, but I feel bad for feeling that way towards them. I just think I was angry at the situation. Hated being the one having to see my dad deteriorate like that more than anyone.
You would think after all that, we were prepared for him passing away, but I still wasn't. I tried to go visit at the memory care as often I was able, and before he died, I had put it off for a while because of work, but now I wish I had a gone more. I keep thinking how 2 days before he passed, he was not waking up, but he had his hand up in the air...I grabbed it and he grabbed it back and held it for a while. I wish I had stayed there all day.
When he was healthy, our relationship was rocky at time. I was holding resentment for him not being there much when I was a kid, and when he got sick, I was resentful that I had to take care of him...but even after over a month of his passing, I'm still missing him like crazy. A part of my brain keeps thinking I'm gonna see him later, and we'll be able to talk about movies again, or something, but then I remember I'm not going to and I start crying.
I have very few people in my life, and he was one of the few. I've had relatives pass away before, but no one I was ever close with, and I'm still not sure if I'm handling it well or not. Wish I had helped him with his train layout when he asked me.
Anyone who smokes, stop that shit now, because they say all the smoking he did probably caused his condition. I never have, and never will, but I could never get him to quit.