wcw2000.tumblr.com
WCW Monday Nitro 5/8/2000
After a fun PPV, let's see how WCW can kill any momentum they gained.
EARLIER TODAY. DDP was mourning over a severely injured Kanyon in a hospital bed when the New Blood attacked and left DDP laying. Kim poured Kanyon's bed pan on DDP.
TO THE BACK. The Millionaires Club bus has arrived. I like the idea that all of those guys came to the show in individual limos and then they rented out a giant bus just for a 5 second shot of 3 or 4 guys to step out of it.
The New Blood come out for a 20 minute promo segment. Speaking of SWERVES, David Arquette is with the group. And SWERVE is said about 4 times in 10 seconds. Eric says he brought us one of the greatest SWERVES of all time. This whole thing was a set up just to fuck with DDP. From the very beginning. Eric replays all the events from David vs Eric to DDP winning the title in the cage, to David winning the title, to Tank being in on it, to Slamboree. Man, this seems really involved just to fuck with DDP. What if DDP hadn't agreed to the triple cage match? Stupid internet wrestling experts who said it was a disgrace for Arquette to win the title were all SWERVED, just because Eric wanted to fuck with DDP. David's heel promo work is even more annoying than his normal self.
TO THE BACK. DDP has arrived in his car.
They let Mike Awesome talk and DDP hits the ring. It's down to Page and Arquette. DIAMOND CUTTER OUTTA NOWHERE! The New Blood regroup and beat down DDP, but the lights go out and STING IS HERE! Shane and Douglas are out. Kronik follows and gets rid of them.
TO THE BACK. Gene is with the NB. Eric books Sting and Jarrett for the title. TRUST ME. Ralphus and Norman are walking around. If they don't beat Funk, they're both fired.
Terry Funk vs Norman Smiley/Ralphus WCW Hardcore Championship
In addition to Sting vs Jarret, we'll also see Awesome vs DDP in a stretcher match at the top of the hour. "Terry Funk was hardcore when he was in kindergarten!" Norman presents Monday Night Ralphus! Funk just tosses tons of shit at Norman after laying Ralphus out with a chair. Norman tries to run Funk over with a golf cart. Funk side steps and Norman just keeps going all the way around the giant insides of the arena. Will gif for the weirdness and as a good reaction gif.
Now he's throwing bottles of water and Funk is chasing Norman trying to drive away. They crash into a bizarrely large stack of empty milk crates that are in the center of a giant open area. They brawl into the kitchen and have a cookie sheet strike battle. ROH ROH ROH ROH! I don't think anyone needs to see Ralphus and his ass crack. Funk pins them both, so Ralphus and Norman are fired. They cry together.
Show run down. Update on Kanyon. Severe spinal cord trauma. He's fighting for his existence. A PPV full of SWERVES. DDP vs Awesome in a Stretcher match, Sting vs JJ for the title.
TO THE BACK. Flair tells Lex and Liz to stay in the back when he talks to David.
Ric Flair is out. Flair has some belts with him. Looks like the NWA Championship and the Big Gold WCW Championship. History lesson starts up. In 1978, Terry Funk told Ric to be a star, he had to get to St. Louis on Friday nights. Jack Brisco told him he might be champion if he worked really hard at it. Then it was Funk, then it was Harley, then it was Dusty, and then it was Ric Flair's turn! This is great. Ric's Big Gold replica looks really weird. It looks more like the AWA Championship. But these titles mean nothing anymore after David turned on him. He's not mad at David right now, but he wants his son to admit he made a mistake. David and Daffney come out. Russo's music hits and he walks out behind them. David is in a I <3 NY shirt. Russo spits in the face of tradition and has a list of those faces he spits in: Dory Funk, Jr., Dick the Bruiser, Jack Brisco, Kiniski, Murdock, Brody, Dusty Rhodes, St. Louis' own Sam Muscnick. David looks really uncomfortable with this angle. Ric doesn't want to air family laundry on this program and wants to do it at home. Russo wants Ric vs David at the GAB. Ric takes his cell phone out and says he'll call Vince McMahon right now and he'll have David on Raw next Monday night. He didn't burn his bridge like Russo did. McMahon will make David a big star. Lol. Ric is shitting on Russo's ability to make a star to his face in the ring by using McMahon's name. Ric grabbed his watch back, but David again busts a Statue of Liberty on his dad's head. Then struts, takes the belts, and Vince takes the watch back.
TO THE BACK. A sad Ric leaves as Lex tries to talk him out of it. Flair says he's had it with the business.
Chuck "The Main Event" Palumbo promo.
Palumbo comes out to Lex's music, in Lex's gear, doing Lex's posing. So there are two guys in the New Blood doing full on rip offs of established stars. Chucky P is not a good talker yet. He calls out Luger. Lex comes out and hits a few diving forearms before knocking Chuck out of the ring. R&B security try to take Liz back, but Chuck hits Lex with the Lex Flexer. They get Liz again. This is like the 4th time she's been free and was taken back. Just have her stop coming to shows with you, Lex. You asshole.
TO THE BACK. Lex is asleep on a stretcher is being loaded into an ambulance. Russo kicks all the men out of his room and only keeps Liz and Daffney. He's tired of Liz fighting him. She's going to have a match against Daffney. If she can beat Daffney, Russo will rip up the contract. If she wins, she can go wherever she wants.
Shawn Stasiak vs Captain Rection w/Curt Hennig
I guess Pecker hasn't been promoted yet. His music is just a snare drum. It's really annoying. Hennig kind of sort of SWERVES Boner and Stasiak wins clean with a Perfect Plex. That was a quick push for Dong. The rest of the MIA come in the ring. Kevin Nash comes out. I guess he didn't like Stasiak's win. Jackknife. He'd like to know what Russo was smoking to hit Nash with a bat. He doesn't know what happened to little Vince Jr. that he knew in the WWF. He's calling Russo out. Instead, we get the heel Filthy Animals. I think I'd rather have Vince Russo again. Kidman says Nash is on the bottom of the scrotum pole, which was muted. However, Madden repeated it and it wasn't muted. Konnan says stupid Konnan shit and they all hit the ring. Hogan comes out to make the save. A challenge is made. Hogan/Nash vs Filthy Animals in a street fight. But first, they're going to go to the back to take a Russo and wipe their Bischoffs. And then beat the shit out of those three little punks.
TO THE BACK. DDP walks to the arena with his stretcher.
Eric and Kim come out. Kim looks...fuck.
DDP vs Mike Awesome Stretcher Match
Eric and Kim are on color. Awesome comes out with the stretcher. But DDP had it in the back. These guys aren't even on the same book. Jesus. This is outright bad pro wrestling that you'd expect to see on a local indy show. Kim jumps on the apron with the divorce papers. DDP rips them up. This gave Eric a chance to slide a chair in the ring, which Awesome then used to hit DDP in the MOUTH with. DDP gets off the stretcher half way down the ramp. Awesome brings a table in the ring. Powerbomb through the table. Eric signs the scrap of divorce papers with DDP's hand. Mike Awesome wins.
TO THE BACK. Russo finds Steiner with his YAKS. Steiner doesn't give a fuck about what Russo wants him to do and says he will break his stupid arms if he touches him again. The next thing we see is Russo talking to Tank. Gene is with Double J.
Steiner is out with his YAKS.
Steiner says he fought a guy named Hugh G. Rection last night (which was muted), and then he went back to the hotel with his YAKS and found one of his own. "And Booker T, you're an amoeba, because you have no back bone." Wat. Tank Abbott comes out and hits Steiner in the dick and then hits him with the KO punch. The YAKS are very sad.
TO THE BACK. Gene is with Sting. He's going to win the title tonight.
The Mamalukes, Harlem Heat 2K INC., Harris Brothers vs Kronik
Ahmed gets fatter each week. This is a 4 way in name only. It's a 6 on 2 handicap match in practice. Buff and Shane come out as well. Steiner is throwing shit in the back. Harlem Heat and the Harris Brothers start arguing, which gives Crush the time to pin Vito. Then Wrath pinned a Harris Brother. Buff and Shane get in the ring and as handled easily. Stevie Ray hits Big T. with the slap jack and walks out. Crush and Adam Bomb hit Ahmed Johnson with the High Time for the win. A pissed off Scott Steiner comes out. He drills Shane and Buff on the ramp (which led to Kronik stealing the titles back again), throws Kash in the ring, and says he's not leaving until he gets Tank Abbott.
TO THE BACK. Tank is telling Doug Dillinger to not mess up.
After a break, Goldberg's music hits. Tank does the full Goldberg entrance.
Scott Steiner is not impressed. SHOOT t-bone suplex! SHOOT spinning belly to belly! Steiner gets his hooks in and has Tank in a rear naked choke. RICK Steiner comes out from the crowd to stop his brother. Scott wouldn't listen to Rick, so Rick starts beating on Scott. Rick and Tank double team Scott.
TO THE BACK. Vince Russo was watching this and thought it was great. He tells Liz to hurry it up. He tells someone that he wants them on stand by.
Liz vs Daffney
Liz might be a member of the MIA. She PAINTBRUSHES Daffney. Madusa comes out. She must have been the one on stand by. But before she can do anything to Liz, MONA (Molly Holly) comes out to save Liz. She gets dropped on her head. Liz gets a chair? This fucking bell guy. He won't stop ringing the bell. Fucking guy. Russo security take Liz away. That was really weird seeing Liz wrestle and hit someone with a chair.
TO THE BACK. Hogan and Nash are heading to the arena.
Hogan/Nash vs The Filthy Animals Street Fight
I already hate Rey. Mike Awesome is a member of the Filthy Animals now. DA JUICE has arrived. After a minute of brawling, the Animals bail and Hogan follows them. Juvie missile dropkicks Nash in the ring. In the back, Horace attacked, but was put down. The Animals ambush Hulk, put him in a trunk, and they leave. Nash powerbombs Da Juice in the ring. I guess Hogan and Nash win.
TO THE BACK. The Filthy Animals are leaving when GOLDBERG'S MONSTER TRUCK pulls out in front of them. Does Goldberg drive his own name branded monster truck around town? Hogan has escaped the trunk. BUT WHO OPENED THE TRUNK? AND WHO WAS TRUCK?!?!
Jeff Jarrett vs Sting WCW Championship
Sting is doing Japanese arm drags. How weird. A suplex from the floor onto the ramp. Sting then tried a splash, but missed. Jeff is working over Sting's leg with a chair. Awesome diving lariat from the ramp over the ropes. Looked like it decapitated Jeff. Sting went all the way to the other side of the ring.
Sting fights out of the figure four. Two Stinger splashes. Scorpion Death Lock! Vampiro pops out of the ring and pulls Sting down again. An obvious fire extinguisher sprays. A few seconds later, Vampiro drags Sting up, who is now covered in RED LIQUID.
Jeff Jarrett wins. The rest of the New Blood come to the ring as Goldberg chants start up. We get Kevin Nash instead. Nash and Hogan are the only guys left. Of course the stooges come at them one or two at a time.
TO THE BACK. Golberg's truck runs over and gets stuck on Tank and Rick Steiner's limo. BUT WHO IS LIMO?!
To recap, before anyone gets excited for Goldberg's return, let us remember that Russo's big idea to save WCW so far has been to turn everyone heel and push the old guys even harder while saying they're old washed up has beens who need to retire or die.