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WCW Monday Nitro 10/23/2000
We're back in the US, back in the US, back in the USSR! I wish they ran a Nitro from Russia. Putin vs Goldberg! Think of the ratings! Goldberg vs Drago!
The Perfect Event vs Harris Brothers
Why the fuck would WCW open a show with the Harris Brothers? They did allegedly want people to watch their shows. Palumbo is definitely in my Fave Five. He might be my number 1. Nash would shoot Stasiak if he could. Meat walks away from the tag, leaving Chuck to lose to the H-Bomb. Coach Nash gets in the ring, Shawn bows up to him, so Nash (in his IU hat) chokes him and throws him in the corner. He gave me a good reaction gif, at least. It's been a month since the NBT formed and they already are having problems.
TO THE BACK. Paula is with Mike Sanders. He has a kick boxing match for complete control of the WCW Commissionership. He's got a tune up kick boxing match tonight. He hits on Paula and she was clearly into it.
In the ring, Mean Gene has an interview with Booker T. Booker talks about the business. He's got a lot of respect for Scott Steiner the wrestler, but Scott Steiner the man SUCKS. Booker talks like he's been the champion for the past 3 months. He actually said "Since I've been champ these past 3 months".
Steiner comes out and doesn't understand the jive Booker has been saying. "You come out here and say 'save the drama for your mama' cuz she don't know how much the welfare check is, I don't understand that." "Don't hate the player, hate my mama cuz she works on the street corner for $1.95 an hour, I don't understand that." He needs an Ebonics handbook to understand Book. I don't believe for a second that going to Michigan and being from Detroit that Steiner doesn't understand Ebonics. Booker doesn't want to wait so they brawl, but Jeff Jarrett shows up. Then the lights go out and it's Sting! What a surprise. The whole roster empties out to break it up. Awesome gets into it with Steiner.
TO THE BACK. Paula is with Steiner. Awesome wants Steiner tonight. Steiner makes crazy lamb sounds.
Mike Sanders vs Jung Dragons Kick Boxing Match
FUCK YOU TONY FOR SETTING MADDEN UP FOR BEING FFFFIIIIRRRREEEDD UPPPP! You fucking cunt. All of you. You're fucking assholes. Sanders put something on his gloves that burns Jamie's eyes. Jamie isn't wearing gloves, though. Jamie is KO'd. Yang is done. Kaz comes in and gets the clinch. Series of knees and a head shot, but Sanders isn't even rocked. Sanders gets the glove on Kaz and kicks him in the head for the win. Leia comes in and kicks him in the junk, but he was wearing a cup. He pours the liquid on it and was going to shove it in her face, but Ms. Jones came out. This distracted him long enough for Cat to show up and kick him in the face.
Kronik come to the ring. Their thing with Goldberg started out as business. But now shit is REAL. Stevie wants to know why Crush always hogs the mic. That's because Wrath is even shittier at talking. It appears that 3 Count have hired them for the night. Shannon for real looks like he put on 15 pounds of muscle from the start of the year. The plan was that 3 Count would play their songs for the rest of the show and Kronik would prevent anyone from stopping it. Kronik didn't want to hear any of those songs so...
Kronik vs 3 Count
What a shitty service Kronik offers. Complete squash. Kronik win.
TO THE BACK. Paula is with Nash. "Unlike this company, I don't give up on people too easy." Lol. He's going to show Stasiak some tough love tonight. He also quotes Jesus. Well, Willem Dafoe as Jesus, at least. Nash is declaring war on WCW for firing Scott Hall 2 weeks before his birthday. The Outsider thing isn't a gimmick.
MIA cosplay as Team Canada. You know, like DX did with the Nation. In 1998. Except this isn't funny at all and the fake laughing from the announcers is even worse than Cole and Lawler. Holy fuck, Chavo as Elix is about as offensive as anything you'll see. The only thing to make it more offensive is if he was doing it in black face. He's basically doing an impression of Chris Rock doing an impression of an ignorant black guy. This was awful and painfully unfunny. Hugh says they just took Team Canada's dignity, but I'd argue it wasn't the Canadians that just lost their dignity.
TO THE BACK. Paula is with Mike Awesome. Awesome thanks her for the fuck earlier in the day. Doesn't Mike know that women weaken legs?
Shawn Stasiak vs Goldberg
About the Outsiders: "You see Shawn, we exemplified what a tag team was. SHOOT and worked." This is the tough love Nash was talking about. He nor the NBT will help Stasiak in this match. Why Goldberg would be okay to work with Nash to prove his point for him is kind of weird. Spear. Jackhammer. Pin. 12-0. I must have missed a few. On the last Nitro, he was 7-0. Then by Thunder, he was 11-0.
Alex Wright vs Kidman vs Mark Jindrak
BK vs NBT vs Filthy Animals has been signed for Halloween Havoc. Disco makes an announcement that he and Alex are going to get to the bottom of who let the dogs out where they are at. Wrestling and topical puns. Kidman is back as a full member of the Animals. Remember before the reboot he was set to be the next big face star of WCW? And then they turned him heel and had an awful feud with Hogan? And then he became a creeper over his ex girlfriend who dumped him for being a prick? And now he's back in the same shitty stable he was a year ago doing tag matches? I do. Super hip toss to Billy. Kid Krusher on Alex Wright for the win. All 3 teams brawl after the match.
TO THE BACK. Paula is with Huggy Bear Crowbar. Jimmy Hart stops the interview to tell Crowbar he's been booked. Hey, remember when Daffney and her new boyfriend Ozzy went to Australia ahead of time and Crowbar was all sad about it? And then Crowbar turned into a 70s gimmick and Daffney and Ozzy weren't on TV or mentioned once for the whole two weeks of the Australian tour? I do.
A recap of a very special episode of Maury.
Crowbar vs Vampiro
FUCKING TONY! WHY THE FUCK DID YOU SAY ANYTHING ABOUT CROWBAR GETTING FIRED UP? YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE. FUCK YOU, FUCK MARK MADDEN, FUCK WCW, FUCK TOMMY RICH. Vamp has nunchucks and is now wearing stupid Hot Topic leather pants with zippers and suspender things that dangle and seem really stupid for a wrestling match. He looks like he put on some muscle in the few weeks he was gone. He also is wearing MMA gloves. Madden some how no sold a fired up reference. Vamp eats a gourdbuster on the steps. "That could have blew a knee cap right off his leg!" Super belly to belly. Crowbar literally went from one corner to the other. Vamp hits a full on Van Daminator, but Crowbar gets his foot on the rope. They brawl out to the Nitro Girls cages where Vamps druids bring out a stack of tables. Vamp chokeslams Crowbar through the tables off the little stage. The ref calls for the bell. Vamp gives a math lesson and says this was Mike Awesome's fault. Vamp said he has had 2 months to think about when Awesome powerbombed him. No, he had about 35 days. That's not two months. He failed his own math lesson. He challenges Mike to a match at Havoc. This was for sure the best TV match in months.
Konnan vs Shane Douglas
Shane has suffered another arm injury and can't wrestle tonight. Madden says he broke every bone in his body and had them all removed. What the fuck, Konnan offers to give Torrie a facial. Since it is WCW, I can't tell if he was talking about jizzing on her face or making fun of her acne problems. Shane attacks with his injured arm, so the match is on. Konnan was going to let it go since Shane's injury was legit. Torrie gets the chain out, Shane uses it and then hits the Franchiser with his hurt arm for the win. YAK fight after the match.
Scott Steiner vs Mike Awesome
Yokozuna died earlier that day. WHAT THE FUCK SCOTT STEINER COMES OUT WITH A TIGER. Fuck Teddy Hart and his house cats. Scott Steiner comes out with a god damn tiger.
Booker comes out on color. They took the tiger to the back. They should have left it out there and sent it after people who tried to interfere. Harlem Heat on commentary is like watching The Wire. Pipe shot. Super Samoan Drop only gets 2. Recliner gets the win. For real tho, Scott Steiner had a god damn tiger.