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ParentGaf OT: Birth, Bib and Beyond
- Thread starter User 100115
- Start date
I have a 12 year old boy and a 10 year old daughter as well. Both preemies too; my son born three months early and my daughter two months.
Even after all this time, I'm still in a constant state of amazement of them. They both had rough starts that they overcame and have evolved into two smart, big-hearted and hilarious human beings.
My son is a straight A student, plays soccer, plays the saxophone, shares my love of videogames and has inherited my biting sarcasm and odd sense of humor.
My daughter, while not as book-smart as the boy, has far more common sense and is fiercely independent. Her mother and I joke that she'll have to take care of her brother when we're gone. She just seems to be loving the hell out of life.
I'm partly worried heading into the teen years, but they're such good kids that I'm hopeful it won't be too horrific.
I guess an assortment of parents makes this a good space to ask. I don't understand. How does one prepare for this kind of slow torture and abuse that comes from parenting a newborn? The idea of this happening to me makes me never want to be a parent. That and how often babies get sick with terrifying things. How does someone like me get to the point that they don't mind? I can't be the only one. Does it just happen once the child is born, suddenly nothing else matters? Because right now even the very idea of getting baby shit on me is a total repellant for me to ever be a father. I'd love to have a kid minus these things just sound gross and torturous to me and I don't know if people just magically don't mind once they become parents or if they just were Always ready for that.
phisheep
NeoGAF's Chief Barrister
Not any more! Mine are 29, 26 and 22 - and all spectacularly nice people (also they know who I am on GAF - hi kids).
Good thread Fiction - I'll chip in now and then, but mostly just relive it all vicariously through you guys.
You really can't prepare for it all that much. But really, it is no more difficult than learning anything else you don't want to do (like getting out of bed in the morning or doing homework). It's just got to be done, that's all.
I was never just ready to wipe butts and get peed and puked on. Of course none of that sounds appealing at all. There's just something about when it's your kid, it just doesn't seem to faze you like you think it should.
When my daughter was a baby / toddler, she would drool in her sleep something fierce. When I would get her out of bed in the morning, the smell of it on her face actually smelled sweet and comforting to me. Who would think something as normally gross as saliva would have that effect? All the amazing things you'll get to experience because of them, you won't even remember the gross stuff.
anarckitty
Member
Most children are pretty resilient. I know my daughter has only been really sick a handful of times. I think a lot of that comes from her never being a part of a standard daycare. She's always been kept in an in home daycare environment, so she still gets her fair share of germ exposure from the other 5 children. She could have a pretty good immune system too. I know her two cousins are pretty much ALWAYS sick and they go to pre-school right now.
There is no on and off switch when you decide to have a child. There were days when I felt like I would go crazy from lack of sleep or the amount of crying, but in my case and a lot of other parent's experience when your child smiles at you for the first time, tells you they love you, runs up to you super excited to not only show you something, but also give you a big hug....honestly, that makes it worth it all to me.
As far as baby shit goes I can't speak for every parent, but I know I used to be terrified of baby shit. I mean, I still don't want to mess with someone else's kid shit, but I guess because it's my child's shit it doesn't really bother me. They can't help it, and they need your help.
This is totally true too.
Icefire1424
Member
My personal thought - a person is never truly "ready" to be a parent. One can do things to prepare, sure - I took classes with my wife to better understand what we should expect, and how to take care of our little one, but until the day they arrive, no one is really "ready". All of the things you mentioned - kiddo getting sick, the inevitable poop disasters, spit up, sleepless nights, frustration, lack of personal time, intimacy...all of these things scared me, and still do. But you deal with the challenges, one at a time as they come up, because that's what a parent does for their son or daughter. And it becomes easier. It takes time, and a hell of a lot of patience, but it gets better. And despite all of the difficult times, all the frustration, and the sleeplessness, and the fact that you somehow got poop all over your favorite T-shirt, your little one will do something, like give you a hug, or look up at you and say "dada", or do something to make you realize that everything will be okay, and all of it was worth everything.
I was terrified before I became a father, and there are times I still am. I'll never enjoy changing a poopy diaper, and I'll always worry when my little girl is sick, and I'll be frustrated that the wife and I don't spend as much time together as I would like, but I don't regret for a moment us having our little girl. There are times my war cry is "whatever it takes", because it feels like I have nothing left to give, but you find the energy or the patience to do what is best for your child.
Icefire1424
Member
Addendum: Agreeing with some of the other posters, it really doesn't seem as bad when it's your own kid. I used to be disgusted, absolutely disgusted by an infant / toddler with sticky or wet fingers that had just been in their mouths. Couldn't stand it. Nowadays however, I will gladly eat that handful of Kix cereal kiddo just offered up to me, even knowing where those fingers have been. Even if she just got done trying to feed the dogs some of her cereal too.
And some of the gross stuff? Hilarious. I'll be telling stories of how epic my little princess' farts were when she was 17 months old, and how she laughed every single time afterwards on her wedding day. Mark my words.
And some of the gross stuff? Hilarious. I'll be telling stories of how epic my little princess' farts were when she was 17 months old, and how she laughed every single time afterwards on her wedding day. Mark my words.
MonkeyKing
Member
Ummm I distinctly remember my daughter projectile vomiting hot yellow puke right into my ear. Then she got mad at me for being disgusted and pushing her away. The gall of it all.
You get over the gross stuff pretty quickly. It's still repulsive as all hell, but it has to be dealt with so may as well get on with it.
What I wasn't prepared for, was the permanent change to my sleep patterns...
I'm the father of 2 girls, 4 and 1 years old.
We're evaluating if my wife quits her job in order to focus on the girls, we would also save a lot on daycare expenses, plus not having to worry about where should my girls stay if they are sick.
Surely we're gonna have to do some economic magic to keep things working but man, if there's a thing that drags me to the bottom is hearibng my girls cough or sneeze and after that the booger-galore wit the cherry on the top that is the fever, all that while asking relatives for help or our bosses for a day out of work.
We're evaluating if my wife quits her job in order to focus on the girls, we would also save a lot on daycare expenses, plus not having to worry about where should my girls stay if they are sick.
Surely we're gonna have to do some economic magic to keep things working but man, if there's a thing that drags me to the bottom is hearibng my girls cough or sneeze and after that the booger-galore wit the cherry on the top that is the fever, all that while asking relatives for help or our bosses for a day out of work.
damn, how pissed were you? That's the man of the house's job.
Personally loved how the uncle on Weeds handled that conversation.
choodi
Banned
Before i had kids, the idea of getting another human being's poop on my hand would have had me practically throwing up. After kids, getting poop on your hand becomes the funniest thing in the world.
"Hey honey, come look at this, I got poop on my hand, hahahaha!"
As soon as that little ball of bodily fluids and excrement comes into the world it's like some switch gets pressed that makes you imune to that child's disgustingness.
Rest
All these years later I still chuckle at what a fucking moron that guy is.
Before I'd been around babies I always thought it would be cool to be a stay at home parent. Are they as stressful as they seem? Does it get easier?
PanicFreak
Member
I'll echo what others are saying. You will never be ready. Babies are really gross but because they are yours, it's not that bad. My daughter vomited all over me the other day and I just laughed it off.
Its pretty funny.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=toWLCHDSMKI
Like I said earlier in the thread, my son turned 1. This was a little project I had planned from the start and going to give to my wife and mom as gifts. I posted it in photography GAF but ill repost it anyway. Full size is 24"x30"
A Year in the Life by Billy York, on FlickrHave two boys, 7 and 4. They get along really well.
Before our first son was born, I was offered a covenant. I was granted more sleep and they were nursed exclusively in exchange for changing all diapers until potty trained.
It felt great until year 2 poop interest rates. My debts were paid in full though.
Before our first son was born, I was offered a covenant. I was granted more sleep and they were nursed exclusively in exchange for changing all diapers until potty trained.
It felt great until year 2 poop interest rates. My debts were paid in full though.
H.Protagonist
[-_-]/
Enjoy it and let yourself be pampered. If you have a second go around, no one is going to pamper you as much
I get pampered? I do get more back rubs without having to ask, but it's mostly business as usual. Maybe it's because I'm barely showing still.
Duly noted on the 2nd one. I should probably angle for more dumpling outtings while I can now.
Oh! I knew there had to be at least one! Congrats! You're well on your way too. Is it much different (easier?) the second time round?
And we don't know yet. Next scan is at 20 weeks. We'll probably find out and then just keep it mum from people in general so they can have their fun betting and guessing.
Best way to approach it. Don't know your sit, but the raising is more important than the blood either way. ^_^
I'm sort of scared of this part too and I'm already on the path to no return. I've been told that it passes. You just have to weather it and you'll get used to it. Not really the most reassuring of advice, but as others have said, when it's yours, it's different. There's also the one-off chance that you might hit the jackpot and get a sleeper.
freenudemacusers
Member
oh god.... my one year old already has attitude for days. I dread her hitting puberty.
Two jackpots here
both slept through really early (not when really small, but as early as reasonably expected), so not much of the sitcom 'woken uo every 20 mins' - which I'm sure has a basis in reality but is probably exaggerated for effect.The entire thing is a roll of the dice. You can't, but just relax. You'll be a scared shitless noob for the first one, treating your baby like a faberge egg. But by the second you'll be a grizzled veteran, throwing the baby around like its made of flubber
phisheep
NeoGAF's Chief Barrister
Yep. I remember when we went on holiday with our first, the entire car was stuffed to the roof with "essential baby stuff". Roll forward a few years and we could cram all 3 kids into one suitcase - er, that came out wrong but you know what I mean.
matt360
Member
We did. Our little guy had jaundice. We're in Japan, and in Japan they keep the babies at the hospital for a week after birth, both to give the mom some rest and to make sure the kid is ok before sending him or her home. It was obvious early on, and the nurses kept our boy under a special UV lamp and gave him some sunglasses for about 48 hours. He seemed better, and we took him home after that week was up. But then his skin turned yellow again so we brought him back in. Another day under the UV and he was fine.
phisheep
NeoGAF's Chief Barrister
You will survive.
It helps to get your defences built up early on. Teenage boys are incredibly susceptible to peer pressure, and it helps to be able to puncture that by getting to know the parents of all the other teenage boys around. Then the conversations go like this ...
Kid: But Jason's Dad let's him do X, Y and Z
Me: Yeah, and Jason is an arrogant tosser, you want to grow up like that?
Kid: But Allie's got an Xbox
Me: Yeah, you know he got it? He got a job and paid for it himself.
Kid: But Ed's mom says that he can ....
Me: No she doesn't. Ed's lying.
Got a couple of girls, one is 4 and now started "big" school, the other is 5 months old. Both are happy little souls and both my and the missus's entire worlds.
The smallest one is allergic to cow's milk (CMPA) so since my partner is nursing her, means she can't have chocolate, cheesecake, etc, etc in addition to alcohol. So for all the compromises she went through with the pregnancy of not being allowed stuff to eat and drink, it's not finished yet and she is pretty amazing to deal with it all.
I don't think I can give much advice,but I believe we have stopped being called to look at the poos the oldest one does now
The smallest one is allergic to cow's milk (CMPA) so since my partner is nursing her, means she can't have chocolate, cheesecake, etc, etc in addition to alcohol. So for all the compromises she went through with the pregnancy of not being allowed stuff to eat and drink, it's not finished yet and she is pretty amazing to deal with it all.
I don't think I can give much advice,but I believe we have stopped being called to look at the poos the oldest one does now
H.Protagonist
[-_-]/
Two jackpots here
The entire thing is a roll of the dice. You can't, but just relax. You'll be a scared shitless noob for the first one, treating your baby like a faberge egg. But by the second you'll be a grizzled veteran, throwing the baby around like its made of flubber
Lucky! Please, please let this be my case too. My husband's sister just had her baby and my niece is apparently a screamer. Like, a daytime/nighttime 24-7 screamer. :/ We're going there next week to visit, and I'm going to try and help my poor sister-in-law get in as many naps as she can. I remember watching my own sister's baby to help with this. Shit drives you mad. *_*
As for the treating the baby like porcelain, hopefully the fear will only last a few months. I remember the tension when I was watching my niece overnight because it was so quiet that I kept worrying that she'd stopped breathing. I would stare at that night vision monitor for ages just trying to make out the rise and fall of her chest...
Got a couple of girls, one is 4 and now started "big" school, the other is 5 months old. Both are happy little souls and both my and the missus's entire worlds.
The smallest one is allergic to cow's milk (CMPA) so since my partner is nursing her, means she can't have chocolate, cheesecake, etc, etc in addition to alcohol. So for all the compromises she went through with the pregnancy of not being allowed stuff to eat and drink, it's not finished yet and she is pretty amazing to deal with it all.
I don't think I can give much advice,but I believe we have stopped being called to look at the poos the oldest one does now
Sounds tough for your lady. I'd die without my coffee and that coffee needs milk. For the alcohol, though, I've heard from ladies from both old and new generations that small amounts (a glass or beer here and there) is perfectly fine. Obviously, you don't want to get toasted, but I think it's one of those advice things that's a bit on the fear-mongering side (like a number other things you're not 'allowed' to do while pregnant or nursing).
Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. At 12? Man, I think I was a late bloomer with puberty. I wasn't ready to tug the 'ole snake until I was 13. Ish.
Poor Ash. It's a confusing time.
Aurelius
Member
http://i.imgur.com/jY29jeP.jpg
Proud dad of 1 month old son here. So far, it's going well. He drinks a lot and sleeps through the night. He has cramps during the day which make him cry, but those seem to become less and less.
Proud dad of 1 month old son here. So far, it's going well. He drinks a lot and sleeps through the night. He has cramps during the day which make him cry, but those seem to become less and less.
All my 3 girls have been great sleepers (and still are) just not when the 2 of them had Colic.
There is a simple trick to it.. very simple. Make sure they do not sleep in total silence.
With the first one we put her on the table in her carrycot while we watched movies (with the surround system on), she slept trough a lot of noise. And when we put her out to sleep we put her just outside our door (our entrance was right beside a heavily trafficked road) in her baby carriage. She slept for 3-4 hours without any problems.
And when night time came we just put her in her OWN bed so she could sleep. We never laid there with her..
We did almost the same with all the other kids. And today they are 5,10 and 11. They go to bed, and sleep right away when we ask them to do it. They are heavy sleepers today. When we moved into our new house, we bought some fancy pancy smoke detectors which were connected to each other.. they were so fucking fancy that they went crazy one night each week, always in the middle of the night. So the alarm went crazy in every room in the house.. none of my kids woke up.. not once. lol
So in short.. if you want some kids that sleep well (and alot).. no silence.. (lots of) noise. And never ever get into the habit of laying next to the kid in bed until they fall asleep..
but again that is just how we did it.. it might sound harsh and cruel, but it really isn´t.
The Libertine
Member
Awesome thread guys. I am a very proud father of a 6 week old baby boy and he is the greatest thing in the world. I am basically reiterating a lot of what has already been said, but I am living on not a lot of sleep and I couldn't be happier.
Being at work during the week sucks, as I feel I am missing out on things with him and my wife, but weekends are amazing and I can't wait to watch him grow up.
Being at work during the week sucks, as I feel I am missing out on things with him and my wife, but weekends are amazing and I can't wait to watch him grow up.
Recently became the daddy of a baby girl myself. She's the worst thing that's ever happened to my sleep, but the best thing that's ever happened to my life. So far I'm thankful when she only wakes up twice in one night. I don't know what I'm going to do when I go back to work next week.
please don't take this the wrong way, but in the picture she looks like a girl-moriarty o.o" like she is thinking how to rule the world with her pet snake >.<"
My little buddy turned 7 months last week. He's such an easy going sweety, i love him to bits. But man, that cliche is so true, they grow and learn so fast. Strange to think that this happy little adventurer crawling through the house wasn't even aware of the fact he had hands just half a year ago .
He's a little sick atm, so the nightly adventures are back, but meh, i was kind of missing those cosy nightly get togethers anyway ¯\_(ツ_/¯
. He's a little sick atm, so the nightly adventures are back, but meh, i was kind of missing those cosy nightly get togethers anyway ¯\_(ツ
_/¯
Poop!
Member
I have two kids, and another one on the way.
My 2 year old can read and write already. He started doing full sentences and his favorite toy is sidewalk chalk. My pavement looks like a scene out of a beautiful mind. He is obviously gifted as I have not heard of any other 2 year old writing sentences and reading books. It sounds braggy but it's not at all, it's actually very frustrating. He can read a book but barely talk, he's just obsessed with letters and sounds. He doesn't like other children and isn't very physical at all. We thought at first that he may be "special needs" but he's very loving and gives kisses and hugs and has zero sensory issues to light/sound/taste and every so far thinks he's fine....... but just a super fast learner. I will never tell him that he's smarter than other kids, I'll just tell him he's faster. "Gifted" kids tend to have bad childhoods.
Our second is your typical kid. Likes cars/trucks, getting into stuff, puts everything in his mouth and turns 1 in a few months. He's a funny guy but an asshole (in a cute way to his brother).
I can't relate when people cry about not getting sleep. We co-sleep and breastfeed so the second the kid wakes up in the middle of the night, my wife just rolls over and puts a boob in his mouth within seconds. We've slept through the night since birth basically. My 2 year old sleeps straight from 9pm-8pm every day with a 2 hour nap inbetween. I credit co-sleeping with it as he's never alone so he sleeps sounder.
My 2 year old can read and write already. He started doing full sentences and his favorite toy is sidewalk chalk. My pavement looks like a scene out of a beautiful mind. He is obviously gifted as I have not heard of any other 2 year old writing sentences and reading books. It sounds braggy but it's not at all, it's actually very frustrating. He can read a book but barely talk, he's just obsessed with letters and sounds. He doesn't like other children and isn't very physical at all. We thought at first that he may be "special needs" but he's very loving and gives kisses and hugs and has zero sensory issues to light/sound/taste and every so far thinks he's fine....... but just a super fast learner. I will never tell him that he's smarter than other kids, I'll just tell him he's faster. "Gifted" kids tend to have bad childhoods.
Our second is your typical kid. Likes cars/trucks, getting into stuff, puts everything in his mouth and turns 1 in a few months. He's a funny guy but an asshole (in a cute way to his brother).
I can't relate when people cry about not getting sleep. We co-sleep and breastfeed so the second the kid wakes up in the middle of the night, my wife just rolls over and puts a boob in his mouth within seconds. We've slept through the night since birth basically. My 2 year old sleeps straight from 9pm-8pm every day with a 2 hour nap inbetween. I credit co-sleeping with it as he's never alone so he sleeps sounder.
XiaNaphryz
LATIN, MATRIPEDICABUS, DO YOU SPEAK IT
For all the expecting parents who are also statistic geeks:
allendowney.blogspot.com/2015/09/first-babies-are-more-likely-to-be-late.html
Our first was a week late. Then after over 24 hours of labor he wouldn't come out because he was too big to fit through the pelvis, so we had to go c-section.
allendowney.blogspot.com/2015/09/first-babies-are-more-likely-to-be-late.html
Our first was a week late. Then after over 24 hours of labor he wouldn't come out because he was too big to fit through the pelvis, so we had to go c-section.
choodi
Banned
That's pretty cool. My eldest is a little advanced but nowhere near that level.
Make sure you nurture that little guy and work on his social aspects too. It sounds like you're already doing that though.
Just don't let him think that being smarter than everyone else is bad, keep him engaged with extra-curricular activities or more advanced work.
DJ_Lae
Member
We did that too with our kids - it helped somewhat although the first was very colicky and nothing comforted her.
It does seem to make shifting the kids into their own bed a whole new struggle. Is it easier than dealing with cranky babies and waking up constantly in the night? I dunno. At the time it seemed a great idea.
Food struggles are fun too. Right now I'm dealing with my daughter coming back from kindergarten having eaten very little of her lunch/snacks. I gather all the other kids are like this, so who knows. Her diet at present basically consists of buns, turkey bacon, carrots, cucumbers, feta cheese, and seeds/nuts. Could be worse, I suppose, but trying to get anything new into her is a pointless battle.
XiaNaphryz
LATIN, MATRIPEDICABUS, DO YOU SPEAK IT
Yeah, we didn't take that approach. If baby woke up, we woke up to feed. Eventually they may wake up for other reasons, at which point you have to ignore them so they don't get used to getting attention at that time. When it got to the point where if the kid could see us in the middle of the night and that got them distracted from going back to bed, that was our sign that we needed to move the crib to their own room.
Moving the kids to their own room and also getting them from crib to their own bed was a LOT easier thanks to that. Once the kids were around 2 to 3, they were perfectly fine in their own rooms and beds. It was great when we got our bedroom to ourselves again.
I know plenty of other kids who refuse to sleep anywhere aside from their parents' bed because that's what they were used to from birth, and putting them in their own room/bed resulted in non-stop crying and/or them at some point in the night sneaking out into their parents room.
Like the hat?
Banned
Cosleeping is great. Until you can't get your five year old out of the bed. Heh. Luckily we upgraded to a king size so all four of us fit.
anarckitty
Member
Oh! I knew there had to be at least one! Congrats! You're well on your way too. Is it much different (easier?) the second time round?
And we don't know yet. Next scan is at 20 weeks. We'll probably find out and then just keep it mum from people in general so they can have their fun betting and guessing.
Thanks! Congrats to you as well.
So far it hasn't been much different the second time around. I'm finally starting to show (week 27). During my first pregnancy I didn't really start showing until almost 8 months, and then I just seemed to explode outward. I do notice that I'm a lot more tired this time around, although that could be due to working full time and also having a 3 year old. I got lucky both times and had a lot of nausea, but zero morning sickness during the first trimester. My bladder is also a lot weaker compared to the first time around. =/
Listen to others and take full advantage of pampering and also sleep while you can! Good luck!
Karsticles
Member
My son is doing great so far. On day 11. He has some latching issues (tongue up instead of down - hurts my wife), but otherwise is fine. We hired a lactation consultant to help teach my wife proper technique. The lactation consultant said Roman eats about 1.5 times as much as a normal baby right now - hungry little guy! Our breastfeeding record is an hour of uninterrupted feeding.
He tends to come alive right as it is time for bed, though. -_- Sleeps like Cthulhu deep in the ocean during the day, though!
Jaundice gone.
Midwife +2.
He tends to come alive right as it is time for bed, though. -_- Sleeps like Cthulhu deep in the ocean during the day, though!
Natural sunlight causes bilirubin to break down. I called a nurse hotline when my son had jaundice, and she said to schedule an appointment with a doctor ASAP. Then I asked my midwife, and she said to walk outside with my son for 15 minutes.
Jaundice gone.
Midwife +2.
XiaNaphryz
LATIN, MATRIPEDICABUS, DO YOU SPEAK IT
Sometimes though just sunlight isn't enough in certain cases and you also need the light machine thing running at night as well, which can be more effective faster since you expose more of the skin at once for a longer sustained time. Our daughter had to use one when she was born, luckily our Kaiser plan meant the machine didn't cost us anything to use for the time we needed it.
Karsticles
Member
I am sure that some children have severe bilirubin issues. Just offering my experience.
In Colorado Springs, > 60% of newborns get jaundice, though.
XiaNaphryz
LATIN, MATRIPEDICABUS, DO YOU SPEAK IT
I am sure that some children have severe bilirubin issues. Just offering my experience.
In Colorado Springs, > 60% of newborns get jaundice, though.
I may have misinterpreted then, as it sounded to me like you were advocating people to just take their babies into the sun and not bother checking in with their doctors.