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ParentGaf OT: Birth, Bib and Beyond
- Thread starter User 100115
- Start date
Icefire1424
Member
Nearly 2 years. And yes, I felt incredibly selfish even bringing it up months ago. Our daughter was around 18 months at the time. I completely understand the disconnect before and after our daughter was born. I can't even begin to imagine how uncomfortable everything must have been. I just tried to do whatever I could to make her more comfortable. I suppose I just wasn't expecting our relationship to be so disconnected after a year and a half. I knew that I no longer would be a priority in her life, even if the two of them are my life.
Ugh, it's really hard to talk about this. I know she'll never approach me anymore. I feel genuinely awful that I'm still attracted to her, because I know it would be so much easier if I wasn't.
Brian Griffin
Member
Yay! Congrats.
H.Protagonist
[-_-]/
Well, luckily I don't have to worry about pregnancy brain. I just keep telling my wife the later it gets the less she'll want to do and if she doesn't give her input now she's going to end up hating whatever I do on my own.
Haha. Good strategy. I hope you've been threatening her with an animal crossing theme or something obscure like Myst too. In our case, it's also part knowing that any setting up would be wasted because there's more than a fair chance we'll be moving overseas just a month or two after it's born. Doesn't seem to be any point in decorating or buying stuff or investing in the room. Makes me a bit sad because I feel like I'm missing out on everything that's supposed to be enjoyable about this (will I even have a baby shower? Who knows), but I'm the most sentimental of people either, so...
Anyway, wouldn't mind seeing pictures of everyone's new baby digs whenever they're done. I assume eventually I'll get to do something similar.
Good to hear. A lot of what makes me worry (in a very small, vague way) are the purported ooey-gooey stuff like nesting or tons of baby planning, belly pictures, parties, etc., when I haven't experienced much emotional feedback from the kid urge-wise. It makes me eat more fruit than I ever thought possible, but if it's not sliding its pointy little heel up my rib cage, I'm not really thinking about it much. It makes talking with other women/mothers a bit odd.
Haha. She (and you by extension) got it hard, huh? That's kind of nice too, though. Helps you visualize and dream of the future.
For your current sit, I'm sorry to hear it's not in a great place. I'd say the whole process does do some fucked up things to your body and head that require patience and understanding, but it's been a long time for yours to work itself out. Crunched is right. You might need some third party advice/intervention here. It sounds like you've been trying very hard on your side to be all those things for her, so do spare a thought for your own happiness. It's important too, so don't feel bad or guilty about it. Wish you luck and hope to hear better news in the thread on it in the future.
EDIT: And congrats, Browny!
Pimplitosaurio
Member
I think I'll join this thread, Our daughter was born like 15 days(a little bit more) ago, we are very happy about it even when we haven't had night of sleep in those 15 days
And you know what, this has been an amazing experience, but there is something no one told me: the farts, oh God, the farts!
I mean, when someone tells you the cliche things of having a baby, they will say that you will love when she grabs your finger, or when she opens her eyes and all that. But no one ever told me that she will bring untold laughter thanks to the power of her farts
I mean, here you are, watching your wife breastfeed, thinking of the miracle of life and all of that and suddenly you will hear your kid rip one out for the ages. And then she will do it again, and again and again.
Truly, kids are the gift that keeps on giving
And you know what, this has been an amazing experience, but there is something no one told me: the farts, oh God, the farts!
I mean, when someone tells you the cliche things of having a baby, they will say that you will love when she grabs your finger, or when she opens her eyes and all that. But no one ever told me that she will bring untold laughter thanks to the power of her farts
I mean, here you are, watching your wife breastfeed, thinking of the miracle of life and all of that and suddenly you will hear your kid rip one out for the ages. And then she will do it again, and again and again.
Truly, kids are the gift that keeps on giving
I had my first scan today and left really upset. They said it was really early and I was measuring around 5-6 weeks which actually works with when I ovulated. The LMP dates put me ahead further but seem silly to me.
However she couldn't find a heartbeat and wouldn't show me the screen. That was it. I was at my doctors two hours later for other blood test results and he already had my scan results. He told me that there was an embryo (I didn't even know that!) and that five weeks is still a bit early so I am going back for another scan on the 29th.
However she couldn't find a heartbeat and wouldn't show me the screen. That was it. I was at my doctors two hours later for other blood test results and he already had my scan results. He told me that there was an embryo (I didn't even know that!) and that five weeks is still a bit early so I am going back for another scan on the 29th.
superdeluxe
Member
5 weeks is def to early to find a heart beat
Kid number 2 is seven weeks old now and getting her to start taking a bottle has been really difficult. The first kid was bottle-only because he had problems latching on to a real nipple, so when my wife went back to work it wasn't as difficult for the baby. My wife only has a few weeks left now and the baby just refuses bottles outright no matter what time of day. She'll either get mad and thrash, or just let the bottle nipple sit in her mouth until milk spills out.
The only other difficulty we're having is that she has been cluster-feeding a lot at night for the last couple of weeks. My wife sleeps for 20-60 minutes while I walk the baby around, trying to calm her down and possibly sleep between feedings. We barely got any sleep this week and now I'm coming down with something.
The only other difficulty we're having is that she has been cluster-feeding a lot at night for the last couple of weeks. My wife sleeps for 20-60 minutes while I walk the baby around, trying to calm her down and possibly sleep between feedings. We barely got any sleep this week and now I'm coming down with something.
Ouch.
As mentioned, it's inevitable that relationships change, but what is her side of the story? Kids are tough on a relationship. Real tough.
RustyNails
Member
5 weeks is way too early.
Steeped in a Sea of Games
Member
I figure I'll add to this thread since right now my kids are pretty much my whole life.
My wife and I had to try for kids for about 5 years before we decided to go in for some help. They did one of those dye things that sort of flush out the system and put her on progesterone and two months after that, we were pregnant. Unfortunately, our first pregnancy ended in a miscarriage at 11 weeks. It was devastating. One of the most terrible feelings I've ever had. Taking my wife to the D&C and bringing her home was heartbreaking. Even today I can't help but wonder what could have been sometimes.
Anyway, we tried again a few months later and we managed to get pregnant again. 9 months later we welcomed my son into the world. My wife had no meds and went from labor to birth in about 3 hours.
We wanted two children and were nervous after how long it took to have our first so we decided not to wait around. Low and behold, our first real try worked, to our surprise (my son was only 5 months old). This pregnancy was MUCH harder on my wife than the first. By the end, her hips were in such bad shape that she could barely walk. I had to practically carry her everywhere for the last 2 months. We were set to induce because of the pain my wife was in and literally 3 hours before we were to leave for the induction, my wife went into labor. We almost had my daughter in the car to the hospital. We got in the door, she got a bed and asked "oh god, can I push now?" and out my daughter came. I was nearly in shock at the time lol.
It took my wife around 3 months before she could walk properly again and though she lost the baby weight super fast with my first, it's been a lot harder with the second. She's not super fat or anything, but there's a good 10 pounds (she's only 5'2" so that's a fair bit) that she wants to lose but it just isn't happening; not that she's trying really hard since she's still breastfeeding. It honestly doesn't bother me in the least. She also has a lot of strechmarks from the second pregnancy, so it's safe to say that the second pregnancy was a lot harder on my wife's body. We only wanted 2 and have a boy and a girl now, so we're both relieved to be done with that.
I could go into more, but I'll leave it at that right now. My kids are my life. I literally flip my shit whenever I hear about people who treat their kids as an afterthought to their own life. They're the best things that have ever happened to me after my wife, and though life is a lot harder now what with them being so close in age, I wouldn't trade a second I've spent with them.
Here they are from Halloween. Son 2 years, Daughter 9 months.
Bonus:
My wife and I had to try for kids for about 5 years before we decided to go in for some help. They did one of those dye things that sort of flush out the system and put her on progesterone and two months after that, we were pregnant. Unfortunately, our first pregnancy ended in a miscarriage at 11 weeks. It was devastating. One of the most terrible feelings I've ever had. Taking my wife to the D&C and bringing her home was heartbreaking. Even today I can't help but wonder what could have been sometimes.
Anyway, we tried again a few months later and we managed to get pregnant again. 9 months later we welcomed my son into the world. My wife had no meds and went from labor to birth in about 3 hours.
We wanted two children and were nervous after how long it took to have our first so we decided not to wait around. Low and behold, our first real try worked, to our surprise (my son was only 5 months old). This pregnancy was MUCH harder on my wife than the first. By the end, her hips were in such bad shape that she could barely walk. I had to practically carry her everywhere for the last 2 months. We were set to induce because of the pain my wife was in and literally 3 hours before we were to leave for the induction, my wife went into labor. We almost had my daughter in the car to the hospital. We got in the door, she got a bed and asked "oh god, can I push now?" and out my daughter came. I was nearly in shock at the time lol.
It took my wife around 3 months before she could walk properly again and though she lost the baby weight super fast with my first, it's been a lot harder with the second. She's not super fat or anything, but there's a good 10 pounds (she's only 5'2" so that's a fair bit) that she wants to lose but it just isn't happening; not that she's trying really hard since she's still breastfeeding. It honestly doesn't bother me in the least. She also has a lot of strechmarks from the second pregnancy, so it's safe to say that the second pregnancy was a lot harder on my wife's body. We only wanted 2 and have a boy and a girl now, so we're both relieved to be done with that.
I could go into more, but I'll leave it at that right now. My kids are my life. I literally flip my shit whenever I hear about people who treat their kids as an afterthought to their own life. They're the best things that have ever happened to me after my wife, and though life is a lot harder now what with them being so close in age, I wouldn't trade a second I've spent with them.
Here they are from Halloween. Son 2 years, Daughter 9 months.
Bonus:
Thanks. That's how I'm keeping positive. Wonder why doctors here scan so early. It's just created extra stress.
My doctor is good. It was the sonographer who was awful. She didn't even show me the baby and luckily when I went to my doctor a few hours later about something else he had my results and told me there was an embryo.
Yeah I think I will. It was awful especially as an already anxious first time mum.
My next appointment is on the 29th also and I'm also in the earlier stages of pregnancy, so we can be pregnancy buddies. I'll think of you on the 29th and send good thoughts your way.
Parent GAF, I could do with some advice... Might be about to make a terrible mistake, wanted to get some opinions on it....
Short back story:
3 kids, (4,3,1)
Wife stay at home mum.
I work full time, recently (6 months ago) got a new job because needed the extra cash.
Now one of my old bosses has got in touch and basically head hunted me. Wants me back, but as contractor (I work in IT)
Money is different league to what I'm on now... Not a stealth brag,, but my take home pay would be over 3 times what I'm on now.
Problem is that I'm going to have to work away 3/4 days a week.
I'm torn. On the one hand I'm just tempted to say no, can't cope with being away from my kids at that age, will regret it etc etc etc.
On the other hand, it's a "life changing" wage. Currently living pay check to pay check, we do "ok" but have no savings at all and raising these kids is getting more and more expensive.
Would love to be able to get some decent savings behind up, just for day day "emergencies", as well as starting to save for the kids future (uni, etc etc).
Any opinions very much welcome
Short back story:
3 kids, (4,3,1)
Wife stay at home mum.
I work full time, recently (6 months ago) got a new job because needed the extra cash.
Now one of my old bosses has got in touch and basically head hunted me. Wants me back, but as contractor (I work in IT)
Money is different league to what I'm on now... Not a stealth brag,, but my take home pay would be over 3 times what I'm on now.
Problem is that I'm going to have to work away 3/4 days a week.
I'm torn. On the one hand I'm just tempted to say no, can't cope with being away from my kids at that age, will regret it etc etc etc.
On the other hand, it's a "life changing" wage. Currently living pay check to pay check, we do "ok" but have no savings at all and raising these kids is getting more and more expensive.
Would love to be able to get some decent savings behind up, just for day day "emergencies", as well as starting to save for the kids future (uni, etc etc).
Any opinions very much welcome
Is it a work away from home thing as in they are sending you different places or its just real far from where you live? Because if it's the latter, you can save up and move closer to the new job.
It's a tough call to make though. It's something you and your wife need to seriously discuss. Gaf can't really help
Bit of both. Based far away, but with a fair amount of travelling involved anyway.
Yeah, we've discussed in detail, just wanted opinions of people removed from the situation...
H.Protagonist
[-_-]/
I can't imagine how tough it must be for your wife to handle three young kids on her own while you're at work, so the idea of you being away 24 hrs a day for several days a week is going to be extra hard for her. However, in your current financial sit, it sounds like it might be a sacrifice worth making for a time because it's for future building, and as you said, you need emergency funds besides.
My main concern with you switching to this job (aside from the stress it will put on your family sit), is that contract work is also a way for companies to not have to pay you any benefits or insurance. You may be earning more, but your taxes will also be higher (as a freelancer/contractor), you may lose what company insurance or benefits you do have, and what's the assurance you have that this contract will even last more than a few months? Heck, even a year would be sketchy. IT is a nice field, usually with a few options around, but I worry for anything going south with this contract business. Do you have any assurances that it's a fair period of time? Is that worth quitting a solid (i.e. reliable) job you have now? With the pay it might be, but be extra careful the 3x the pay is worth the risk.
If it is for some time, you have an actual contract that promises something like that (I would not just take his word for it no matter how familiar you guys are), and the 3x pay after taxes sit is still > current pay + job security, I would think you'd have to strongly consider it for your future. Naturally, you'll have to sit down with your wife and get her feelings on the whole matter, but if you outline clear goals (savings, emergency funds, schools, etc.) and a cut off date/time (she needs to see an end in sight and so do you, I'd think), you'll both be able to see if it's worth it for you all.
H.Pro I had a couple odd conversations talking to other moms too. I was pretty excited/amazed at what was going on with my body (we'd been trying for 2 years) but the minute I said anything negative I'd get looks. I actually had someone tell me, "well you know you wanted this so you shouldn't complain." Pissed me off, which was really easy to do when I was pregnant. I would get so angry at the drop of the hat I was worried I was going to give birth to a killer. Fun times.
I totally feel you. I had a really short fuse earlier on in the pregnancy. And it is like if you're not over the top gushing/in awe all the time, you get weird looks or people seem to think you're not grateful for this miiiiiiiiiiracle of liiiiiiiiife~
Nobody seems to want to talk about anything else, either. I don't want to talk about babies or the intricacies or defecating! -_-
Thank you very much for taking time you to write a very sensible reply, all good points.
Milksheikhs
Member
Rest assured ladies there is no 'right' way to be pregnant. All three of mine were different as hell. First was mostly smooth sailing until the birth, second was painful as fuck (he sat weird the last few months) third I spent mostly in bed and nearly died.
Everyone is different. Apathy is fairly common too, its not as if you've met the thing kicking you in the ribs yet
Definitely felt lots of apathy up until recently. Other people were gushing over how this is the love of their life when they were pregnant and I was kind of just "meh.." and now I'm just hating the anticipation of when I'll go into labor. But like Fiction said it's not you've met this little person who at times (a lot of times) feels like they're sucking the life of you (physically speaking).
Also, just a bit of advice to all you newly pregnant ladies. Don't listen to people's negativity. It's one thing when people want to give you advice about realistic things to possibly expect. It's another thing when they are telling you this IS how your baby and pregnancy will be. Because ultimately nobody knows that except you. It's taken me a long time to take all the bs my sister says about how terrible and colicky my child will be with a grain of salt. So my advice for dealing with those people is to try and minimize your interaction with them or change the subject to something else if possible.
'Cause again like Fiction said everyone and every pregnancy is different. ^_^
RoryDropkick
Member
In tears here. Sitting in the nicu and out of nowhere I hear Jacob rip a massive (for a preemie) fart. I thought it was a machine making a noise or something but my wife confirmed it while laughing her ass off.
In other news, Jacob will most likely come home first. Andrew is still fighting a UTI and working on his breathing, he's off of oxygen fortunately, and is bottle feeding quite well. It's all going well overall, just little hiccups (and farts).
In other news, Jacob will most likely come home first. Andrew is still fighting a UTI and working on his breathing, he's off of oxygen fortunately, and is bottle feeding quite well. It's all going well overall, just little hiccups (and farts).
D
Deleted member 1235
Unconfirmed Member
hey a babies thread!
my 12 week old, being amazing. it's been a great (if tiring) 12 weeks. somewhat more alarming though, looks like I'll get laid off work in approx 12 months from now. Not really super funny as this wee girl put everything in a new light.
honestly at my age (36) I'm enjoying the slower pace of life that this one brings. A trip to the centre and a coffee is now some kind of massive event that everyone is exhausted after. There's some kind of time field around this little creature.
my 12 week old, being amazing. it's been a great (if tiring) 12 weeks. somewhat more alarming though, looks like I'll get laid off work in approx 12 months from now. Not really super funny as this wee girl put everything in a new light.
honestly at my age (36) I'm enjoying the slower pace of life that this one brings. A trip to the centre and a coffee is now some kind of massive event that everyone is exhausted after. There's some kind of time field around this little creature.
Haha, is moments like this that lighten everything in a tough time. It's good to hear them doing well.
When our twins were in, one of those farts was followed by glorious spurting meconium while I changed his nappy. Resulted in full isolet changeover
Oops.Steeped in a Sea of Games
Member
I feel that. We spent 2 hours at the mall today and my back is so sore, I can't bring myself to get out of my chair. Between putting on coats, socks, shoes, ferrying them out to the car, getting them in their car seat, chasing down my 2 year old when he decides to take off... it's amazing how much energy it takes for even the smallest things.
They wake up from their naps in 10 minutes. Gotta psych myself up heh.
Steeped in a Sea of Games
Member
Just remember those words when your child is zooming around your house destroying things haha.
But I also feel you with the no exercise thing. I had to stop until my son was 6 months before I could go again (the age that our gym allows kids for their child care service). Now they're old and I'm missing all the time because they're almost constantly sick with colds and such. It's tough.
But I also feel you with the no exercise thing. I had to stop until my son was 6 months before I could go again (the age that our gym allows kids for their child care service). Now they're old and I'm missing all the time because they're almost constantly sick with colds and such. It's tough.
Steeped in a Sea of Games
Member
Well, 107 and you start to go into brain damage territory, so 105 is pretty serious. I don't know what to tell you though. If you can get their fever down with Tylenol, cold rags to the head, etc, I'd probably just keep that up while really monitoring them and if it doesn't go away after a day or two, take them in. I understand the emergency room pain. We're on a high deductible plan and still making up the difference in our HSA since my daughter was born, so any extra medical expense hurts right now.
Dude, that looks really nice. You should just invest in a bunch of these: http://www.toysrus.com/product/index.jsp?productId=13193080&fromWidget=BRU:Category:Top+Sellers
Encircle your equipment, block off any exits with them, babyproof the interior, and just work out while your kiddo is inside the fenced off area. Sit them in front of some youtube songs or something for 20 min if they complain too much. 20 min ain't gonna kill them, but 20 min to exercise will definitely help you. My entire front room of my house is completely surrounded by those fences and it allows me a lot of peace of mind. Not only do I not have to pay constant attention to them while they play, but I can like, go into the kitchen and make their food and they can't get in there and I know they're safe during the time my hands are full.
It's not super cheap (I have around 15 segments around the house), but if you look around at used baby equipment stores you'll sometimes find them cheaper, but they're usually in high demand.
Edit: By the way, as I see your TV is open, those gates are great to block off an entertainment system. The minute that kid can pull up, he's gonna be turning your tv and other appliances on and off and on and off or knocking them over. It's amazing the things kids can find to destroy once they're mobile.
Steeped in a Sea of Games
Member
My only recommendation with gates is, unless you have absurdly long legs, definitely get at least one gate you can open like a door. I actually tripped hopping over one of those and hurt my wrist pretty bad when I hit the floor.
Milksheikhs
Member
So due date was Dec. 18th. and I've been the hospital twice and sent home. The last time I was having contractions 6 minutes apart and 3cm dilated and 80% effaced. They said that the contractions were not strong enough and that to come back when it feels like you can't move or talk. I've been having really painful contractions and backache all day long. The most frustrating thing is that the nurse said it could be today or it could be even a couple more days of this before I go into active labor. Like really 3+ days of this??
Does anyone know a way to speed this up? Like any tips for inducing labor? Has anyone tried pineapple? Did that work for anyone here?
Edit:
So I went to the hospital this morning and they admitted me. They're starting me on pitocin and plan on having my water broken later.
Hoping everything goes well and will have her today! ^_^
Does anyone know a way to speed this up? Like any tips for inducing labor? Has anyone tried pineapple? Did that work for anyone here?
Edit:
So I went to the hospital this morning and they admitted me. They're starting me on pitocin and plan on having my water broken later.
Hoping everything goes well and will have her today! ^_^
RoryDropkick
Member
So as of 5:00 this afternoon, Jacob arrived at our home! Andrew still has a little bit of time before he can join his brother, but it has been a quiet night so far. We've just changed a diaper and fed him so far. He has also met his big cat sister, Silver who displayed disinterest but was polite to him at least. Super excited to have him home finally, and if everything goes right Andrew might be home on Christmas day
| Praxis |
Banned
So as of 5:00 this afternoon, Jacob arrived at our home! Andrew still has a little bit of time before he can join his brother, but it has been a quiet night so far. We've just changed a diaper and fed him so far. He has also met his big cat sister, Silver who displayed disinterest but was polite to him at least. Super excited to have him home finally, and if everything goes right Andrew might be home on Christmas day
That's awesome news. I hope Andrew joins you soon.
My son has been home from the nicu for a few weeks now after spending seven weeks there. It feels like I have aged ten years since he was born, but once they're home it's amazing. He's sleeping most of the day and wakes up the at night, so the past few nights have been really bad, haven't been sleeping until 5-6am. Off work now though, so who cares? He's just as cute screaming as he is sleeping.
Milksheikhs
Member
Finally! 7:31 last night 12/20 my daughter was born :')
I never thought those cliches were true, but they are. You really do think your child is the most beautiful thing in the world even with a cone head! And I can't get over all the sounds and facial expressions!
Her name is Ariana Isabel and she is 9lbs 6 oz (which is crazy cause I was super small and everyone was guessing between 6-7lbs..I wonder where she was hiding those chubby cheeks!?)
I never thought those cliches were true, but they are. You really do think your child is the most beautiful thing in the world even with a cone head! And I can't get over all the sounds and facial expressions!
Her name is Ariana Isabel and she is 9lbs 6 oz (which is crazy cause I was super small and everyone was guessing between 6-7lbs..I wonder where she was hiding those chubby cheeks!?)
The Lamonster
Member
Super annoyed with being a parent right now because I can't go see Star Wars until December 28th, unless I want to go alone.
/vent
/vent
thanks, hopefully it's sooner rather than later.
RoryDropkick
Member
So yesterday Andrew had more breathing issues and had some tests ran on him, they found he was anemic. A blood transfusion was performed and he seems to be doing a lot better today. Hopefully this will not delay his arrival home too long, but I dont expect him to be home for Christmas now :/
RoryDropkick
Member
So... Andrew is still not home. Maybe this week -_-; He's going to have a swallow test done tomorrow to see why he's been having issues with all of his brady/desats and occasional reflux issues. *sigh* This still isn't over.
Dot Matrix
Member
My girls managed to stay out of hospital for xmas and new year! It's actually been 7 weeks since they had to stay in overnight; there have been a few visits but we were able to come home the same day.
Sleep still eludes us but it is getting better. They never sleep later than 6AM, so a lie in or morning bedroom fun is just a distant memory.
On the plus side my home theatre finally got some use the other day.. we watched Mr Tumble and Rastamouse on it. My brother got me a PS4 game for xmas and it seemed more like a cruel taunt than a nice gift.
Update. My baby still had no heartbeat. I got sent to emergency for a D&C and they refused to do it after a blood test saying my hormone is a little high and there's been one case where the baby survived. That was last Wednesday and I've just been waiting at home for the miscarriage. If it doesn't happen by Wednesday I go back to hospital.
John Caboose
Member
I haven't been following the thread so I don't know anything other than this post. But damn that really sucks.