WASHINGTON—Calling it a “major-ass haul” that would provide “some much-needed scratch,” Vice President Joe Biden reportedly scored over 800 feet of copper wire from a foreclosed home in the D.C. suburbs, White House sources confirmed Thursday.
Biden, who is admittedly “flat fucking broke” from throwing numerous “ragin’ keggers” over the last nine months, recently devised the plan to strip copper wiring around the Washington, D.C. area after hearing that there was a thriving black market for the ductile metal.
“There’s tons of dough in copper wire if you’ve got the know-how,” the vice president was overheard telling a White House official, explaining that he learned the hard way that swiping manhole covers wasn’t worth the hassle. “As Lady Luck always says, moving copper ain’t easy. But if you play the metal game right, you’re looking at something like a two- to three-grand payday for a night’s worth of work.”