I don't know about you guys, but whenever I drive my formerly deceased monster sister to work in the dead of night, I always end up exploring an ominous underground facility. I can't say what it is about ominous underground facilities that draws me in, but draw me in they do, and you'd better believe that my formerly deceased monster sister has just about had it with trying to explain her constant tardiness to her boss. She doesn't understand. Nobody understands. But they will. I'll show them all. When I release my fourteen-volume autobiography, entitled "The Hobo Whispering Chronicles"! My memoirs are guaranteed to take the world by storm and elevate me to fabulous wealth and notoriety. But to quote recent Golden Globe for Best Actress winner and prodigious weed smoker Stefani "Lady Gaga" Germanotta, I'm not "doing it for the fame (fame)." I just want people to experience the journey I began so long ago, when I first trespassed into the probable den of a murderous deviant, armed only with my flashlight and a truly breathtaking perm, for no other reason than my own damnable curiosity and the puckish impulse to make my family and friends deathly afraid for my safety during the six days I was missing. Isn't sympathy so much sweeter when you don't deserve it? Anyway, I think mine is a story we all can relate to and learn from. I don't want to spoil the ending to my series, which I sold to the publisher as "A choose-your-own-adventure story, if all the choices were made by a tragical ponce." (I guess you could call it a cautionary tale.) However, I will say this: syphilis does not in fact make a person immune to dysentery. Word to the wise.
Liam's sneak game is strong. Hayden's frantic defensive blow suggests she didn't see him coming at all. That kind of stealth is a super useful skill for when you want to approach your girlfriend with terrifying suddenness late at night in a location she has no reason to suspect you'd be. Well done young man!
The next time Hayden's sister encounters a nearly dead guy who was slashed open by a hulking computer-generated monster, she should probably employ the radio that she keeps clipped on her shoulder at all times. Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to tell her how to do her job. I am not a police officer, and to be honest I have absolutely no experience with human communication in any form, least of all emergency radio transmissions.
I don't want to sound like a jerk here, but if my boyfriend asked "Do you trust me?" and then cut off my reply by yanking me off of a cliff, we would exchange some strong words on the way down.
I wouldn't go so far as to compare Theo to the greatest people who ever lived. I would point out, though, that he is a helper of friends, a saver of lives, and a pumper of iron. Does that make him gorgeous and trustworthy? Yes. Does that mean he is the most charismatic, moral, and all around heroic character in Teen Wolf history? Well, I'll let you draw your own conclusions... but the answer is also yes.
Case in point: Theo thoughtfully visiting a guy in the hospital, smiling with tender mercy as he slips into oblivion. You can't get much nicer than that.
Whoa, why is that hunky stripper cop still in his uniform? I have nothing but nice things to say about male entertainers, but watch out: some of them charge by the minute. They actually profit as long as they can keep you captivated by their dreamy eyes, listening to them ramble on about security cameras or supernatural creatures. Think of your bank account, Scott. The sooner you can get him stripping, the better!
Parrish carries a black light? In a town full of horny teenagers and majestic hunks? Watch where you point that thing, buddy!
I don't know about the Nemeton, but I can tell you exactly how many bodies I see when I dream about Teen Wolf. Theo, Parrish, Jackson... hmm, this is harder than I thought. The hunk detector in my pants, I mean. I know how to count.
Did that body tag misspell Donovan as Donavan, or have I been misspelling Donovan's name this whole time? Sorry, I notice these things.
Whoa, check out Papa Argent opening his secret stash! Finally we'll have our chance to see how kinky he is. Wait, there's just flowers in your safe? Really? Listen buddy, I know botany isn't the manliest of hobbies, but you shouldn't feel ashamed about it. Plenty of my grizzled werewolf hunter friends raise delicate blossoms in their spare time. It's a totally common thing, man. Don't sweat it.
I think it's very sweet that Sheriff Stilinski told Stiles he would destroy evidence for him. It's like that old proverb you always used to hear in Sunday school: Obstruction of justice holds a family together.
Seriously though, that heart to heart of theirs is so like Teen Wolf: not ten minutes after a cheesy CG monster chases a couple of teenagers through the woods, we get an authentic human moment where the incredible cast chemistry really shines. Dylan O'Brien and Linden Ashby did some damn good work. Never mind the wonky effects and sometimes questionable plot direction, this is the kind of thing that keeps me watching. These actors bring such a genuine quality to their characters that I can't help but care about them, no matter how ridiculous their situations might be.
Hey look, another reason to love and admire Theo! He helped his friend with a drug addiction by hooking him up to a car battery. Isn't that sweet? Honestly you guys, I can't fathom how Theo could be a more cool or attractive or trustworthy dude. He looks out for his buddies and knows how to party. He could be my bro with benefits.
I am not an expert on interrogation like our helpful and intelligent and well-groomed friend Theo, but even I know it's probably a bad idea to give your enemies ideas for ways to torture you. I'm just saying, if I were in a situation where someone might want to squeeze information out of me—like if I changed the wi-fi password because my roommate's Netflix is eating up all the bandwidth while he's chilling, for example—then I would probably definitely not suggest an assortment of nasty torture methods to my assailant. But that's just me. I don't want to judge any thugs or brutes out there who are fine with getting their hands slammed in doors or whatever.
One of the many great things about Teen Wolf is that it teaches its younger viewers important life lessons, like the fact that any action is acceptable as long as you're a hunk. But I have another lesson in mind right now. It's Braeden's simple and effective method for conflict resolution: bribery! Pay close attention, kids. This could save you a lot of time whenever you have to cross a border.
I would just like to express my boundless appreciation for the slight decrease in stupid Teen Wolf hashtags during crucial moments. That said, I will admit I kind of missed #StilinskiFamilyFeels in that earlier scene with Stiles and his dad. Am I right? Am I right you guys? No? Anybody at all? OK, I guess it's just me.
Oh good, Deaton's still alive. He is my personal favorite veterinarian/druid on this show. In fact I'd say he's probably one of the best veterinarian/druid characters on TV right now.
I loved that bit with Mason wondering if all of the chimeras that Theo resurrected (because that's what helpful hunks do) were evil, only for Corey to walk in cute as ever. Theo is a wonderful person to restore our precious gay hunkling to us. In my opinion that evil doctor made a bad call stabbing Corey with his sword cane. Imagine if lovely trustworthy Theo weren't around to save him. It breaks my heart to think how close we came to losing our little darling.
Holy shit, I ship it. Corey + Mason forever. Too adorable.
"I have all your passwords." This is the Stiles I love.
Aww yes, Teen Wolf bringing back the nightmare imagery with Lydia's creepy bathtub encounter. I always enjoy when this show enters full-on horror mode.
Yes, yes, yes! It's that hunky blond deputy from 5A. Get me alone in a room with him and I'll confess everything! Please employ any and all methods of correction you deem necessary, sir. I am so ready to comply right now. God, I hope he takes after Parrish and explores the many ways to shred a uniform. Beacon Hills is a dangerous place, you know!
I find that the color salmon (also known by plebs as "pink") brings out Theo's best features. Which is to say, absolutely everything.
Oh good, we got that lame Scott and Stiles feud out of the way. Perhaps now they can support each other in their struggle to communicate better than 6-year-olds blaming one another for the loss of a toy.
You know what I love about Theo? He keeps popping up in this season and his face is always more dazzling than I remember. It's like his ravishing features can't be contained in the humble confines of my memory. I think we can all appreciate the fact that Theo's handsomeness is going to be a major theme in this show going forward. When he's not filling my screen with his glory, other characters are talking about him. Everything points back to Theo, and that suits me just fine.
Liam's so cute, stressing over how to apologize to his werewolf dad for almost killing him that one time. It's OK bb, he loves and accepts you, as do we all.
This Eichen House lady's bedside manner leaves something to be desired.
It's cool seeing Meredith again. I hope she sticks around as Lydia's spirit guide or something.
Listen, I don't want to make excuses for Theo's very minor faults, but it is no surprise that he doesn't take rejection well. I mean, have you seen his physical appearance lately? Who in their right mind would reject that? All I'm saying is he probably hasn't experienced much rejection in his life, which would account for the time he manipulated all of his friends and tried to get some of them killed. It happens. Have I mentioned how great Theo looks in salmon? I trust him.
I'm still team Layden in case anyone was wondering. Liam and Hayden are good together, which means their relationship will surely end in tragedy. But for now, go Layden!
Whoa, it's Grandpa Argent, AKA Gerard, AKA that old jerkface from Season 2! Didn't expect to see him again. I'd love for him to play a role in this season's storyline.
Hey, it's Kira! And much more importantly, her badass mom! They better not kill her off. She's part of this show's awesome pantheon of parents. The writers made the mistake of offing Mama Argent back when Crystal Reed was still employed. Never again!
It's unfortunate that some posters aren't feeling this season. I can't complain when I'm having so much fun with the moment to moment experience of each episode. When the cast is as hunky, hilarious, and entertaining as this lot, it's easy to look past the occasional flaws. Going by my own response to 5A and 5B so far, Teen Wolf hasn't lost its mojo.