I was waiting for "privilege" to come up.
My point is simply this: self-diagnoses is bullshit. Especially when it comes to mental and emotional issues, it's far too easy for someone to not actually understand what their situation really is. Human beings have a tendency to look toward the answers that best fit their desire for an answer, and that can lead to them making their lives far worse.
I know it's not a popular opinion in the trans community to say that there should be therapist gatekeeping to HRT, but I firmly believe that. And yes, again, we need to make resources better so that everyone can have access to that step of the process. But an actual professional needs to make sure that what you think is going on really is going on, especially at a point in life where so much easy-to-access information on the internet is eager to convince you that you're something you might not be (or that a certain solution is the right one for you when it might not be).
Letting someone transition without any checks to make sure that's really the solution for them is like giving guns to people who have had zero training. Sure, everything could go great, but it's also playing with potential disaster. I'm obviously not going to go around and stop everyone who self-medicates or who has found a way to skip the therapy step from doing what they're doing, but I plead with them not to take that route.
I do agree with you, mental and emotional issues can be easy to misdiagnose and there certainly is a long of "internet doctors" who have given themselves this or that condition based on uninformed opinions or factoids off the internet.
I'm hoping you're not arguing that people need to see a gender therapist to make sure they know which gender they are because then I'd ask you who "diagnosed" all the cis people as cis and why are they magically exempt from this. Why should trans people have to subject themselves to whims or validation of others in order for them to be themselves?
Again, detransition rates are on the single digits while suicide numbers are close to 45% for trans people who cannot get health care. The situation you are portraying is neither common nor is there a rampant influx of people who "self-diagnose" as trans.
Transition, and by this I mean medical transition with the usage of HRT, is never something someone should do on their own. They should always be accompanied by a medical professional with years of experience and routine blood work. What you do not need is to have a hand in your throat by a therapist or psychologist and you having to prove your identity to them, oftentimes having to portray stereotypes or risk never getting care or having it pulled from under you.
In a perfect world? Fuck yes!
Everyone should have a mental health professional helping them along. Social and medical transition is hard, really darn hard and a lot of trans people have been so removed from society, usually due to depression, dysphoria and/or anxiety, that they have a hard time re-entering it.
We do not live in a perfect world. Socialized medical care doesn't exist in a lot of places such as the US and even in those places that it does exist it's often mismanaged all the way to hell, see the GIC in the UK.
Hey, I totally understand what you're saying, and I respectfully disagree with you. You're basing your personal conjecture against all other trans people, it seems like, based on your own negative experiences or your perception of negativity. You have no idea how hard I've struggled and how hard I've worked to earn what I have. I chose to embrace my transition with love and positive attitude in spite of the challenges I've had to face, and it's been very effective in getting the support I need -- support I've earned and was never handed. If you want to call that "privilege," be my guest.
I strongly feel part of a healthy transition is that you learn to love yourself, and base your decisions and choices around that self-love. Everything you do, you do for yourself. I concede care for transfolk is severely lacking in certain locales and some people may truly be unable to afford care or find a way to put themselves in a place where care is accessible and affordable, but that doesn't mean they should not try and explore every possible option. I don't think it's fair to point at people who have easier access to care as privileged. Everyone suffers equally; it's how you handle it that truly counts -- this is coming from someone who was abused and bullied heavily through her life.
It took years of mental homework for me to arrive at this point in my life that I was functional enough to make things happen. I sold a lot of my personal belongings and work two jobs. I work a lot of double shifts and push 18-20 hours a day a week. I once passed out from sheer exhaustion and sometimes hallucinate from the fatigue. The alternative of getting on some list and hoping I'd get care while feeling sorry for myself was not something I was willing to concede, so working to afford care/surgery was the better option.
If you really want something, you will move heaven and hell to get it, and I disagree if you tell me that it won't work if the options aren't available. You make the options available. You make it work or die, and I refuse to do the latter. Right now, I'm the happiest I've ever been in my life, and it's only getting better and better. I've paid my penance, as does everyone else who suffers the horrors of dysphoria.
I'm not wanting to start a fight here either, but I strongly implore you to consider that not everyone in transition suffers the same crapshot or has the same experience when seeking care. Look at Driggonny for a stellar example (congrats on that, by the way!). Whatever may be the case and your personal experience, I hope you find happiness too, Butterfly Witch. I have tremendous respect for you and everyone in this thread, and I apologize if I've come off disrespectful in any way.
You accuse me of judging you and then you come up swinging judging me. Okay...
I'm basing my opinions on many factors and a multitude of experiences both my own and second hand. I've been part of support groups and even some support call lines and I could tell you stories that would make you lose faith in humanity.
Look, I'm not judging you. I'm not bashing you. I'm not here yelling at you because you had privilege or had a good job or that you have all the things that you have. I'm not even poopoo'ing all the shit you have likely had to go through. I have no doubt in my mind that you've had to overcome challenges and difficulties that were hard as fuck.
And you know what? I couldn't be happier for you. I'm so glad that you had it in you to push through, break free and accomplish all that you have accomplished. It literally elates me to know that there is someone out there who survived, in my opinion, one of the hardest challenges we as humans can face. That you were able to overcome and keep doing so despite the fact that the challenges are oncoming is something that truly brings joy to my heart.
Now please, don't advocate for others who are in a worse position than you to have a steeper price of entry.
I could count the graves of those who I have personally witnessed dwindle into despair and depression and take their own lives because they have no other option, because they're tired of waiting 2+ years for a phone call that never comes, because they're tired of living the life of abuse by people who are supposed to love and support them and instead destroy them and berate them, tired of living under welfare of others and being worried about their next mean comes from or if they're going to have a home to sleep in, let alone a bed.
There's a reason sex work is so prevalent within the trans community and I'd wager it's not due to personal preference. There's a reason STI's, drug and alcohol abuse, self harm and suicide is so prevalent in the trans community. I'll give you a hint: it's not because people aren't strong enough.
Don't be offended by being called out on privilege or even having said privilege. It's not a dirty word or something that somehow minimizes your suffering and pain or reduces your efforts and accomplishments. It doesn't make you "lesser than".
Just remember that just because you
had those options and opportunities others may not and it's not because of lack of trying, want, desire, strength or conviction.
Yes, I'm familiar with drigonny's situation. I personally provided her with the resources, clinic phone numbers and some emotional support that she has today.
If you want to talk some more, and I'd personally love to, please PM me so we can carry on the conversation without overwhelming the thread. I would love to hear more about your experiences and the challenges you've had to overcome.
