Going back to Afghanistan…

OverHeat

OverHeat

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I just realized that I have not made peace with myself since going to war in Afghanistan in 2010 so I decided to go back in 2030 for my 20 years since going there…Kandahar city is my destination hope to see some beautiful things to erase the bad that I have seen. Just wanted to share this with you guys it's still far off but I know it won't be easy. So I need the time to setup everything.
 
OverHeat said:
I just realized that I have not made peace with myself since going to war in Afghanistan in 2010 so I decided to go back in 2030 for my 20 years since going there…Kandahar city is my destination hope to see some beautiful things to erase the bad that I have seen. Just wanted to share this with you guys it's still far off but I know it won't be easy. So I need the time to setup everything.
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Best wishes to you man. You are a treasure here and I hope you get what you need.
 
Don't do it.

There are many places in the world you can visit to ease your pains. I don't think you will find what you are looking for in Afghanistan.

Go somewhere beautiful like Bhutan.
 
Tams said:
Don't do it.

There are many places in the world you can visit to ease your pains. I don't think you will find what you are looking for in Afghanistan.

Go somewhere beautiful like Bhutan.
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I'm going to talk to my therapist Monday…maybe you are right.
 
OverHeat said:
I'm going to talk to my therapist Monday…maybe you are right.
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I'm genuinely concerned about you going.

I doubt most of the locals will appreciate it, and that's somewhere where some not liking it could mean killing you.

I also don't think Kandahar is going to be what you imagine it will. It'll be the same as any poor country, with a nasty veneer of the Taliban.
 
I hope for some stability and safety there for you by 2030 and you find what you're looking for. There's this youtuber that bikes through a bunch of dangerous places and it kind of challenges a lot of my assumptions, like "oh they don't just pull you aside and kill you?", even though it's still dangerous 99% of them love him just being there

 
Tams said:
I'm genuinely concerned about you going.

I doubt most of the locals will appreciate it, and that's somewhere where some not liking it could mean killing you.

I also don't think Kandahar is going to be what you imagine it will. It'll be the same as any poor country, with a nasty veneer of the Taliban.
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I was in Kandahar region in 2010 I know what to expect, I guess I just need closure.
 
You have a big family to take care of and who care about you. If you have to do it, don't put yourself at unnecessary risk.

I don't think neatly bowtied closure is particularly real, tbh. There is only continuing to move forward and imprinting good experiences until the bad stuff has less space to occupy.
 
OverHeat said:
I'm going to talk to my therapist Monday…maybe you are right.
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Probably a good idea. They can give their perspective and might have other clients who have done something similar and can talk about how it went for them.


EviLore said:
You have a big family to take care of and who care about you. If you have to do it, don't put yourself at unnecessary risk.

I don't think neatly bowtied closure is particularly real, tbh. There is only continuing to move forward and imprinting good experiences until the bad stuff has less space to occupy.
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Yeh I think the idea of "closure" can be overstated. Not to say you just repress whatever might have happened in the past but it's probably best to not expect some single moment that solves everything and instead look to continue to build your life and look forward.
 
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Bro I'm not a psychopathist or a brain doctor but my advice is just spend a day wanking like mental. When you end up shooting out nothing but a little ooze of treesap-like goo you will have ultimate clarity.
 
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OverHeat said:
I just realized that I have not made peace with myself since going to war in Afghanistan in 2010 so I decided to go back in 2030 for my 20 years since going there…Kandahar city is my destination hope to see some beautiful things to erase the bad that I have seen. Just wanted to share this with you guys it's still far off but I know it won't be easy. So I need the time to setup everything.
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You reminded me of Jeremy Renner's character in The Hurt Locker.

I don't want you to go.
Talk to your therapist about other options.
 
If the Taliban are not there by 2030 then go for it. otherwise, you wont find any closure there. If anything, watching the guys you were fighting ruling the country and essentially WINNING undoing all your hardwork and sacrifice is only going to bring you pain.

That part of the world has other beautiful places you can visit if you want to see beauty in the region. the Hindukush mountains in India and Nepal. Kashmir in India. Pakistan if you really must go near Afghanistan. It's somewhat safe for tourists but id rather you go to India or Nepal.
 
I dont know anything about the military and nobody in my entire family tree has ever done it. I know a couple people who I've worked with who did it when they were young before they changed to an office job.

Never the less, there's 3 things I will always support when it comes to how my taxes are used.

#1 Spending money on schools and teachers so kids have a chance at a good education, which should lead to being a good person and helping them with a career later in life

#2 Spending money on universal healthcare. Every country that has it has their own form and coverage, but holistically I believe people should be covered for the vast majority of stuff (Canada has a limited form of it where not everything is covered, but the major stuff is) because I believe most health issues are of no fault of their own

#3 Spending money on military. Not just for gear and weapons for defence, but on the personnel during service and after their service is done. And because they are doing a job where there lives can be on the line doing and seeing dramatic stuff no other person will experience in their career, it's a job sector that should never be dumped on in terms of resources and respect

Do what you need to do Overheat, but best to ya.
 
It's hard just being in the presence of something that reminds you of that experience, which has increased massively due to immigration in the west.
But going back there? I don't know.
I personally don't think it's a good idea.
But everyone is different and wish you best of luck to find peace.
 
As an adjacent trauma-country for the american people, Vietnam might be worth a look at. Possibly a 50year look into the future of what Afghanistan '''''could be''''' - but in a nice way. Was there for the first time in December last year, amazing people and a functioning country with no threats.
 
notseqi said:
As an adjacent trauma-country for the american people, Vietnam might be worth a look at. Possibly a 50year look into the future of what Afghanistan '''''could be''''' - but in a nice way. Was there for the first time in December last year, amazing people and a functioning country with no threats.
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I agree.

And go to the north were the Hmong people live. Ha Long bay is great if you can get to some of the quiter parts of it.

Watch Top Gear's special there to get in the mood.
 
I hear Afghanistan is actually beautiful. I hope you can make peace with what you are going through. I would suggest talking to your wife a lot. Many things can change in 5 years.
 
Look, but for the safety issues, I can absolutely see why you want to do this.

A piece of you died with what you witnessed there. (Or lived, if you want to look at it another way). It was your youth. Your innocence. There was before that…. And after that. I think it's very natural to feel compelled to visit the grave.
 
AJUMP23 said:
I hear Afghanistan is actually beautiful.
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I could do it no problem, but I have no hang-ups there. I didn't do war-type of things - I don't know of them, I have a friendly face and demeanor at all times. Bumbling-traveller type, y'know.
Highly speculative, but I am sure that trying to cuddle up to, welcoming as it may be, a culture that really either didnt like you at all, tried to play their best game which meant fooling you or anybody else approaching, might not be the right recourse for somebody doing a journey on their way to healing.

Single entities or families will always be welcoming you into their homes but you won't do much for them - leave them alone. It might be trouble for them.

I have no insight to OPs situation but if you need a breather, my two weeks in Hanoi did me a world of good after having no quiet vacations to myself for... 12 years.
 
Highly recommend you this video. As a fellow vet who served as a medic in East Afghanistan (Logar) I couldn't possibly imagine wanting to return. That place is hell on earth and will never change. Kudos to the kind people that live there, but you may be asking for trouble showing up there, especially if you are American.

 
adamsapple said:
No offense, but you should probably stay put.
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If you're always in your head about something you need some diversion, let the mind wander a bit. This is only from a guy planning his yearly vacation like a complete fool and not being able to drop work thoughts, but if it works for puny me carrying my stuff it should work for somebody who is dealing with a lot more, at least to some degree. And then he would have tried something different from the usual therapy/pill cycle which seems to be the norm.
 
We all know who runs the show there. I wouldn't go, but if you do go, don't tell them who you are.

Have close family that also served in Afghanistan doing three tours. They didn't come back the same.

And yes, Canada did serve alongside the US in this conflict, as well as many others.
 
OverHeat said:
I just realized that I have not made peace with myself since going to war in Afghanistan in 2010 so I decided to go back in 2030 for my 20 years since going there…Kandahar city is my destination hope to see some beautiful things to erase the bad that I have seen. Just wanted to share this with you guys it's still far off but I know it won't be easy. So I need the time to setup everything.
Click to expand...
What do you gain by sacrificing your life in a war caused by an arrogant fat man?
 
Stay put my friend, there is nothing for you there. Treat your family to a nice holiday and enjoy the brighter things in your life today. Leave those demons in the past.

Hoping for the best for you.
 
i've never served in the military and never will (wanted to but too late). i can't understand how you feel but with any kind of trauma i can understand wanting to revisit somewhere or something and try put it into the past. that's fine and can sometimes be really good but i'm not sure what you will find there to make you feel better. again i know shit of what you're dealing with. ultimately you will decide. speak to your therapist and family. think of your family and your own safety first.

like others have said, maybe instead of spending time and money going back to a traumatic place that might actually make you feel worse (or put your life in danger) then maybe focus on creating new positive and happy experiences/memories. take your family on holiday and spoil them.

whatever you choose to do i hope you stay safe and that it helps you. we're all here for you <3
 
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Hummm hope it works but honestly no matter the place you need to be happy with yourself firsth. Once you achive that you will be fine everywhere.

So dont go to Afganista looking for releaf , firsth find it and then go if you still want.

BUT better seek profesional aid ,GAF is not the best place for these topics.
 
I don't get it. The Taliban won in the end. It would be like a Ukrainian going to check out the occupied territory if Russia gets to keep it. You want to see what the Taliban has done to the place? Hopefully it's safe and you find peace rather than pieces.
 
My late uncle was a POW during the Bataan Death March and my step father served in Vietnam. I don't either one of them ever wanted closure. They just wanted to move on with their life. I would think being around friends and family, helping out in the community, or being part of something closer to home would be a lot more beneficial.

I don't know how it feels for veterans who served in Iraq or how they cope with something from a bygone time period. Suicide rates for veterans was incredibly high years ago and I don't think that number dropped completely. Whatever you do, do it because it benefits yourself in the future. If it's just going to cause you more strife, why even bother? Triggers are always going to be there.
 
OverHeat said:
I'm going to talk to my therapist Monday…maybe you are right.
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Therapy is bullshit dude. Humans are not machines and therapists are not mechanics. Nothing is logical and good and comfy - the world is a mess and always has been and always will be and it looks like you are too. Dwelling on and ruminating over something isn't necessarily going to make it better. It certainly helps to think and meditate and self reflect but only to a certain point and eventually you gotta move on and shut the door on some things.
 
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Dropping some feels on somebody you dont know is also good. You cant cry to your wife, your kids, you may be able to drop some stuff on your friends but probably not. If you need to vent, let me know.
 
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I feel for you man. I don't have much to say. I had something bad happen to me a over a decade ago and it broke my brain but it got less bad over time and now I'm 99% better. It wasn't like going to war but in my little world, it was still very bad for me. The human brain has neuroplasticity and can recover from a lot of trauma. Certain things that were really bad or happened over and over wear a path in your nerves like a little trench dug by a dog running the same path every day. Gotta hop out of the trench and make some new paths. Also, if you can't help yourself you can try to help other people in anyway. Something about switching perspective like that can help you feel better. I've been given a lot of advice over the years to help me and most wasn't that helpful but a handful of things clicked in my brain and really worked. Almost like it was a search for the certain things that worked for me and my brain. God be with ye.
 
The past is the past and what's done is done. It's our experiences and how we react to them that make us the men we are. And by the sound of things you're doing quite well with a loving family? There's nothing to 'fix'.

The loss of innocence is a bastard, and it's literally the oldest story of them all. Some go through it more traumatically than others, and some just have no damn luck at all. We all make mistakes, we all fuck up.

What are you looking for fella? Some Abdul gloating about how they 'won'? To see young girls and women who a few short years ago were getting an education, now being treated worse than the family dog? The world is a cruel and vicious place, and it moves on regardless of our thoughts, feelings and pain. Surround yourself with the love of family, friends and joy instead. Why poison your soul for the next five years thinking of something you can't ever change?
 
Well I talked with my therapist…I won't be going she made me realize that it may even make me trigger even more and like you guys said my safety come first since I have a family to take care of…
 
OverHeat OverHeat Why not try to do a trip with your family. I know you have a new kid, but you should look at spending time with each other. Don't erase what you experienced, but look at it as an opportunity to improve yourself and help you become who you are today. A husband, father, and internet message board user.
 
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