Date 1/3 was pretty meh, not much chemistry if any. I wasn't into it but I was chilled out. I noticed that I didn't make much eye contact if any. Nice warm up for the next dates. I was dying for it to end as she sensed that vibe. I won't follow up with her but it was nice for what it was.
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Online Dating |OT| Please Respond
- Thread starter Jhoan
- Start date
Date 2/3 the Asian girl should be a fun one as I'm really looking forward to it. I'm feeling pretty good about it but at the same time, I don't want to set myself up for disappointment. Nevertheless, I'll keep my expectations in check. Has anyone ever felt good about a date, goes well, and it turned into a second/third date?
The plan is for me to meet her near her work place, then go to the art show together from there which is a good 20 minute walk from there, then end up at a bar at some point after that. Since it's an art show, I'm hoping there will be wine and all kinds of snacks to go with it which means free booze! *crosses fingers*
The plan is for me to meet her near her work place, then go to the art show together from there which is a good 20 minute walk from there, then end up at a bar at some point after that. Since it's an art show, I'm hoping there will be wine and all kinds of snacks to go with it which means free booze! *crosses fingers*
My date shows up last night and looked stunning compared to her photos. That's not how online dating works. Ever.
How did that go?
How did that go?
I've encountered my fair share of cases where women look as if not better than their pictures. The chick from Monday looked better in her pictures but not in person. I take it that it went well?
Proactive TL; DR: I posted a bit about it on the Discord chat and was recommended to ask her out again. Here's my cross-post from the Dating-Age thread:
Jhoan said:
A little more context that I didn't provide in the Dating-Age thread:
- She didn't introduce me to her friend but I did speak to her friend a bit when we were about to leave in the end
- I took a picture of her and said friend in question since she hasn't seen her in over a year
- We geeked out at the art show and over drawing events/art, took pics of the art, and drank some wine
- There were a few opportunities for me to make out with her including on the rooftop terrace but I was being the awkward goof
- When she was speaking to her friend on the phone, she didn't mention that she was on a date
- The departure ended abruptly as I had to jet across the platform to transfer trains and she had to go back to her workplace
- She looked exactly if not better than her pictures
- A few minutes into meeting up, she asked to see my sketchbook and loved the stuff
- As I mentioned in the Dating-Age thread, she apologized for texting and answering her phone
- After she ended the phone conversation with said friend, she proceeded to pull up my CMB profile and tease me about the Hispanic Bob Ross description (told me it should be Latino but I said that I identify as Hispanic more)
I have a draft of a text ready to go asking her out again but I think I'm going to amend my CMB profile and mention in one of the "I apppreciate when my date" prompts "doesn't check the phone constantly and gives me her undivided attention."
I asked a girl out for coffee on OKC, she agreed, then like a week later she said she's broke so she can't (we're both college students, so being super strapped for cash isn't like really weird), but then later when I asked her if we could do something else like go to the park or something she said we could just chill at my apartment and watch something on Netflix (she said she would have invited me over to her place but she doesn't live on her own).
Is this safe? I know this is a dumb question but I've literally never met this person before. Also should I uh, expect this to lead to something more than just sitting around and watching TV? I don't necessarily just mean sex (though I'm also asking about that I guess), but also idk if I should ask her if she wants to cuddle or if we should just sit next to each other or something. Also regarding sex, earlier she asked me what I was looking for on this site and I said mostly a relationship but I'm also open to friendships and casual sex. When I asked her she just said like "whatever happens to me," or something like that.
I know these are dumb questions but I've never had anyone over in my apartment before (not just for dating/relationships/sex but also just in general lol), and I've never done anything physical regarding these things except being hugged a couple times.
Is this safe? I know this is a dumb question but I've literally never met this person before. Also should I uh, expect this to lead to something more than just sitting around and watching TV? I don't necessarily just mean sex (though I'm also asking about that I guess), but also idk if I should ask her if she wants to cuddle or if we should just sit next to each other or something. Also regarding sex, earlier she asked me what I was looking for on this site and I said mostly a relationship but I'm also open to friendships and casual sex. When I asked her she just said like "whatever happens to me," or something like that.
I know these are dumb questions but I've never had anyone over in my apartment before (not just for dating/relationships/sex but also just in general lol), and I've never done anything physical regarding these things except being hugged a couple times.
Of course it's safe! Make sure you have condoms ready in case the clothes come off. Also make sure you tidy up the place as women notice everything. Your place says a lot about you. Snacks and booze would also be useful. Be yourself and go with the flow.
Since you'll be in your place, the nature of the date will be commenting on the movie, chatting and sitting close enough where you can cuddle and touch in a playful manner. Making out is natural as it comes, so don't overthink it if the signs are clear and good to go. It's sounds like she's looking to see where things go and is open to anything. This definitely sounds like a Netflix and chill kind of date. Don't ever ask for anything e.g. to cuddle since that's a big dating faux pas. Good luck!
artsi
Member
Yeah a ton, my selfie game is pretty good.
That would've 100% killed the mood for me and led to me bailing 30 mins in. Think it was a one time thing or is she one of those kind of people who are oblivious and text nonstop?
Whenever I haven't met a girl yet, and she's coming straight to my place, I meet her on the corner outside first, to see if she's real / not jumping me with an entourage, and also text my friends all her details with a single sentence: "If anything happens, avenge me." But this is purely because reading enough horror stories in the news has made me paranoid.
But such meetings are normal. Don't go in with any strong expectations or push for anything, but it's very likely she wants to hookup.
Actually looking back at the original messages she didn't phrase it exactly like that. She said something like "We could chill at your place and watch something". Also on her questions she said she wouldn't have sex on the first date....but then she said she's also looking for casual sex (in addition to short term/long term dating) so idk. I figure I might as well buy condoms just in case but I'm not really expecting anything.
I was annoyed by it with on Monday's date with the Latina and I wasn't physically attracted to her; mid conversation, she busted out her phone and would start texting. She cited work stuff but my facial expression gave away that I was visibly annoyed. I wanted to bail out a few minutes into it since I wasn't feeling it. It was an excruciating slog. I've ghosted her and deleted her number.
To answer your question, I think she was one of those people who's oblivious and can't put down her phone because she's never been called out on it. She was gripping on to it when were walking and when we got to the subway, she whipped out her headphones and proceeded to record a performer covering Britney Spears' toxic to send to a friend. She's one of those people who paints themselves as being super social and "important." She reminded me of another girl I went out with last December who was similar.
I followed up with her and haven't heard back so it was a safe bet that I was just along for the ride/part of her plan. I've found that whenever I follow up with a girl and she takes at least 36 hours to respond, it's always been an L. Moving forward, I'm going to have some self-respect/0 tolerance for texting in the middle of a date/conversation and bail out if it happens again. My phone is always in silent mode during dates.
I updated my CMB profile and added "I appreciate when my date Doesn't check her phone during dates and gives me her full undivided attention" so the girl I'm seeing tomorrow can get the hint ahead of time.
On another note, I think I might have to delete and reboot my Tinder account as I haven't gotten any matches and Bumble has been dry. I get the occasional visitor on my OKC profile but I haven't gotten an unsolicited message in a few months. If anything, I feel discouraged from messaging them unless they "Like" me.
I find it ironic that for every time I read a profile about how the girl is a feminist and wants to smash the patriarchy, they don't message guys first and/or have only pictures of their face. Does not compute. One of my standout visitors today has been a 43 year old 6'4'' woman who addresses right off the bat that she used to be a model and a basketball player and has a small dog. Will try messaging her on a whim
I listened to that dating podcast, Why Oh Why's two part Bumble episode and learned that the founder was an ex-girlfriend of a Tinder co-founder and that the app's algorithm puts super attractive women up front first before the average looking girls start popping up. There was some other stuff as well that was really insightful including why bots have proliferated Tinder and not Bumble yet (the Android version's API was a factor). It's worth giving it a listen.
Women list casual sex because double standards but I'm sure she gets bombarded with triple the messages as a drawback. Otherwise, I agree to keep your expectations low.GamerJM said:
NoctisVsStar
Member
Be safe, I'm usually paranoid as fuck so I rather meet someone in a neutral location
I hear you man. I've been become really cynical about online dating again to the point where it really gets to me at times. That being said, perhaps you should try messaging her again tomorrow and if you don't hear back from her, then cut your losses and move on.
So as I mentioned in the Dating-Age thread, the 3rd date of the week was another bust. We were on different wavelengths; she summoned a Lyft to bail out which a slap in the face to me. I've yet to meet a girl who's on the same wavelength as me this year and it sucks. I might be due for another break from online dating altogether for a few months soon. This would include deactivating my OKC and deleting CMB/Tinder/Bumble/OKC apps. I really feel a need to write articles about my dating experiences in hopes that someone out there can relate to the struggles I've been going through.
The Power Of Snap
Member
Euh, just did a boost on tinder but didn't know they limited the swipes to 100 per day even while boosted.
I thought you had to swipe for 30 mins.... Now it's running and i'm doing nothing haha.
I thought you had to swipe for 30 mins.... Now it's running and i'm doing nothing haha.
It's fine - the app says "keep swiping for maximum efficiency!" but it's nonsense. It sends you to front of the people who are online. The really ridiculous part is that it can't tell if those people who are online are swiping or just logging into to read messages. So it's possible to match someone thanks to a boost weeks after you've used it because you're just floating there in their queue.
The Power Of Snap
Member
The thing looks so sketchy. I was curious and saw the same small profile icons with harts you see while boosting appear multiple times during the 30 min. I got super likes mentions while on boost but i can't swipe until tomorrow.
For bumble, i just recreated my account. 2 matches. No discussions yet.
The Power Of Snap
Member
I removed the pic, can you edit your quote 
A girl I was chatting with on OkCupid months ago messaged me - a long paragraph apologizing for ghosting me and hoping my feelings weren't hurt, etc. It actually weirded me out a bit but I told her we should just go on a date this week - my normal response to a revived convo. She suggested Thursday, I said I was busy that night...then she said "lets not meet and continue talking some more, what do you do". She asked that already four months ago. lol
This is brutally true for me. And to continuously go on dates, repeating the same shtick about who I am and about my life, it's soul crushing. Girl on tuesday was a bit too cray with an unstable life, the one on Thursday was so into videogames/comics/nerdy stuff that I wanted to just be bros with her (no attraction to her at all, but cool to hang out with), and the date today was nice but, I dunno, almost too tame. I feel sometimes like what I'm looking for is so niche that I should either settle or became a crazy cat guy.
This is brutally true for me. And to continuously go on dates, repeating the same shtick about who I am and about my life, it's soul crushing. Girl on tuesday was a bit too cray with an unstable life, the one on Thursday was so into videogames/comics/nerdy stuff that I wanted to just be bros with her (no attraction to her at all, but cool to hang out with), and the date today was nice but, I dunno, almost too tame. I feel sometimes like what I'm looking for is so niche that I should either settle or became a crazy cat guy.
perfectchaos007
Member
I'm striking out on tinder...haven't gotten a match in over 2 weeks. Just downloaded Coffee Meets Bagel over the weekend and although I don't have any matches, I at least see there are a few girls that have liked me so thats encouraging.
Have you considered trying another dating reality show? It has been like 6 years since your last one
Have you considered trying another dating reality show? It has been like 6 years since your last one
( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
I was drunk last night so I apologize for coming off as brash/a jerk. I do remember unmatching the married girl who was looking for a sub on Bumble though. Even though I'm on a 8 month dry spell and if I was sober, I still would have said no and unmatched her.I removed the pic, can you edit your quote
The above rarely happens to me. I found it hilarious that she wants to continue talking online rather than suggest another day to meet up. It reminds me of some girl I messaged when I first started on OKC, she deactivated her OKC, I got matched up with her on Tinder last summer, had the same conversation as before (she knew someone named Joao which sounds similar to my name), then she flaked on me again when I suggested meeting up. Funny enough, she didn't remember me at all so I never brought it up. I still encounter her on Tinder and remember her OKC name but I swipe left to her.
The DnD game last night was so much fun, that it made up for the three dates I went on. I put on a quasi-Australian/British accent for my character and we made it to dungeon of the quest before stopping for two weeks because some of the girls have finals. You should totally become a crazy cat guy as it would suit you well.
The 43 year old I was chatting with on OKC fell off over the weekend and hasn't responded since Friday. I'll send her a second message some time today if not tomorrow. Another girl who messaged and complimented me on my hair after getting matched up seemed to ignore my message after I responded.
I went on a massive right swiping spree on OKC last night while I was hammered and got a bunch of matches. I messaged a few of them but no replies so far, got a few unsolicited messages but from girls I'm not interested in. I got a gig setting up tents/chairs for graduations so I'm taking a break from dating for the next 3 weeks unless a date seems promising.
Women come in waves so all in due time when the next one comes. Right now it seems like many college students are wrapping up finals and preparing for graduation. Once that ends, the summer fling season kicks off and girls will be biting. CMB is a lot harder to get matches in my experience. I've been realizing that if I want something more fun/casual, CMB hasn't been cutting it for me. I messaged a recent match on Tinder and no reply so c'est le vie.
Haha that's happened a couple of times where I match with a girl on one app, have a conversation the fizzles then she matches elsewhere and it's groundhog day and she doesn't remember me or at least acts like we've never spoken.
I guess the universe heard my rant about dating - spotted a cute girl on OkCupid with the highest match I've ever seen for me and messaged her a question. She responded with an essay-long answer, which I dug, and she gushed over my profile. Exchanged great banter and now we have a date planned for this Saturday. Contrary to the "have low expectations" advice I normally give, for the first time since becoming single I'm genuinely excited.
Ahhh.....I'm pretty sure that was supposed to be a hookup situation but I screwed it up by being awkward af, especially at the beginning. Though she implied she wants to hang out again or be in an FWB situation with me so idk, maybe I will hook up with her eventually. We only watched Netflix for about an hour but then we just talked the rest of the time (for like five hours).
Don't jinx yourself man because you'll probably end up getting disappointed. I find it funny that girls will only gush about my OKC profile after I like them via Quickmatch/Doubletake and/or message them first. I very seldom get an unsolicited messages out of the blue complimenting my profile. The latest girls have all complimented me on either the description of my hair or the fact that on my 6 things I can't do without, I put Eating, Drinking, Sleeping, then same thing in reverse. I wrote a backwards message stating that I'm trolling girls who read my profile but kudos to anyone who figures out what it says.
I've been lowering my standards because I've had a strong sexual craving and have been messaging girls below 5'6''. One of the girls I've been messaging is 5'2'' but is attractive, has a nice body, and is a bit nerdy to boot. The downside is that she lives in Whitestone but I've been itching to date girls that live in Corona, Sunnyside, and elsewhere in Queens (save for the Rockaways, Jamaica, or Bayside as it's too damn far) so I can have an excuse to explore around there. Every girl I've gone out with from Queens either lives in Astoria or LIC which are gentrifying, chic havens.
The shotgun approach has been working but I've had to turn off alerts because I'm getting overwhelmed by all the "It's a match" messages and new messages. It's too addicting!
I'm aiming for older women too. I think I'm just looking for a summer fling at this point; if I can sleep with the same girl 3 times and/or 2 girls, that would be a new milestone for me. If they live in my neighborhood, even better.
In the Dating-Age thread, someone suggested trying kiss on the date if possible but it sounds like you had a solid date. I think the first date is always date 0 and the second date (if there is one) is the real first date.
I wouldn't stress over being awkward because some women find that stuff endearing and get turned on by it. If anything you can always make a move on her next time as both of you will be comfortable with each other. Did you set up another date to hang out?
I mean, to elaborate, she basically implied she thought she was gonna hook up with me but my awkwardness killed the vibe.
Also, it wasn't really my awkwardness but it was also like....me projecting my inexperience and insecurity, or at least that's what she said (there was one point where she sort of started to go in on me, but I think her intention was just to give me tips on how to do this sort of thing better the next time I get into a situation like this since she got nicer as she kept going on.....and after she did that we continued to talk about our lives/interests for a good while so I'm pretty sure no hard feelings were meant or anything). I was really nervous (again, especially at the beginning) and didn't really know what exactly to do when she got there >_>, which was what she said made her think I was inexperienced and insecure. Also, I think you have a point in that it probably went well on some level since if she didn't like me she probably wouldn't have stayed at my place for like six hours (she actually wanted to stay longer but I had to go do something for school).
We didn't work out meeting again. She said she wanted to though, and she said she'd text me (she hasn't yet). Though....when she asked me if I'd text back, I said I wasn't sure >_> (since this was right after she went in on me). I figure I might as well text her now though, she said at one point that if I did then she'd text back.
All this being said.....if none of this works out I'm talking to two other women on OKC right now anyways lol. One of them said she might want to hook up with me (her profile said she's mainly on there for sex), and her kinks align heavily with what turns me on, so....@_@
I see. Everyone is nevervous the first time around. I wonder if she ended meeting up with you again. I've been in cases where the girl helped do the work. Hopefully it pans out with the other girls.
As far as I know, no. A few peeps in the Dating-Age thread are from the Gainesville area. I would think that Tinder, OKC, and Bumble would be solid down by Miami. Especially girls looking to hook up for the summer.
Yeah, I've been getting a bunch of those visiting my profile lately as well. A lot of them are bots. I ignore them.
True Savior
Member
Honestly, I'm very surprised there isn't already a sort of tinder just for escorting.
This thread has been around for much longer than the new Dating-Age thread and yet they're already at 12K posts but that's because many of the regulars now post there. Food for thought.
On another note, all the OKC messages from last week fizzled into the ether. I tried asking a girl out for this week but never heard back from her; the 43 year old lost interest in responding even after I sent a second message, and a 46 year old kept giving me one word replies so I stopped replying. I tried pulling a Kanik and messaged a few girls that are 95% match but got no replies possibly because they have filters set. I would send a second message out to see if there's any interest there.
I've been speaking to the lone match on CMB, a 36 year old Hispanic chick who's given me lengthy replies and is showing strong interest but I'm not too into her. I might give her my number before the chat expires but I'm not too keen on meeting up with her.
I'm back to square one because I've procrastinated on messaging the new girls I got matched up with over the weekend. I dunno... nothing seems to do it for me. I've been feeling sexually frustrated and have been thinking about a lot about the crazy Jewish girl I slept with way back in September and had a dream with her last night.
I mean her name pops up in lists of contacts to add on Snapchat along with other girls I dated and ghosted in the past but I haven't added anyone seeing as I haven't had much use for it (I'm aware that you need to add friends as that's the crux of it). I thought about adding her but then I hesitate. I realize that the only way that this is going to go away is by having sex with someone "new" and having more of an active social life.
Thankfully I have the weekend to look forward to as it's been a busy week for me as is. I'm going to try my hardest to get a few numbers at the event I'm volunteering at this weekend but it won't be a top priority; a bunch of friends I know are volunteering at the same event.
On another note, all the OKC messages from last week fizzled into the ether. I tried asking a girl out for this week but never heard back from her; the 43 year old lost interest in responding even after I sent a second message, and a 46 year old kept giving me one word replies so I stopped replying. I tried pulling a Kanik and messaged a few girls that are 95% match but got no replies possibly because they have filters set. I would send a second message out to see if there's any interest there.
I've been speaking to the lone match on CMB, a 36 year old Hispanic chick who's given me lengthy replies and is showing strong interest but I'm not too into her. I might give her my number before the chat expires but I'm not too keen on meeting up with her.
I'm back to square one because I've procrastinated on messaging the new girls I got matched up with over the weekend. I dunno... nothing seems to do it for me. I've been feeling sexually frustrated and have been thinking about a lot about the crazy Jewish girl I slept with way back in September and had a dream with her last night.
I mean her name pops up in lists of contacts to add on Snapchat along with other girls I dated and ghosted in the past but I haven't added anyone seeing as I haven't had much use for it (I'm aware that you need to add friends as that's the crux of it). I thought about adding her but then I hesitate. I realize that the only way that this is going to go away is by having sex with someone "new" and having more of an active social life.
Thankfully I have the weekend to look forward to as it's been a busy week for me as is. I'm going to try my hardest to get a few numbers at the event I'm volunteering at this weekend but it won't be a top priority; a bunch of friends I know are volunteering at the same event.
Woke up yesterday morning with notifications that I had 20 matches on Bumble. Was ready to put together a meme about me watching them all expire Sunday night but half the women actually sent messages. Way to go feminism.
You can always add her - worst that can happen is that you look creepy. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
Ya, they view/like me and then a few hours later their account is deleted. What kind of a person would fall for that? They're blatantly fake.
I've been feeling sexually frustrated and have been thinking about a lot about the crazy Jewish girl I slept with way back in September and had a dream with her last night.
I mean her name pops up in lists of contacts to add on Snapchat along with other girls I dated and ghosted in the past but I haven't added anyone seeing as I haven't had much use for it (I'm aware that you need to add friends as that's the crux of it). I thought about adding her but then I hesitate. I realize that the only way that this is going to go away is by having sex with someone "new" and having more of an active social life.
You can always add her - worst that can happen is that you look creepy. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
Ya, they view/like me and then a few hours later their account is deleted. What kind of a person would fall for that? They're blatantly fake.
I only added peeps because some girl from the website that I write for added me on Snapchat (she was pretty but I'm on that don't dip your pen in company ink policy even though we have meetings online and she lives across the bridge from me). I'm slowly warming up to the idea of using Snapchat so I'll probably add her on a whim and not expect anything. Funny enough, I'm going to be around her way in two weeks because I'm volunteering at Brooklyn Botanic Garden's Spring Gala/After Party event. I'm glad that I've been busy working and volunteering because it's taken my mind off of things. The sexual urges have subsided but with graduations happening left and right, the summer fling season begins.
The Dating-Age thread made me realize that I need to update my wardrobe and nix a bunch of old and permanently stained pants and that I don't pay enough attention to dressing to impress on dates any more. I plan to get myself some new threads and shoes in the coming weeks. The reason I haven't bought any clothes because I'm too stingy to spend money on clothes. I'd rather spend money on art supplies or other things.
On the topic of online dating: I got some 35 year old Hispanic chick's number from CMB but we won't be able to meet until she gets back into town next Monday. She hinted that she's big into 420 stuff because she would be trying out recreational herbs while away and asked if I was 420 friendly. I won't contact her until she returns.
I've also been speaking to another 35 year old who's seen all the Star Wars films in theatres and started speaking to a 26 year old law school girl. I got matched up with a 29 year old who mentions that she likes meowing occasionally which made me cringe and has turned me off from messaging her. It reminds me of a girl I used to work with who would randomly meow that would only get awkward glances.
OKC and Tinder have been dry because I haven't been active on it. However. I got a reply from a 37 year old who I messaged over a month ago on OKC. She apologized for not having replied and said that she lost her phone in London. I haven't heard back from her since. I won't be able to date until my voice recovers so I'm keeping things controlled.
Signed up for a 7-day trial of Match.com, figured it was worth taking a look to see if I could find women who are looking for something serious and longterm. (Surprisingly hard to find in NYC, I feel like the city is one big revolving door, or a rumspringa for mid-westerners.) I feel like every girl I meet who I jive with and actually wants kids either just moved here with the intention of feeling it out or is planning to leave soon.
Match added the ability to see who is also a paying member, which is great as it lets you know who can actually respond. But the site is still a scam. I did some prep beforehand and had a bunch of women ready to message once the account was active. Once I became a member, their profiles no longer said "active: last 24 hours" but instead "active over 3 weeks ago". So from the start there was shady business.
In addition, I saw on Reddit that they hired people to message those on the trial, and try to keep you on there and ghost you once numbers are exchanged (to make people think that conversations should only be kept on the site until the date). I thought it sounded farfetched but it happened, four times in the last six days. Like clockwork. They aren't bots but instead probably people paid to google up topics and to maintain conversations. Kinda wonder how much it pays...
lol Business as usual - lot of weird conversations spark from online dating matches. I got asked last week by a 38 year old on Tinder if I was 420 friendly. Noticed that under employment it said she worked for New York State City Hall...lol.
You can probably save money on clothes during some kind of Memorial Day sale. H&M is probably the best bang for your buck in terms of looking chic for cheap.
Match added the ability to see who is also a paying member, which is great as it lets you know who can actually respond. But the site is still a scam. I did some prep beforehand and had a bunch of women ready to message once the account was active. Once I became a member, their profiles no longer said "active: last 24 hours" but instead "active over 3 weeks ago". So from the start there was shady business.
In addition, I saw on Reddit that they hired people to message those on the trial, and try to keep you on there and ghost you once numbers are exchanged (to make people think that conversations should only be kept on the site until the date). I thought it sounded farfetched but it happened, four times in the last six days. Like clockwork. They aren't bots but instead probably people paid to google up topics and to maintain conversations. Kinda wonder how much it pays...
lol Business as usual - lot of weird conversations spark from online dating matches. I got asked last week by a 38 year old on Tinder if I was 420 friendly. Noticed that under employment it said she worked for New York State City Hall...lol.
You can probably save money on clothes during some kind of Memorial Day sale. H&M is probably the best bang for your buck in terms of looking chic for cheap.
I think you and I are the only ones still active in this thread because everyone else has pretty much moved on the Dating-Age thread. Plus the Dating-Age thread has now surpassed this thread's posts. The joys of being in OT versus OT-Community.
I didn't know about Match hiring people to message other users. That's messed up in a way but then again, it's not so surprising. I would love to get paid to message other users. It makes me wonder if Tinder and OKC employ such people for that as well. All the girls I've encountered either were either looking for something serious or I moved too slow on them. I haven't encountered another crazy, horny stoner girl considering that I haven't gotten any matches since I rebooted my Tinder.
The chat expired with the 35 year old Star Wars fan but I offered her my number on the off chance that she wants to meet up and spent my last remaining couple of hundred beans left to extend the chat. The 26 year old messaged me for a good bit last night because her flight to the Cayman Islands with her mom got delayed. She's gone for a week so I'm going to drop her my number before the chat closes unless she responds again when she gets Wi-Fi. I've gotten a few visitors to my OKC profile but nothing that stands out too much. One of the girls who visited my profile shamelessly promotes her feminist blog on her profile for whatever reason may be.
I was thinking about hitting up Century 21 or American Eagle because I've never bought anything at H&M. I'm definitely not ruling it out though! I'll check out some new sneakers from Zappos because I'm a size 13/14 and can't find anything my size in stores (unless it's a department store).
One match (expired) and no messages after over a month of swiping right on Bumble. Either I sabotaged myself by not swiping right for a few weeks after making my account, or I'm just doing it wrong with my bio.
I guess the dream of sitting around waiting for women to message me was too good for this world.
EDIT: Showed my ex my profile and was told to burn the whole thing to the ground, so now I know, mostly.
I guess the dream of sitting around waiting for women to message me was too good for this world.
EDIT: Showed my ex my profile and was told to burn the whole thing to the ground, so now I know, mostly.
eyeball_kid
Member
So Bumble is worth trying? I stopped using OKC when they removed filtering for vegetarians/vegans (no idea why they did that) and basically haven't done any online dating since.
https://m.okcupid.com/match
You can still filter by diet on the mobile site. Your search is saved on their end so after you run it, you should be able to switch to your viewing method of choice and the results will stay.
I think they got rid of some features that made finding compatible matches much easier. i.e. before you could lookup by any keyword where as now it has to be a keyword in their database.
eyeball_kid
Member
Hm, maybe they brought it back; I left a couple years ago and it was gone from the mobile app and desktop both. Don't feel a big desire to go back anyway; their parent company basically owns all the big dating sites now, Match.com, OKC, and Tinder, which feels like you're buying detergent -- different label, same shit. Grindr is pretty much the only big one to still be independent.
And looks like Bumble requires Facebook for profiles. Naw, I'm good on that.
If you're curious about an update we've texted a couple times since then but we've both been really busy so we haven't been able to meet. We were going to earlier this week but she said she couldn't because she had health problems. I might stop though just because I initiated both text conversations and I'm worried continually asking someone with a busy life to hang out might be inconsiderate.
Also other women didn't pan out, but whatever I guess.
Bumble is very YMMV especially if you're a person of color and shorter than average. Being in NYC, I've swiped right an infinite number of times and did not end up with any matches even though I'm tall and decently handsome. If I did end up with matches, it was from a girl that I didn't find attractive who messaged me and another one who was looking for a sub with her husband. In my experience lately, it's sucked so I deleted it. If anything, you can always try OKC, Tinder, or Coffee Meets Bagel.
Ouch! She said to nix it entirely?! That's harsh man. If you don't persist, you won't get results.As I always say, women come in waves; that wave hasn't hit you yet.
Thanks for the update! It's that time of season where people are taking vacations left and right so it's a bit harder to meet up especially leading up to the summer. I would argue that even the busiest of people make time to meet up even if it's for an hour. People can give the illusion to be "busy" as an excuse not to meet up in my experience in which case, I have no problem moving on. The way I see it, my time is as if not more valuable than someone else's time.
That being said, I wouldn't go out of my way to meet up with a girl if I know I have a loaded week/weekend that takes up an entire day. It sounds like interest has dwindled from both sides so I would definitely leave the ball in her court and move on. It sucks to hear that it didn't pan out with the other girls but that's the nature of the beast: online dating is fickle as sin.
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To be fair the first time I think it was more me being busy than her, I told her I was busy for the next several days which I was (I probably shouldn't have texted her at all at that point, but I wanted to do so to signify that I was still interested since she said on the date she didn't think I was gonna text back after she'd have several guys do that and I decided to be honest and responded by saying "eh I probably wouldn't do that," which didn't exactly instill confidence). But I do feel like the fact that she hasn't gone out of her way to text since then is a signifier that she's not really all that interested in me.
To be fair the first time I think it was more me being busy than her, I told her I was busy for the next several days which I was (I probably shouldn't have texted her at all at that point, but I wanted to do so to signify that I was still interested since she said on the date she didn't think I was gonna text back after she'd have several guys do that and I decided to be honest and responded by saying "eh I probably wouldn't do that," which didn't exactly instill confidence). But I do feel like the fact that she hasn't gone out of her way to text since then is a signifier that she's not really all that interested in me.
True Savior
Member
This thread being in the community makes it harder to see. The other keeps appearing on the first page.
The power of subscribing works wonders. I rarely check OT-community proper save for once in a while but that is a good point.
My hail mary was successful; the 26 year old grad student and I exchanged numbers. I told her to shoot me a text when she gets back in town via the app. The 35 year old is returning tomorrow so I'll see if I set something up with her later on in the week. It would be funny if she offers me weed. Otherwise, I'm not sure what to expect.
What is the purpose of spam profiles? I saw a profile the other day that looked just legit enough for me to send her a message about a dumb subject to see if I got a reply. She replied and answered it seemingly legitimately although with a lack of humor, which made it even fishier. So I replied but more seriously this time and she replied back wondering basically what I was looking for in a relationship. I thought just for a minute that she might actually be legit, but not even a day later her profile was flagged as spam and removed. I should have known better that a girl I messaged first actually wrote back because they never do.
Do these spammers on online dating sites just want to keep you chatting long enough to scam you eventually or what? Who wastes time doing that when they get taken down that quickly?
Do these spammers on online dating sites just want to keep you chatting long enough to scam you eventually or what? Who wastes time doing that when they get taken down that quickly?
Always listen to your BS meter. If you think it's a bot, it's probably a bot. Pics look too perfect and the profile either says something strange or has nothing on it.
The simple answer is once the API became available to everyone, bots came in droves. A handful of of desperate suckers succumb and pony up money. There's a dating podcast that goes into how bots rose in dating apps. Check out Why Oh Why's Hotter on Bumble parts 1 and 2 for more on that. As humans, we learn from experience to be able to distinguish bots from real people. I report them out of principle and as a mod on OKC, I've seen way too many bot reports but there's no perfect solution to it.
To reiterate the Match.com shadiness, my notifications the evening I cancelled:
The girls who I suspected were plants all messaged me during the weekend, through the site, even though we had exchanged numbers. Match is definitely a scam in regards to getting people to drop money - it's a miracle that people actually find love on there.
Bots are usually advertisements for other sites / services. They usually have tells. On OkCupid you can just ignore them and they'll eventually vanish due to getting flagged. Same on Tinder, but just to be sure you can send an awkward gif. Their response will have nothing to do with the gif.
The girls who I suspected were plants all messaged me during the weekend, through the site, even though we had exchanged numbers. Match is definitely a scam in regards to getting people to drop money - it's a miracle that people actually find love on there.
Bots are usually advertisements for other sites / services. They usually have tells. On OkCupid you can just ignore them and they'll eventually vanish due to getting flagged. Same on Tinder, but just to be sure you can send an awkward gif. Their response will have nothing to do with the gif.
I suppose I was thinking with my heart, which sometimes happens.
Even when I have a feeling it's not real, I hold onto hope that it is. I should stop doing that. Anyway, I think I'm done with OKCupid. All I get are spambots. And the women that say they are looking for a type of guy (that I fit nicely into) never replies. I don't think this online dating thing is for me.Nah, it's all a numbers game in the end of the day. Just because you don't fit into 10 girls' mold who are looking for a "nice guy," doesn't mean a thing. As always, persistence is the name of the game. Swipe right on Quickmatch/Double Take, message the matches that interest you; rinse and repeat. If you don't mind sharing your profile, that would help give an idea of what kind of image you're projecting.I suppose I was thinking with my heart, which sometimes happens.
Went on a date with this one girl that I was chatting up a storm with on Tinder the other week and it ended up being really fun ended up going around town sampling various food places for a few hours.
Chatted a little more after that and figured I'd ask her out again. What followed:
"Hey what were you up to this weekend?"
"Oh was at my bf's friends party"
Now, it was just a first date, so of course I wasn't really expecting anything, but c'mon lol
Chatted a little more after that and figured I'd ask her out again. What followed:
"Hey what were you up to this weekend?"
"Oh was at my bf's friends party
"
Now, it was just a first date, so of course I wasn't really expecting anything, but c'mon lol