What. The. Fuq? Maybe she's in an open relationship or looking for attention.Went on a date with this one girl that I was chatting up a storm with on Tinder the other week and it ended up being really fun ended up going around town sampling various food places for a few hours.
Chatted a little more after that and figured I'd ask her out again. What followed:
"Hey what were you up to this weekend?"
"Oh was at my bf's friends party"
Now, it was just a first date, so of course I wasn't really expecting anything, but c'mon lol
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Online Dating |OT| Please Respond
- Thread starter Jhoan
- Start date
I'm thinking two things:
a.) Maybe she found a much more compatible match around the same time we met? On hindsight, she got less chatty after that date, and after all, everyone's playing the same game here.
b.) She's one of those oblivious people who think this app is a "friend meetup" kinda thing. She just never bothered to mention it.
Either way, I don't take much offense to it, but I'm still incredibly confounded.
Nothing gained, nothihg ventured. You wouldn't have known if you didn't try.
Nothing gained, nothihg ventured. You wouldn't have known if you didn't try.
Edit: good call. Don't waste your time on her. You're better than that.
need tips...(I am gay, not sure this thread can help but I'd assume it's all the same regardless of genders...)
I've been single for 4 years and I have a job, a home, both feet on the ground, I work out and look well for my age, had relationships which gave me experience.
I am trying to use the apps but somehow... It's either people looking for quick sex or "oh cool profile" and no communication past that.
how to I get out of that?
I try to pursue a conversation in hopes of getting to meet in the near future, not for ONS but something with more... dunno, dignity? but it never gets anywhere, what can I do against it? should I just insist??
I mean, these are 2 or 3 people that have shown interest, with initial replies and flirting and what not, it's just seems like people can't be arsed to put the effort into the whole dating thing. is there a solution?
I've been single for 4 years and I have a job, a home, both feet on the ground, I work out and look well for my age, had relationships which gave me experience.
I am trying to use the apps but somehow... It's either people looking for quick sex or "oh cool profile" and no communication past that.
how to I get out of that?
I try to pursue a conversation in hopes of getting to meet in the near future, not for ONS but something with more... dunno, dignity? but it never gets anywhere, what can I do against it? should I just insist??
I mean, these are 2 or 3 people that have shown interest, with initial replies and flirting and what not, it's just seems like people can't be arsed to put the effort into the whole dating thing. is there a solution?
To quote the Dating-Age OT's subtitle, "Just ask [him/them] out already" via the apps. You can hail mary it and offer up your number with suggestions for drinks or some other activities on x day. If they text you then great; if they don't then no harm done. Otherwise, it sounds like they have the attention span of a goldfish much like women juggling multiple suitors do.
I feel like I've been in a similar situation where I'm more physically attractive/eye candy and haven't been able to sustain longer relationships. My personal record is 3 dates for reference. There's nothing you can do but keep persisting and/or state outright from the initial date that you're looking for a long term relationship rather than a ONS or FWB.
While I don't have anything shameful to hide with sharing my profile, I'm just way too shy to do that. Although I can tell you it is an absolutely and terrifyingly vanilla profile. It is the profile of a workaholic who doesn't have any vacation photos in his profile because he doesn't take vacations. Okay, so I guess I may have singled out a problem.
Haha you should've called her out on it, if only for the sake of finding out what the deal was. Cheating? Open relationship? Monogamous but using a dating app for friends? Just messing with you? So many possibilities.
What app(s) are you using? Some are more for serious relationships while others are just for hookups.
toxicgonzo
Taxes?! Isn't this the line for Metallica?
What apps are people using these days?
The best success I've had so far is on Coffee Meets Bagel. Men get ~20 daily profiles to swipe on and women get about 4. When there is a match, both parties have a week to talk before the chat room is closed, instilling a sense of urgency.
It works because I actually met up with a few women.
The best success I've had so far is on Coffee Meets Bagel. Men get ~20 daily profiles to swipe on and women get about 4. When there is a match, both parties have a week to talk before the chat room is closed, instilling a sense of urgency.
It works because I actually met up with a few women.
You can always put in email tags or send a PM if you're that self-conscious. Yeah, that definitely does sound like a problem. Is there anything that you're into that would make you want to take time off e.g. a convention? I volunteer at many events and conventions when I'm not working an odd gig or reading comics to write for review. I've met many people from all walks of life and take pics of it all. The only way to make yourself interesting is to find cool stuff to do and live in the moment. If you speak to any co-workers, maybe going out to happy hour with them would be a solid idea.
For instance, last night I was volunteering at a benefit party with free booze, local politicians and food; flirted with a petit volunteer who moved to the city 3 weeks ago; and had someone take a picture in front of a cutout of one the mascots featured in the banners. It was a fun night; I plan to upload it to my online dating pages. A bunch of co-workers from the website that I write had an DnD game a few weeks ago with booze which was fun.
OKC, CMB, and Tinder for me; Bumble has been dryer than Old Faithful so I delete and remake it every now and then. This year, 90% of the dates I've been on has been via CMB and one from Tinder. OKC has been a huge miss for me this year despite having a well written profile and solid pictures. CMB definitely has a strong sense of urgency to meet up and encourages it. I haven't had a successful first date yet this year but I'm getting close. I lament when my dates don't pan out and contemplate taking a break but I get back on the horse the very next day like if it's nothing. CMB is more for women who have careers and are looking for something long term; I have neither a "career" nor am I looking anything beyond something that lasts several months because I'm a late bloomer.
I'm meeting up with a 35 year old social worker (7 year difference) later today for drinks after I come out of my gig. She mentioned that she's going to be drinking cocktails with three being her limit; I'll be drinking beer. She sent me pictures from her workcation to Colorado and she looked much better in those pictures than she does in almost all of her pictures in her profile. Some women just suck at taking pictures; red lipstick always makes me think of The Joker.
That being said, I'm feeling pretty good about it. I think if I play my cards right, my 9 month old dry spell will come to an end but I won't push for it. She seemed to be turned on by the fact that I'll be doing manual labor.
I've also been speaking to a 31 year old on CMB who also went to my alma mater and hope to close in a number soon in addition to two girls on OKC that I ended up messaging when I got drunk last night. I'm hoping to get that volunteer's number when I see her again on Saturday at another event we're volunteering at.
What's the general consensus on having pictures in a suit on a profile (not the primary picture)? I currently don't have very many pictures on my profile (one face, one full body, and one group shot). Any other pictures I would take of myself would end up looking pretty samey, which doesn't seem especially productive. I know you're supposed to have pictures of you doing stuff, but when I'm out doing something fun, I'm generally not taking pictures of myself doing it, and my friends tend to not be the type to take photos of everything.
So anyway, I'm going to be at a wedding next weekend, and it seems like a good opportunity to get a picture of myself in a different setting at least. But I wear a suit so infrequently, so maybe that wouldn't be a particularly representative picture.
So anyway, I'm going to be at a wedding next weekend, and it seems like a good opportunity to get a picture of myself in a different setting at least. But I wear a suit so infrequently, so maybe that wouldn't be a particularly representative picture.
I think that's fine because it's not like you dress like that every day as long as the rest of your pics show that. Plus you can add captions to the pics for the story behind it. I uploaded a pic or two of me at a Gala dressed business casual even though I don't work a 9-5 and dress like that all the time. Women love to take pics during weddings all the time because they're dressed all fancy so I think it's fair game provided it's not drunk pictures.
Earthbound64
Banned
EDIT: Wrong thread.
True Savior
Member
If the pic is good -> Tinder. That is the most important rule.
Best if it's just you though. No friends group, or you next to the bride.
perfectchaos007
Member
CMB started out pretty well for me, but it has tailed off considerably. It used to give me 15-20 potential bagels to swipe from per day, then it went down to about 10, then 9, then 8, then 7, and now it only gives me 6 per day. Where is the floor?
When it can't give you any more matches because diminishing returns. When that happens, they're probably going to give you a bunch of beans to like some people but I've found that liking people doesn't guarantee a mutual match. In that event, can either delete your account and reboot it or wait for the algorithm to find matches for you.
I still keep getting 20-21 matches a day personally but I haven't been getting any matches out of it personally ever since I changed my profile and mentioned that I'm not looking to meet my future wife. The last of date I went on from there made it clear to me that most women on that app are looking for something serious/long-term when I'm not so I decided to be honest.
I know this thread is quite dead given that damn near all the regulars moved on to the Dating-Age thread but I think I still like the laid-back atmosphere of this thread. At the rate the Dating-Age thread is going, there will be a new Dating-Age OT before this thread approaches the 19K mark! Can Kanik save it with his latest dating stories?
Any way, I'm still around and slogging through the motions but otherwise, I'm on a small break. I've been liking a few girls on OKC and had a short lived conversation with a 22 year old last night who clearly bored because she stopped replying and only answered with one sentence. I think I'm going to focus on Tinder when I eventually reboot it because that falls in line with what I'm looking for.
TimeEffect
Member
If I swipe on tinder and then immediately make myself not visible, are the people I match with still able to swipe on me? I assume yes since Ive had it happen, but never left it on...
Also, my pics are starting to get dated by like 2 years... Ive lost more hair since. Feel like Im screwed and instantly feel old.
I need to invest in new pics. Im still so afraid to keep my pics online out of fear of being spotted by someone I know/people I work with.
Also, my pics are starting to get dated by like 2 years... Ive lost more hair since. Feel like Im screwed and instantly feel old.
I need to invest in new pics. Im still so afraid to keep my pics online out of fear of being spotted by someone I know/people I work with.
True Savior
Member
It should but I've never been sure. You probably get thrown down the pile.
Okay, seriously. I've been trying for months. I can't make friends on Tinder (friendzoning doesn't seem to work) and my phone doesn't have Bumble ;(
any suggestions for sites made for this? I would normally do meetup.com but it seems dead in North West England
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I'm not looking to break hearts, it's just that I'm always used to having female friends.
TimeEffect
Member
What do u guys write on your tinder profile?
ClosingADoor
Member
Tinder doing nothing at the moment. Let's see how that Bumble works. Haven't booted it up in a year or so. Got a few matches, hopefully not all from people who are inactive now.
I need some new pictures also, these are getting old. Although I haven't changed that much so I doubt anyone will notice.
I need some new pictures also, these are getting old. Although I haven't changed that much so I doubt anyone will notice.
So you're on Tinder in your neck of the woods to look for friends? Why don't you just list that outright so people can get the hint and you can weed out women that are not interested in that? It would save people so much time. Otherwise, I would recommend finding volunteer opportunities if you have free time to meet people that way. People in the Dating-Age would say to move out to a bigger town/city but if you don't have the finances/means to do it then I think that's a bad idea in the short term run.
Okay, seriously. I've been trying for months. I can't make friends on Tinder (friendzoning doesn't seem to work) and my phone doesn't have Bumble ;(
any suggestions for sites made for this? I would normally do meetup.com but it seems dead in North West England
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I'm not looking to break hearts, it's just that I'm always used to having female friends.
If the conversation is starting to fizzle, I would suggest exchanging numbers ASAP or give her yours because women have the attention span of a goldfish on dating apps. As I mentioned a post above, I had a girl's attention fade fast because I didn't get her number after the first exchange.
A few peeps gave some examples of what they have on their profile. Some list their height, others don't but the general consensus is to keep it short and fun. I usually have a self-deprecating joke about how people get my name wrong and ask girls to guess how to pronounce it. If your co-workers respect your privacy, then they won't say anything about seeing you on Tinder. If anything, check out the Tinder Reddit page for profile bio ideas: https://www.reddit.com/r/Tinder/TimeEffect said:
The oldest picture is from last year but I still look the same albeit, with much longer hair. If you can, the best way to get new pictures is to go social gatherings/events and live in that moment. I usually have friends or acquaintances that I meet take pictures of me when the opportunity presents itself.
Also, Bumble is going to give super attractive women for a while before you start seeing average looking girls. On Bumble, last time I had an active account a month ago, I swiped right for what felt like an eternity before I got matched with an unattractive girl that I ignored. I deleted it for the aforementioned reason.
I've been having a back and forth with a 29 year old, got messaged by a 36 year old (my turn-off is that she expects the man to pay for everything which was no good in my book and decided not to message her) , and liked by a 26 year old who's on the thick side but doesn't look too bad otherwise. She doesn't look obese so I'll bite.
Actually, wait, volunteering programs sounds good
But I'm right next to the second biggest city. It's just not London. People are different here.
Last night I volunteering at some wine fundraiser events. A bunch of volunteers were very attractive but I didn't get a chance to speak/flirt with them all that much. I'm sure I will see them again at another event because I've seen them before at other events that I've volunteered at.
Interesting that the second biggest city in the UK has a different vibe compared to London. I take it that London is more similar to NYC in vibe/things to do? NYC has the largest amount of single women out of all the cities in the US but yet it's tough here.
Shoot away. Fair warning that I'm pretty sincere/brutally honest with my critiques so don't take it personally.
A recent profile bit that caught my eye from a match:
At least she's honest about it but I can see this being a mood killer when it comes down to it if it's a foul stench. Nobody lists anything in that section as OKC nixed it so this is awkward. I'll still message her on a whim because her profile sounds cool but that will be on my mind.
Also in another girl's profile I matched up with, she mentioned taking a dump in the morning as one of the six things she can't do without then put sorry in parenthesis. I think that's TMI so I didn't bother messaging her.
Any way, I've graduated to text with a 21 year old I've been messaging for the past few days. I realized that I'm outside her age range as she listed 21-26 and that she's looking for a new friend but I won't bring it up nor let it bother me. Will meet up her with on Monday. This is the youngest I've dated (I have my parameters set from 20-45) but she has nice lips and has a car.
Normally 20/21 year old girls I've chatted with have either been flaky or they'll say something along the lines of being at different points in our lives to dismiss themselves. I'm not looking for anything long-term or plan to settle down any time soon so I don't care.
I've been speaking to a few other girls as well but no numbers yet because my replies have probably been drowned in the sea of dudes. My mom and brother are going out of town for a month next Saturday so I have the entire apartment to myself. I'm going to reactivate my Tinder account in the next day or so and start swiping daily.
At least she's honest about it but I can see this being a mood killer when it comes down to it if it's a foul stench. Nobody lists anything in that section as OKC nixed it so this is awkward. I'll still message her on a whim because her profile sounds cool but that will be on my mind.
Also in another girl's profile I matched up with, she mentioned taking a dump in the morning as one of the six things she can't do without then put sorry in parenthesis. I think that's TMI so I didn't bother messaging her.
Any way, I've graduated to text with a 21 year old I've been messaging for the past few days. I realized that I'm outside her age range as she listed 21-26 and that she's looking for a new friend but I won't bring it up nor let it bother me. Will meet up her with on Monday. This is the youngest I've dated (I have my parameters set from 20-45) but she has nice lips and has a car.
Normally 20/21 year old girls I've chatted with have either been flaky or they'll say something along the lines of being at different points in our lives to dismiss themselves. I'm not looking for anything long-term or plan to settle down any time soon so I don't care.
I've been speaking to a few other girls as well but no numbers yet because my replies have probably been drowned in the sea of dudes. My mom and brother are going out of town for a month next Saturday so I have the entire apartment to myself. I'm going to reactivate my Tinder account in the next day or so and start swiping daily.
I've been looking at hundreds lately (both men and women) so send it on over. I'll take a gander.
After a two week hiatus from dating, I have date with a 21 year old at a park the next neighborhood over later today. There's an 8 year gap between us but I don't mind nor care to call it out. I might take some booze to make it more fun but she's driving in from outside the city so I'll be considerate and ask if she wants me to take any drinks.
I was talking to a bunch of other girls on OKC but they all fizzled as the weekend approached so I'll try following up with a few of them. My my mom and brother are leaving town for a month this Saturday so I'm going to try to take advantage of the alone time and step up the A-game on OKC and Tinder.
I was talking to a bunch of other girls on OKC but they all fizzled as the weekend approached so I'll try following up with a few of them. My my mom and brother are leaving town for a month this Saturday so I'm going to try to take advantage of the alone time and step up the A-game on OKC and Tinder.
Sounds like a really bad idea
she has interesting ideas about friendship and love ^^
True Savior
Member
me I'm still alone
i least i got my yearly make out session
lmao
Why would she feel you were too attached?
my texts after the first date, I think. Maybe I was too affectionate and told her I had several date ideas.
True Savior
Member
That's the naming-children of dating. One date at a time man.
lol yeah
It was mentioned in the Dating-Age thread but Tinder is getting a new premium feature where you can now see who liked you next week. This is obviously going to make people way more pickier and makes it exactly like OKC's A-List now. It's a bit more tempting to go premium for people who reset their accounts once a month.
I've been reading The Subtle Art To Not Giving A Fuck and Manson mentioned something really interesting that caught my attention. He basically says that negative experiences are positive ones and that putting oneself through any kind of pain to solve a problem is part of growing. I've had nothing but an endless barrage of first dates and have had constant rejections but in the process, I've grown because that's the pain that comes with online dating. It's been a pretty solid read so far so I recommend checking it out.
I've been reading The Subtle Art To Not Giving A Fuck and Manson mentioned something really interesting that caught my attention. He basically says that negative experiences are positive ones and that putting oneself through any kind of pain to solve a problem is part of growing. I've had nothing but an endless barrage of first dates and have had constant rejections but in the process, I've grown because that's the pain that comes with online dating. It's been a pretty solid read so far so I recommend checking it out.
Thanks for the reading recommendation, was eyeing that for a bit. Didn't really think of the implications of the new tinder update. I've mostly swarmed by bots this week...
ClosingADoor
Member
When you get a message back with "I already met you". Why are you opening new accounts then?
^^You can send me your OKC page. I rebooted my Tinder a few days ago and haven't been having much luck so I think someone like Kanik and some of the Dating-Age regulars such as artsi would be better at giving advice there. I would still look it over though if you want.
You can update pics once in a while. It makes a huge difference when girls get matched up with you. On OKC, any update you make to your profile appears on the desktop version's activity feed.
Got a 99% match on OKC but there's one problem. Our answers to questions are more or less to a T on what we're looking for. However She said she wouldn't date someone who lives with her parents though which sucks. Still, I'll probably give her a like or just message her outright and hope for the best.
You can update pics once in a while. It makes a huge difference when girls get matched up with you. On OKC, any update you make to your profile appears on the desktop version's activity feed.
Got a 99% match on OKC but there's one problem. Our answers to questions are more or less to a T on what we're looking for. However She said she wouldn't date someone who lives with her parents though which sucks. Still, I'll probably give her a like or just message her outright and hope for the best.
So how was the date?
In the Dating-Age thread, Peltz mentioned firing off this line:
So I got a bit inebriated last night, fired off Quickmatch/Doubletake, and went to town swiping right to a bunch of girls. Ended up sending off that to a girl and she's curious about which park. I need to reply. My family is out of town for a month so I want to capitalize on it.
Glad to hear it was solid. Why did you feel like the attraction wasn't there? I've been having more and more of a realization that I feel like using a video messaging client to pre-screen potential dates. It saves so much time so I think I will begin doing that soon.
Park date has evolved into going to Prospect Park to watch this pinwheel installation that's running for a while. I have to travel out there and she has a dog which I'm not a big fan of but I'll live. If she brings the dog along and I can charm it off, the rest is downhill.
I think I'm going to take a different approach with this chick and only give her my number towards the end of the date if I liked her/felt like there was chemistry. All the plans have made in-app.
@SOLDIER, still waiting on those PMs duder if you're out there lurking.