WCW Monday Nitro 1/31/00
TLDR: Nitro was meh.
Let's close the first month of 2000 out right. A recap of Sid being stripped and regaining the title on Thunder. Since the powerbomb was banned, Sid won it with the Crippler Crossface, another spot that stolen from him later by HHH and HBK.
EARLIER TODAY. The nWo are wondering where Nash is. Hall is on the phone with him arguing like women. Jeff will be the acting commissioner tonight.
TO THE BACK. Acting commissioner Jarrett and his nWo hos and bros are heading to the arena. Oh goodie. Mark Madden's first Nitro. Brain is "under the weather" which I'm sure is code for "under the table".
Scotty Steiner has to bring his own YAKS because wherever they are is full of faaaatt aaasses. And then has time strip one by one. The Harris Brothers are officially made members of the nWo. WCW mutes the crowd chanting asshole, which doesn't really work when someone is trying to cut a promo. Jeff announces himself as Sid's next opponent at Superbrawl. He's making a 6 man tag, JJ/Harris Bros vs Sid/mystery partners. Then he talks CARNY!!! Also, he will take bribes.
Show run down. TONIGHT: Mamalukes vs David/Crowbar in a Bensonhurst Street Fight for the titles. Booker T vs Big T. Ric Flair will be here momentarily. Mark Madden looks like such a bag of shit. As in, a literal bag of shit.
TO THE BACK. SID has arrived. LIMO has arrived. It's Ric Flair! Clarence Mason is now with Harlem Heat 2000. Arn and Funker are going to look for Flair. They are kind of not on the same page right now.
Lash LeRoux vs Evan Karagias. Another match in the cruiser tournament. Of which the brackets have yet to be shown. Really odd that Evan came out to his pre-3 Count music, even though the other two were with him and they brought the green spots. Mark Madden gives some creepy explanation that he'd totally go to 3 Count concerts since there are a lot of teenage girls there. Hey, guess what? This sucked. The worst member of 3 Count by far is the one they put in the tournament? DQs must not be a thing in WCW anymore considering how much the other guys interfered. Lash wins.
TO THE BACK. nWo stuff. The Harris Brothers send food back because it isn't good enough for them. Then Jarrett again does some carny speak.
Weird, a WCW Don't Try This At Home ad. I don't remember ever seeing one from WCW. And it was Dustin Rhodes doing it.
TO THE BACK. Crowbar/David/Daffney do promo with Gene before being attacked by the Mamalukes. Crowbar was again doing a Gordon Solie impression, which is pretty hilarious. They fight outside into the snow. It's like 10 degrees out. Tony Marinara is gone. He hadn't been on the shows for a few weeks, but now it is official I guess. Vito has a lot of dick based offense on David. He wore the most unflattering shirts. The weird sleeveless, almost mid drift silky/satin things that made him look short, fat, and like the kind of guy who always has his nipples poking out. Johnny The Bull really isn't much better than David. Slingshot Arabian facebuster with a chair to JTB. Speaking of Arabian facebuster, did no one think it was odd that Bombay (Michigan, eventually, but still) billed Sabu has moves that were all Arab named? I don't even know why he was ever billed from anywhere but The Syrian Desert since being The Sheik's nephew was always such a big part of his character. Anyway, Vito wins with a top rope elbow through a table to Crowbar. Dude always looked like he dipped his head in melted vasoline.
TO THE BACK. Harlem Head 2K and Booker make their ways to the arena. Back in the nWo office, Knobs is offering a bribe to Double J.
Booker T. vs Big T. Book's music is cut off. Clarence Mason comes out to explain that the theme song belongs to Harlem Heat Inc. And so does the T. If he continues to use the T. or the music, he will be sued for copyright infringement. I bet this whole thing is actually an inside joke about WWE suing over Diesel and Razor. Stevie Ray offers to put it all in Ebonics. No mo' flames, no mo' music, no mo' T. Then he tells Book to go find his old GI Bro outfit. "If he loses the T, nobody is going to like him backstage anymore". Lol. God damn, Clarence Mason has giant hands. His hands are twice as big as they should be for someone his size. Midnight tosses him into the ring, Book beats on him a bit before Harlem Heat 2K come in. Ahmed is so fat. It's amazing. They hold Book so Clarence can hit him, but he comically starts clutching at his neck. "Ugh, he's selling the neck now."
TO THE BACK. Norman is coming to the ring. 3 Count assault him on his way. They start chasing him. JJ is selling Knobs out to Finlay. Knobs tried to use his bribe to get out of a match with Lex. Now Finlay will be the special ref of that. Knobs flips out and is so mad he can't open the locker room door. POPS COMMERCIAL WITH JESSE PINKMAN, BITCH. YEAHHHH BITCH! I remember this commercial vividly. That had to be why Jesse looked so familiar to me when Breaking Bad started. The chase continues and Norman tried to hide in the Demon's standing casket and starts screaming when it starts to close on its own.
Kidman vs The Wall. They're really pushing Kidman hard as the big rising star. Think Edge in 2002. It's actually really well done. Probably the best thing they are doing right now. And it all came from Bret and Jarrett pulling out the night of a PPV. Madden went as far to say that he agreed with people saying Kidman was the best performer in WCW. And you know, that could have been true. With Eddie/Dean/Benoit gone, all luchadores besides Juvi and Hypnosis being gone (and Juvi was hurt while Psychosis just wasn't the same without the mask), and Rey being sidelined and in the worst phase of his career anyway, Kidman probably was the best guy in the company. It kind of sounds like damning with faint praise considering all the qualifiers, but I don't think he was too far behind those guys even in 1998. He really stood shoulder to shoulder with Rey/Juvi/Eddie at Starrcade 1998 when all 3 were arguably at their best. He was certainly a top 10 guy even when WCW had the best undercard in the universe. Really a bummer to know how bad they are going to fuck it up in just a couple of months. Kidman wins after Vampiro does a spin kick from the top while he is up in the chokeslam. Kind of like when the Rockers would drop kick his own partner when one was being held in a body slam.
TO THE BACK. Scott Hall wants to know who Sid's partners are.
Ric Flair is Mean Gene's guest in the ring. First on screen interview since Halloween Havoc. "Yeah you better go WHOOO, that's what your girlfriend will be doing tonight, pal!" He was 50 here and looked seriously 20 years younger than what he looks now. Maybe more than that. His dramatic aging around 2003 was nothing short of stunning. He says TPTB called him and asked him to be the commissioner. Flair is the most over dude in the world on this night. "Why would you want the greatest wrestler alive to be the commissioner?" "You're Terry Funk and I'm Ric Flair. There's a big difference." Few things are more enjoyable than a fired up Flair promo. Especially of the Nitro era, what with his phantom elbow and knee drops. He calls out Funk, who comes out to a chorus of boos. "You banana nose, horse toothed, evil bastard." Lol, WCW are using Foley's book to run angles off of. Specifically, the line about Flair not being a pimple on Funk's ass. Funk is telling Ric he needs to grow up. Obviously that didn't stick. Basically, Ric is a petty baby and a shitty father. "From Starrcade to Wrestlemania and back to Starrcade, I got more world titles than you've got cows on that little tiny chicken ranch of yours, pal!" "Chicken ranch my ass!" "Talk to me face to face, I'll slap the shit out of your mouth." This was barely muted in time. SHIII got out before the censors hit the button. I know I said I was embarrassed to see Funk, but I'll support a Funk/Flair feud even today. Some clubbering and a spinning toe hold to Flair. Funk then throws some haymakers at security. Flair ends up bailing, but the crowd was 100% behind him.
TO THE BACK. Jarrett looks like he's found Sid's two partners. Steiner starts making fun of Ric's teeth before a quick cut to commercial. Really creepy commercial of a kid no older than 4 being really concerned over money issues with his father, but dad keeps kind of blowing him off about it. Finally, he's in his room when dad comes in and asks him what's up with all the money talk? Kid opens his hand that has some change in it. He wants to give it to God. The fuck? That seems awfully young to have a kid that worried about tithing. What kind of brainwashed nonsense is that shit?
TO THE BACK. Mean Gene interviews world champion Sid. Sid doesn't expect anything less out of the nWo. Dude doesn't give a fuck what they do because as it turns out, he rules the world. Lenny and Lodi hand in their suits to Miss Hancock, they don't want to do S&P any more. Lex and Liz are on their way to the ring. They show one of the patented Apple crowd shots. I can't believe WCW were still booking such huge arenas in 2000.
Lex Luger vs Brian Knobs with Finlay as special ref. Knobs has the least intimidating entrance music. A Jimmy Hart version of My Sharona, as played by a Christian rock band at a GOP convention. Finlay lays Knobs out and later Liz bends the rubber bat over Knobs's faaaaatttt asssses. Fit just walks aout. Lex Pillmanizes Knobs wrist, much like he did to Buff on Thunder.
TO THE BACK. Norman emerges from The Demon's casket....dressed in full Demon outfit and make up. The Demon, in full face paint, has filed a report with the local PD about having his gear stolen.
Norman The Screamin Demon Smiley vs Shane Helms. Norman Smiley as Gene Simmons is pretty ridiculous. If only Shane was The Hurricane at this point. HULK HOGAN will return on Thunder to confront Lex Luger. He hasn't been on screen in a long time. I like the idea that Flair has his big return, so Hulk had to immediately come in and try to steal his Thunder. GIANT SWING! Chickenwing for the Screamin Demon victory. The real Demon and the police come to the ring to arrest Norman, but he bails out. Now there is a giant white dude and a British black dude both dressed as Gene Simmons running through the crowd.
TO THE BACK. DDP and Kim are getting interviewed and someone next to Disco grabs Kim's ass. I think it was JTB. Disco says it wasn't him and calls her a bimbo, which leads to a slap and a DDP beat down. That lasted through a commercial break, through the crowd, and into the ring. I think this is a match. RKO OUTTA NOWHERE. Moral of the story: Don't fuck with Kim. You will get BANGED. The Mamalukes come out to check on Disco.
TO THE BACK. The main event competitors are on their way to the arena. Sid/Funk are on their ways separately.
Jarrett/Harris Brothers vs Sid/Funk/Flair. Flair didn't come out. So instead it is a brawl on the floor between the other 5. Flair finally comes out after Sid makes the hot tag and it is just to attack Funk. He's taken out by security. Sid chokeslams one of the brothers. Powerbombs the other. Jarrett wins the match with a guitar shot.
Pretty uneventful Nitro, really. Flair's return and Jarrett making himself the number one contender at the next PPV were really the only things of note. They had been saying for 3 weeks that Sting would be returning at the end of the month. Every show. They even kind of hyped him as coming back at the LA show. Then, the last show of the month, they talk about Sting coming back at the end of the month. Well guess what. Sting did not return at the end of the month. Sting's bird didn't even make an appearance.
TLDR: Nitro was meh.